ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

Why I don't have a girlfriend -

Updated on September 14, 2011

An Original Essay -

© By Drew A. Blanc - JKP

A friend asked me this question the other day and I said, "they usually and always end up saying the same thing." Below is a typical verbal exchange -

My last girlfriend, in a little girls voice: You Stink! And stop spanking me!”

I don't like you anymore, cause you stink!”

Why do you stink?”

You just took a shower and you still stink.”

I'm pretty and smell nice!”

My response:

Ya like a French whore.”

Little girls voice again:

What? Have you been to France? I tried to get you last week, were you in France?”

Me again:

No – Do you even know where France is?”

Her again: Yes, it's by Jersey.”

Me: No it isn't. Not even close sweets.”

The usual conversation continues:

Her: STOP SPANKING ME! I thought you liked my butt?”

I do, that's why I spank it!”

That doesn't make sense.”

Not to you it doesn't,” I say grinning.

"Well, if I want to be a bad girl I'll let you know." Turning quickly away from me, expecting the inevitable slight of hand caress.

"Is that going to be sometime this week, this month, maybe later this year," I inquire, my voice drenched with a bit of sarcasm?

Her again, changing subjects:

Do you like my new earrings? They match my purse!”

Ah, I reply.”

She continues, “I had to go to three stores to find shoes to match my purse that match my earrings.”

I bet you're tired.”

Yes I am, she meekly says.”

Did you have fun, I asked?”

Uh huh, I sure did!”

You're going to go again, aren't you?”

Yea, that reminds me, can I borrow your credit card?”

No, as in hell no! Remember last time,” I said in contemplative thought?

No Response -

"You didn't notice my new dress either," twirling around for my enjoyment.

"Nice, let's tear it off and see what happens," I say with a devilish smirk!

"NOOOOO," her eyes (saying to me at least) take me now!

"Okay, I enthusiastically respond, let's leave it half on. That will be fun!"

"NO, and I mean it!"

She seems somewhat agitated with her next statement. “My girlfriend Bab's says you are a misogynist.”

Do you even know what that means,” I asked?

No, what does it mean?”

You know how I like to spank your bum?”

Yea, frowning, her eyes diverting from mine.”

Well there's a nice clue for ya.”

Hum,” ignoring my statement, “well I'm going to go tinkle and when I get back you and I are going to have a talk.”

About what?”

You know,” she says, dashing off to the little girls room.

No I don't,” I said to myself.

I'm sure I will find out,” I said verbally, out loud, but under my breath.

So there it is. Ever constant, same old reoccurring themes -

Apparently, I have a body odor problem that I'm not aware of. And lastly, like a lot of boys, I have a fetish and that fetish will never cease. I have always (and will never relent to) a love of spanking girls fannies! Hence, no current girlfriend. Among other things I'm apparently unaware of-


    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    • profile image


      7 years ago

      An interesting address to a common problem


    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at:

    Show Details
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the or domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)