- Gender and Relationships»
- Dating & Online Dating
Why Buy the Cow When You Can Get the Milk for Free?
Everbody deserves somebody who makes them look forward to tomorrow
Statistics on Dating:http://www.match.com/magazine/article/4671/
1. 44 percent of adult Americans are single, according to U.S. Census figures. This means there are over 100 million unattached folks out there. So, if you've ever worried, "There's nobody out there for me," know that there's hope!
2. Statistically, the find-someone odds favor guys: There are 86 unmarried men for every 100 unmarried women, although in some regions the gender ratio favors women, especially out west. Paradise, Nevada, a suburb 10 miles from Las Vegas, has 118 unmarried men for every 100 unmarried women. Other cities where gals got it good include Austin, Texas; Fort Lauderdale, Florida; Tempe, Arizona; and Sunnyvale and Santa Ana, California. A coincidental bonus for women thinking of relocating: All of these cities are sunny and warm.
3. The best place for single people on the prowl is New York, where 50 percent of state residents are unmarried, and Washington, D.C., where a whopping 70 percent of the population is single. The worst places are Idaho, where 60 percent of people are married; and Utah, where 59 percent of people are married.
4. Think you'll find love while perched on a barstool? Think again. Only 9 percent of women and 2 percent of men say they've found a relationship at a bar or club—blame it on the beer goggles. So if you're lonely and looking, you're better off hitting on cuties at Starbucks.
5. Got someone hot in your sights and want to reveal your interest? Fifty-one percent of people use flattery, according to the book Are You Normal About Sex, Love, and Relationships? Or, try touching them, a tactic used by 25 percent of single folk. Still another 23 percent utilize the schoolyard approach and send the word out through a friend.
6. If you're into online dating, you're hardly alone: 40 million 40 million Americans use online dating services.Americans use online dating services; that's about 40 percent of our entire U.S. single-people pool. So if you haven't tried it yet, maybe it's time to dive in!
7. Profiles and photos go together great. Online, being bashful will get you nowhere. Women and men who post their photos receive more than twice as many e-mails as those without photos, according to a study published by economists at MIT and University of Chicago. Some numbers!
8. On a date, first impressions do count: Men take only 15 minutes to decide if a woman is worth a second date. For women, the clock isn't ticking quite so fast—they ponder whether to get together again for an hour or so.
9. The number one problem for couples in America? Disagreements about money, according to a poll by the University of Denver. So, don't write off a date just because you two bickered over the dinner bill; everyone clashes over cash.
10. If you're feeling like your relationship is hitting the skids and want to bail, the painful face-to-face approach might not be necessary: An estimated 48 percent of online daters report that their breakups have happened over e-mail. Call it rude or just plain convenient, but it happens a lot.
What is the secret to marriage?
International Association Relationship Research
Relationships, Psychology Today
What makes a good relationship?
Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?
Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?
What do women want? It’s not a big secret and I think most men already know this, but don’t want to accept it because the “easy ride” and no commitment is far more convenient than the real deal. We live in an age where there are millions of choices at our finger tips, on-line. With the online dating age, you can swipe left or right, you don’t have to build a solid foundation before you “go out” with someone. The options are endless. So why buy the cow when you get the milk for free? Well, owning the cow provides you with security and stability. It’s a long-term investment.
Why eat a seven-course meal when you can have sugary desserts all day long, every day for the rest of your lie? Well, in my humble opinion a well-balanced meal is much healthier in the long-run, than all that sugar. Do you really want to end up with Type II Diabetes or worse, congestive heart failure? Intimacy versus intensity is an analogy for eating healthy versus consuming large quantities of unhealthy foods such as sugar, which is highly addictive and damaging. By consuming too much sugar, you become a sugar junky, much like an “intensity” junky. In relationships, a person that bounces from one person to the next could be considered an intensity junky, someone who is addicted to the sugar rush, the lust rush. The opposite would be partaking of the stability and healthiness of a good meal (or long-term intimacy). Eating right provides you with the building blocks for combatting disease, stabilizing your mood, boosting your energy, and controlling your weight. A long-term commitment and fidelity does the same. It combats disease, improves your mood, provides you with security and stability, and improves your overall health and well-being. So, in case you are clueless or were just wondering… here is what women want out of a healthy relationship:
- Honesty: The truth hurts, right? Well it doesn’t have to. Lay it on-the-line BEFORE you get involved. There is a difference between intensity and intimacy. Intimacy is earned, intensity is fleeting and deceptive. Actions speak louder than works. If you are going to talk the talk; then walk the walk… or keep walking.
- Independence and Self-Sufficiency: Knowing that a man can support himself and not be dependent on others is important. Of course, personal circumstances can create situations that aren’t the most desirable, like living with your parents temporarily or having roommates out of financial necessity, but in the long-run, if you are over 40 and are making life choices because you have co-dependency issues, get some help. There are great counselors and life-coaches out there who will gladly offer support.
- Fun, Excitement, and a Sense of Humor: Ease up! We aren’t all money-grubbing whores! Many of us have made our way on our own, paid for our education, and raised our kids single-handedly. We want a partner in crime to have fun and enjoy the rest of our life with. We want laughter, silliness. That’s a pretty simple thing really.
- Adventure: Again, a partner in crime is important. I want to see the world and I’d rather do it with someone I care about. I don’t want to sit home and “Netflix and Chill” for the rest of my life. That’s great sometimes, but make plans, step outside your comfort zone! Don’t be afraid to be a planner and an adventurer!
- Security: Knowing that you’re “there” and aren’t going anywhere or actively “looking anywhere” is important. Everyone wants a reliable partner and monogamy. There’s something to be said for commitment to one person.
- Personal Freedom: Freedom to continue to be independent, self-reliant, keep our friends, hobbies, and to conquer the world the way we want, without being controlled or manipulated, stifled or consumed, but with the support and love of a man who is willing to be a rock or rock star, when and if needed.
- Communication: Return the call, email, or text- it’s not that hard! It’s called being authentic and present. If you’re busy, say so. If you aren’t interested, don’t string us along. But don’t leave us hanging! Nothing says “you’re not that important, as not responding! If you don’t want someone in your life, whether as a friend or lover, not responding is the quickest way to let that person know how unimportant they really and truly are.
- Masculinity and Vulnerability: Even though we are strong and tough and independent, we still want a man that is a protector, strong, confident, and can open that stupid jar for us. Hell, I love it when a man opens the door for me and says “ladies first”. Chivalry isn’t really dead is it? And vulnerability, don’t be afraid to show your feelings and fears.
- Compatibility: Having similar views on sex, religion, politics, adventure, money, and future goals IS important. Opposites may attract, but in the end if you can find someone that accepts you and your beliefs, quirks, and character flaws, keep him/her. You have a keeper!
- Love, Commitment, and Integrity: (this is not mine- I lifted off a website, but the rest is all mine- just giving credit where credit is due) Married or not married, when you decide to enter into a partnership with another, commitment means you act with integrity, respect and care - even when your emotions are telling you otherwise. No matter the external variables of the time are, staying the course is commitment.
Now, having said all of this… dating in your 40s or 50s really sucks. You can’t expect a relationship to happen overnight. It takes time and effort and being present and giving it a whirl! I think you have to put yourself out there and kiss a lot of toads before you find a prince and don’t think for one instance you have to settle for someone or a situation because you don’t want to be alone. Sugar is nice ad dessert ifs great every now and then, but we all know that making good choices is best for us in the long-run. Get on with your life and be independently successful and love yourself FIRST; be present in your own NOW. All of those toads are simply stepping stones. You don’t know what you are missing until you try it and see if will work, if there is compatibility, chemistry, intensity that leads to intimacy and security and commitment. Being vulnerable is part of the process, but it doesn’t mean being a doormat or naïve. I’m no expert, but I do know what women say and how we feel and I’ve talked to plenty of friends and there is something to be said about statistics. So, take what works for you here in this missive and leave what doesn’t. In the end, I hope you find true love and compatibility. I’ll leave you with two quotes, one from Khalil Gibrhan “On Marriage” and the other from the Avett Brothers song “Offering”:
You were born together, and together you shall be forevermore.
You shall be together when the white wings of death scatter your days.
Ay, you shall be together even in the silent memory of God.
But let there be spaces in your togetherness,
And let the winds of the heavens dance between you.
Love one another, but make not a bond of love:
Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.
Fill each other's cup but drink not from one cup.
Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf
Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of you be alone,
Even as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same music.
Give your hearts, but not into each other's keeping.
For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts.
And stand together yet not too near together:
For the pillars of the temple stand apart,
And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other's shadow.
“And I've known others, and I've loved others too, but I loved them ‘cause they were stepping stones, on a staircase to you”