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Updated on July 20, 2017

Dating And Finding The One

So you were dating and think you found the one, it does not matter how you met or if it was through online dating or a friend's blind date connection. You have met and now the time comes to see if ti goes anywhere.

Yeah, you did it. You found that special someone. Now, what can you do to make sure it lasts?

So you met Mr. or Ms. Right, right?

Not sure? Well it is time to find out, if you have been looking for that special person to spend your life with and started to wonder if they existed you are not alone. You have met several people you wish you could have lived without and lived through some family fix ups only to come out of it alone and mad at your family. Being you no longer wish to be alone you keep trying and one day a person shows up that seams to good to be true. Just comes out of nowhere and catches you be surprise, does everything right and the way you like it.

You want this to work, you have not been this happy in a long time. Now the hard decisions start coming, do I talk about my past that has cost me some good relationships because of mistakes I made when I was younger. I know I can not start a relationship by lying and expect it to last.

Obviously, you must be honest and forthright when communicating with your partner. If there are things you feel you must hide or are not ready discuss yet, you are taking the chance of losing the person if they find out and feel you lied to them. You feel there are some things in your past that the person may leave you for if you tell them, maybe it has already happen to you. Some details may seem to messy or embarrassing to talk about in the beginning.

Of course, you want to wait until you have spent some time together before making a full confession of all of your past "sins." Nobody wants to be overwhelmed immediately, and if you like the person you fear them leaving. Maybe if the type of person you are is known, your past regressions will be overlooked as just that. New relationships should be fun and lighthearted anyway, bringing past mistakes into it can ruin the mood. After several weeks of dating you start to realize there could be a future here, you may feel it's time to start some serious discussions. At least one of you has had some past issues that may seem like huge obstacles at the time. After a few weeks, these obstacles may not be an issue at all. You have to decided what to tell and when to tell it, everything has to be told eventually to have a real relationship of any quality. You do not want to wait to long, if these things become known another way you risk being called a liar. Once you get a better feel of the other person, you will know when the time is right. It is better that your partner hears it from you than from someone else.

Knowing where you stand in the relationship.

Communication is a cornerstone in any relationship, if you do not have it then this is something you need to work on. It must have been there in the beginning for the relationship to develop, so what changed to make it go away. You stopped talking to each other and working things out.

It can be difficult if one partner is open and communicative, while the other partner is less demonstrative, and holds everything in. This is what I call the "fire and ice" dilemma. One person shows all the emotion (fire), while the other's emotional output is less noticeable (ice.)

There is usually a cause to this that can be solved by talking or therapy, if this is happening in a new relationship and talking things out does not solve it then it may be demonstrating that one person is incapable of expressing feelings and therapy is needed.

It is not a sign of weakness to let your partner know you like them. Equally, it is not being too emotional if you do let your feelings be shown often or expressively. These are good forms of communication between two people that are involved. If one partner feels that this is a problem, you must discuss it and find equal footing so that neither one is uncomfortable. If that cannot be accomplished, you may want to think about why a person does not communicate well enough to express their feelings. Is this relationship worth pursuing or will it end in disappointment in the near future. Talking about emotions can bring a partnership closer together. Personally, I like it when my partner shares difficult feelings about subjects that are touchy and sensitive. It allows me to feel empathy for my partner's situation and can also help in the future if a similar situation happens to me.

I believe a person likes to hear how the other person feels about them, it is important to let your partner know how you feel. You can express this by either words, deeds or best of all, both. I like to let my partner know how they have enhanced my life, from the simple day-to-day things and up to the more intricate aspects of my life. It is important to let your partner know that their opinion and feelings matter in the very aspect of your life's decisions, whether big or small including each other in your decisions builds closeness and trust. Tell your partner that you appreciate their input in decision making, that their point of view can and does help to clarify any indecision in your mind and bring about a solution you hadn't even thought about. Having your partner know that they are an important part of your life can make all the difference in the tone of your relationship.

Ideas For Activities To Do Together.

You can only go out to dinner or the movies so much before it becomes routine. Add something fresh to your relationship to keep your romance going and you have something to look forward to. One of the things my partner and I love to do is check out thrift shops for little things for the home. It allows me to see my partner's decorating style as well as color favorites, etc. It also reminds us of childhood things and gives us stories that we tell each other. I love learning new things about my partner.

Purchase roller blades and start incorporating some healthy activities into our relationship as well. You can get fit while having fun with your partner.

Get some tennis rackets and find some courts in the area, find some nice parks that have miles and miles of trails to walk in and see the wildlife.

These are things that we can do and talk at the same time, talking during an activity is a good way to hold each others interest when discussing things that are hard to talk about. Hopefully, we will not turn into regulars at the local hospital.

Time Passes And You Get Involved

After some time passes and you start to feel the relationship has potential you have to disclose everything about both of your pasts, for some this may be easy because you have not established a past of things you are embarrassed of.

Others are not so lucky, you do have to get everything out in the open. Once this is done and you are still together, it may be time to start building a life together. Talking about moving in or getting married will eventually come and it should not be done in the first couple months, the relationship has to come first. You will know if it feels right and you want to move further, pay attention to the red flags you get and discuss them. It may be something that you are misunderstanding or something that does not matter anyway and can be changed.

Getting involved with someone is harder now a days, everyone has baggage and you have to find that special person that loves you for you and will help handle the baggage and move on. Your baggage is not their responsibility but it becomes theirs if they get seriously involved wit you. That is why you have to have everything out in the beginning and they know what they are getting into and can decide for themselves if seeing you is worth it.

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© 2015 Vince

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