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Why Does Love Hurt So Bad?

Updated on May 24, 2017

She Chose to Walk Away

I remember her kiss, the taste of her lips.
I remember the warmth of her embrace.
I remember her words of encouragement, and comfort.
I remember her.

The day we broke up that all came to an end. There would be no more kisses, no more late night video chats, or phone calls. Her presence in my life that was once so radiant and powerful would become dull, and vague. Somehow for us, returning to friends means distance, space, and the disappearance of her touch. It seems almost empty. Compared to our passionate, all encompassing love, breaking up was staggering.

I wanted her, I didn’t want her. I wanted to hurt her like she hurt me.

Alas, I realized, love is more than what we perceive it to be. Falling in love allows us to grow through relationships with our partners. It doesn’t have to be everlasting. Even short passionate encounters can fill us with happiness, and help us to learn about ourselves.
The mistake we make is trying to hold onto those we love when they want to leave.

Not every person is meant to be in your life forever.
Not ever relationship is meant to last.

But we learn a great deal through this encounter with the other. We learn how to lose ourselves in a sense of bliss and acceptance, and join with someone else. We learn that’s alright to lower our walls, and let someone climb over them, and embrace our complexities.
We see ourselves in our lover’s actions. Soon, it’s like we move as one.
When it ends, it can be an abrupt separation that jars the senses for some. For others, it may be a chance to learn what they may improve about their selves.We can be sad, we can cry, we can throw fits.

But eventually we reach a place where we are ready to accept that which we cannot change and move on. When that occurs, we realize that a broken heart isn’t the end of everything, but the beginning. In order to fill the gap of that which was lost, we search for who we are. We can take up activities, and busy ourselves with personal growth.
If you’ve always wanted to travel, you can travel.
If you desire to start boxing, you can start whenever you’d like.

You realize that while love has been dominant in your life for so long, it isn’t everything.
When love fades, you exist. You are free to explore the world, make new connections. You don’t have to be with your lover 24/7 to be happy, you just have to enjoy being in this world as you. And realize that you are your greatest treasure. You pick yourself up when you fall before great obstacles. You battle waves of depression. And you desire to prove you worth.
A lover makes it easier to face tough times, but you’re perfectly capable of facing each and every challenge on your own. Once you realize that, you are truly free to embrace the world on your own.

I’m not saying you should be alone forever, but if you’re in a situation where you’re about to lose your lover or partner, don’t fear it. Because you are strong, you are powerful, and you can do anything with a focused mind.


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    • Aristotle Junior profile imageAUTHOR

      Aristotle Wilson 

      18 months ago from Vancouver

      Also, why can't love hurt? Who said it was such pure emotion that only caused happinness? Don't you think there may be complexities to everthing we experience?

    • Aristotle Junior profile imageAUTHOR

      Aristotle Wilson 

      18 months ago from Vancouver

      I don't believe in mistakes, as I believe everything happens for a reason. There are situations we are meant to encounter and learn from, thus it's not a mistake. It is life.

      Even when you pick the wrong answer on a test, it is not mistake, as you willingly chose that answer whether you were aware of it or not.

    • dashingscorpio profile image


      18 months ago

      A failed relationship whether one calls it a mistake or not is the result of two people getting together and ultimately deciding they are not "right" for one another.

      Anytime we "unintentionally" get something wrong it's a mistake. Anytime you don't accomplish a goal it's a failure of sorts.

      Sure you can experience a "moral victory" and rejoice in having some "good times together" but if you wanted more and didn't get it that's what causes the "hurt". It's the unfulfilled dream.

      You said: "At the time you fell in love, it was great."

      This proves my point that "love" itself didn't cause the pain.

      A one sided love only hurts the person who isn't loved in return. It's not that the "love" hurt them; but rather it's the "lack of love" in return that they (did not get) that hurts them!

      No one can "love enough" for two!

      "Never love anyone who treats you like you're ordinary."

      - Oscar Wilde

      Lastly anyone who blames "others" be it family/friends or "religion" for their breakup clearly was not "independent".

      Life is a (personal) journey!

      Each of us gets to (choose) our own friends, lovers, and spouse.

      If (both people) truly want to be together they will find a way.

      Nevertheless (one person) cannot hold a relationship together.

    • Aristotle Junior profile imageAUTHOR

      Aristotle Wilson 

      18 months ago from Vancouver

      Ah, I disagree, love is not as pure as you beleive, it can hurt.

      And here's why:

      Love can be one sided.

      Love is an emotion that is perceived by the feeler.

      There for, you can feel love for someone you can not be with, and be hurt with.

      Also, the thing with soulmates- is the romance can be so passionate and intense, but even soulmates can be turn apart by famiy and religious expeirence.

      There a multiples factors that explain whether a relationship works a not.

      Chosing the wrong make is not a mistake, because you loved them once and they loves you, or so you both thought. It just wasn't meant to be. At the time you fell in love, it was great.

      But not everyone is meant to be together forever. Do I make sense?

    • dashingscorpio profile image


      18 months ago

      If it hurts it's not love.

      Rejection is not love.

      Choosing the "wrong mate" is a mistake.

      A breakup or divorce is nothing more than a public admission that a (mistake) was made in the mate selection process in the eyes of one or both people. Someone decided they would be happier or better off without their current mate in their life.

      When it comes to love and relationships most of us (fail our way) to success. Rarely does anyone step up to the plate and hit a homerun their first, second, or third time up at bat. If this were not true we'd all be married to our high school sweethearts!

      Keep things in perspective!

      In order for your (ex) to have been "the one" she/he would have had to see (you) as being "the one". At the very least a "soul-mate" is someone who actually WANTS to be with you!

      Thankfully there are over (7 Billion) other people on the planet!

      Your future lies ahead of you and not behind you.

      Every ending is a new beginning!


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