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Be Confident, Not Petty!!

Updated on November 30, 2011

Definition of Confident: Feeling or showing confidence in oneself; self-assured.

Definition of Caring: Feeling and exhibiting concern and empathy for others

Definition of Petty: marked by or reflective of narrow interests and sympathies, small minded

Definition of Self-centered: concerned solely or chiefly with one's own interests, welfare,etc.; engrossed in self; selfish; egotistical.

Why are people so mean and petty? I look at people sometimes and wonder….why are they so self-centered and self-important? Sometimes we have to think of the big picture. The world is not only about us alone. There are billions of people out there. Not one is more important than the other. I would much rather be remembered for being caring and confident than to be remembered as self-centered. It is not "all about me"; it's about all of us, together!

Several years ago, a woman I know had a 40th birthday celebration. I heard about the party from a few mutual acquaintances, but I did not give it a second thought. I was not invited, but I didn’t even care; I wished this woman well, because I do not begrudge people for not inviting me to an event. I continued my interactions with her just as I always had prior to her party. I found out later on that she did not invite me because she did not want to invite someone else whom she did not like, and would have felt obligated to invite, if she had invited me. Okay, pretty convoluted, but I swear, that’s what I heard…Again, I never cared, nor let it affect the relationship that we had. Fast forward to two years later. This same woman’s sister was having a 40th birthday celebration. I was closer to this sister, because of our involvement in the parents association of our children’s school. We worked together on many events and I pretty much helped her whenever she needed anything. We probably spoke on the phone every day for two years while she was president of our parent’s association. Guess what? She did not invite me to her 40th birthday party either! Surprised? Well, I was too, but again, I did not care. I was a little disappointed, but I thought she must have her reasons and I just let it go at that. I continued to act the same with her after the party as I did before. Several friends approached and expressed their feelings. They said it was awful that I was not invited to the party considering all of the help I gave her and all the time we spent together. Now, just to set things straight, I am a very nice and considerate person. I try to avoid gossip as much as possible and I am a good friend. So, again, I let it go and wished her well too. A while later she called me and said she wished she had done things differently, but she also did not want to invite this other woman (just like her sister) and that’s why I was not invited. Okay, a stupid excuse, but a reason just the same…Now mind you, I am not friends with this other woman; our children were in the same school for a while, and I knew her casually, but we were not friends. We were just in the same social circle.

Fast forward to three days ago. The “other” woman had her 40th birthday celebration and guess what??? The two sisters were “disappointed” that they were not invited! When I heard this, I was floored! After all, neither sister invited this woman to their parties, and have continuously talked about their dislike of this woman for the last twelve years that I have known them. Are they so blind to their own faults? Why should she invite them? I laughed when I heard this because I was not upset when I did not get invited to their parties, and they liked me! What right did they have to be “disappointed” when for years they have said how much they dislike this woman and did not invite her to their own parties! Unbelievable! You can’t make such stuff up!

You know what I did for my 40th birthday? I went out to dinner with my husband and children. That was all the attention I needed.There is nothing wrong with celebrating a special birthday, but please don’t make a big deal over it. Yes, it’s “your” day, but sometimes a little sacrifice goes a long way….Maybe these women and other women like them should stop wanting to be the center of attention and wait until their 100th birthday to have another party. If they are lucky enough to reach that age, then they can invite whoever they want!

Do you know people like this? Would you rather be remembered as kind and considerate of others or egotistical and mean spirited?


Would you invite someone to your party, that did not invite you to theirs?

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    • bizzymom profile image

      bizzymom 6 years ago from New York

      What a wonderful way to celebrate a birthday RTalloni! Thanks for sharing your thoughts.

    • RTalloni profile image

      RTalloni 6 years ago from the short journey

      What an interesting experience to have gone through. Most people wouldn't put 2 and 2 together over that space of time! Bravo to you for handling it with a good attitude--and what a relief not to have to go to the parties for petty people!

      One of my favorite things to do on my birthday is not say anything about it, but to invite someone I don't know well (but who I want to get to know better) to come over or go out and enjoy the time, then thank them for letting me enjoy my birthday with them! :)

      The whole big birthday party thing starts getting a little weird after age 22 or so anyway. 500 of hundred of your closest friends gets a little complicated and tiresome as time goes by...

    • bizzymom profile image

      bizzymom 6 years ago from New York

      Thank you for the comments.

    • Frugal Housewife profile image

      Amber Joy 6 years ago from Canada

      Speshul. Well done. We interact with people like that on a daily basis, like life is a popularity contest.

    • profile image

      jenubouka 6 years ago

      What a well thought idea to compare these two characteristics. I would of been floored too, and with my aging mind I have noticed that I am more out spoken about this kink of thing, pretty sure they will lock me up by the time I am 65.

    • rambansal profile image

      Ram Bansal 6 years ago from India

      Very nice analysis of personality.