- Gender and Relationships
Should More Black Women Consider Interracial Dating?
Let's Talk About The Numbers
Just a week ago I found myself watching the new episode of Being Mary Jane on BET. If you haven't had a chance to watch this show, Gabrielle Union plays a very successful tv anchor who is unfortunately tangled up in an affair with a married man, in addition to seeing a gentleman on the side for an occasional tryst. We've seen this story line played out on the big screen many times (Waiting to Exhale, Scandal, The Haves and Have Nots), but is this story line becoming an unspoken norm in the black community? Last I heard, there were approximately 87 black men to every 100 black women. Not so bad, right? Unfortunately, once you subtract the number of black men who don't date black women, those who are unfortunately incarcerated, and those who are homosexual, the numbers quickly begin to dwindle. Let's do some recalculating. I'd guestimate that the real figures are closer to 57 black men for every 100 black women.
Let's Talk About Standards
Nearly every black woman that I know has either been cheated on or volunteered to be the other woman. Some would ask, why would a woman allow herself to be disrespected in such a way, but consider the fact that the pickings among black men are slim, resulting in much desperation. I, like many of you, happen to know several women who have knowingly shared men with other women and were perfectly fine taking their places as the "side piece" or mistress. If you don't quite understand the point I'm making, sharing a man occurs when you knowingly involve yourself with a man who is either in a relationship or married. Now that I've cleared that up, I'm in no way rationalizing this. In fact, I would love to see black women, better yet all women raise their standards. Having a man in your life should be like having a great sundae (that's you) with a delicious cherry on top. With or without the cherry, the sundae ought to be good. Having a meaningful relationship shouldn't mean that you have to share a man with another woman or be involved in the drama the comes along with being a mistress or side chick. It's unfortunate that many of us have resulted to those extremes, but it's all a matter of a woman's personal standards. Every woman is going to experience problems with dating and courtship but agreeing to share a man with another woman is like creating your own storm. It may seem fun in the beginning but when you see the damage that it causes, it puts things in perspective and it's certainly not worth it.
Let's Talk About Options
Trust me, I of all people know how frustrating it can be waiting on Mr. Right to come along, but what I won't do is lower my standards or settle because it's taking longer than expected. The bottom line is, I love myself and have entirely too much self respect to enter a toxic or dead end relationship and stay in it, simply because I don't want to be alone. Ladies, being alone isn't a negative thing. Again, it's all a matter of perspective. One of the major positives about being single is that you can use that time to get know yourself better, better yourself, or perhaps even grow closer to God. If you're absolutely certain that you're ready for a courtship, relationship, or marriage and black Mr. Right has yet to show his face, you may need to explore your options or in more familiar terminology, try something new. Yes ladies as you might suspect, my suggestion to you is not to limit yourself to black men.
If you're willing to explore your options, a buffet of potential suitors awaits you. Lord knows that black men are beautiful, but so are Italians, Hispanics, Caucasians, and honestly...I could go on and on. The point is, beauty is beauty and love shouldn't have limitations. Those things being said, I am well aware of the stigma attached to dating outside your race in the black community; however, you cannot allow other people's opinions to determine your happiness or better yet unhappiness. If you find a black man who loves you, respects you, and treats you like a queen, great... but with the ratio of black men to women, don't hold your breath. I decided many years ago that I would accept love however God sends it, so don't give me the side eye if you see me with an Adam Levine, Chatum Tanning, or Bruno Mars on my arm. I am simply exploring my options and I encourage you to do the same.