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- Relationship Problems & Advice
Relating to Who?
On this journey called life I often wondered why are there so many hits involved when trying to be a better person. Hits such as job loss, shriveling income, and a break-up just to name a few. Even relating to people on a civil level has become a full-time job in some circles. The pressure to maintain an image that doesn't come off as self loathing gets harder and harder to portray. How can you keep a smile on your face when it's your life's turn at the spin wheel. Where ever it lands nobody knows which means you could be climbing up the ladder to success one minute and falling on deaf ears the next. So how do we handle life's woes when things don't go our way?
A Couple of Points
First we have to be honest with ourselves. Realizing that we are not perfect and that we will never be is the first step to taking back our true power. Second we have to fall in love with ourselves. One thing that God made certain is that you are you for a reason. This is the journey you were meant to walk in this lifetime. A lot of people come and go in your life but you have to have the ability to back away when it is too much. For instance, one of my friends told me that she was tired of drinking all of the time because it wasn't productive. In fact it had become down right destructive. What was once a social form of pleasure had turned into over indulgence. Allow me to state the obvious when you are having too much of a good thing it is usually a cover up for something.
In my opinion my friend was battling with something and she had been using alcohol as an escape. Without giving away all of the details she told me that she was tired of things not going the way that she planned them. My response was, "I know exactly what you mean." The truth is things weren't going so well on my end either so I could relate. My friend was going through a transformation which begins the second point I was making about falling in love with yourself. Generally when you are in love with someone you feel inspired by them. You never want to hurt them at least not on purpose, you always want to be around them, and you can't help but want to protect them. The reason I say my friend is going through a transformation was because she realized that her drinking was too much for her and she decided to put an end to it.
She informed me that boredom had sat in her life when her fiancé left out of her life. All I could do was to tell my friend that she needed to get a clear concept of what exactly she wants to do with her life and pursue it. Sounding like a cliché I mentioned that maybe she should write down on a piece of paper things she loves about herself and put it somewhere that she looks at everyday like the fridge. I told her how it tremendously help me to face whatever problem I was going through, trying to fix, or things I was trying to get done. Even looking in the mirror and repeating your affirmations to yourself out loud brings life to them. Any religious person knows that life and death is in the power of the tongue.
As I expressed to my friend she needs to take time to reflect on the past but don't allow it to stop her from living in the present. Often we complain so much about things that don't matter, not to mention things that happened so long ago. This has a tendency to ruin our blessings that could have been around the corner. My friend had been a victim to this which was totally understandable considering some things in life are hell to get over. The love that she had for her fiancé was supposed to be a type of resemblance from the love she had for herself. In reality a man doesn't make you happy or your life less boring but instead he can only add to the happiness. Not to insinuate that she didn't have love for herself but was she in love with herself. Meaning did she make herself happy, did she have a good time taking herself out, or was she happy being herself.
Wait where is that Third Point?
My friend also let me know that she wasn't going to hang around certain friends in her life as much any more. Not because she didn't love them but because everybody was at the same level to some degree. All of her friends had problems, but hey that's life full of problems. Sometimes you have to take a step back to ask yourself are the situations you are putting yourself in beneficial to you. You have to surround yourself with people who are where you are trying to go. If you don't you could risk repeating the same cycle never understanding why it keeps happening. This is not an opportunity to dump your friends, but if everybody is functioning on the same wavelength then how can you grow. People can only take you to places they have been sometimes. Its rare that we step outside of our comfort zone to channel something different. Yet we hold on to the same old methods that haven't worked in the past. Finally after all of this time the third point is to be humble.
This point is so important because it really does show a person's heart. What would you do if you had power over someone else? As an example if you were the boss of an employee would you treat your employees fairly or would you take advantage? Most of us probably think, sure I would treat a person like I want to be treated.
The Wrap Up
Unfortunately what might be fair to you isn't considered fair to others. So that is not always the case. We treat people based off how we feel most of the time as oppose to how we should treat them. Humility may be the hardest point in this whole conversation because it requires the perception of backing down. Even the word humility can be cousins with humiliate when you think about it. This modesty point is not so easy to grasp. In fact it takes a lifetime to master. Being able to walk away from a fight or argument, not having an attitude that runs your outlook on life, and saying your sorry when you feel that you are right. How many of us are able to do these things on a constant basis without wanting to snap. But when you think of the end result which could be losing the love of your life in this case it can apply to yourself and your significant other is it worth it?
After having this conversation with my friend I got up to go to the bathroom. When I looked in the mirror I realized the answer to the title question. I was relating to me.