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Why Do Women Settle for Far Less Than They Are Worth?

Updated on December 3, 2012

Women and Relationships

Why did I settle? Why did I waste my time, my money, and love? Why did I get involved with that married man? Why did I sacrifice my soul for a piece of 'head' which I confused for love? Why did I disrespect my own body? Why did I keep that rape a secret? Why did I stay in an unhealthy relationship for years? Why did I take him back after he hit me the first time? Why, Why, Oh God Why?

The primary need that most women seek is love. But what does love to a woman truly mean? Like Tina Turner said "What's Love Got to Do With It?"

Love to most women means to feel cared for, to be nurtured, to be kissed, caressed, make love to her body, mind and other intimate parts, to respect her, to make her feel special, to listen to her words, to make her smile, wine and dine her sometimes, to adore her, to spend quality time, to commit to her, to stay loyal and possibly marry her.

Love is a need for woman. It’s a must. A woman just can’t survive mentally without it. It can be so strong to a woman that she will die a slow mental death without it.

"Love can be so strong for a woman that she will die a slow mental death without it."

Women are so Mental

Over time if a woman isn't careful in her relationships with men, she can begin to settle for what she really doesn’t want just to get a taste of love if or when she feel it’s lacking in her life. If she’s really not careful, then she will begin to settle and accept friends with benefits or a night cap, when what she really wants is no sex at all just yet, but just to cuddle and have someone hold her and want to spend time with her or maybe she wants a relationship but the man doesn’t. The biggest thing with the latter, is that she never told him upfront that she wanted a relationship. She went along with whatever at the beginning and figured she’d try to change him or the situation later. This is totally not effective.

Why would a woman go along with a one night stand or have sex too early with a man if that’s not what she really wants?

It’s like this: Most men want to have sex as early as they can get it. It’s up to the woman to say no, not now and wait until she's ready. Many men are very good at making a woman feel so good and feel so loved in the moment, that she wants to give him whatever he wants just to continue that 'feel good' moment. What she doesn't realize is that men usually attach absolutely no emotions to sex. So having sex to him is like eating his favorite desert or food. He really enjoyed it in the moment, but that's about it. Too many women attach emotions with sex. There's nothing at all wrong with that, but this is the very reason why a woman should prolong the urge to have sex with a man they hardly know.

For a women, having sex can be likened to being involved in catering her favorite dish for a special occasion. That moment is the start of something special. She hopes and believes this is the first chapter of many more special and intimate moments to come.

"BEFORE SEX women have the type of power that makes a man want to do almost anything for her, and long for her so badly. AFTER SEX men have the type of power that makes a woman go out of her way to give him whatever he wants just to keep the feeling of love alive."

The Settling Process

When a woman begins to settle, she will begin to accept the calls after midnight, when she really wants to meet for breakfast, lunch or dinner or have long walks in the park and talk. She will begin to accept being called a bitch, slut, hoe or rat, when she really wants to be called honey, sweetheart or baby and shown courtesy and respect. She will begin to accept being slapped and punched, when she really wants to be made love to, kissed and caressed.

Is it really his fault when men begin to behave in ways that women don't like? He did it, you accepted it, he did it again, and you continued to accept it. You didn’t leave. Maybe you did, but you came back one, two, or three more times. You didn’t tell him what you wanted from jump street. And if you did, did you tell him if he didn’t oblige you’d leave? When he didn't comply, you never left.

You didn’t mention your standards, and if you did, did you live up to them? You didn’t set your boundaries. Oh yeah you complained but you took it and continued to allow the disrespect to settle like dust, because it became a habit for you and therefore for him as well. Because he realized he could push you further and further and you’d stay and you'd try even harder to please him.

This settling to the point of a slow mental death can originally begin happening if a woman’s priorities are heavily relied on a man. She may start to think that she can only be truly happy if she gets this love solely from a man.

Men on the other hand view love a bit differently. Love to a man first and foremost is respect from a woman, but love for many women first and foremost is relationship based or a man’s devotion and sincere care for her.

Women want to receive this type of love, primarily because this is the type of love they give in return. This is the type of love their souls are made up of, so it’s only natural for them to want this deep type of love in return, but this is not how a man loves. You need to understand this concept. If many women only knew, they could also get this love from their children, friends, and family and most importantly they must without a shadow of a doubt give this love to themselves first and foremost.

Please understand, most men are really good and decent, and have good intentions. Alot of the disagreements are misunderstandings at their best, due to the difference of communication between men and women, but there are a few you have to weed out and be on guard of.

I believe what has changed for women let’s say from the 20th into the 21st century is not only a woman’s ability for more independence and her realization that she can possibly be an equal to a man in the work place, but that she forgot how to receive. She forgot how to receive all the things about love that she actually craves and yearns for in the first place. She was too busy trying to be equal to a man, that she lost sight of how beautiful and sexy and empowering it is to just be a woman. You can’t be a man and expect a man to want you. He’s physically, sexually, and spiritually attracted to a woman. Don’t pursue or chase men. A real man will be more than happy to pursue you. He actually prefers it.

Don’t settle for crumbs when you can have the entire feast. Don’t settle for a few drops of water, when you can have a fountain of water. Don’t settle for a man who you may be comfortable with, and has limited selfish time, or a man who knows he can call you whenever he so desires. Don't be that woman who'll hop in her car and run to him at a drop of a dime when it's convenient to him. Don’t settle for being treated like crap when deep down you know you don’t like it or deserve it. You devalue your worth when you allow a man to treat you anything less than the beauty that you are.

The real secret is, If you want a man to love you, and I mean truly love you, then love yourself exactly how you want to be loved, and you will be showing him exactly how he needs to treat you, and you don’t ever have to worry about settling for far less than you deserve. Why does this work? Because it’s going back to what was stated earlier: Love to a man is respect. When you respect him, he feels loved. So if you as a woman can’t even respect yourself and you constantly say yes when you really mean no, then why should he respect you? You show a man how to treat you, by how you treat yourself. Don’t settle for less than. You don’t have to. It’s in your best interest and happiness not to.


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    • tinisha12 profile imageAUTHOR


      5 years ago from Denver, Colorado

      Thank you Donald for your comments on this, I'm sure so many will appreciate your words of wisdom. I know I have. Food for thought for sure.

    • profile image

      Donald E. Graham Jr. 

      5 years ago

      I've been preaching and teaching on this for a while now. I think the enemy has flipped the script on men and women regarding the state of "being lonely" and going through a "season of being alone". Brothers are settling for anything nowadays just to satisfy their urge to "get some" and sisters are lowering their standards for the sake of having companionship. I tell women all the time that they should be able to define their own self-worth before getting into a relationship.

      In fact, I think before any woman decides to date she must first ask God to make His will plain to her regarding companionship. Is this the right season? Is she at a place in her life where she can be courted by a man without compromising her integrity or giving up the goods? It is important for a woman to make sure she hears from God and not her flesh when it comes to a man. God is not anxious or concerned about you finding someone simply because you are lonely. In fact, if the only thing a man and woman agree on is the fact that they both are lonely…they are in for a rude awakening!

      There is a difference between having a good idea (which is birthed out of our own human reasoning) and a vision (which is birthed out of the spirit). There are single women out there who are in love with the idea of being married but they have yet to receive a God inspired “vision” of what marriage looks like. Without a vision you will not be able to discern between the provision (your choice) and the promise (God’s Best). Men must realize that Hips, Eyes, and Thighs are not the criteria for choosing a wife and women need to understand that Tall, Dark and Handsome does not mean he is marriage material.

      Sorry for being so long-winded but this is a subject that resonates with me. I pray this blesses someone out there. God Bless You!

    • tinisha12 profile imageAUTHOR


      5 years ago from Denver, Colorado

      Thank you so much for sharing. I agree with a lot of what you said and Im so glad to hear a man's opinion on the topic :)

    • dashingscorpio profile image


      5 years ago

      Actually people settle for what (they) believe they are worth. It's important to remember each of us chooses our own friends, lovers, and spouse. I think too often we see people trying to lay the blame on others for a decision they made.

      You make a valid point in what you say about the biggest change over the last century is women have sought to be equal to men in every way including the right to go out and get laid, have booty calls, or friends with benefits arrangements. That's not a problem in and of itself if a person is doing something because that is all they really want. However if they're unhappy then they have to change their behavior. Instead of trying to (control) a man it make more sense for the woman to control which (type) of man she dates. If you have to teach/show a man how to treat you with respect then he is the wrong man for you. Thankfully there are over 7 billion people on this planet! No one is "stuck" with anyone. If we want something different we have to do something different. Voted your hub up and useful. One man's opinion! :-)


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