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Why I Love The Man Who Left Me

Updated on October 21, 2016

Before you hate someone for leaving you...

I was in a relationship for 3 years with the "love of my life". We spent almost all of our time together until I went off to college 2 hours away. He stayed at home and we began distrusting each other. Eventually, our whole relationship went down the toilet.

It didn't happen over night as some people think it does. It was a slow downhill slope that progressed until we realized that we had a problem that just wasn't fixable anymore. He was 21 and I was only 19 at the time of the break-up, so he started going out with his friends more (and other girls) and I just sat alone and cried for weeks on end. I begged him to come back to me and I told him we could fix things, but he just wasn't interested anymore. He told me that we weren't good for each other and that I brought out the worst in him. He wasn't lying. We brought out the worst in each other, but it didn't change the fact that I would have given up my right arm to be with him at the time.

We spent a year "apart" and during this time we had both seen other people, but we still communicated with each other and hung out some. I still did anything I could for him; whenever he needed something he knew he could call me, and he still does. I still love him, he knows this. I know a part of me will always love him, but I'm not the same insecure girl that would have once given up her right arm for my love to be requited. I'm not sure if he loves me anymore or if he just takes advantage of my kind heart, but I happily allow him to do so.

So why do I still love him? Because the happiest 3 years of my life (thus far) were spent with him by my side. Albeit, I was young when our love first began, but I knew that this was something I had not felt before. I had never felt more secure and wanted in all of my life and I have yet to feel that way again and its been over a year since I last called him "my boyfriend." I realized that I love being in love. I love having someone to call at night just to hear them say something in their sleepy voice. I love trying to steal a glance at him and catching him already looking at me. I just love all the things you get from a relationship with someone who truly loves you and thats what we had: Love.

You're probably still asking yourself why does this girl still love him? Because spending a year apart was the best thing he could have made me do. It wasn't my choice, but I knew it had to be done. Almost exactly 365 days apart allowed me to figure out who I was; I turned 20 and it was like my teenage years and tendencies were all behind me. I knew who I was, what I wanted, and what I was and was not willing to put up with. I don't give credit to my aging, I give the credit to him. Our relationship ended because we were immature and didn't know how to handle situations like adults would. This is now a skill I posses, because I was on my own. I didn't have someone to pick a fight with when I had a bad day, or someone to call crying when I was feeling sorry for myself. I learned to dust myself off and get back up and punch life right in the kisser.

So I love him not only because at one time he used to love me, but because he gave me the strength I didn't know I needed. I thought one of the hardest things I used to have to do was get over break-ups (LOL), now I laugh when guys try to hit on me. I blow them off when they act immature and I don't have a problem saying NO to anyone. Yes, there are people who judge me for still being good to this guy, but that's my own prerogative. Without his leaving, I would probably still be extremely insecure and immature.

So thank you, thank you so much for breaking my heart, because now it has healed and baby that scar tissue is STRONG.

boy bye
boy bye

Love Them for Leaving

So ladies, you might not think they did you a favor, but I'm sure if you dig real deep you can find something. You may have gotten a new job, because then you weren't afraid to leave home. You might have gotten closer to your family members or friends (like I did.) Or how about you just simply didn't give a crap about things that didn't matter anymore?

Be thankful, grateful even, that someone let you be you and figure out what exactly it is that you needed.

XOXO-BB

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    • Brookie-B profile image
      Author

      Brookelynn 9 months ago from Kentucky

      I agree, that is why no where in my post do I blame my ex. I thanked him for letting me out of an unhealthy relationship. We were kids (still are) and not ready for the kind of commitment that we were heading for. I give credit to my break up for allowing me to grow and mature.

    • dashingscorpio profile image

      dashingscorpio 9 months ago

      "I was in a relationship for 3 years with the "love of my life". We spent almost all of our time together until I went off to college 2 hours away. He stayed at home and we began distrusting each other. Eventually, our whole relationship went down the toilet." - This normal!

      You mentioned you were 19 when you broke up which means you honestly believed you met your "soul-mate" at age 16.

      I imagine some day when you have your own 16 year old daughter who proclaims she's found the boy she wants to spend the rest of her life with you will understand just how immature and naïve she is.

      The reality is most people haven't figured who (they) are let alone what they want in a mate for life! Trust me when I tell you whatever traits you feel make for an "ideal mate" at age 16, 18, or 20 is not likely going to cut it for you when you reach ages 25, 30, or 35.

      In the U.S. the average person loses their virginity at age 17. The average age of a first time bride is 27 and it's 29 for a first time groom. Essentially most people will have had at least 10 years of sexual experience before getting married. Odds they will not have had a 10 year monogamous relationship with their "first love".

      Like you so many people go off to college believing they can maintain a long-distance relationship for the next 4-6 years with their high school sweetheart. The student plans to just go to classes, the library, and back to dorm to study. The person they left behind plans to get a job, work, and possibly get an apartment all the while living for when they get together for visits.

      Basically have no "social life" is unrealistic.

      The reality is most teenagers and young people don't have that kind of self discipline. They desire to socialize with friends and go out from time to time. Eventually socializing leads to meeting (new) people which opens up the possibility of dating or having sex with someone else.

      The person on campus faces the same challenges missing out on all the social activities, parties/dances, fraternity/sorority, and sports events which also lead to meeting new people. Some people have found themselves dating others via study groups.

      In both scenarios they weren't "proactively" looking to cheat or dump their high school sweethearts. They were just too immature to understand how difficult it would really be maintain a LDR for 4-6 years.

      With age does come wisdom and experience.

      When it comes to love most of us (fail our way) to success. If this were not true we'd all be married to our high school sweethearts!

      Youth is about learning, exploring, and growing from our experiences.

      The average 20 something year old guy either just broke out of his parent's basement or a dorm room. He wants to party with friends, watch sports, play video games, and get laid.

      The last thing on his mind is becoming his parents! The very thought of settling down, getting married, buying a house, and having children is like watching their life flash before their eyes! Most guys wait until age 30+.

      A first love should never be hated or used as a reason not to ever love again. The reality is he/she was just a (teenager) like you figuring out their life too.