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Why (I think) My Friend Deleted Me on Facebook

Updated on April 10, 2018
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Is this what the world is becoming? A place where being uncomfortable is too much of a challenge?

I went on Facebook today. Nothing unusual there. I decided to search for a female acquaintance of mine. I do this sometimes when I'm being nosy or looking for inspiration. On this occasion, the latter was my motivation.

This woman has recently started her own business and as I'm exploring the concept myself, I hit the search button. She's a bit younger than me and successful by societal standards; career, marriage and a small personal business. Despite this, by societal standards this woman is considered, 'unattractive'. She is overweight and often tries too hard. Her Facebook posts often reflect an insecure soul desperately pretending she's OK with who she is. You may know someone similar that immediately comes to mind. Anyway, I don't have a problem with this, the world is full of insecure people. What annoys me with her is the flavour of arrogance she uses to try and compensate for her insecurities. This personally hits a nerve as I can't stand falseness, niceties or 'showy-ness', hence why she always remained just an acquaintance. I kept her as a Facebook friend because despite her insecurities and arrogant style - this woman inspired me.

So imagine my horror when I found out that she had unfriended me. OK, I wasn't that horrified but still. I was like, oh, another one bites the dust. And why? My wild hypothesis behind this is as written below.

By societal standards I guess you could say I'm considered attractive, successful in my career and I'm recently married. My Facebook posts are full of satirical humour to make sure people stay friends with me. As a successful and 'attractive woman', I'm a threat to other women. I've often known that I've inspired other ladies, which for the most part, I've embraced and enjoyed. I have also enjoyed reaping inspiration from other women.

5 years ago I got divorced. It was very much my rock bottom as I went through a breakdown. I had a lot of friends then. People also seemed to like me better. I think some people genuinely loved the fact that someone, 'like me', wasn't perfect. I know this, because I've also relished that fact when I've discovered someone I look up to isn't perfect. How sad is it that?

So today, when I discovered that my female acquaintance had unfriended me, it stung a bit. Because being successful and happy, can be a really lonely business for women. For men, it's celebrated. For women, it's tolerated. For this very reason I've often had more male friends than female. Within the context of friendship, men aren't threatened by a successful and happy woman. I'm also aware that any men reading this will think I've got guy friends because I might be 'hot' to them and they just want to try and get with me. Which may be true, I'm not an idiot. But not all guys are that shallow and the ones who tried - we've often become great friends regardless.

It makes me sad that my finding happiness and getting married, provoked this kind of reaction. I kind of understand that it probably triggered something in her that makes her uncomfortable with herself. Is this what the world is becoming? A place where being uncomfortable is too much of a challenge?

It's so much easier to exclude than to deal with ourselves. But if anything, by writing this I'd like to encourage to not always succumb to what is easy. Say 'hey' to the woman who looks like she's got it all together, don't feel intimidated by her. She's probably lonelier than you think.

© 2018 Kitty Rochester

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    • HumblePie2 profile imageAUTHOR

      Kitty Rochester 

      3 months ago from London

      Hey DashingScorpio,

      Thank you for your views!

      I always knew writing this article could be perceived as provocative :)

      I think literature in general is well covered by the ‘ugly duckling’ that blossoms in to a swan. What I was attempting to shed light on here was the swans perspective and how each can suffer in different ways.

      To address a couple of your points;

      - I said, ‘according to *societal standards*’ she was considered ‘unattractive’ I.e overweight and arrogant. I did not say that I felt she was unattractive, merely arrogant and ‘false’ in how she presented herself.

      - Again, I said compared to *societal standards* I could be considered attractive.

      - I also stated her deleting me was very much my subjective, ‘wild hypothesis’.

      - I say some men *may* have befriended me based on my appearance alone. I am not tarring all men with the same brush here.

      It is hard to define standards of beauty given beauty is subjective. According to research, society measures attractiveness on factors such as weight, facial symmetry, education, economic status, height and so on. They were the barometers I used for comparison within the article.

      I’m surprised you chose to focus on what you perceived as narcissistic and ignored my very vulnerable statement about my divorce and subsequent breakdown.

      Regardless - I value your feedback, so thank you! :)

    • dashingscorpio profile image

      dashingscorpio 

      3 months ago

      I doubt you intended to come off as being narcissistic but some the things you said sound as if you are.

      “..this woman is considered, 'unattractive'. She is overweight and often tries too hard.”

      “..I guess you could say I'm considered attractive, successful in my career and I'm recently married.”

      “As a successful and 'attractive woman', I'm a threat to other women. I've often known that I've inspired other ladies, which for the most part, I've embraced and enjoyed.” “I'm also aware that any men reading this will think I've got guy friends because I might be 'hot' to them and they just want to try and get with me.”

      “It makes me sad that my finding happiness and getting married, provoked this kind of reaction. I kind of understand that it probably triggered something in her that makes her uncomfortable with herself.” REALLY???

      Essentially you sound as if this woman should have considered herself to be “lucky” to have had you as a Facebook friend. I suspect however she isn’t obsessing over you or writing anything about you. Almost everyone has “unfriended someone” at one time or another for a variety of reasons. Truth be told most of our “Facebook friends” are not “real friends” to begin with!

      Losing a "Facebook friend" doesn’t really change anyone's life.

      As for the old attractive women with guy friends it’s obvious if given a “chance” most of those guys would hop in the sack with you in a minute. Don’t believe me call any of them and say:

      “I’m feeling lonely and horny. Can you swing by?”

      See how many say: “Ew that’s gross! You’re like a sister to me!”

      The truth is many people see what they want to see and believe what they want to believe. Women invented the "friend zone".

      Having said that it is impossible to avoid the fact that there is no real "sisterhood" among women. They generally don't trust each other especially around their men. The critique each other's clothes, hair, nails, shoes, makeup, and clothing. As you noted nothing makes woman happier than spotting the imperfections of another woman.

      Some of the biggest selling trash newspapers are those who feature a female celebrity without makeup, stretch marks, cellulite. or belly fat.

      Women are constantly comparing themselves to other women!

      People Magazine sometimes finds two female celebrities wearing a similar outfit and will post their photo with the following caption:

      "Who wore it best?"

      You never hear about men looking for physical flaws in other men, being glued to the "Red Carpet" watching what entertainers wear as they stroll into an awards show... complementing and putting them down... It's as if "Mean Girls" or the "In Crowd" never ends even years after finishing high school.

      Women will be the first ones to put down other women for wearing provocative clothing as opposed to recognizing their individuality and freedom to dress as they please.

      Last but not least only (women) believe it's because they "intimidate" others that causes people not to want to associate with them. LOL!

      People want to be around those they (enjoy) spending time with!

      If someone is easy going, personable, has a genuine interest in others, and has a great sense of humor people will line up to be their friend.

      People can sense when someone thinks they're "better" than them. Boasting or always bringing the topic of discussion back onto them causes people to drift away.

      Narcissistic behavior turns people off.

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