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Why Do Men Fear Alpha Females?

Updated on June 2, 2015

Let's face it, ladies. It takes a strong man to have a relationship with an alpha female. We refuse to be bullied and we demand to be respected. More than that, we know what we want and we are not afraid to ask for it. But is that the only reason some guys seem intimidated or even downright hostile toward alpha females? Let's look at some of the reasons a man might be intimidated by a strong, take-charge woman.

1. He feels insecure around a female who is not impressed with him.

Some guys rely on little more than looks and a few good lines to attract a lady. Alpha females are not impressed with this; we look for more permanent attributes. We want intelligence, humor, integrity, honesty, respect, responsibility, inner strength. We hold ourselves to these standards and we want that in a partner. You want to rock our world? Come at us with some intelligence and respect. If a guy relies on outer appearances and "game" to get a date, he probably does not do very well with the alpha ladies he runs into. And he may be a little bitter about that.

2. He doesn't understand the difference between a bitch and an alpha female.

This is a big one. There seems to be a lot of confusion about what an alpha female actually is. We are not high-maintenance, spoiled princesses. We are not domineering tyrants. We are not arrogant bitches. Alpha males and females are leaders, not dictators. We are grown adults who know exactly what we want, what we deserve and what we will accept. We expect our partner to be the same. Sometimes mean girls are labeled as alpha females, so let's clear that up right now: the true alpha female is only a "bitch" when she has to be. A bitch is a bitch all the time, for no other reason than because she's a bitch.

We are not high-maintenance, or any-maintenance. Alpha females can take care of themselves. We will not put up with being oppressed or disrespected. We don't want to be worshipped. We don't think we are better than other women - or men, and we certainly know we are not less. Because we are equal, we demand to be respected. Some guys don't understand that a woman who makes unreasonable demands is not an alpha female, and a woman who flat out refuses to put up with disrespect is not a bitch. A woman who demands respect from a man is being assertive because she knows her value - and if he doesn't, that's his loss.

3. He is uncomfortable with a woman who speaks her mind.

It's not a pleasant subject and it's not very common (thank God), but there is a subset of men who simply don't feel that women should be aggressive, assertive or opinionated. These guys feel that women should be soft-spoken, subserviant and should always defer to their man. Brash, vocal women with opinions intimidate and offend guys like this; a woman having any type of independence or strength is a huge threat to his own independence and strength. This guy likes to strut around as if he is an alpha but he is not; a true alpha of either gender is not threatened by the strength of others. The good news is, these guys are like the Volkswagon squareback: there just aren't very many of them around anymore.

4. He has a history of striking out with the ladies.

These are usually guys who have no game and no luck. They're bitter and angry because they feel that women - all women, but especially strong women - have unfairly rejected and ignored them. If we would only give them a chance, we'd see what we're missing. These guys demonize strong women but idolize them at the same time. They'd like to be with an alpha female but they lack the qualities to attract one so they blame us, insisting our standards are too high or that we are otherwise unfair. Alpha females intimidate guys like this, because they feel weak and ineffectual around a strong woman, so they make a lot of noise to cover it. These guys are often very hostile, referring to alpha females and women with self-worth as "ball-breakers" and "loudmouth bitches," as if there is something wrong with having an opinion or standing up for yourself.

5. His male ego is too fragile.

We've all met this type of guy at least once. He seems to seek out the alpha female and target her for harassment. He is usually exceptionally vicious in the things he says, as if he is trying to destroy her self-worth and bring her down a peg or two. These men seem to believe that the goal of all women everywhere is to subjugate and oppress men, and they view alpha females as the #1 threat to their manhood. Men like this often talk about how evil and manipulative women are, as if men are helpless idiots who cannot defend against such crafty, wily creatures.

This type of guy is actually afraid of women and he hides it by coming across as really, really angry. He fears that unless women are controlled and "kept in their place," we will dominate and subjugate men. He often tries to claim that women are inferior or otherwise less than men, but his basic argument proves this a lie: if women really were inferior, there would certainly be no need to fear we're going to dominate men. His fear proves that he actually believes the opposite of what he is claiming. He is threatened by all women but alpha females terrify him. The only thing that makes this type of guy feel like a man is to control and dominate others, and he cannot do that with an alpha female. We are not intimidated and we cannot be controlled. This is intolerable to them; it threatens their masculinity and to men like this, threatening their masculinity is tantamount to threatening their lives.

This kind of man often talks about being castrated or emasculated by women. He is apparently unable to understand that if someone can take away his sense of manhood just by being a person with a brain, it's not much manhood to begin with.

So what's the bottom line?

As we can see, there are a few reasons some men might be intimidated or even hostile toward alpha females. Perhaps the biggest reason we see repeated over and over here is a misunderstanding of what the alpha personality type actually is; it's not a giant ego and tyrannical dominance, or unreasonable demands that others must obey. Anyone of either gender who displays that type of behavior is not a true alpha, they are either insecure or narcissistic. The true alpha is neither. The true alpha female is a leader, not a tyrant. She is confident, independent, driven and real. There are some men who simply cannot accept a female with these attributes. That's OK, though. To each his own. The world would be boring if we were all the same! It only becomes a problem when people feel the need to attack that which they cannot accept or acquire.

Luckily, there are plenty of intelligent, honest and secure men with integrity who know what they want and what they want is a woman with those same attributes. They are not intimidated by a strong women with desires, goals, opinions, passions and standards; on the contrary, they love an alpha lady. And we alpha ladies love them.

This is a hot topic. Got an opinion? Let us know below!

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      Gadfly 10 months ago from Olde London Towne

      This is probably the hardest piece of soul searching i've had to face since i first experienced rejection by the opposite gender. Initially it was an intense feeling of self worthlessness but as i matured i did happen to interact with women at short intervals briefly. The worst of all was being dumped without warning, if the lady happened to say 'it is over between you and me, i'm giving you just one week to get lost' then that gave time for me to adjust.

    • profile image

      Gadfly 10 months ago from Olde London Towne

      After countless rejection from the opposite gender during my adolescent years i came to the conclusion in cold light of day that i had to face the facts! We never used the term 'alpha' to describe a type of person. Tough gal's were referred to as 'tomboys' whilst women with masculine traits were virago. Neither name was insulting. During my life journey i have been called docile, humble, delicate and 'not worth talking to' but the word that really hurt deep down was being called a coward.

    • SinDelle profile image
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      SinDelle 16 months ago from Macon, GA

      @dashingscorpio: Absolutely. The men I am talking about here are specific types of people, and to be honest, of course their real problem is not with women but with themselves. Not all men feel this way - by a long shot!

    • dashingscorpio profile image

      dashingscorpio 16 months ago

      I meant to say:

      A man would rather date a "hot looking restaurant hostess" (over) a "plain Jane" attorney. It's always been that way.

      The bottom line is men don't want to spend time with women who aren't happy or those don't seem to enjoy the man's company.

      In other words there's no chemistry!

      If a man isn't physically attracted to a woman he usually won't pursue her.

      Most guys aren't looking to women for financial security.

      A woman's personal/business accomplishments are "icing on the cake".

    • dashingscorpio profile image

      dashingscorpio 16 months ago

      "There are some men who simply cannot accept a female with these attributes." This could be said of any type of woman!

      Truth be told no matter who you are or what attributes you may have not everyone is going to be attracted to you or desire to be with you!

      Everyone gets rejected either directly or indirectly. Men tend to reject women indirectly (by not approaching them). Women reject men directly by saying "no" to any propositions or advances. Both types of rejections can hurt.

      I would imagine just as many men would rather not be around so called "needy" women, angry women, or loud and obnoxious....etc

      The key things to {attract men} are physical appearance, easy going personality, and a great sense of humor.

      A man would rather date a "hot looking restaurant hostess" or "plain Jane" attorney. It's always been that way.

      I've heard successful women state that the reason they don't have a man is because they "intimidate" men. And yet women like Oprah Winfrey (multi-billionaire), Meg Whitman CEO of Hewlett Packard (billionaire), and Mary Teresa Barra CEO of General Motors have men!

      Some people simply lack "social skills" or are not good at having casual conversations. The bottom line is men don't want to spend time with women who aren't happy or seem to enjoy their company.

      Having said that thankfully we live on a planet with over 7 Billion people!

      Odds are no matter who you are there are more than a few people who would see you as being an ideal mate for them.

      Instead of worrying about being a man's type the woman should be focused on finding a man who is (her) type. Be the "shopper".

      A true "Alpha" isn't passive. They know how to get what they want!

      The world may not owe you anything but (you) owe yourself the world!

      One man's opinion!:)