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Which Life is Better

Updated on September 14, 2015

Married vs Unmarried

Which life you think is better? Life before marriage (Single, no responsibilities, freedom, parties)

or life after marriage (life partner, responsibilities, adjustments, compromises, kids) ?

Sometimes in life we regret few things we've done or for the things we haven't been able to do. Before marriage even if we have a lot of friends, our family, relatives still we feel life is not complete and there has to be one 'that person' who can fill this void. We are desperate to find one (also for our own personal needs and desires) and when we find one our life changes . We understand the meaning of love, care, being responsible and much more. But the road for these wheels is not so smooth, then comes a phase when you think the life was much better before marriage, you had the freedom to do whatever you want, you were not responsible for every little thing, your decisions were all your own, no kids, no family responsibilities just your life and your rules.

This happens with me and I am sure this must be happening with you too. Please share your thoughts how you deal with it. How many times have you had a bad fight with your spouse and how many times you've decided to just get over the relationship and be single again and yet realized that you are made for each other!

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    • dashingscorpio profile image

      dashingscorpio 

      3 years ago

      I think everyone likes "happy endings".

      No one on their wedding day has plans to get divorced. :)

    • Weareallinsane profile imageAUTHOR

      Weareallinsane 

      3 years ago

      :-) I still believe a breaking relationship can be saved if the cause of why the couple is "growing apart" can be known.

      "He/she is not the same person I fell in love with." This is not uncommon to hear and not uncommon to resolve too :).

      I like Happy Endings. Lol

    • dashingscorpio profile image

      dashingscorpio 

      3 years ago

      I understand what you mean by arranged marriages. However for most of the world where people get to (choose) their own spouse there are many instances where people make "bad choices" for themselves.

      Oftentimes it is the result of being shortsighted when it came to traits they want in a mate for life or they thought they'd could change them. Lastly if someone wants out it means they're with the wrong person.

      At the very least a soul-mate is someone who actually wants to be with you and vice versa! Happy people don't file for divorce!

      You said: "So it's about how you deal with it because moving on is always not a solution. " Only the (individual) knows what is the right solution for her/him.

      Know yourself, Love yourself, Trust yourself.

      If one knows what they want/need to feel loved and happy in a marriage then they will also be able to determine whether or not they can have it with their current mate. Expecting them to change into it is unrealistic.

      One of the reasons people "fall out of love" is because many times they or their mates STOP doing all the things that won their mate's heart!

      When we change our circumstances change.

      It's not uncommon to hear someone say: "He/she is not the same person I fell in love with."

      Another reason why people fall out of love is because they evolve in different directions sometimes. Where as they both wanted the same things in the beginning they now want different things or want to live in a different way. Over time we're either "growing together" or "growing apart". One person may be content with the way things are and the other wants to turn things upside down or go in a new different direction. Throughout the process they've been silently pulling away emotionally and contemplating their exit. It takes two to keep a marriage together.

      However it only takes one to end a marriage.

      You can't make someone love you or want to stay with you.

    • Weareallinsane profile imageAUTHOR

      Weareallinsane 

      3 years ago

      Thank you for sharing your opinion! I like most of your points and I completely agree that Marriage is just a choice and not requirement. But in a country like India it is not about an "Individual's Choice". I hope you understand what I mean. From the three causes of Divorce I agree with the second point that getting married for wrong reasons will ultimately lead to a failed relationship because it was never a 'relationship', it was just a 'game well played'. But choosing a wrong mate? who is a wrong mate and why he/she is a wrong mate? In arrange marriages how do you know the person you are going to marry is wrong or right? And why do people fell out of love? Do they really fell out of love or it is just "Ego' that is destroying their connection? Yes, If both know and understand they are not meant to be together, the best solution is to move on. But for those who have been into relationship for long and now one of them makes the decision to part ways, it ofcourse does hurt the other mentally and emotionally. In that case there has to be solution for the two: why one wants to give up and other does not?

      So it's about how you deal with it because moving on is always not a solution. You just have to find out the spark that is missing. And yes we need to learn the art of living happily with what we have. When people share their experiences of personal life of making relationships work forever which were otherwise on the verge of ending, it helps others who are in the same boat! :)

    • dashingscorpio profile image

      dashingscorpio 

      3 years ago

      Married VS Unmarried?

      Ultimately it comes down the "individual" and what makes (them) happy.

      Marriage is a (lifestyle choice) and not a requirement for life.

      It's been ingrained in our society to a point where it is "expected". Marriage has also been "romanticized" in every culture as well. In fact if someone states they never want to get married they're usually met with a landslide of opposition as if something is "wrong" with them!

      Not everyone wants to get married or have children. A person has to know them self well enough before making the decision to marry. In addiction they must also know their mate well enough to determine if he/she is their "ideal companion" for life.

      The goal is to find someone who shares your same values, wants the same things for the marriage that you do, naturally agrees with you on how to obtain those things, and last but not least there is a mutual depth of love and desire for one another.

      Like attracts like and opposites attract divorce attorneys!

      I believe there are three causes for divorce

      1. Choosing the wrong mate

      2. Getting married for the wrong reasons

      3. Over time one or both people fell out of love.

      In the first instance it's common especially for young people to choose a mate before they figure out who (they) are, what they want and need in a mate. They don't have a "mate selection" process or criteria in place.

      They allow "impulsive connections" and "happenstance" to determine their relationship choices. It's the equivalent of going shopping without a list!

      Another common occurrence is many folks set arbitrary age goals to be married by, or all of their friends were married, there was an unplanned pregnancy, an ultimatum was given, they were tired of being single and thought "Why the hell not?", a perspective spouse has money or connections, someone was in the military about to be deployed...etc

      A marriage based upon circumstances rather than love is likely to fail.

      Lastly "seasons change". In other words nothing and no one stays the same. We're all constantly evolving.

      Couples either "grow together" or "grow apart". There is no neutral.

      Communication is the GPS which lets you know which direction you're heading in. If someone has to make {major changes} in order to make it work then odds are they are with the wrong person.

      Most people want to be loved and accepted for who (they are).

      There are only two ways to experience joy and peace of mind in relationships: We either get what we want or learn to be happy with what we have. Accept them as (is) or move on. The choice is up to us!

      One man's opinion!:)

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