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Why do Men Flirt

Updated on July 10, 2013

It happened all innocently enough. I was going to log in on Facebookwhen I saw my boyfriend's login come up. Well since he did not log out what is the harm in taking a sneak peek? Looking around I found a few disturbing things. Number one, he listed his interests as women, number two he has mostly women as his Facebook friends. is he trying to start a harem here? Number three he was flirting with these women! He was leaving messages for women say that they looked really good. Blah! I nearly choked on my drink. This is my honey? My sweetie who was saying complimentary things to other women? Gnawing at the bit I confronted him. Summoning all my powers of PMS I calmly and rationally explained to him why this is not good. and how it made me feel and why it is hurtful to our relationship. OK so explained the last few things to the wall because he left the room mumbling something like "This is what you get for snooping around."..true... but it doesn't answer my question. What does he get out of it? What is he after? Why do men flirt?

why do men flirt?
why do men flirt?

Signs He is Flirting

  • Fiddle with a tie, play with buttons, collars or sleeves;
  • Smooth their hair;
  • Stick their fingers inside a belt;
  • Rub or pull on an earlobe.


I realize I am not the first to ask this question. Many women before me have asked and asked. My most educated guess in the reason that men flirts is because they have a need for attention from women. Is his ego that big? I had not thought, but maybe I need to take a closer look. After reviewing his facebook profile it would seem he invited other women to be his friends. How do I ascertain this? 1) He put women down as an interest, and 2) he took off his shirt when he posed for the picture so every one could see his his tattoo. Well he said everyone but now I know that the Women can see his tattoo. He initiated a lot of the contacts too of course. Most of the contacts were lighthearted just asking to play those silly time wasting games. But a couple were out and out flirtatious comments. They didn't really answer back. Maybe just a thank you.. What was he hoping for?

More on signs that he is flirting

computer flirt
computer flirt

Theories on Why Men Flirt

There are two types of flirting, Intentional and unintentional. An Unintentional flirt is when you might inadvertently catch a glimpse of someone's eye and give a quick smile. an intentional flirt is usually verbal. Flirting to some can be a game and an acceptable social outlet. Flirting also can open a door to maybes. Flirting can make suggestions and one thing then can lead to another. Does a man know when to not cross the line? Does my man know? Has he crossed the line? Would he act on his flirtation?

Maybe he likes the idea of someone else being attracted to him. Maybe he just keeps it friendly so he can still feed his "manly" self esteem. Is flirting a part of him that he would be miserable with if he were asked to suppress the urge? can I live with him flirting with other women in cyberspace or in life?

Is her flirting because he is unhappy in his relationship with me? Am I not fulfilling some obvious need?

Or does he feel the need to get one over on his lady? What she doesn't know won't hurt her? Until he's caught at least. I can relate to the "get one over theory" as I write this hub about his actions unbeknown-st to him. Most likely he will never know because he is too involved in his facebook life.

My final theory on why men flirt is that they want what they can't have. Men just put it all out there with little regard to how it looks to others. They make an obvious attempt to gain the attention of an attractive lady. Sometimes it works, Sometimes it doesn't.

The eyes have it!
The eyes have it!

Flirting Facts

There are studies that support flirting is healthy for you. Studies have found people who flirt have a higher white blood count that boost immunity and your health. There are as many as 52 flirting signals you can give each other. It is not longer just a bat of the eye. If you were to place two people of a different culture in the same room who were attracted to each other both would use the same signals including arching the eyes, and smiling. The hair flip is the number one flirtation signal. Some people have noted while flirting you have nearly 30 seconds to make some kind of connection. Technology has advanced our methods of flirting.. 40 % of people who say they are looking for love on line flirt with people via email or IM. Interestingly enough this is most successful for the man as it gives him time to think before he acts. He has to actively think about what he is writing. Many people send suggestive text messages or picture mail via their cell phone. Despite our advances, Flirting is illegal in Little Rock Arkansas One can be locked up for thirty days. In New York a man can be fined 25.00 for looking suggestively at a female.

For the ladies...

Does your guy flirt with other women?

See results

Flirting while intentional or unintentional does not have to be the end of a relationship. It is somewhat human nature to flirt with someone you are attracted to and who you have interaction with. Men will flirt that is a fact.What about my boyfriend? Well, time will truly tell. Only the good ones will know where to draw the line.


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    • profile image

      big J 3 years ago

      Men guilty, women innocent... but totally non bias at all huh... typical post and the usual comments. But hey it happens, men flirt I get it.

    • profile image

      patti 5 years ago

      my b/f of 10 yrs. flirts w/every woman an girl he sees. its so humilating for me.we cant go anywhere an enjoy ourselves because he ends up making me mad. i love him but im getting very tired of the situation. i gettin to where i don't want to go anywhere with him. its embarrassing. im thinking of ending the relationship for good. i have no life because of his insecurity.

    • Brinafr3sh profile image

      Brinafr3sh 6 years ago from West Coast, United States

      Hi Ms Chievous,

      I'm sure this hub hit home for many people, male or female. I agree and believe men flirt due to a big ego. If women had the same replies as men do when they are caught in the act/busted, then it would be a double standard. Cool hub, thanks.

    • Woody Marx profile image

      Woody Marx 6 years ago from Ontario, Canada

      A good topic to write about and well-written !

    • profile image

      mz diva 6 years ago

      I've been wit my bf for 3 years and I been seeing him flirt wit womens on fb he said its nothing its just enertainment, it just makes me mad that he does this and he keep doing it, I'm lose and confuse because he supposed to luv me and me only

    • profile image

      iginia 6 years ago

      I just came upon this page. I really appreciate all your stories. I been married for 16 years. My husband flirts on line and in person. I confronted him but like all men he says sorry, I love you, it's not a big deal. etc. It is a big deal because there's no respect for me as his wife. There should be respect and not hurt people feelings. I am ready to leave him any time now. Will get in contact with you all soon. Take care.

    • profile image

      VIRGO 6 years ago

      Nat, girl you hit it dead on. I agree with everything you said. Just a few minutes before I read Nat's statement, I was talking to a close friend about what I just had gone through with my boyfriend. She told me that men are naturally "dogs" and it's in their DNA. God gives us choices, I believe. Whether it's learned through childhood, we all have to grow up and make decisions that are right; decisions that won't harm another person. I'm dealing with a flirting boyfriend, of whom I am currently pregnant for and currently engaged. His flirting is getting to a point where I can't deal with it anymore. Yes, it's a learned action because he's seen this throughout his childhood from the older male figures in his life. It's brought me a to a point where I don't feel good about myself; feeling of embarrassment; foolish. I recently broke up with him because I found he flirted with another woman and this is not the first time. He says it was nothing and that she was an old friend he met up with that he went to high school with. It did not upset me that he bumped into an old friend; what upset me is what was said in the text messages. And, yes he made her feel so special; more special than I and I'm carrying his child. A child we both planned and prayed for.

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      Saved 6 years ago

      Thi hub has helped me trememdously, all of your articles are fantastic, thank you for saving my sanity!

    • profile image

      B4u2 6 years ago

      Nay, Dutchman that isn't working anymore.Old news it don't wash anymore. Keep up will you! I quess ya can say a gal will always be a gal.It's all to keep production going.Just to make more of us,except the next generation will have something NEW to say about it.If there is one!Hmmm,i wounder what they will say,the human animal will just be a ....Thanks from me too hub!

    • thedutchman profile image

      thedutchman 6 years ago

      Thanks for this wonderful hub. what i can say is that " a guy will always be a guy"Keep it up.

    • b4u2 profile image

      wtf u cannoT D0 a damThing here!!!??? 6 years ago from 22 f u!

      I wish I seen this 3 months ago.I wasn't here.I read some of Nat said A-men to what i did read.It's a set up for sure! A candy shop and i noticed that when males & women post they are married, but list the oposite sex 4 friendship.I never got that.I supose it's like where i read that the poster peeked in their bf FB acc and seen it by mistake.Forgive them for they know not what they do my ass!I hate this ditgal age,(thanks Bill Gates.It's so easy,it's like they are encouraging you to cheat! It's all a huge marketing tool is all. You/we all fell 4 this.They really are trying to destroy us all.Don't fall for it. Keep it real.When u hook up with another it's just like you are in bissiness with them.And if someone breaks in the store that you'es own and built together,they are waliking in the store and telling you I like what u done here, and I want a piece of this place.I don't care that I didn't put in my time,or the blood,sweat & tears.I am taken it so get over it & move on.Hell no!That won't blow!That's exsactly how it is in this world.I already seen jelousy in here mtself over something innocent.Sometimes when a person responds to another, it doesn't mean they want them.But how can u tell?If it isn't er business u need to minding ur own dam buss.Minded your own dam store and stay out of other's unless ur helping in a geniune way.Demand respect,if u don't receive it don't give it!What comes around huh?I have been dealing w/this crap 4 so long now and no one cared until they had to deal w/it. My husbands in the computer business is how i became involved in theis earier then the ppl I know.I warned them all keep the computer out of the home.This is not a reaility isn't it.

    • Ms Chievous profile image

      Tina 6 years ago from Wv

      nat, you go girl! I loved the last part of your comment. often women feel they have to give up a part of themselves or settle.. tis not true!

    • profile image

      Nat 6 years ago

      My boyfriend and I broke up two weeks ago because I found hi posted a comment on this girl's picture. The moment I saw that I said to myself, why do I have to feel this sad for? why do I have to feel less pretty and especial than this girl? why is he putting tears in my eyes and a big smile on this girl's face? I was away at the time, coming back the next day so I had some time to think what I wanted to do about this... when I got back and saw him I said to myself, if I forgive him, I will feel like I disappointed myself, like I am letting him disrespect me. I barely kissed him, I thought I was gonna be able to control my anger but I told him "you know while I was away, i was thinking, we've had some problems and things are not same, but I left you a card saying how much I wanted things to work, I thought things were fine and I was coming back willing to work in the relationship but when I saw ur comment on FB I thought, what am I doing? I changed for you 'cause you were to jelous, I changed so that you could trust in me, then you started complaining about the one I became, so what do you want? I can't believe you can make some other girl feel beter about herself and you can't do that with your girlfriend. That hurts, 'cause all I hear from you is "I love you" but when I ask you why you can't give me an answer and get on the defense to why do I ask you such question, that I should know that well. So you know what, you can't make me feel good about myself, you lead me to think everything is ok, well no everything is not ok and something just doesn't click." He told me, you wanna break up? is that what you are trying to say?? so I said yes that's exactly what I want. Give me a reason why we should be together, tell me a reason why you love me, you don't say anything so there you go, I won't waste your time and you won't waste mine either. He cried called me names, told me how I lied about everything, that I can't love him. So after hearing him I told him that after hearing all the things he said there was no way I was getting back with him. I told him he was free. Now he blames me for breaking up with him but he doesn't wanna focus on the problem when confronted. I told him he will never be happy with anyone until he finds satisfaction with his life. That he'll never make anyone one happy if he's not happy with himself.

      I just don't feel right getting back with him, because he used the excuse of being overwhelmed and that I didn't do enough. No, I did enough and you and all of us have to be sure of what we feel and think don't let a guy make you believe what you think is wrong. Stand up for yourselves and if they love you they will change but make sure if you get back with them, it's because they want you back. Otherwise, they are manipulators and will leave you alone when they find out they can't make you feel sorry for them or make you feel guilty for things you ladies didn't do. Then they'll go find someone with no personality they can dominate and control.

      Do not let them guilt-trip you. You feel worthless and self-conscious because your men are confusing you, contradicting themselves and they are loving themselves more than they are loving you. This is destroying you inside, don't let that happen to you. We were born alone, we don't need a partner who won't bring us up, who won't enhance our happiness. Any person would feel bad to make the one he loves feel sad or beneath the rest. So don't kid yourselves. The only way you can save your relationships is if you respect yourselves first, then the rest will respect you and no one will deviate you or make you doubt of your feelings and believes. Be strong and end those unhealthy relationships. I was with my BF 24/7. It was hard the first week, i wanted to die. But time will give you answers and he never phisically tried to contact me only thru text. He doesn't feel bad, he's made himself believe I am the one to blame 'cause I didn't blow him anymore? No. When someone wants to fix things one talks. Love is the same in men and women so don't find excuses. You ladies can find a whole new world after him. Don't think you gotta make it work because you love them and no one out there will put up with you. That's just the effect of the relationship with the man you are with has left you. WOMEN BE STRONG!!! LEAVE THE MAN TO FIND OUT IF HE REALLY IS A MAN OR A MANIPULATOR (insecure) YOU TEACH A MAN HOW TO TREAT YOU SO STAND UP TALL NO MATTER HOW FAT OR THIN YOU ARE, YOU ALL DESERVE TO BE HAPPY AND BE RESPECTED! END THIS CYCLE!

    • Ms Chievous profile image

      Tina 6 years ago from Wv

      Hurt and confused.. Wow! what a predicament. Remember you always have choices. If you think there is love between you and your spouse then get some counseling.. If you have doubts about him now then you will have more later. Get him involved in trying to fix this too. If he doesn't want to go through counseling then he makes your choices even easier...

      best of luck..

    • profile image

      hurt and confused 6 years ago

      I happened to come across this page while searching for how to deal with suspicions of a cheating husband.

      The day before we were married, I discovered nude pictures he was exchanging with another woman while looking through his text messages. I had been looking for information on the wedding site from his brother, but instead found the pics. Some from her, some from him. His contained very hurtful suggestions with them. We had just found out the month before that I was pregnant, so I just sat on the bed for a minute floored that this was happening. It's a high risk pregnancy, and I cant help that sex is off limits.

      I left the house for a bit to clear my head, but then returned and confronted him with it. He seemed more shocked than hurt, acted like he was crying but didn't shed a tear. Said he just wanted to feel attractive to other women, but couldn't answer me when I asked why. He deleted her contact right then and said it would never happen again. I told him if it did I would be gone. We got married the next day, though I was surrounded by a cloud of gloom.

      Its been a few months, and I find that I still have problems trusting him. I sneak and read his text messages, which I know is wrong. Lately, I've found him sending messages to this one girl that he "misses her beautiful ass" at work.

      I don't know what to do. I've been laid off and we are basically relying on his salary. I have no proof that he is doing anything other than this kind of texting, but he works an hour away. He can tell me that he is going to be late, that something has come up at work, and I have no way of knowing if he is being honest or deceitful. I just don't know...

    • profile image

      me 6 years ago

      ms chevious - I feel exactly, like exactly the same as you... my bf and i have been together for 1 year and 2 months...its so good to hear other people feel the same way, he just says im a crazy insane jealous idiot and makes me so upset about it, im in the same situation and its ripping our relationship apart...i cant be bothered to deal with it falling out of love with him and its his own fault and if i confront him he just gets angry and makes things worse...he just says "i haven't done anything" and that BS ive heard a million times before...he said "ill never do it again" and he does it again and again and again...i love him and i feel stupid for being in a relationship where im not appreciated and worst of all LIED TO..when supposedly he loves me, but he doesn't mind hurting me REPEATEDLY...i have suffered a lot and have had dark thoughts...he just saw me writing this post and said you don't have to act all sad and mopey just to get a reaction out of me! he says im being a drama being honest! what am i going to do?

    • profile image

      annie 6 years ago

      This is making me think a lot.

      i have a boyfriend who will be caught firitng sometimes, but it is always harmlessly, or so he claims. He has not cheated, nor do i think he will because the only girl he ever said "let's meet up to" lived 3 towns away, and he made sure that he was hanging out with me that night, enabling the possibility. Yet, i find myself feeling like there's two sides to him, and it's killing me inside & constantly leaving me doubtful & stressed. When he's with me he treats me like an angel, and though he tells white lies, he has never asked anyone at his school to hookup or do anything. This is because he probably knows tthey will take it seriously.. then leading it to actually happening, which i don't think he's after. I know he loves me but the flirting bothers me a lot. He is pretty good about it, but when he does do it, it hurts because i always have to wonder WHY? and it's hard because it really just bothers me because i don't want other people thinking he doesn't care about & love me. I don't know why I care so much about this, but i do. I flirt too, a little, so i understand that maybe it's just a harmless confident-booster, but mine never talks about actually doing something or having a 'crush" on the kid. Everyone is telling me I just have to realize that he doesn't mean it and would never go through with it, and that he just does it because it's his personality. he has changed completely since before he was with me, while he used to be a non-honest and non-loyal & caring boyfriend. Then, when he started dating me, he became perfect... except for this. i just don't want other girls thinking he is going back to his old self or that he doesn't care... because i'm insecure about that. i want everyone knowing he cares about me. The thing is, is that it's begenning to disgust me. It makes me angry with him when i'm not even with him & now i'm always stressed out wondering if he is fliritng. But i'm at a new school (I used to go to his school) now and so the change is hard and it's leaving me doubtful :/ Do i ignore these things? knowing that he would never go through with them and knowing that he doesn't do it to anyone who lives close, or that goes to his school? The only people he flirts with that goes to his school is just little fliritng like "i have a crush on you hahaa" but never actually initiating something.

      what do i do? i want to stop caring what other people think, because I, myself, know he is going to be loyal, but i can't for some reason. it just bothers me... help!

    • Ms Chievous profile image

      Tina 6 years ago from Wv

      I guess If I was all sweetness and Light I wouldn't have published this hub! Thanks for the comment!

    • MickS profile image

      MickS 6 years ago from March, Cambridgeshire, England

      And females don't flirt? Be real.

      This is just another sexist hub trying to promote negative ideas about men and that females are all sweetness and light.

    • Ms Chievous profile image

      Tina 6 years ago from Wv

      Yes Chelle, don't give up on yourself! I hope you are finding ways to channel your anger. Therapy might be a consideration as you have the most important job of being a mom. No sleep just adds to everything. If you can't get to therapy, get yor little one and go for a walk. Grab a friend if you can.. It always helps. Anyway walking has always helped me clear my mind. Please take care of yourself as you are figuring out what to and thank you so much for following up with us.

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      Chelle 6 years ago

      A follow up. Miss Chivious, I thank you for your response. Its hard to find the words sometimes and "disrespectful" is the key word.

      After I posted on your hub I spent about a month beating around the idea of confronting him. I considered the other advice given, it was good advice but I had a hard time just letting things go. My body was an issue but its not the issue. I had a constant stream of hate and anger running trough my brain and an infant that allowed me to sleep maybe 3 hours a night. My strangth was drained.

      I bothered my friend constantly with my thoughts, until she brought her own boyfriend into the conversation. It was his words "yea, men are tempted all the time but you never act on it. You should leave him now before you leave ruft up & stressed out" among other things that where said I couldn't stand silently, I grew some balls.

      The result.. apologies. Really, these apologies mean nothing. Every thing was dismised. I still think about it daily. I believe Im starting to secretly hate him. Not much of a secret. I asked when I confronted him "If I were to tell you I don't love you and leave you, how would that make you feel?" His response was simply "hurt".

      There is no passion in his words or his eyes. Im just disappointed & hurt that this is who I chose to be my sons father. Instead of feeling comfterbal I have regrets. His actions, are selfish. He purchased the p90x fitness system for me for mothers day - because I did tell him how I feel about myself. Need less to say 90 days later, hes lost almost 50 pounds :/

      I have to add to the other women that have posted after me.. Don't give up ladys & don't lose yourself. Its always best to stand your ground. And if you feel stupid, or he says you are dumb you can stamp a guarantee on his forehead that your dealing with an asshole.

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      A Lost Army Wife 6 years ago

      my husband openly admitted to flirting with girls on facebook while hes been overseas. upon me asking him to delete these girls it caused a fight, he told me it would make him look like an asshole but i didn't care how it made him look... i felt uncomfortable with it and tried to stress to him that how i feel about these girls should over power how he looks in front of these girls. he ended up deleting them and told me that i got what i wanted and such.

      then he called me dumb... i found emails from before from girls telling him to "come get in bed" with them, now i know very well that he cant do that because he is over seas and 7000 miles away, but i don't want girls talking to my husband like that. i did not however see what he said, he said he just responded with LOL. my husband is a beautiful man and no doubt has no problems getting women. i don't see myself as beautiful as some of these girls, but he told me he came back to me and he didn't pick them.

      if he didn't pick them why did he have a problem ridding himself of them? he has a picture of us as his default for the time being but no one knows how long that will last. and he has accepted our marriage status but it is hidden on his profille.

      i just don't know what to do at this point without causing my marriage to fall apart.

    • burning bush profile image

      burning bush 6 years ago

      Women should seek out older men. We are already properly trained:) I did enjoy your insight. I am going to read more.

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      Carol 6 years ago

      Do not accept this BS from your boyfriend, etc. I do not think anyone in a serious relationship should be flirting with anyone. why??? It is BSSSSS

    • profile image

      isitworthit 7 years ago

      Came across this looking for answers to my bf flirting on facebook. his fb was not active, but activated it while i was on a trip to new york with my girlfriends. he said it was just a game and completely harmless and had no intention of cheating and never will. he wrote to one girl " ya i have a gf but i still want you lol". and to another girl "we should hang out". mind you, these girls do live in the same county as us. he willingly gave me his passwords to fb and email accounts and said he had nothing to hide. he said he was feeling insecure because i went to new york without him. his reasons are understandable but i also don't wanna make excuses for him either...

    • profile image

      marie 7 years ago

      i have lived with my boyfriend for 8 years but I'm going to retire and know my life will change. He doesn't allow me to make any changes in his house but he is more than happy for me to help pay the bills (I am willing to pay half with no problem). He has been married twice and that has affected the way he relates to me. I am thinking of moving out. He likes women and told my coworker on the telephone that she has a very nice voice. I have given so much to this relationshp but I don't feel that he has given back.

    • profile image

      Stacie 7 years ago

      Honey, it is no good to be crying silently. Share your most with him, and tell him how lost and lonely you feel and need his support, that you want to lose weight and will he help you... or alternatively, be determined to be the best you can and draw him to you again with your inspiration and strength to be a sexy, gorgeous woman who loves herself! Nothing is more attractive! use that built up energy of pain to do something positive for YOU. No need to bring up what you have seen online, it is, what it is. What we all want more than anythng is deep intimacy and great intimate sex, you are in control here and can rebuild it-best thing, don't tell him he is wrong and accuse him-get him to open up to you, by opening up to him first. You have nothing to lose by being vulnerable and being pro-active about your self esteem, go get it back!!!.

    • Ms Chievous profile image

      Tina 7 years ago from Wv

      Oh Chelle,

      My heart goes out to you. This is a difficult spot to be in. Sounds like he may love you but he has a lot of growing up to do. With flirting you just don't know where or if he will draw the line. In any case it is disrespectful to you

    • profile image

      Chelle 7 years ago

      I came across this hub looking for answers to my own delema.. Im 27 and have been in a relationship for 2 years (and a new mom of 2 months)

      In the begining of my relationship only a feel months in I found a dirty text my boyfriend sent while drunk. I confronted him that day and is reasons where excuses full of holes. I lost complete trust in him and found it hard to see him as the man I was falling in love with. He became 2 people. The one I loved and the other I felt he hide from me.. I haven't let my guard down and from then trust has been an issue. Its been hard to look at him the same as when we first met and I question his actions almost daily. He's made serious life changes since we've met, no longer the party animal everyone else knows him as.

      Unfortunately due to facebook my insecurities continue. Ive found myself checking his profile daily. He started going on at work and the female friend requests started to rise. A few that made me uncomfterbal (and i expressed that to him.)I've been online when he has,he'd say hello and have some small talk then it would seem as if he was busy as our 3 line conversation would take 10min or more. I logged off and logged on his account while he was still online and encountered the IM messages he was having with other women while he was talking to me. Some harmless banter but one specifically was sexual in nature. The girl he chated with is also in a relationship and recently had a baby last June. They joked around as I watched the conversation tick. I wanted to run from our home. I wanted to attack this girl as she told him to tell me hi as he told her to tell her man hi too. She even said "maybe I'll friend request her" as in me. I deleted him off my profile, a childish action that i quickly retracted as i re'friend requested my fiancé. Then I deleted and blocked this "women" from his friends list. I've started to wonder if he would ever physically cheat on me.I pondered confronting him throughout the week. I had witnessed a private conversation, was it appropriate for me to bring up what he had said since I was snooping?. Do I just let it go and hope for the best? In those moments I decided it was my son and I.That his actions could be that of a cheap thrill.

      Prior to me being pregnant I was in prime shape, something that I miss. Being now insecure with my body, 40 pounds over weight.. He hardly looks at me the same. He still calls me sexy but he now looks at porn on a daily basis and sleeps as far away from me as he can when we go to bed, our backs turned toward each other. I cry at night hoping my son doesnt have to experience a broken home. I don't want to leave this man if his actions are those of every man.I love the person that he is when he's with me.Aside from work he's never with out me. He sends me texts through the day telling me he loves me & misses me (now us),sends random funny emails to brighten my day. Cooks dinner every night and really never says no to me and gives me everything I want with in reason. He never talks bad about my mother and can tell almost always when I'm upset.. Reading this hub I've found myself in most of everything that's been said.

    • rebu profile image

      rebu 7 years ago from Coorg,India

      Thnx for the hub..i will be back to read more..

    • fasam08 profile image

      fasam08 7 years ago

      yea u r right but trust me when u meet the person face to face u get shock cos in the pic she or he looks so hot cos u know they could play with the pic and make themselves pretty or handsome and fb is a crap!

    • Ms Chievous profile image

      Tina 7 years ago from Wv

      My Digets You are right, Flirting is another thing! Fasam08 FB can be very much a temptation!

    • fasam08 profile image

      fasam08 7 years ago

      facebook is a crap .. i used to have an account on facebook and i signed in when i knew that my bf had got one. when we were apart he got an account and i sneaked through his profile but nothing was there he does have some female friends but mostly his friends are from the university and his profile has no privacy settings and he also never commentend on a female pic and if he does that would hurt me but i am sure that if i was in his place i would do the same if we were apart cos it is just a agame at the end. to be honest with u i love to flirt with men but in my heart i just have one person u cant stop some1 from watching attractive things my advise to u is to have self-esteem and trust ur bf in everything ... a man is like a baby if he finds the right girl who truly cares for him he will never let go of her. now when i tried searching for him on fb i coudlnt find him i think he is sick of fb and deactivate it

    • My Digest profile image

      My Digest 7 years ago

      Gosh, a look is okay but flirting is another thing. I've turned off my chat option feature in Facebook because I do get a lot of invitations to chat online. It is so easy to think there is no harm to flirting online because it's online. But it is these little things that start the fire. This is a good hub..makes us think about stuff too.


    • wsp2469 profile image

      wsp2469 7 years ago from Alta Loma, Ca

      If you love something let it go . . .

      I couldn't help but respond to this hub with one of my own. Thanks ahead of time for being a good sport!

    • stricktlydating profile image

      StricktlyDating 7 years ago from Australia

      Ensure your Boyfriend's Facebook 'Relationship Status' on his profile says 'In a relationship with..YOUR NAME HERE' it can stop some of the women he flirts with from getting the wrong impression. If I were you I'd also put up a photo of the two of you on your own Facebook Profile, and 'tag' him in it, this way the photo will also appear on his profile...So other women will see it when they are checking out the shirtless photo he's put up!

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      Theresa 7 years ago

      I agree with all the posts that ultimately flirting and cheating is about low self esteem, or wanting attention. And also immaturity.

      In my mind, why be married if you want to cheat, or flirt a lot. What is the point? be free so that you can dine at the whole buffet, if that's what you want. I've been both-totally into flirting and being "available" but once I'm committed to a man, I just can't DO it anymore, because I value our relationship and his feelings. But I think if men have insecurities, they will tell themselves their wife/girlfriend is not "meeting their needs" and so justify flirting/borderline or overt cheating, but in reality, their needs must be met from WITHIN, and only they can do that for themselves. If they aren't willing to own that, it could be hard to be in relationship with that person for long. I know, my fiancé is a borderline over the top flirt...its an issue...this hub is making me think....

    • Ms Chievous profile image

      Tina 7 years ago from Wv

      WOW Itsnot.. looks like this hub hit home with you. And yes I agree that men are weak when it comes to the area of women, flirting and crossing the line. Hmm I feel another hub coming on..

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      ItsNOTAcceptable 7 years ago

      I have been with my boyfriend for over 4 years, in a long-distance relationship might I add. He is an intelligent,charming,handsome guy who has been a ladies man most of his life I'm sure. Girls don't care if he is taken. They probably think, "well I've known him longer" or "we would be better together". They must wonder why we he is still with me rather than them. But my boyfriend is out of this world flirtatious. Most of the time, he probably doesn't even realize because he is such an innate charmer. He is kind(when he wants to be) and has a smile that will brighten any room. But then other times, he is sending girls anonymous messages on facebook or can't stand the fact of not having everyone's friendship(mainly women). I know that insecurity and needing the ego boost are the primary factors, but I'm having a hard time accepting it. To be honest, I think this(along with some other long-term relationship issues) will be the beginning of the end of our relationship. I have never been in love before and it hurts me to know that he is befriending girls who are superficial, nasty, homewreckers, fake, etc. Sometimes I feel he doesn't know his worth, but his arrogance makes me feel otherwise. He knows women adore him and he knows they are messy, but he keeps on flirting and accepting friendships. I have never been a flirt. Of course, once you begin dating the person there's some flirtatious activity. But I have never been the one to bat my eyes, and smile at guys, or even be open to them flirting with me. So it is very difficult when you are in love with someone who is the opposite of you in many ways. He knows he is special, and sexy, and capable of being a wonderful man. Why jeapordize your future with a sincere woman to make your ego feel better for the moment? It is really sad when people take advantage. And it is too bad that we all have our own weaknesses that are difficult to shake. But priority is always better than "living in that moment". So ladies, I wish you luck with your man. If you love them like I love mine, I hope you can work it out without belittling yourselves and justifying his every selfish/egotistical action. A man may be alot of things, and he should make sure he protects his woman, their relationship, and their love(if he calls himself being in love). And when men flirt with women(which ultimately leads to cheating bc men are WEAK regardless of how big their muscles may be), they open a can of worms that screams "It is okay for me to disrespect my woman/family and it is okay for you to do the same homewrecking H**". Excuse my language, but it just angers me and none of you sincere, loyal, beautiful, intelligent women deserve it. And neither do your children. Because they will grow up thinking it is okay to hurt their girlffriend's feelings because she will take it and they will think its okay for their boyfriend's to hurt their feelings because if mommy took it, why shouldn't I??? Goodluck and God Bless!

    • Housewife profile image

      Housewife 7 years ago

      Men and women are mostly flirtatious by nature. He already knows you're into him, so he doesn't need to flirt with you. He's seeking ego boosts! Even better, he can make himself anything he wants to if he's meeting strangers. And the person who left a comment about lacking self-esteem is very much correct in everything she said to you. You do realize that on Facebook, what you're interested in has choices of Men or Women, right? So, since he's straight, he chose Women. If he put his reason for Facebook as looking for "Relationship," then you should be upset. It may be harmless flirting, but it definitely can escalate into cheating. I have to say that another commenter, Marina, is not the only one to deal with her kind of situation. It is common and it can be dangerous and emotionally brutal if he flirts or cheats with the wrong woman.

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      mellziegirl 7 years ago from Baltimore, MD

      Just having undergone a very painful breakup with a very immature 47-year-old man (I'm 44) who flirted nonstop whether I was present or not, I can say that it is NOT the sign of a big ego, but rather the sign of a lack of self-esteem on his part. This is much, much worse, and should be a danger signal to you. I say run from this man, he will hurt you by dropping you just when you need him the most, because he feels inadequate.

    • Ms Chievous profile image

      Tina 7 years ago from Wv

      Good for you for working it out and trying hard. I am still in the relationship just waiting for the other shoe to drop I guess. I figure it won't long until he lets his guard down again and I find he is doing the same thing. He protests his love to me yet sometimes his actions don't match his words. It sucks... because it just breaks my heart.. Oh well I am the fool that lets it go on...

    • profile image

      Marina 7 years ago

      Ms. Chievous,

      Sorry to hear about your boyfriend. I discovered that printing the incriminating evidence is the best. They can't say they can't recall sending that e-mail message. Nevertheless, the hurt is there and it's hard to trust again.

      My husband e-mailed all these women in his work place and all over the world. He wanted to have lunch with them and told them how gorgeous they look and their bodies. It broke my heart to read this. We had a loving relationship. He just couldn't handle the stress of every day life and a mentally challenged son --- so he decided to reach out to these women for cheap thrills? He said he would stop but how do I know that? It has been going on for FOUR YEARS. OMG... I love him so much and my kids that I am willing to see a marriage counselor to work it out. *sigh* I am always crying, hurt or angry for the past three weeks. I keep telling myself.. THis will pass... How does one regain trust in their spouse or boyfriend? I always felt that if the trust is gone, so is the relationship. Maybe I am wrong. It's so easy to give up on relationships instead of working on them nowadays. I really want to work on my relationship because I love my husband.

    • Ms Chievous profile image

      Tina 7 years ago from Wv


      I am kind of in the same boat after finding some emails about my boyfriend wanting to meet another woman. I confrotned him about it, but he could just not recall sending that email.

      Flirting is all about the intent I think.. is the intent to create an opportunity for a fling or is the intent to to feed the voracious all consuming male ego? If these woman are in the geographical area then watch out! His reaction when you confront him will tell all. best of luck to you ( and to me too for that matter!)

    • profile image

      Marina 7 years ago

      I just accidentally found out that my husband of 21 years was flirting with 12 women on the internet. Sadly, my 16 year old daughter found it on the computer! We printed the e-mail trails and it burns me as I read him lusting all these women. I thought he loved me and I thought we were in a loving relationship. This was flirting but he was LUSTING all of these women. He's 53 years old. Is this a common thing? I kept asking myself - what is wrong with me? I think I am above average in looks and have maintained my weight. Why does he desire these 12 women over me?! Our marriage is in serious dire now. Any feedback is appreciated.

    • Ms Chievous profile image

      Tina 8 years ago from Wv

      Dohn121,Maybe it's the reaction part that my guy's after..I really don't know.. But be rest assured I have a plan to find out! That will be another hub :) And Yes we are still together. and How did you know I was the best woman on the face of the Earth? hehehehehee

      Brenda, Yep..flirting is dangerous territory It's all about the intent I think

    • profile image

      \Brenda Scully 8 years ago

      interesting hub..... a word of caution there too........

    • dohn121 profile image

      dohn121 8 years ago from Hudson Valley, New York

      For some guys (and girls) somethings are just not enough. You could be the best woman on the face of this earth and still, the guy you're with will flirt with other women just to get a reaction that he is wanted. Some of us will never be content as that is a part of human nature. Some of us will also argue that all of us, "can look but can't touch." And believe me, I'm justifying his actions, but I understand. By the way, are you guys still together :D