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Where Is This Relationship Going - 2 Life Stories

Updated on January 4, 2016
brakel2 profile image

Helping others through her research and writing meets an important goal for Audrey. She has spent many hours on this goal in her career.

The Big Question

"Where is this relationship going?" Thousands of people, probably mostly women, have asked this question over the years. The question can end the relationship or make it stronger. It sounds foreboding and challenging. If the relationship ends because of it, is it worth asking? The answers might surprise you.

Two buses and one couple.
Two buses and one couple.

Dating Expert

Bill Cammack, dating expert, says that a relationship means hanging out with someone and having a good time together. He states that the question about where the relationship is going seldom crosses a man's mind. Women should be able to tell what is going on from conversations, hints, and other telltale signs. When it starts to become serious, the girl will know without asking the question. When she becomes important enough for him to give up his freedom, he will tell her. Does this statement sounds a little callous? Do you think that men value their freedom too much and want to make sure they want to give it up, as if it is the greatest sacrifice in the world? He refers to girls as "chicks", and this is demeaning to a woman. Is that respectful?

Personal Opinions

Opinion Mr. S, writer Mr. S indicated that the question is a cowardly way out for a woman and that a man would not ask that question. He believes she wants an answer without revealing her own feelings. They should date long enough to know each other well and then discuss if they should date exclusively. He believes in honesty throughout the dating experience.

Opinion Mr. P. writer - Communication is better than assumption. He has already asked the question.

Opinion Ms H, writer She feels that it is best to discuss the situation to determine what the two people want from a relationship. She would ask the question.

Opinion Ms A. writer She wants to know up front after dating for a while. She does not want to give her heart to someone who plans to leave the relationship. Her heart needs to be saved for the right person. She would ask the question

Opinion Mr O, writer. He feels it is better for the relationship to discuss everything to make it work .He would ask the question.

Where is this relationship going (the discussion)

One of the most important points to remember about the relationship discussion is to plan it wisely. Converse in a relaxed atmosphere with no announcement or drama. When both partners are in a good mood might be after dinner or at the end of the evening after an enjoyable date. You need to just be yourself, and be ready to accept the answer. The step is positive, and can serve as a learning experience in your life.

Where is this Relationship Going

Looks like true love.
Looks like true love. | Source

Good Relationship

This couple must have decided their relatioship was going in the right direction.
This couple must have decided their relatioship was going in the right direction. | Source

Love at the Lake

Great backdrop for romance
Great backdrop for romance | Source

True Stories

Real life stories, Miss T.

. A young woman in her late twenties, Miss T. dated intermittently a young man for about 5 years. He also dated others. After losing his job, he took a position five hundred miles away in Chicago. They saw each other when he came home and corresponded. She loved him but had a hunch he would marry someone from Chicago. When he came home one Christmas, she asked him "the Question." His response was that she never came to visit him in Chicago, and her hunch was right. She never answered his phone calls after that. Later, she learned that a girlfriend went to Chicago to visit him, and that very weekend, he became engaged to a woman from Chicago. The other girl was heartbroken.

Real life stories, Miss C.

Another situation involves Miss C, a thirty five year old who had dated for some time a man in his early fifties. The relationship was drifting, and she wanted to break it off. Instead, her brother confronted him about "the Question" and told him his sister would move on if nothing came of this situation. He proposed, and they are happily married.

Conclusion

The answer to the question is obvious. Some men normally do not ask the question while others do. Women ask the question when they need to move on, if the situation is stagnant. The women in the two actual situations had no choice but to ask the question to move on with their lives. If the dating period has not been very long, the question is unnecessary, and those who ask it put themselves in a precarious situation. The art of dating can be very complex, and those involved need to use good judgment. Otherwise, people hurt others unnecessarily. Love is powerful, sometimes fleeting, sometimes breaking hearts. However, in life, no situation is perfect, and individuals are not perfect. Everyone makes the best decisions at the time, even about the question "Where is this relationship going?

Poll

Did you ever ask a partner/lover where a relationship was going?

See results

Steps to a Great Relationship

Comments

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    • savvydating profile image

      Yves 

      3 years ago

      I like to say that if it seem like you've been drifting on a boat without a rudder way too long, then the question has to be asked. Some men get too comfortable with the "status quo," and most women who've hung in there really want to know if he's "gonna put a ring on it." As you've suggested, timing is important. But granted, when a woman really likes a guy, it's easy to get impatient. Unfortunately, that's the best way to kill a budding relationship. However, if you've been with him over a year, I say it's fine to ask if you don't already know. Lovely hub, brakel2!

    • brakel2 profile imageAUTHOR

      Audrey Selig 

      5 years ago from Oklahoma City, Oklahoma

      Thank you for your nice comment and for reading my hub. You are lucky you never had to ask that question. Sometimes the relationship drifts or as someone said in his comment - we drift here and there. I did ask the question once, and I was glad I did. When my real love came along, no one had to ask the question. Relationships can be complicated at times, especially if the couple is older and each set in their ways. I'm glad we are all different, as it might be boring to be the same. You are right that a relationship can go stagnant. Good luck in your writing fellow Oklahoman!

    • Sharkye11 profile image

      Jayme Kinsey 

      5 years ago from Oklahoma

      Very thought-provoking hub! I never asked the question and neither did my husband. We pretty much understood each other, and I think that is something that happens when the relationship is right, or has been given time to "ripen".

      As stated in your hub though, too much ripening can make a relationship go stagnant. From casual observance, it seems like that is worse on the couple than anything else.

      Really enjoyed reading this!

    • brakel2 profile imageAUTHOR

      Audrey Selig 

      6 years ago from Oklahoma City, Oklahoma

      That is so true. Sometimes we do not know what we want in a relationship, so we drift in our thoughts and confusion and fear may cause an emotional shutdown. Even when marriage is imminent, fear may set in. You have wisdom to think outside the box. Thank you for reading my article Mr Y.

    • Yaduvanshi profile image

      Yaduvanshi 

      6 years ago from Bharat Vrse

      It not the relationship but we are the ones drifting here and there

      a good hub

      Voted up

    • Yaduvanshi profile image

      Yaduvanshi 

      6 years ago from Bharat Vrse

      It not the relationship but we are the ones drifting here and there

      a good hub

      Voted up

    • brakel2 profile imageAUTHOR

      Audrey Selig 

      6 years ago from Oklahoma City, Oklahoma

      How about ffp. Love the nic

    • profile image

      femmeflashpoint 

      6 years ago

      brakel,

      In truth, the nic is a really long one to type, and you can shorten it to anything you wish! :)

      femme

    • brakel2 profile imageAUTHOR

      Audrey Selig 

      6 years ago from Oklahoma City, Oklahoma

      Hi chelsea - Thanks for reading my article. It is an interesting subject to me. I often find myself in discussions with women who wonder what is going on with their love interest. I am one who asked the question once, and was glad for an answer, even if it was not positive. It would be a great topic for discussion. Thanks for following, and I will look for your hubs. Happy writing.

    • chelseacharleston profile image

      chelseacharleston 

      6 years ago

      It's a critical question that often comes at the most critical moments. A bit amazing, really, for however long that lasts LOL.

    • brakel2 profile imageAUTHOR

      Audrey Selig 

      6 years ago from Oklahoma City, Oklahoma

      It's ok about the name. It's a fun name. I could shorten it to femmefp or femme if I so desire. You have a great hubscore. Good for you. Take care. You have a great sense of humor.

    • profile image

      femmeflashpoint 

      6 years ago

      brakel,

      My apologies on the length of the nick, lol! I think the same thing - takes a bit to type it out.

      You're more than welcome to abbreviate it any time you wish. I take no offense at it. :)

      However, I admit to cracking up every time I see it shortened to FFP. After working so many years in the med field, every time I see FFP, I think of Fresh Frozen Plasma, lol!

    • brakel2 profile imageAUTHOR

      Audrey Selig 

      6 years ago from Oklahoma City, Oklahoma

      Hi again - Thanks for the kind remarks about my hub. I guess some of us have gone through the ups and downs in the dating game. I think as you get older it gets more difficult as people get set in their ways. But it can work. I'd love to see a hub on some of your reflections on dating. Anyway, thanks for your input and thanks for the follow, femmeflashpoint. That's a long name to type, but cute. Take care

    • profile image

      femmeflashpoint 

      6 years ago

      brakel2,

      Wow ... the dating game.

      Something I've been both really good at and really, REALLY bad at!!

      There's some excellent advice and insight offered in this one.

      Great job and thanks so much for taking the time to put it together!

    • brakel2 profile imageAUTHOR

      Audrey Selig 

      6 years ago from Oklahoma City, Oklahoma

      Hi Ruchi - Thanks for reading and commenting on my article. Have you ever asked the big question? The topic interested me, especially about who and when about the question. I found your profile interesting and have great interest in other countries. My husband has a grandmother who came from Germany. Good luck on HubPAGes, and I will look for your hubs. Take care.

    • Ruchi Urvashi profile image

      Ruchi Urvashi 

      6 years ago from Singapore

      Good article.

    • brakel2 profile imageAUTHOR

      Audrey Selig 

      7 years ago from Oklahoma City, Oklahoma

      Thanks, Glenn for your help in the forum and for reading my hub. I am glad that you agree with my conclusions and liked my research. Some people on this site offered their opinions in answer to a question. I agree that it is mostly women who ask the question. That must say that male and female brains are so different, even in wanting an answer. I thought the dating expert was a little arrogant about "when he is ready to give up his freedom". However, maybe that is how men think. Thanks for voting up. I will check out your hubs. Happy writing.

    • Glenn Stok profile image

      Glenn Stok 

      7 years ago from Long Island, NY

      I found this very interesting. It relates to experiences I've had and makes perfect sense. As I have experienced, it's the woman in the relationship who seems to always ask were it's going. The man never asks. Or, I should say, I had never thought about asking. So you're are right! Enjoyed your research and voted up.

    • brakel2 profile imageAUTHOR

      Audrey Selig 

      7 years ago from Oklahoma City, Oklahoma

      Thanks Jim for reading my hub. I wonder if you have ever asked the question. It was fun doing research for the hub and getting interesting results. I will look for your hubs. In fact, I saw that some are on relationships. Happy writing.

    • Jim.Anderson profile image

      Jim.Anderson 

      7 years ago

      Nice Hub.

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