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Why Divorced Men Remarry Faster Than Divorced Women

Updated on July 25, 2016

Why Divorced Men Remarry Quicker Than Divorced Women

Although disagreements are an integral part of a healthy marriage relationship, there are many life events where a dominating partner undermines his/her spouse’s happiness without giving a damn. Persistent misunderstandings lead to years of increasing stress, frustration, distrust, declining respect, ineffective communication, and disillusionments between couples. This debilitate tender marriage bonds between them leading to psychological separation and ultimately divorce. Divorce is a multi-years process that begins when one or both mates feel that they had chosen the wrong partner, for the wrong reason/s, at the wrong time.

You may wonder why a man who had been badly burnt in a divorce would want to people rush into a relationship so soon after leaving one, while divorced women take their time? There is no doubt that men and women are different. Myles Munroe wrote, “The male and female of human species are ‘wired differently’. They do not think, speak, or act the same way to the same stimuli. Men and women send, receive, and process information differently. Because they view the world through different mental and emotional ‘filters,’ men and women can look at the same thing and see completely different aspects. They can be exposed to the same information and draw totally dissimilar conclusions. They can examine the same data and yet be poles apart in how they interpret that data.”

When the former astronaut, Buzz Aldrin started dating a woman just months after his divorce from his wife of 23 years, Lois Driggs Cannon — his third wife, people were surprised. But he was not as quick as actor Mark-Paul Gosselaar. He proposed to ad executive Catriona McGinn in August, just three months after his divorce from Lisa Ann Russell was finalized. You’ll wonder why in the world he wanted to get into something he just got out of? But some men, obviously, don’t give a damn with blending families or even starting new families, which is surprising considering how many men complain and rightfully so about paying alimony and child support. So then why are so many men eager to remarry especially when second marriages have a 67 percent chance of divorce? Here are some of the reasons:

Too much sacrifice

One of the reasons why divorced women see marriage as unappealing is that the sacrifices they give while married are many, especially considering that some men may not be worth the sacrifices. Many divorced women want to rediscover and reinvent themselves, without having to take care of anyone other than themselves. In this modern world where the sexes are supposedly equal, women are still doing the majority of household chores and many don’t like this, so tension develops when domestic responsibilities are uneven. The wife is frantically running around after work, dragging in bags of groceries while the man sits around idle, reading newspaper, or watching sports in the TV, until his wife calls him to eat the dinner she has prepared.

Lack of respect by men

Some husbands are unresponsive to their wives’ needs. They are emotionally distance and underlying the behavior is because they have little respect for women. Among such men, there is still a strong prejudice that women are not as smart as men. As a result today some divorced women tend to prefer relationships where they see their dates on weekends. In this type of arrangement, she has no worries about the division of domestic chores, arguments over bills, contention over time spent with her girlfriends, thereby giving her a sense of freedom. The sense of empowerment can be most gratifying and not easily given up.

Married men are healthier

Some men just don’t want to be alone. Maybe it’s because marriage has its share of benefits for men — married men tend to be healthier and better off financially than unmarried men studies have revealed. They believe a healthy love and sex life can always be easier when married, and studies show that both of these can also improve men’s overall health. A remarried divorced man said, “I don't want to allow past pain and hurt to determine my future.”

Women are responsible for the kids

Divorce usually sends women into a world of confusion and vulnerability because women are emotional feelers. Ending a marriage is one of the hardest things a woman will ever do, especially if children are involved. Having kids makes remarriage challenging for men and women, but it’s worse for women. Since more divorced moms have custody of their children, it's harder for women to date and then remarry— but not divorced dads. More men aren’t too keen on marrying a woman with kids and creating an instant family.

Wide range of age choice

Of course, men have the option of dating/marrying women of varying ages. They can select women who are many years younger. It is socially acceptable. Buzz Aldrin’s new woman after divorcing his wife of 23 years was Michelle Sucillon, a former Borders event-marketing exec, who was 51 and Aldrin was 81. For some, the question was, what was he doing with someone 30 years his junior? The flip side for females is that they are generally handicapped because the men in their age category are dating younger women. Also, if they have children they might be less desirable to a man who is seeking marriage. He might be more inclined to find a younger woman with no children. Men typically find it a lot easier to attract a wider age range of women. Society still offers an older man far more latitude in seeking a significantly younger mate than women. It is still not considered socially acceptable for a woman to marry a man 20 years younger but perfectly acceptable for a man. Think Newt, Prince Charles, there are several examples.

Most men require a lot of care

A more cynical analysis might say that men are serviced by marriage, whereas women do most of the servicing. Most of the divorced men want someone to take care of all those domestic needs and also provide companionship. They want to be fed; they require copious dry cleaning; steady sex on demand. He doesn't want to have to go through all that rejection just to find steady sex. Deep down, most women feel that men on their own are in greater need of conjugal support in bringing up a family.

Women feel more hurt

Most women pour all their energy into marriage. When it is over, and haven’t yielded the result they’d wished for, they felt hollow and depleted. Divorce simply involves listing negative things about the other person in the hope of scoring cheap points with assassination of each other’s character. Divorcing couple will take each other’s weaknesses, expose them, magnify them, and ignite them. Some women never claw their way back to civilized relationship afterward. Sometimes, the couple marinated in a mutual hatred so intense to the extent it amounts to a personality disorder. Some degenerate to the level of sending abusive, vulgarity-laced text to each other. Whatever the reason for the divorce and whether or not they wanted it – the breakup of a long-term, committed relationship can turn their whole world upside down and trigger all sorts of mixed feelings to deal with; hunt, anger, remorse, betrayal, sadness, blame. A divorce or breakup is painful because it represents the loss, not just of the relationship, but also of shared dreams and commitments. Men care less. Most time they just move to another relationship.

Men are much more likely to get over a stressful and complicated break-up than women

Divorce itself has been shown to be harder on women, both financially and emotionally. Divorce involves expensive court cases, which cause couples to borrow from their parents, remortgage and even sell their houses in order to fight these cases. Disturbances in a partner’s mental make-up cause imbalance in the energy system, which triggers a sequence of physiological activities that culminates in ill-health or unhealthy body and mind condition. Thus, while many women would like to remarry, they are inclined to approach it more carefully – since the personal investment by women is much higher, they want the rewards to be commensurate.

Women seek for divorce most time

More middle-aged women seek divorce then men, — why walk back into the same situation they just escaped? Women will live with many flaws in their marriage before committing to the heart-rending deed of divorce. “No matter how much I gave or what I did, it wasn’t enough for him. I felt like a moron for the efforts I made to save our marriage. With all I did he still cheated with this other woman. I finally grew tired and sued for divorce.” There are many women who know their husbands are cheating still, they stock with the marriage. So when they go through with divorce, they are not in a hurry to remarry. They might feel there is less desirable pool of potential mates. It's not for lack of willing and available men. A divorced woman said, “Women don't remarry as often because we're not sure why we should, what's in it for us?”

Feeling of liberation

Women after a divorce are more likely than men to delay remarriage, sometimes delighting in their newfound freedom. Divorced women are prepared to wait or not get married at all because what is in it for them? More chores, baggage, needs, demands, complexity. “Having gone through a tricky divorce would be enough to put anyone off marriage for life. I'd rather stay single and free, independent and not married. The feeling of liberation is pure bliss. Being able to do whatever I want, whenever I want, in my own home. I don’t really want to give that up,” a divorce woman said.

Some women co-habit than Marry

It also seems to me that if they do hook up with guys in one of their categories, they often just move in together without marrying. A young woman who’s never married is probably more likely to want a wedding, and the guy may go along with it for that reason. When the divorce of middle-aged couple is final it’s likely that the woman is earning a reasonable income unless she made the decision to be a stay at home mom, which is whole other issue. Anyway, a successful woman in her 40's is not so much looking for financial support anymore but a man who is interesting, emotionally strong, and physically confident and with a substantive personality.

Men are hunters

Men are genetically wired to seek out someone new. Men were trained for hunting and combat. A man is expected to exhibit proclivity of aggressiveness, combativeness, as characteristics of his sex. A woman conversely, was expected to manifest feminine traits, to be more retiring. Approaching men for relationship was considered non-feminine. Consequently, until recently, most women conceded to this status in the progressive cultures of the world and waited to be approached by men. Women are a lot more cautious about remarrying once they have been divorced. Men, however, appear very keen post-divorce to find a new girlfriend and often that girlfriend wants the security of marriage and will push for it.

Men don’t have the sort of support women do post-divorce

Majority of the breakup resources available are for women and not men. Women, who tend to be more vocal about their emotional struggles, gets the support from friends, from online communities, from books, and from therapeutic approaches. Men usually don’t do that kind of networking. Women are more into making social arrangements than men. Women are encouraged to go on an emotional journey of self-care after a divorce, while men are expected to need help learning how to cook and parent on their own. In marriage men might find relief from domestic responsibility and daily living decisions, leaving domestic chores to their wives.

Conclusion

It might boost the success rate of second marriages if all newly single people would become more amenable to waiting longer. That hiatus should be used to discover reasons why the first or second (or more) marriage(s) failed. That means unearthing and understanding motivations and behavior. Once one develops insight into themselves, they are in a better position to find a satisfying relationship based on love, commonality of interests, communication, carefully planned blending of families or any other issues of importance in relationships. This is the path to being much more mature in a relationship and therefore better able to find contentment.

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