- Gender and Relationships»
- Romantic Intimacy
Why Do Couples Need Space in a Relationship?
Space in relationships creates something new and exciting in mostly routine relationships. Face it- you get up in the morning, eat, have little discussion and they take off for work for the next 8-10 hrs. You return, eat, have some discussion, do things important to you, maybe watch TV or a movie, then its bed. Maybe sex is on the agenda, maybe not, but then the routine begins again.
The personality of your mate is innate and their need for "space" was long determined ago when they were infants researchers found out. How your mate was parented as a baby\child determines many things. For instance, parents who are\were affectionate and nurturing to their kids, when the kids become adults, enjoy being with others AND being left alone. They have a "secure" attachment upbringing. They have no problems with being alone. If your mate was raised by parents who were inconsistent with emotions and nurturing (maybe they were working all the time), these people have an insecure and anxious attachment style. They CRAVE being close and fear abandonment. These people hate having "space" or being alone. If your mate had parents that rejected them when they kids, as adults they have the "avoidant" style. These people resist being too close and get uncomfortable with it because they fear they will be hurt. Thus, the avoidant style seeks those who are inviting and warm creating problems. The secure style can feel smothered by the insecure or avoidant styles.
So, when dating, it is important to find out the attachment style of the other party. Once you understand why they are they are asking for some "space", don't be offended or take it personal (most of the time).
I totally agree. I am of the secure type and I have had relationships where the woman was insecure and smothered me with attention until I couldn't stand it. Of course, when the couple are of the same types of styles, problems still happen, also. Two secure types might start feeling insecure if both want space at the same time. Two avoidant types might feel neither loves one another.
Space is fine as long as you come back to one another.