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The Problem With Online Dating And How To Find The Perfect Mate

Updated on June 30, 2017

The Problem With Dating and How to Find The Perfect Mate By Author Emunah La-Paz

Author and film Analyst Emunah La-Paz
Author and film Analyst Emunah La-Paz | Source


I have found someone who is crazy enough to put up with my strange ways. I was blessed enough to find someone who can love me for who I am.

I do believe that love is a growing process. Many people confuse lust with love. I had the pleasure of interviewing men and women who are still searching for love.

I Need To Get Married But I Can't Find The Perfect Mate

I consider myself to be a fairly good looking guy. I have a great job, and a decent sense of humor. The fact that I can't seem to find a compatible mate concerns me.

According to my friends, I'm too- picky and judgmental. But, in reality, I'm looking for a woman to spend the rest of my life with. I have standards. Is there anything wrong with having standards? My dream list is pretty simple.

John's Dream Girl Requirement List

John's Dream List.
John's Dream List. | Source

Is It Too Much To Ask For A Woman Who Does Not Resemble Chewbacca From The Movie Star Wars?

Chewbacca  Holding A Surf Board.
Chewbacca Holding A Surf Board. | Source

John Continues...

I am not judgmental. My friends are responsible for setting me up with these awkward women, yet I can't help but notice that all of my friends' wives appear to look and behave normally.

Is it too much to ask for a woman who does not resemble Chewbacca from the movie Star Wars?

I often wonder if my friends are hooking me up with strange women just to have a good laugh at my expense.

To be honest I am annoyed with the dating process, I am reaching the point in which I am perfectly fine with being alone. My parents have been married for years. My mother is a beautiful woman my dad is a handsome guy, I want the kind of relationship my parents have, but the pickings are very slim out there.


Maggie's Dream Guy List

Women holding a sign which states that she is not judgmental this sign also points down to her dream guy list.
Women holding a sign which states that she is not judgmental this sign also points down to her dream guy list. | Source

Where Did The Normal Men Go...Or Did They Ever Exist?

All of my friends are married, and to be honest, I'm starting to feel like an old maid. I don't ask for much in a man. I just want someone normal like myself. I can't be the only normal person left in this vast world!

My girlfriends say that I'm too judgmental, but I disagree. My girlfriends have found their Mr. Right. They have no right to judge my situation.

I'd make a dream list but I'd run out of paper. Basically I am only asking for the following!

Maggie's Dream List:

1. Please don't be married.

2. Please don't have children.

3. Please don't smell like Old Spice.

4. Please don't live with your mother.

5. Please don't have your mother living with you.

6. Please don't bring your inhaler on the date.

7. Please don't constantly text throughout the date.

8. Please don't be cheap.

9. Please don't talk about how bad your ex-girlfriend treats you.

10. Please don't ask me for money.

11. Please have a job.

I'd keep going but my fingers are cramping up on me.


Back In The Day Finding A Mate Took Pray, Faith and Wisdom

Rebecca at the Well by Giovanni Antonio Pellegrini
Rebecca at the Well by Giovanni Antonio Pellegrini | Source

Finding A Mate For Isaac

Back in the day a search for a noble wife was taken very seriously. Abraham asked his servant to go out and find a mate for his son. Through a faith Abraham's servant departed to Mesopotamia to the city of Nahor, to find a wife for Abraham's son Isaac. Through faithful wisdom Laban took ten of Abraham's camels, in which his mission was to find a compassionate woman to to provide a drink for him and his camels. After Laban's prayerful contemplation, a woman named Rebekah approached him carrying a pitcher upon her shoulder. The woman was beautiful but most important she was kind spirited. She offered water to Abraham's servant Laban and his camels. Laban knew that this was the woman for Isaac. Through compassion Rebekah was able to land a wealthy man, and Isaac married a nice woman.

Granted we don't deal with camels nowadays, however we can still use prayerful wisdom to find our significant other.

The Judgmental Curse

Stop Pointing Fingers.
Stop Pointing Fingers. | Source

The Truth About Being Overly Judgmental

There's nothing wrong with having values. In fact, many of us have a dream list of the characteristics and values that would like in a mate. However, the perfect mate does not exist. We have to meet are partner half way, and hopefully two people united as one can make the almost perfect union.

Let’s face it we can all be overly judgmental at times. And a good dose of humble pie usually sets most of us back on the right track. And then there are those who stand firm. They will not budge until they are certain that they have found the right mate. I’m not sure as to rather people of this nature find what they are looking for. However there are steps that one can take to keep from being overly judgmental.

How To Stop Being Overly Judgmental

1. Be Honest With Yourself

Woman holding a sign which reads, i'm not judgmental i'm just picky.
Woman holding a sign which reads, i'm not judgmental i'm just picky. | Source

Most people Are Unaware That They Are Overly Judgmental

Similar to an individual with a drinking problem they are in denial. The first step is to recognize the fact that you are judgmental.

2. Don't Compare Your Life To Others

Thumbs Down
Thumbs Down | Source

Run Your Own Race

Many people base their lives off the circumstances of others. This is a very senseless way to go about life. Run your own race.

3. Be Willing To Compromise

Both Hands Making The love Sign.
Both Hands Making The love Sign. | Source

We All Fall Short

Meet a person halfway. Realize that you have faults as well, and judging will put you in a position to be judged. Be patient. We all have flaws. Finding someone to embrace your imperfections is a blessing.

Stay Hopeful

E. Lapz

The Judgmental Poll

Do You Consider Yourself To Be A Judgmental Person?

See results

Shallow Hal Trailer

Shallow Hal

© 2014 Emunah La Paz


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      Dave36 3 years ago

      I think that's great swilliams, & at the time you probably thought what are the odds of that happening....Or is he really in love with me etc, because otherwise it would have to be some sort of magical cosmic force....I don't think things like this are actually arranged by whoever, i just think you & your partner must have been doing/thinking the right things to be able to meet....Maybe it is a test of some sort, as to whether we trust in life itself....So maybe if a person does all the right things, but only because of the love of doing those things maybe their rewarded back with love....Love is starting to make sense to me in a way, because most young people today aren't chasing love....There taught by the media & celebs etc, to chase looks/money/fame/fortune etc....So they fall into Desire & lust with those things, & the "perfect" partner, but hardly ever love....There's a lot of things in life that i can't quite put my finger on, & i think that's the point to life itself.

    • swilliams profile image

      Emunah La Paz 3 years ago from Arizona

      'love has to find you' This is exactly right. Your words are honest and true. Many women have experienced your exact theory, only because it's true. An honest love did find me and in return I accepted. However we both looked at each other as if perhaps one of us may be crazy, but in the end a perfect match formed out of something which seemed to odd to be true. I am intrigued with the new generation that is looking for love. Perhaps this is the problem? Waiting contently until love finds you.

      As always Dave 36 I enjoy your thought provoking response. Thank you.

    • profile image

      Dave36 3 years ago

      Well you did say yourself swilliams that you can't pick one because your too picky, so forget about it for a while....Just work on filling your entire days/weeks/months with stuff you love to do, logically thinking your ideal mate is already there doing what your'd love to do....I reckon your looking for love, & not just a partner....Most peeps pick a partner first, & then spend a year or so finding out whether or not they love each other....So i wouldn't say your picky you just haven't found the one yet, as there is only the one one for you....I could be wrong & can stand to be corrected, but i see love as instant, you see something you love it, you can't explain why you just do....In the past iv'e fell in lust with a girl (thought it was love), iv'e fell in love with the idea of a relationship (thought it was love), iv'e also been desperate before, & had a girlfriend just for the sake of it....The thing i realised was that it was a complete waste of time for me & my ex's, & i was missing the opportunity to meet my soul mate....Love is very interesting as it is in the eye of the beholder, & what one person might consider beautiful another would consider ugly & vise versa....So what is the common denominator that determines whether or not 2 people fall in love?, i can't think of one....So love just happens in an instant, but you have to be there at the time to experience it with someone/something....I'm not sure how or if it works for everyone, but i say you can't "find" love, love has to find you....Now if that's the same for both parties (they both can't "find" love, love has to find them), how might you ask can love find them?....Well if a person we're only doing things they love to do, those things would be good things (by the definition of love)....You can't class doing bad things in this hypothesis, as a real person in control of their feelings/emotions wouldn't ever do bad things (an ego led person would, but not a real person)...So doing what we love would always be doing what's good for ourselves, & others....Maybe those people are rewarded with love by love itself, & maybe love finds them.

    • swilliams profile image

      Emunah La Paz 3 years ago from Arizona

      Thank you Susan! Understanding what love is seems to be the problem. It's always great to view your responses. :-)

    • Susan Recipes profile image

      Susan 3 years ago from India

      Well Love makes everything beautiful. Good share swilliams.

    • swilliams profile image

      Emunah La Paz 3 years ago from Arizona

      VERY WELL SAID. I agree that you can't look for a fit mate at Doughnut Shop. I love your statement "Don't expect to sit next to the moon unless (you) are a star!" That statement needs to be written on a T-shirt. You have a very good outlook on dating. D.S. We have Steve's 'Think Like A Man', Movies out there now we really need your feedback in movies, a box office success.

    • dashingscorpio profile image

      dashingscorpio 3 years ago

      Per John, "To be honest I am annoyed with the dating process."

      I find this to be the problem with most people who have a difficult time finding a mate. They HATE the dating process! They want to "fast forward" to exclusive relationship status or marriage. Oftentimes they're "self-centered" and do not have a genuine interest in getting to know other people. They've forgotten dating is suppose to be a FUN sociable activity. Your subconscious mind will never allow you to succeed at anything you despise.

      There are over 7 billion people on this planet! Lets face it most people are looking to (exclude) rather than (include) when it comes to finding a mate. Some say their mate has to be of their same race. Depending on what that is they may be eliminating 6 billion people sight unseen! The less options you allow for yourself the more difficult it will be to find a mate.

      Oftentimes people are seeking "perfection" or asking for the moon. I tell them, "Don't expect to sit next to the moon unless (you) are a star!" I then ask them to imagine being their "ideal mate" and looking back at themselves. "Would you want you?" There has to be a reason why you are not "attracting" the type of person you want to be with.

      Lastly each of us (chooses) our own friends, lovers, and spouse. This also includes who we say "yes" to go out on dates with. If you go to the store to purchase an apple but buy an onion instead whose fault is that? Do you curse the onion for not being an apple? No! You learn to become a better shopper!

      It's on you to have a screening process (before) agreeing to go out in the first place. Over the phone you can learn some things about a person (where they work, do they live with their mom, favorite cologne) or whatever else is "important" to you. Even companies conduct phone interviews before having face to face interviews.

      Another tip is create a profile for your ideal mate. Be as granular as you want. Would they live in the city or suburbs, shop at Macy's for clothes or Wal-Mart, attend charitable events, shop at large grocery store chain or health food stores, hobbies, occupation...etc The next step is (be there) You have to go where these type of people congregate if you are not running in their same circles. Check out to find groups of people in your area who have the same interest as you. There is a group for everything from wine tasting, yoga, meditation, hiking, dancing, professional single networking, writing...etc. Be proactive!

      You are responsible for your own happiness!

    • swilliams profile image

      Emunah La Paz 3 years ago from Arizona

      realtalk247 You are VERY FUNNY!!! And insightful thank for your insightful response. by the way I loved that episode of the 'Golden Girls' One of my favorite shows. Thanks for your helpful feedback it appears as if you have been there and done that, and you know how to meet someone halfway within reason. Thanks.

    • realtalk247 profile image

      realtalk247 3 years ago

      I love that movie Shallow Hal. I found it ironic that the character Hal was so judgmental regarding women when he was far from a 10 himself.

      Maggie's Dream List:

      1. Please don't be married.

      *I agree. Cheaters suck!

      2. Please don't have children.

      *As you get older you will have to understand that people have been married and/or had children. As we get older life happens. Now what you might consider is how many? Where those children from marriages/relationships or a night at the club? If you don't ever want children then you should not date men with children because not accepting their children is not accepting the man.

      3. Please don't smell like Old Spice.

      *suggest a new cologne.

      4. Please don't live with your mother.

      *I agree with that one. A man should be financially stable or working towards those goals. Broke is not sexy and comfort with "losing" in life is an issue.

      5. Please don't have your mother living with you.

      *see my response to #4

      6. Please don't bring your inhaler on the date.

      *Okay, maybe you are dating someone too young or too old.LOL. Not sexy.

      7. Please don't constantly text throughout the date.

      *AGREE. Texting and constantly staying plugged into your phone is a no no. If someone is texting I would sweetly ask: "Is everything okay?" "Should we get together another time so you can handle your emergencies?"

      8. Please don't be cheap.

      *Amen. Amen. You can be creative with dating but it's ridiculous. I keep thinking of that Golden Girls episode where Rose went out with someone else other than Miles because she was seduced by the thought of dinner and not indulging in senior dinner specials.

      9. Please don't talk about how bad your ex-girlfriend treats you.

      *Yes. Men should not feel comfortable enough to discuss past relationships with you as they should impress you. Be careful of being placed in the friend zone.

      10. Please don't ask me for money.

      *Unbelievable. Who does that? Pre-screening before dates is a critical situation. Determine their language, topics of conversation, perhaps career goals and you will weed out those that are living with their mothers (a bunch of roommates) and think broke is a viable career option.

      11. Please have a job.

      *Wow. Speechless.