ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

Why I Put Dating On Hold

Updated on June 2, 2015

I'm jaded. I'm broken. I'm damaged. I'm photograph ripped into pieces and taped back together time after time. I'm nowhere close to perfect. I don't want to be. I love who I am. I love every one of my flaws and insecurities. But I'm also tired. I'm exhausted of wading through the endless bullshit, the baggage that everyone carries but too many refuse to pack away in the attic. I'm not judging. I've been one of those people. I've hugged that baggage to my breast like a bulwark. I just wish people would heal themselves, love themselves, rather than trying to find a replacement. People and relationships can't be replaced. We can only find new, better, different ones and work for the best. But in this perfect storm of imperfect people grasping for any kind of life line, I've lost hope.


I've been single for four years, since my divorce. I've dated but nothing serious or lasting. By dating I mean I'm a serial first-dater. A couple guys actually made it to something like 4 or 5 dates, one because I really liked him and the other, well, he was just a distraction from the first. But both of those fell apart. I've done the online dating thing on and off for a couple years. It usually goes something like:




Then 1) he disappers, or 2) he does something stupid like send a nude pic, or 3) we meet and things just don't go all that great.

I don't even answer the messages that only say, "Hi," or "Hey, gorgeous," or "Hello, sweetie," anymore. What's the point if he can't even be bothered to learn more about me through my profile and come up with something unique?

Have you given up on dating either temporarily or permanently?

See results

When I told my therapist I was dating again, she barely stopped herself from rolling her eyes. The she said, "Date. Have fun. Just don't get serious until we break your destructive pattern. Let me fix you first." And we had a good laugh.

I know she's right. I'm one of those perfectly imperfect people in that storm, but I know how to swim and I have a big life raft. I just want to share that raft with someone as equally flawed as me who has taught himself to swim. Maybe he can crawl into my raft, and we can pass his on to someone else who is learning to swim.

I've lost hope that in this huge ocean of angst and anger, disappointment and despair, among all the baggage floating over thunder-clapped waves, that I'll ever find him, or he me. I know, I know - good things come to those who don't give up (or who wait). The right one comes along when we aren't looking. Blah blah blah. I just don't believe it anymore. And still, with every heartbeat a sliver of hope remains. With every dream, I feel him close, so close, but too far away to swim to my raft, or me to his. One day perhaps. But not today. Today is made for putting my energy back into my own life and the happiness I've built for myself. Today is for me, not for dating. I'm done with that

My best dating success came from...

See results


    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    • FlourishAnyway profile image


      3 years ago from USA

      Work on making yourself deliriously happy and then you will find others want to join the party. I'm sorry you are so downhearted and frustrated.

    • cvanthul profile imageAUTHOR

      Cristina Vanthul 

      3 years ago from Florida

      Thank you, Minnetonka! So glad you've found your happiness and for such a long time! May it be with you for the rest of your life.

    • cvanthul profile imageAUTHOR

      Cristina Vanthul 

      3 years ago from Florida

      Hi Vasantha and thank you for your lovely comment. I have an entire summer free to enjoy with my son. That's what I'm going to do and love every minute of it. Life is too beautiful to waste away in frustation and wants. Best wishes to you as well.

    • cvanthul profile imageAUTHOR

      Cristina Vanthul 

      3 years ago from Florida

      Thank you, catman3000. Not forever, no, but for now. :)

    • Minnetonka Twin profile image

      Linda Rogers 

      3 years ago from Minnesota

      I was laughing and groaning right along with you. Firstly, being single is not a bad thing. It's a great time to pamper yourself and focus on your priorities. Secondly, none of us is perfect-we are all flawed (and this from someone in the mental health field). I completely understand the frustrations of baggage and dating. It will happen if and when it's supposed to. Personally, I've lived with my twin sister for 11 years now and have never been happier!

    • vasantha  T k profile image

      vasantha T k 

      3 years ago from Bangalore

      Be happy, passing of time will help you to get the best of life. Best wishes

    • catman3000 profile image


      3 years ago from England, UK

      Great hub. I hope you don't give up forever...i'm sure your perfect match will come along when you least expect it.


    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at:

    Show Details
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the or domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)