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What Make Some College Educated Women Marry Men Beneath Their Educational and Economical Level?

Updated on December 27, 2012
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Grace loves to write commentaries on psycho-cultural and sociocultural dynamics in their myriad forms.


What Makes Some College Educated and Highly Successful Women Marry Beneath Their Educational and Economic Levels

Women, from the time of their childhoods, are instructed and taught by their parents, relatives, peers, and society to always date and/or marry someone with similar and/or higher educational, career, and socioeconomic levels. I adamantly and wholeheartedly agree with this premise. A successful college and/or post graduate educated, highly successful career woman should marry a man who has similar or higher educational, career, and socioeconomic levels.. Sociological and psychological studies show that the most compatible couples are the ones with similar and/or related educational, career, and socioeconomic backgrounds..

Couples with similar and/or related educational, career, and socioeconomic backgrounds have common goals. They often have similar and/or related interests, hobbies, and goals that they can relate to. College and/or post graduate educated and career oriented couples have a vast knowledge of intellectual and cultural arenas which means that they can easily have an intellectual discourse and participate in more upscale and cultural activities. Contrast this to "mixed couples" i.e. a college and/or post graduate educated and career oriented spouse who is married to a person with a high school education who has an ordinary and/or menial job. The mixed couple has little in common and they are unable to discuss a wide variety of subjects and/or engage in varied cultural, intellectual, and esoteric activities which would be beyond the understanding of the average high school graduate with an ordinary and/or menial job.

To elucidate, a college and/or a post graduate education means that a person who attended college and/or graduate school is exposed to various intellectual. philosophical, and esoteric arenas in life. A college and/or post graduate educated, career oriented person, on the whole, is more cosmopolitan and open minded than a person with a high school education. This means that oftentimes, the less educated spouse is not capable of indulging in complex intellectual discussions often viewing issues in a strict dichotomy without any in-depth reasoning. The less educated and less successful spouse view life in a very rudimentary and overly simplistic manner.

The less educated and less successful spouse feels threatened by the more educated and more successful spouse and seeks to undermine him/her by physical, emotional, mental, and/or verbal sabotage and/or abuse. The less educated and less successful spouse is often jealous of the educational and career achievements of the more educated spouse especially if the more educated spouse is female and the less educated spouse is male. Many less educated and less successful male spouses resent that their female spouses are more successful than they are because of their "male ego" .which dictate that they should be the more successful spouse.

For example, I knew a person who was a Registered Nurse with a double Bachelors Degree in Nursing and Psychology. With all her educational credentials and vast career options, she elected to marry a postal clerk who had a high school diploma, to be more exact a GED degree. I was nonplussed when I heard this. I became incensed, wondering what was wrong with her for she could do much better.

She always complained to me that his friends and associates were utterly clueless. The main highlight of her husband's and friends' lives was to hung out in bars and on street corners whereas she loved going to operas, travelling to other countries, and going to Broadway plays. Obviously, he was not her intellectual equal and often insisted that his way was the only correct way. She has since obtained Ph.D. Degrees in Psychology and Nursing, advancing to the position of Director of Nursing at a large New York Hospital while her husband is simply content being a postal clerk. He never made a concerted effort to advance his educational and career opportunities but is clearly envious of her educational and career attainments. She currently earns thrice the money he earns.

I had another friend who is currently a CEO of a large investment firm who is married to a construction worker. When she married him, she was a junior executive with an MBA on the fast track while he was a high school graduate. Again, she had nothing in common with her husband both educationally, career wise, and intellectually. For example, she is multilingual being able to converse in ten languages while he has only a very rudimentary knowledge of English(he was born in this country).

She likes going to operas and to Indian restaurants while he loves McDonalds and Kentucky Fried Chicken. She also likes to read books such as WAR AND PEACE and books specializing in philosophical discourses while he likes to read THE DAILY NEWS which is the extent of his reading. She subsequently achieved her D.B.A. degree in Business Logistics while her husband is so content being a high school graduate and a construction worker. He never.bothered to advance both his education and job status. He, too, is extremely envious of his wife's educational and career status.

Why you ask do some college and advanced degree educated, highly successful career women marry men who are less educated and have lower level jobs than they do? There are several answers to this. Some women frankly do not care what type of men they marry. Sad, but true. They believe in love without any regard to and/or thought of their prospective husband's educational and job status. Their assertion is that a "good man is a good man." A neighbor of mine, who is a Registered Nurse with a Bachelor's Degree in Nursing, had this premise when she married a maintenance worker with just a high school diploma.

Then there are some women who believe that they were dealt the "race and ethnic card." These type of women believe in staying within their particular race/ethnic group. These racially/ethnically conscious women believe that any man of their racial/ethnic grouping is good enough for them even if they are not highly educated and/or have careers. These women believe that these male crumbs are better than being without a man.

In some racial/ethnic groups, women are taught not to reach too high for they will be disappointed and that there are very few educated and successful men in their racial/ethnic group. As a result of this indoctrination, these women believe that they will marry any man regardless of his educational and job background who asks them. These women do not believe in being choosy much to their later detriment.

I believe that some college and post graduate degree educated and highly successful women marry less educated and less successful men because they have low self-esteem and believe that they are not worthy of getting a spouse on their educational and success levels. This is true of many racial and ethnic groups. There are other women who believe that there are not enough college and post graduated degree educated and highly successful men to go around.

Many college and post graduate educated and highly successful women from varied racial and ethnic backgrounds are indoctrinated to stay within their racial and/or ethnic ingroup and to date men from their racial and/or ethnic ingroup even if they are not highly educated and/or not highly successful. Such women are inculcated that ANY man, no matter how uneducated and nonprofessional he is, is infinitely better than no man at all. So as a result of this indoctrination, these women just settle for any man that comes along.

To conclude, college and/or post graduate educated, highly successful career women are not smart if they elect to marry men who are less educated and less successful than they are. Such a relationship is often quite troublesome from its inception. College and/or post graduate educated highly successful career women are exposed to things through their education that lesser educated men are not exposed to such as aspiring to higher goals, logical thinking, and openness to other lifestyles and cultures.

Lesser educated men usually have a narrower purview of life. On the bases of their education and worldview, they have a negative and distrustful view of education and knowledge. They are also content with things the way they are. College and/or graduate educated women who enter into a relationship with such men are only asking for trouble. She cannot have an intelligent and decent conversation with this type of man as his knowledge of intellectual subjects are more limited than hers. He can be threatened by her intellectual acumen because it is out of his league so to speak. Furthermore, no matter how hard the lesser educated man tries to achieve something, he will not outachieve his more educated mate. In essence, the sociocultural chasm is too wide between her and her lesser educated mate in terms of desires, goals, and interests. An intelligent woman wants a man she can look up to and a lesser educated man definitely does not fit that bill!


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    • profile image

      chris brown 

      3 years ago

      Really Grace? You must have had a bad experience with a man/men? You seem to be writing with a bias from a past experience.

    • profile image


      3 years ago

      Every grade, at every level of college, coutns.Never give up, or slow down, or stop working hard. NEVER.Whatever you do at community college absolutely COUNTS toward your four-year bachelors degree GPA. That's because what you do at community college will BECOME PART of the four-year bachelors degree.If you do a year at community college, then that coutns as your first (freshman) year of the four-year bachelors degree. Your grades during that first year, therefore, matter because they will be factored-in to your four-year bachelors GPA.If you do two years at community college even if you emerge therefrom with an Associate of Arts (AA) or an Associate of Science (AS) degree said degree will count as the first two (freshman and sophomore) years of the four-year bachelors degree and so, therefore, the grades you earned therein will COUNT.School is harder for some and easier for others. That's just the way it is in life. If you're the kind of person who has to work really hard in order to get decent grades, then so be it. That's, frankly, the way most people are. If it was easy for everyone, then the colleges/universities would make it even harder so that the average student would still be challenged.I'm sorry that you don't have much of a free life, but if that's what it takes to do well, then that's what you will have to do. It's only four years of your life. The only reason you think that's a reallly long time is because at this moment, four years is about 20% to 25% of the time you've been alive (assuming you're around 18 to 20). But when you're forty, four years is only 10% of how long you'll have been alive and at that point in your life, you'll believe you could do four years standing on one foot.Relax. Life, for you, at this point in it, is long. Four years, believe it or not, is short. It's nothing. There'll be PLENTY of time for having a better life after you're done.Buckle down. Study hard. This, too, shall pass.Hope that helps.

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      4 years ago

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    • profile image


      5 years ago

      I agree this article generalizes way too much, and in my opinion has a snobbish air.

      Just because someone went to college does not mean they will be the definition of intelligence and culture, and making good money. Likewise a high school graduate with some real life skill and business sense, could build a successful business, etc etc.

      Some of the stereotypes in this article may have some truth, however I've seen it the other way around just as much. This is coming from someone with a post secondary education.

      That article just came off as a bit too snobbish to me.

    • frantisek78 profile image


      5 years ago

      Claiming that college educated people are intellectually, culturally or "esoterically" superior to those with no college education is a gross generalization. Especially now, when a BA has become the new HS degree. Many people with college educations are no smarter than those without. Especially as college educations are basically bought and not earned. Colleges have become big businesses, where flunking out students would mean they lose money, thus it is in the interest of colleges to keep students on board no matter how stupid they are. Take out a loan, keep paying the colleges, and u get a degree, whether you deserve it or not.

      You are also confusing having a college degree with having financial success. This may have been true decades ago, but not lately. Swimming in student debt is not being financially successful. There is a very good chance that an "uneducated" construction worker husband is keeping his "highly educated and 'War and Peace' reading" wife from drowning in her college debt.

      Just because someone went to college does not mean they are more open to other ideas and cultures. This all depends of individuals and their personalities.

      The generalizations in this article seem to suggest that people should "stick to their own kind", which in itself is not an idea suggesting openness and understanding of other people and their circumstances and individual qualities.

    • profile image


      5 years ago

      Everything is a case-by-case basis. So please, never, ever, generalize.

    • StephenCowry profile image


      6 years ago

      Sometimes children don't follow what their parents told them prior to getting a relationship. Well, I guess, education is set aside from love that people are feeling towards one another. Whether his or she is a college graduate or not I think it would not matter these days. It is not that which connects to one another, it is the feeling felt from within that's being followed.

    • profile image


      6 years ago

      I actually have no idea how I came across this article, however I figured I would give my opinion. I have worked as a counselor and adjunct professor for almost a decade, have my JD and an MA in Counseling Psyc as well as my LPC. My wife is from an economically disadvantaged rural background and did not graduate high school.

      I personally find your argument that couples are incompatible due to a of difference of backgrounds, educational achievement, or social status. I realize that some examples have been given in this article of specific individuals who are not happy because of these differences, however I believe that these might be examples where correlation does not prove causation.

      In one example the wife liked to "engage in varied cultural, intellectual, and esoteric activities which would be beyond the understanding of the average high school graduate with an ordinary and/or menial job." Wow what a bore. The group of folks I normally hang out with does not include a single person who enjoys cultural, intellectual, and esoteric activities; and most of us are either college professors or married to a professor.

      I am actually wondering if instead of class/educational differences, maybe your friends are experiencing male/ female differences. The best example I saw in this article was "The main highlight of her husband's and friends' lives was to hung out in bars and on street corners whereas she loved going to operas, travelling to other countries, and going to Broadway plays."

      I personally do not hang out on street corners: however I love going to bars and playing darts, often go fishing, and watching my son play baseball. As for opera, travelling, and plays? These activities really hold little interest to me, unless the traveling was to an amusement park or some other kid friendly destination.

      What is strange is that my wife on the other hand, without even a high school degree is a HUGE fan of opera, a participant and supporter of community theater, and reads voraciously (though her tastes are more to the political thriller and hard boiled crime fiction than intellectual pursuits.)

      I guess what I am trying to say is if a friend of yours decides to date a person with a lesser economic or educational background, maybe give them the benefit of the doubt. I have had the pleasure of counseling many different couples from all walks of life, and in my opinion the thing that makes a marriage work is employing compromise and understanding differences.

    • profile image


      6 years ago

      "To conclude, college and/or post graduate educated, highly career women are not smart..."

      ... Really?

    • profile image


      7 years ago

      Smart, educated women should marry someone whom they feel a connection with, regardless of their education. Education usually exposes one to different horizons, ways of thinking, opportunities and social circles. Usually it is easier to relate to someone of similar background and education. The most important thing is to feel you can relate and live happily together. Do not every marry someone whom you do have respect for. Or marry then regret it when someone better comes along.


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