ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

Why Do Girls Always Go For the Bad Boys?

Updated on February 17, 2012

This subject came up in discussion on one of my hubs recently. I said I'd read alot of theories written about why women always fall for the bad boy. But none of them made sense to me. So I had to work my own theory.

What is it about the bad boy that attracts the girls?

It's projection. She sees in him something she has in herself.

It could be a part of her that she lost in the midst of growing up and taking on responsibility. It could be that she misses that rebel she once was or could have been.

He represents her spirit. Not the grand one - the one that guides her through her real life: her career, her child rearing, her better judgment. It's the other spirit. The one buried. The one that reflects her inner animal. 

When a woman goes after the bad boy, she's really going after herself. She lives out the cycle within the relationship, that she walks through in her mind in regard to her own life. 

At first, he is fun and wild. Carefree and dangerous. The attraction is intoxicating to act impulsively and without fear of repercussion. She spreads her wings and enjoys being rootless and ruthless.

And then, her real-self kicks in. 

She begins to try to change him. Just as she has changed herself as she has grown up. She wants him to settle down and be happy with just one woman. She wants him to stop taking chances and living in a risky way. She wants him to grow up. Just as she had to.

The exercise is futile but powerful. There sill be a great sense of validation in the taming, as it goes to prove that her own taming was inevitable and righteous. When she can conquer the badboy and win him over to her growth, than she is confirming her own.

Of course, the bad boy is not usually ready to surrender himself and change. She is left with feelings of frustration, and even failure. Eventually she asks herself why does she repeat this pattern.

Eventually, something happens, something inside of her changes. Maybe she begins to project the feelings of failure. Just as she sees in the bad boy her inner rebel, maybe she at some point begins to project onto him the failed relationship feelings as well. She begins to see, or project, that the bad boy is kinda lonely or played. She begins to realize bad boys don't bring her happiness and completion. She becomes aware that the things she wants in life don't include him.

This represents her meeting a new level of security in her world. Maybe she's realized she wants to be a mother and those protective mommy-instincts kick in and she thinks about the caliber and kind of person that would best be a father. Maybe she has begun climbing the corporate ladder or building her own business and has come to realize she appreciates focus and goals in others. Or she realizes that arrest records, dirty drug tests, coming in late or banging off work all add up to a life she doesn't want. Maybe it's that her heart matured and she now comprehends commitment and stamina.

This is esoterically metaphoric for her own relinquishment of her inner badness. Maturity comes in layers. First steps are taken gradually, then they are enhanced, strengthened. Even validated.

For a while it was hard to make mature choices. Or, at least, it was a conscious decision. And then she doesn't have to think about it anymore. Her goals are in focus, the life she wants is clear, and the steps she needs to take become second nature.

Many women have the inner bad-ass in them, that they chase, embrace, and have a love-hate with. But eventually, even thought they may wink at their bad-selves every now and again, they let go so they can hold on to something more substantial inside of themselves, and for themselves.

Some women take a little longer than others, and some never make it all the way there, to their own insides.

I wrote this in symbol and gesture as a measure to a means.

Comments

Submit a Comment

  • Miss Info profile image

    Miss Info 

    8 years ago from New York City

    interesting

  • Veronica profile imageAUTHOR

    Veronica 

    8 years ago from NY

    Thanks billY - and congrats to you and Jane xoxo

  • profile image

    getmyback 

    8 years ago

    I think men sometimes don't understand how much a woman enjoys a good challenge as well. Bad Boys offer the hint of that to come, keeping it interesting.

    Thank you for a great hub

    billY

  • Gerg profile image

    Gerg 

    8 years ago from California

    Just reflecting on this - I also wonder whether it feels like the bad boy is reflecting his true, gritty, authentic self, instead of the polished sheen of the "good boy", who manipulates, feels more fake-good and doesn't truly reveal his true nature.

  • Veronica profile imageAUTHOR

    Veronica 

    8 years ago from NY

    Happy Easter to you too, ladyjane1. It is always unfortunate when someone marries the wrong person and things end in pain for all involved.

  • ladyjane1 profile image

    ladyjane1 

    8 years ago from Texas

    Yes the bad boy syndrome and why it attracts girls so much. I definitely was attracted to bad boys and yes eventually tried to change them as you said. Unfortunately many women marry these bad boys thinking that they will change but most of the time nothing but pain comes out of the relationship for the woman and unfortunately kids if they are involved. Happy Easter.

  • profile image

    Iðunn 

    8 years ago

    haha, dagreek is totally right, the great sex is a lot of it. :o

  • Veronica profile imageAUTHOR

    Veronica 

    8 years ago from NY

    Thanks so much Iðunn. I worked on this one for a few days, trying to get the wording right.

  • profile image

    Iðunn 

    8 years ago

    Got to pull this part out:

    "At first, he is fun and wild. Carefree and dangerous. The attraction is intoxicating to act impulsively and without fear of repercussion. She spreads her wings and enjoys being rootless and ruthless.

    And then, her real-self kicks in."

    Just brilliant and so poetically written.

  • Veronica profile imageAUTHOR

    Veronica 

    8 years ago from NY

    Thanks Iðunn. You are the one that encouraged me to write this. So, double-thanks! xo

  • profile image

    Iðunn 

    8 years ago

    I totally love this. I just got in from coffee and saw it when I checked my comments. Someone who commented to me, commented to this and I came here first. :D

    I think it's a fantastic piece. I hope you're right, too.

    :)

  • Veronica profile imageAUTHOR

    Veronica 

    8 years ago from NY

    Thanks norah. Excellent point, self gratifying situations are certainly a magnifying glass on something going on much deeper inside of a person. So glad you decided to read me tonight. Thanks!

  • Norah Casey profile image

    Norah Casey 

    8 years ago from San Francisco Bay Area

    Ah, that is a solid argument. I'm sure that many individuals respond to others in a fashion that is almost entirely based on inner feelings rather than external conditions. This is probably more common in situations such as flings and dating 'bad boys,' which are almost entirely centered on self-gratification.

  • Veronica profile imageAUTHOR

    Veronica 

    8 years ago from NY

    Hi norah casey,

    I agree, but I still think it's part of their projection pattern. Not wanting to convert your bad boy means, not wanting to surrender your inner badness. And if the second part is true, that they feel without his badness he's not going to be interesting, then that's a direct reflection of how she feels about herself: She's afraid to let go of whatever "badness" she thinks she is, because she fears that's all she really is.

  • Norah Casey profile image

    Norah Casey 

    8 years ago from San Francisco Bay Area

    Hi Veronica, I really enjoyed your hub!

    I think many women, deep down, don't want to convert/save/help their bad boy. They know that once that happens, the man who is uncovered may not be very interesting after all.

  • De Greek profile image

    De Greek 

    8 years ago from UK

    As one of the original "bad boys" in my youth, with respect, the woman's dependence that youdescribe has to do a lot with great sex. Without this, no matter how "bad" a boy is, the woamn will not hang around. :-)

working

This website uses cookies

As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, hubpages.com uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: https://hubpages.com/privacy-policy#gdpr

Show Details
Necessary
HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the googleapis.com or gstatic.com domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
Features
Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
Marketing
Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
Statistics
Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)