Why Girls Love Clumsy Guys
If "this" happens to you on a date
How you being clumsy affects girls
So, you have tried everything
right, guys? To get girls to notice you and date you more than once? Sure you have. You are a guy, after all. And we guys are not sensible enough to just use our primal disadvantages to attract the pretty females, no, we had rather spend thousands of bucks on expensive clothes, cars, shoes and meals. Oh yeah, these things work all of the time for every guy alive. (Can you see me look sarcastic?)
And after all of this spending of bucks, time, and energies, we get it. We guys "can," if given plenty of time, can realize things. All on our own. We may look less-than-intelligent, but when "the chips are down," most of us come through with flying colors.
So that explains my headline: "Why Girls Love Clumsy Guys," and face it, all pretty girls who are reading "this" story. Deep down inside, you and your girlfriends literally "love" us clumsy guys whom weren't born with graceful moves like those guys on the parallel bars in the recent London Summer Olympics. I bet those guys are lonely for they are so nimble.
Please, ladies. Don't get angry. I am giving you a sweet compliment. You are all gifted with a trait that is priceless. The trait of "nurturing" sick kittens, sad children, a best girlfriend who has been run-over by a "jerk," who cannot treat a woman with respect, and last but not least, clumsy guys.
I can't talk about this intelligently, for I am not a licensed psychologist. But I have seen this happen in real-life. In-person. And if I had a photo of my friend, we can call him, "William," I would prove it.
"William" had the "art of attracting hot girls" down to a science. I envied him along with his numerous lonely buddies who had tried every way to get a date with a hot chick, but failed. He enjoyed his "system," so much that it took me weeks to finally get him to tell how in creation did he get so many dates with so many pretty girls. And boy, was I anxious to hear "William's" secret. It was like being the only one told if we had really landed on the moon in July 1969 or if it were an elaborate hoax to fool the Russians.
"William," looked at me for a moment. Put his feet up on desk, and with a firm voice said, "you got to be clumsy." I actually waited for the punchline. "clumsy?" I asked almost-angry at his answer. "yes, Kenneth. Clumsy," "William" explained with a "next question" look on his face.
"Kenneth, listen to me. I know what I'm talking about," "William" said. "if you know just how to be clumsy, not graceful, when you are with a pretty girl, then you stand-out from those "slick's" who are dumb enough to think that all girls love expensive gifts, furs, poodles, trips to Las Vegas and cars, for they don't." he added.
"Okay. Clumsy," I replied. "yes, clumsy. Girls love that in a guy. I don't know how to tell you, Kenneth, but girls, mostly, love clumsy guys. I guess it's in their nature," "William" said as he left for, you guessed it, another hot date.
Before I tell you the ten clumsy ways for you guys who cannot get a date for love or money, I will confess that "I" never used any of these clumsy tips. I was afraid that I might injure myself and my parents would hit the roof at having to pay for my expensive hospital bill.
I just used the normal channels to get dates. They mostly flopped too.
So here are only "Ten Ways for Guys to Be Clumsy on Dates," and solidify their chances for another date with the same hot girl.
1) Intentionally-spilling wine or hot coffee on your brand-new, $600-dollar, personally-designed suit.
2) Allowing your elbow, (your call here), slip-off the table and laugh in a nervous gale.
3) When passing your lovely date a hot roll, drop it near her plate and say, “I just can’t win. I wanted to do everything perfect just for you, and look. I am clumsy, dropped your roll, I might as well take you home.”
4) As you pull her chair out for her to be seated, stumble (on purpose) as you walk to your chair and with a red face, try to cover your “accident” as best you can.
5) When she is talking to you, do not, at first, act as if you heard her. She will call your name a second time. This time respond with, “ohh, I’m so sorry. I thought you were talking to someone else. It has been a long time since I was out with a girl who looks as good as you, and frankly, good-looking girls make me extremely nervous.”
6) Have a friend, (ahead of time), be seated near your table, but not speak to you. Then during dinner, you “recognize” him, get up to speak to him, and fall flat on your face with a pat of butter that was once on your fork, now on your face. Restaurant guests will laugh out loud at you. So will your girlfriend, but out of pity, she suddenly gets “feelings” for you, this “clumsy, Harpo Marx”-type of guy.
7) When the waiter brings dessert, make absolutely sure that you spill your cake, ice cream, or whatever sweet, even a flaming crepe in your lap. Your date by now, should feel so sorry for you that if you asked her out for twenty dates in a row, she would gladly accept.
8) Have another friend, (this too is planned out ahead of time), spot you in the restaurant, and as you share small-talk with your date, run over to your table and “let you have it,” with angry threats, vulgar words and tell you just how sorry and low you are. Then walk away. Oh, now is your turn to win the Oscar. You humbly smile as best you can, look down at the floor, and let your voice quiver as you continue your talk with your lovely date. Oh, how she will want to nurture you like you are an injured bunny rabbit she found in the woods.
9) Reach inside your suit to get your pen to sign the credit card receipt for the meal and intentionally-tear your shirt pocket off your shirt. Then shrug your shoulders, chuckle, and sign the receipt.
10) Have a third friend, (and this too is planned out ahead of time, but is very dangerous), be waiting for you and your date outside the restaurant with his German shepherd, that was once a guard dog for the local police. As you walk by your buddy, he lets the shepherd “bite you” several times in the shins and maul you to the ground. Your friend rushes over to you, apologizes, and scolds “Atlas,” the shepherd and walks away leaving you lying on the sidewalk with blood oozing from your pant legs. Now your date is in tears and says, “oh, “Vernon,” you poor, poor man. You went through all of this for me to just have a good time. You must come inside when we get to my place and let me ‘take care’ of you.