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Why Do Women Continue to Choose Losers?

Updated on February 25, 2011

The Same Old Trap

We are constantly bombarded on a daily basis with the romanticized images of "the bad boy" with leather pants, chains, and tattoos up and down his forearms, sometimes even covering his neck (now that is real commitment). Our daughters are told by the media that intellectuals are sissies and that reading books is tantamount to being gay. This has been explored in such ridiculously retarded movies as "Idiocracy" whose sole redeeming virtue is its theme. And it is true that society in America celebrates the mediocre and the violent lest it become bored and have to do something like, God Forbid, read a book. It is no wonder then that young girls are drawn to violent types from an early age. They see these cigarette wielding assholes as somehow better than the quiet boy next door who wants to be her friend.

These bullies and braggarts watch TV also and they are many times self-manufactured, spending lots of time perfecting their sneers and scowls in front of the mirror. They preen and prance and admire themselves and live on the conceit that they are better than everyone else and therefore the rules do not apply to them. In mild cases they are just the tough guys, the bullies in school and although I do not downplay their destructiveness to the psyches of those they torment, these guys are more easily dealt with. The problem is that a lot of them graduate (not always actual school graduation) to become full fledged violent adult moron assholes who beat and torture women.

Which brings me to an even more important point and one that we need to put forward as a society. The words Domestic Violence or Domestic Abuse are too tame. Let's call it what it really is "Torture of Innocent People". When a woman cringes in fear every time her husband crashes home in the middle of the night drunk and when she gets beaten or raped that is not Domestic Violence, that is Torture.

Torture is defined as the "Prolonged physical violence towards a restrained victim". This sounds too neat. How about forty years straight of a poor woman watching as her husband beats and humiliates her and her children on a daily, if not hourly, basis and she feels the entire time that there is absolutely nothing that she can do about it.

She feels helpless and even though her co-workers and friends say they will support her and that she should get help and call the police even, she does not. The friends and neighbors and co-workers then have the gall to judge this woman, saying that she is just too timid to stand up to the Asshole. It becomes her fault. In some ways they are right. By not reporting the abuse the victim perpetuates the violence. But fear is a powerful emotion and it can paralyze a person, especially one that has been systematically beaten down for years and years.

Because Domestic Violence is a process. It does not happen in one day. It takes months and years and sometimes entire lifetimes. Imagine the despair of being trapped in one of these relationships and you will then feel an inkling of the pain and desperation that these abused women go through. In this tome I will talk only about women, though there are many cases of men being abused by stronger and stronger willed women. In 99 percent of the cases it is a testosterone filled man who is doing the beating and cursing and drinking and fighting and killing and raping.

And it should come as no surprise that men do these things. It is what the television programs tell us that men should do and actually MUST do in order to be real men. A real man slashes and burns his way through life wielding a huge machete in one hand and a Glock in the other. A real man has a fallen curvy female at his feet that he is supposedly defending from evil doers. These are the images that we foster and celebrate in America.

When men who read are shown they are portrayed as weak and snivelling or many times as the "Evil Genius". That genius should be evil is a very funny notion. Most genius gives us the wonderful things in life that we come to take for granted. The very same television technology that brings us high-definition was invented and perfected by these brainy nerd types who, of course, are uncool. Women are programmed not to go for the intellectual but for the bad boy who naturally gets bad grades.

The bad boy then fails school, drops out, and spends a lifetime working a menial physical labor job that he hates. This makes him surly and frustrated but he does not know why and wants to believe that he is working a true Blue Collar job and being a REAL MAN. Real men don't work behind desks. Real men get their hands dirty. Real men drink with their buddies in the evenings. Real men come home and beat the crap out of their wives and kids.

This is what we are teaching our kids. Wake up America and smell the Nicarguan coffee you are brewing. Pretty soon we will be a country full of morons and wife beaters. Oops, too late. Take a look around. We have arrived at the Idiocracy we ourselves have helped to manufacture.

I don't know what good it will do but I will continue to shout at the top of my lungs: "Woman, you need to start loving and respecting yourself. You need to DUMP THE ASSHOLE!" That's right, I said it, and I will continue to say it, shout it, scream it, write it. Too long have men like myself, REAL men, men who read actual books and can write a meaningful sentence or two, too long have we remained silent while the wonderful women around us are being tortured by brainless, cowardly pricks!

If you are one of the millions of women who feel that they are trapped in this type of situation please run to the nearest police station and talk to one of their abuse prevention officers. This is not the 1950s and police techniques have changed dramatically over the last ten to twenty years. Most major police departments have in-house experts and whole sections devoted to family and spousal abuse and prevention. There is real help out there for you and you do not have to take it any longer. You will be protected and you and your children will have a much better chance of living normal lives, lives without the daily threat of pain, humiliation, and torture.

Stop choosing the loser. Choose yourself and you will be the big winner.


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    • bludstream profile image

      bludstream 7 years ago

      GammaGee I am overjoyed to hear about your emancipation! You have freed yourself, and also your family. Because it is not only the victim but the people who depend on them that are affected. Many times these are the children who are caught in the crossfire. Sometimes they are traumatized for life but always they are hardened somehow and lose a bit of their innocence.

      I will continue to post these Hubs and I will continue to fight ignorance and the "dumbing down" of America. The smarter we are as a country the less abuse there will be. You don't hear about too many English Lit Majors beating on their wives.

    • GammaGee profile image

      GammaGee 7 years ago from Caldwell ID

      I am a recent single mom. Was married 15 years and went through all the different abuses but of course not smart enough to move on. He called our marriage quits in early September and since my boys and I have been out on our own we have done wonderful. It is also nice to have a calmness to our home even though my little one takes up some extra time with having special needs. Women do stay longer in a relationship that there is verbal, mental or physical abuse. I know I was one of them. I got into a marriage that should of never took place. Now, I am climbing to be me again. The me I forgot who I was.

    • profile image

      bludstream 7 years ago

      It's one thing to need changing (kind of like a baby lol) but quite another to be physically and emotionally abusive to women or to anyone who is perhaps weaker physically. Though to tell the truth I have seen tiny senior citizens who can command anyone's respect with just an acidic word or two or a withering glance. It's not necessarily the size disparity between victim and abuser, but the emotional disparity. The victim has a deep need to be loved, and a wider, more naïve sense of hope, the hope that the other person will someday change. The abuser exploits that hope and always, even and especially AFTER the abuse occurs, demands attention. "I promise I will change. This time it's for real." Does that phrase ring any alarm bells out there?

    • Gyspy Writer profile image

      Gyspy Writer 7 years ago from Midwest

      Maybe women are attracted to losers because they believe they can change them. I doubt they can. Some men, though, really really need changing. lol. But then, so do some women.

    • bludstream profile image

      bludstream 7 years ago

      May the gorgeous ladies of hubpages flock to your door EP

    • epigramman profile image

      epigramman 7 years ago

      ....well then I'm still on the market and available ......

    • bludstream profile image

      bludstream 7 years ago

      There is something wrong fg but it's not so much with the women, or girls, but with society as a whole that paints the dreamy image of the lovable loser, the a-hole with the heart of gold. Unfortunately, most assholes are just pricks, with little in the way of brains. As long as stupid shows like the Big Bang Theory keep painting ridiculous characters out of ordinary, hard-working, sensitive men, then gullible little girls will believe that they should bond with the apelike alpha male. Little do they know that this will practically guarantee a life of poverty, frustration, addiction, self-loathing, and abandonment.

    • profile image

      femguy 7 years ago

      The thing I don't understand is most women who leave their husbands, leave the nice guys. Most of the women married to jerks tend to stay and continue to be abused. The women who leave the good guys usually regret their actions after finding out the grass is not greener on the other side of the fence. Is there something wrong with men or are women at fault for not knowing what's best for them as they continue to search for some romanticized fictional character who most resembles the jerk on his good days.

    • bludstream profile image

      bludstream 7 years ago

      Thank you Chica, your comments are most appreciated.

    • Chaotic Chica profile image

      Chaotic Chica 7 years ago

      {Standing Ovation} Bravo!! Very, very good hub, sir. I thank you for taking the stand and spreading the word. In an attempt to shed a little bit of light, women are taught that the bad boy is the one who can protect her, that the brainies are too physically weak to defend her which makes them the worse choice. There was a study done that suggested this was more of a base, animal instinct stemming from caveman days when protection was paramount. In today's world, though, all that excess testosterone is mostly unneccesary and leads to large tempers with short fuses. As a woman who has been there, I took a look at that study and saw how it made sense. I didn't always go for the abusive loser, there was a definative event that changed me and pointed me down that path, but thankfully I was able to wise up and get out. It's people like you who spoke out that helped me to realize that I really could get out. So, from the bottom of my heart, thank you.