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Why Living Together Before Marriage Is a Good Idea

Updated on February 6, 2010
The silent treatment
The silent treatment

You never really know a person until you live with them

If you had told me 15 years ago that I would agree that you should live together before marrying I would have probally  protested loudly about the immorality issue. But since being in my present relationship it is the first thing I would suggest. WHY???

I have come to find that the subtitle above is absolutely, positively true. You never know a person until you live with them. It is then that the true person emerges and it is not always pretty. The things that you might have admired in the beginning are the very things you come to hate when they are on a day to day occurrence, such as picking up their clothes off the floor. it is nice to serve them breakfast in bed when you are dating and you want to pamper them, it's another story when you are awakened at 6 am by a Demand for breakfast in bed. It gets old fast. When you are dating, you are both on your best behavior and even if you don't agree with his opinion, you don't say anything because you're sure he's the one. A difference in opinion can become a major cause for contention later, after the I do's. When your dating he doesn't hang out with the boys because he's to busy trying to hook you. Once you are Mrs. So and So, you are at home cooking and cleaning, guess what?? He's out with the boys. When dating he usually will go to whatever restuarant you want to go to or eat whatever you cook. Once your living together, his taste buds change. In dating he loves your mini-skirts and little shirts above the belly button. When your the wife, cover it up... below the knees and up to your ears necklines, but let another female walk by dressed like you used to and his eye balls fall out, tounge hits the floor To make it worse he swears he didn't see a thing and tries to make you believe your crazy.

Another problem ... sharing space where you live. We had agreed that he would decorate every room in the house EXCEPT the bedroom which I insisted on being a soft pink with a white lace comforter, and lacy white curtians with pink roses. This was my room, my retreat. Where I escaped, to read, to meditate, to calm my anger or hurt feelings. Yes it is very feminine but compared to the rest of the house I felt it was little to ask to have one room as my sanctuary. Again it wasn't long before he starts making plans to redesign my room. Putting the bed here and there, wanting to throw out my ottaman that I love to crash on with my pink crocheted throw that my mommy made me. He moved my desk and computer and bookshelves from my room to the a corner in the living room. I was barely getting settled into my corner when he wants to chop the ends off my desk and put it back into the bedroom. No problem except i have noticed that as much as he hates my room, he doesn't mind lounging there every chance he gets to watch tv while lying in bed. So I wind up feeling that I have no place in this home... I feel like a visitor who has no say in what my home looks like or the food I like to eat. I have however assumed the role of maid, mother, concubine and washmaid. had known this before moving in together i would have turned tail and run.

So yes, I have relaxed my puritan views. I truly believe that living together before marrying is a very good thing. you see the person as they are in their natural habitat. Their true colors when they don't get their way. You can tell if they are looking for a wife or a mother . If the latter is the answer, you may have the heart break but at least not the cost of a divorce or having to have your last name restored because you wish you had never changed it in the first place.


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    • christalluna1124 profile image

      christalluna1124 7 years ago from Dallas Texas

      Thanks tammy,

      I think so too. Love your new look. You never know the real person until you live under the same roof. No one shows their flaws while dating and if they do we are too love struck to see them.



    • Tammy Lochmann profile image

      Tammy Lochmann 7 years ago

      Sorry you are having a tough time. I lived with my husband for a while before we got married. It was a good thing.