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Why Do Relationships Become Complex

Updated on November 24, 2009

Relationships become complex in my mind simply because we make them so. They do not have to be. It would appear that the majority of us in our endeavour to attain something we desire only believe we have the best when we have had to struggle to get it.


We do not go out of our way to plan to complicate our relationships it is almost a natural response.  I believe if we follow 3 basic rules we are less likely to fall into this trap.


1. Check before you leap!  Before entering into a relationship try to find out as much as you can about the person you want to relate to. I am a firm believer in purposeful dating i.e. not dating someone just for the sake of it but dating with the desire for a long term meaningful relationship.


When you find out the key things that matter to you, it will help you to know from the outset what you are getting into.  Of course you can never be 100% sure the person is telling you the truth but usually there will be an inner conviction that will guide you.


The more you know at the beginning about the person the more it will help to make it less complex later on when you face the normal challenges relationships can enter into.  In short there should be fewer surprises!


2. Being real.  If you enter a relationship with an agenda other than being yourself you most definitely are going to make it complex.  How can you truly relate with someone you intend to have a meaningful relationship with and you are not yourself?  It does not make sense.


3.  Reading too much into the relationship.  Over the years of spending time counselling single men and women I have found relationships have become complicated because one or both parties in the relationship reads more into it than is desired.  For example women in the early stages of a relationship can be thinking about wedding bells and even planning a wedding and the man has not even expressed their love for them!

Playing psychologist and trying to second guess what your partner thinks or says also can add unwarranted tension to a relationship.  Such behaviour makes a relationship complex and it need not be so.

Life is too short to make it complex. Relationship should be fun; loving and enduring so keep them simple and uncomplicated.

Do people make a relationship complicated or are they naturally complicated.

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    • westpointfb20 profile image


      8 years ago from California

      very good points, thanks for the good read


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