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Why I don't have a girlfriend -

Updated on September 14, 2011

An Original Essay -

© By Drew A. Blanc - JKP

A friend asked me this question the other day and I said, "they usually and always end up saying the same thing." Below is a typical verbal exchange -

My last girlfriend, in a little girls voice: You Stink! And stop spanking me!”

I don't like you anymore, cause you stink!”

Why do you stink?”

You just took a shower and you still stink.”

I'm pretty and smell nice!”

My response:

Ya like a French whore.”

Little girls voice again:

What? Have you been to France? I tried to get you last week, were you in France?”

Me again:

No – Do you even know where France is?”

Her again: Yes, it's by Jersey.”

Me: No it isn't. Not even close sweets.”

The usual conversation continues:

Her: STOP SPANKING ME! I thought you liked my butt?”

I do, that's why I spank it!”

That doesn't make sense.”

Not to you it doesn't,” I say grinning.

"Well, if I want to be a bad girl I'll let you know." Turning quickly away from me, expecting the inevitable slight of hand caress.

"Is that going to be sometime this week, this month, maybe later this year," I inquire, my voice drenched with a bit of sarcasm?

Her again, changing subjects:

Do you like my new earrings? They match my purse!”

Ah, I reply.”

She continues, “I had to go to three stores to find shoes to match my purse that match my earrings.”

I bet you're tired.”

Yes I am, she meekly says.”

Did you have fun, I asked?”

Uh huh, I sure did!”

You're going to go again, aren't you?”

Yea, that reminds me, can I borrow your credit card?”

No, as in hell no! Remember last time,” I said in contemplative thought?

No Response -

"You didn't notice my new dress either," twirling around for my enjoyment.

"Nice, let's tear it off and see what happens," I say with a devilish smirk!

"NOOOOO," her eyes (saying to me at least) take me now!

"Okay, I enthusiastically respond, let's leave it half on. That will be fun!"

"NO, and I mean it!"

She seems somewhat agitated with her next statement. “My girlfriend Bab's says you are a misogynist.”

Do you even know what that means,” I asked?

No, what does it mean?”

You know how I like to spank your bum?”

Yea, frowning, her eyes diverting from mine.”

Well there's a nice clue for ya.”

Hum,” ignoring my statement, “well I'm going to go tinkle and when I get back you and I are going to have a talk.”

About what?”

You know,” she says, dashing off to the little girls room.

No I don't,” I said to myself.

I'm sure I will find out,” I said verbally, out loud, but under my breath.

So there it is. Ever constant, same old reoccurring themes -

Apparently, I have a body odor problem that I'm not aware of. And lastly, like a lot of boys, I have a fetish and that fetish will never cease. I have always (and will never relent to) a love of spanking girls fannies! Hence, no current girlfriend. Among other things I'm apparently unaware of-


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      Dabob 6 years ago

      An interesting address to a common problem