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Why Is He Avoiding Me?

Updated on February 22, 2012

© by Jennifer McLeod writing as jenjen0703, all rights reserved.


This incredibly good-looking guy from work (whom you have shyly ogled from afar) asks you out on a date, and you accept the invitation. The two of you swap phone numbers and promised to call each other later to finalize the plans.

Later that evening, you best friend calls and asks if you want to go out with her for dinner and a movie. You politely tell her no and make up an excuse, telling her you are sick and ask for a rain check. You are planning to wait by the phone to see if he is going to call you.

He never does call, and you finally decide to go to bed. For two days, you refuse to leave your house in hopes that HE will call. You cannot stand waiting for his call anymore and decide to contact him. The conversation went well, and he invites you out for dinner and a show at a comedy club for the following Saturday night.

You impatiently make it through the rest of the work week, waiting for the final work bell to notify you that the weekend is here. You and he have been sneaking peeks and sharing quiet smiles from your separate work stations.

After work, you make a trip to the beauty salon for a new hairstyle and a manicure for Saturday night's date. You are excited and want to look your best on this date. You are still amazed he asked you out because, "He is so cute, he could go out with anyone he wants to."

Saturday finally arrives, and you try on several outfits before finding the one that looks the best. You settle on a cute dress and slip on a pair of heels as the doorbell rings, announcing that your date has arrived. You greet him at the door, and as he steps inside, he offers you a beautiful bouquet of flowers, which you carefully put in a vase of water on your way out the door.

Dinner was delicious, and the comedy show was even better. Conversation flowed easily between the two of you, and the margaritas he bought for you at dinner are starting to make you feel a little tipsy. Once the comedy show ends, you and your date head back to your house

You know you do not know this guy well, but you like him so much that you invite him in for a nightcap. The next morning he leaves, promising to call you later. By noon, you can't stand waiting for him to call you and decide to call him yourself. He does not answer the phone. "That's odd," you think to yourself, "I thought he said he was going home." Two hours later, you try to call him again and still receive no answer. You spend the rest of the day trying to reach him, to no avail.

You return to work on Monday, and see him standing by the time clock, punching in for work. You walk up to him and say hello and ask him why he didn't call you back. He offers a lame excuse for his disappearance and mumbles that he will call you later.

But he never does...

What Happened?

Most people have probably experienced situations similar to this before, some more than once. What happened? You spent a small chunk of money at the beauty salon on your hair and nails. You wore the perfect outfit. You invited him into your home, and now, you are in love. So, why is he avoiding you?


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The Real Truth

The following tips will help you to understand what went wrong with your date and how to prevent it from happening again.

  • Men are designed to pursue. For men, the pursuit of a woman is a challenge they enjoy. There is no challenge in the pursuit if you take him to bed with you on the first date. This action will cause a man to have little or no respect for you, and he will consider you to be "easy." Men do not want a relationship with a woman who will jump into bed with them that quickly. They will view you as an easy "lay" and treat you as such afterwards.
  • Stop calling him all the time. His phone is not broken. He is not in the hospital. He did not have a tragic car accident and die. Chances are, sitting at his house watching your number pop up on his caller I.D. every 15 minutes. He is probably feeling stalked and smothered. Give him a chance to call you and pursue you.
  • Take time to get to know him. It is not for me to say how long you should get to know a person before becoming intimately involved with him. One thing is certain, you definitely need to take time to become better acquainted with him. I do not believe you truly know a person for at least a year of regular communication. If he is "The One" for you, then you have the rest of your life to "get to know him better."
  • Stay sober on your dates. Staying sober is important in the dating scene. Drinking alcohol can cause a person to lose their inhibitions and makes them less likely to make sound decisions. If you do drink on your date and do not know him well, do not let him buy your drink himself. Only accept drinks from your waitress or bartender. There are many unfortunate stories about women who have been raped because her date slipped a date rape drug into her drink. Use your common sense, and stay safe on your dates. If you find yourself in a dangerous situation or are attacked, do whatever you have to do to get away.
  • Do not talk too much. Moderate how much you tell this man on your first date. He does not need to know your entire life history before dinner is over.
  • Be a woman of integrity. Be the person who you want to be. You do not have to settle or take part in actions that are against your moral beliefs. If your date is pushing you to do things you do not want to do, then ditch him. Leave him in the dust. Men like that will never respect you or offer a real commitment. They are only after the goods, not the challenge of the pursuit.
  • Do not let him use you. Today, many people have extremely casual attitudes towards sex. It has become a recreational activity for many, and people take part in this as easily as they play video games or golf. How can a woman expect a man to respect and honor her if she does not respect or honor herself? Be true to yourself and do not do anything you are not comfortable with. If you do become involved, USE A CONDOM. Protect yourself and everyone else on this planet.

Have you ever went out on a date and had the other person avoid you afterwards?

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    • JenJen0703 profile image

      Jennifer McLeod 12 months ago from Battle Creek, Michigan

      Thanks Caleb!

    • Caleb DRC profile image

      Caleb DRC 16 months ago

      Hi Jennifer,

      Here is how to get ALL of your hubs listed on your profile so your readers will have access to all of your efforts and writing:

      1. Go to your profile, and click "edit profile." 2. Scroll all the way down to "Show only featured hubs on my profile," and click "NO". 3. Go down to "Save changes", and click that. After you do that all your hubs will be on your profile.

      I will follow this hub's comments, so if you have any trouble then let me know and we will get them solved.

    • JenJen0703 profile image

      Jennifer McLeod 6 years ago from Battle Creek, Michigan

      Thanks for the comments everyone! Sorry it took a minute to get back to you. The holidays kept me busy, and I did not do much writing last week. Happy New Years!

    • profile image

      girltalksshop 6 years ago

      Found your hub useful as well as interesting. Sometimes if a girl appears too eager or needy, it chases the man off. I think if we play hard to get ourselves, till we really know the guy, he will be more apt to play into our hands. Great share...thanks!

    • Gypsy Rose Lee profile image

      Gypsy Rose Lee 6 years ago from Riga, Latvia

      Great hub. I always have thought it's better to not give too much right away. Sort of keep the suspense going and yes, the man should be the pursuer. We seem to scare them the other way. Sort of putting on the ball and chain when they're not ready.

    • Millionaire Tips profile image

      Shasta Matova 6 years ago from USA

      Great advice here JenJen. We do have a tendency to do a lot to get a guy to like us, when it simply makes things worse.

    • JenJen0703 profile image

      Jennifer McLeod 6 years ago from Battle Creek, Michigan

      I agree with you Windclimber. Some of these younger girls these days don't have enough respect for themselves. I feel like I am constantly telling my 21 year old cousin and 24 year old sister this.

    • Windclimber profile image

      Windclimber 6 years ago from my boat somewhere on the Chesapeake Bay

      JenJen, overall, this is a good hub - I voted it up as useful. The second half of the article had several good pieces of advice; the ones most relevant to the scenario being (1) take time to get to know him, (2) be a woman of integrity, and (3) don't let him use you. I might add another: act like a woman, not an overgrown girl.

      The reason he didn't follow up is because, as dashingscorpio said, he just wasn't that interested in her. Her big clue was that he didn't call her the night they exchanged numbers. Ya, I know, there's that whole 24 or 48 hour theory, but since they knew each other from work, he should have called that night.

      Then, when he finally did call, she should have insisted on a small date, like coffee, to find out (maybe) what his intentions were.

      Third, she "fell in love"? C'mon. In the scenario, the only attractive qualities mentioned were that he was good-looking and fun when he drank margaritas. Ya, he was special.

      Last point, why did she invite him in for a nightcap? Here's the part of my comment that a lot of women just don't understand:

      There is no doubt that there are plenty of men who go trolling for recreational or sport sex. However, there are many, many men who do, very much, place a higher value on it. Men will value a woman about as much as she values herself.

      Sex on the first date is usually interpreted as some kind of recreational activity. Maybe he'll partake of the party, maybe he won't, but he probably won't take the woman seriously. Again, as dashingscorpio said, yes, there are plenty of couples who had sex on their first date and went on to build solid relationships, but it usually is NOT a good idea.

      I guarantee you, sometimes a man will make a pass just to see the woman's reaction, sort of testing the waters. He might then employ a double standard: all right, let's have fun; I'm okay but damn, woman, you're easy.

      Also, men LOVE it when a woman initiates intimacy, but too soon - if he has a brain - and he'll wonder why. It's the same for women, isn't it? If a guy makes a pass at you halfway through the first date, why would you want to keep seeing him?

      Ya, this is oversimplified, but it might be because the woman wants sex about as much as he does, but she'll frame it as "falling in love." (See above, where I point out that in the scenario she mentions that he is really cute but not a thing about his personality.)

      So, I would suggest to women who find themselves in similar scenarios to take themselves more seriously. Quit playing checkers with a chess set.

    • dashingscorpio profile image

      dashingscorpio 6 years ago

      Merry Christmas JenJen0703! May you have a healthy & prosperous new year! (Very interesting hub) Voted up and useful. I think a lot of the issues between the sexes come from expecting men and women to think alike. What matters most is knowing what you want and having the discipline to stick to your guns.

    • JenJen0703 profile image

      Jennifer McLeod 6 years ago from Battle Creek, Michigan

      Well put, Dashing Scorpio. Dating today is not what it used to be. I have several male friends, and their input had some influence on this article. Seeing my cousin change her relationship status twice today on Facebook prompted me to write this. Merry Christmas!

      And Merry Christmas to you too, Yui Lockhart. You are a smart girl and realize your whole life is still ahead of you.

    • dashingscorpio profile image

      dashingscorpio 6 years ago

      I see a couple of things with this scenario. First of all the guy was not all that interested in the girl to begin with.

      As the former best selling book stated "He's just not that into you". This explains why he did not call her the first time around!

      Secondly something women for some reason never consider is the possibility that (the sex was not all that great). I would imagine not all men are equal in bed either.

      Quality sex in of itself will make a man come back for "seconds" even he doesn't want a relationship. "Vanilla sex" or sexual incompatibility usually equals a "one-night stand". This is especially true if a man is dating other women who are more in tune with him. I personally can speak from experience of dating someone with whom I knew there was no (real future) but the sex was so great that I kept seeing her for years. At one point I even considered marriage. Thankfully I was able to put things in perspective.

      I think times have changed a great deal. A lot of men are not into the whole (pursue) thing these days. With all the sexual harrasment and stalking laws a woman has to at least flirt with a guy to show him his advances are welcomed. Lastly men don't have sex with a "hidden agenda". They don't hope it's going to lead to a relationship or love. If both (consenting adults) experienced an orgasm it was a good night. Anything beyond that is icing on the cake. The only way someone feels hurt or used is when they (expect) more than a good time. Sex is not a "stepping stone".

      In all honesty had this man known about her turning her friends down, sitting by the phone, and jumping through hoops to select a dress, and basically putting her life on hold....etc He probably would have never gone out with her.

      Women have to put themselves in a man's shoes. From his point of view two adults went out, had a nice time, and finished off the evening with sex. He never imagined that he was the "2nd coming" or her knight in waiting. If this guy was "into her" it would not have mattered if she had sex with him the first night or the 10th night. There are lots of couples that formed relationships or eventually got married that had sex on the first date. Sometimes it just comes down to timing. If a man is not ready to settle down it will not matter when or if a woman has sex with him. He'll just have sex with other women until she's ready or he'll move on. One man's opinon.

    • yui lockhart profile image

      yui lockhart 6 years ago from Philippines

      This is a good post, thanks for sharing this. I don't have any bad experiences with guys cause I've never had several dates before. My family is a conservative type. And I'm still a teenager. But thanks for the advice, I know I will use the in the near future.