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Why Men Want Women, Not Little Girls Masquerading as Women

Updated on December 25, 2012
gmwilliams profile image

Grace loves to write commentaries on psycho-cultural and sociocultural dynamics in their myriad forms.


Men Respect Independent and Self-Assured Women

Any intelligent, mature, and self-respecting man would prefer an independent, self-sufficient, and aware woman. Men today value and respect women who are their equal. It is less stress on the relationship when a man has a self-sufficient and independent woman. Men want a woman who is able to be an equal participant in the game of life.

Men can easily spar with independent women who are their social and intellectual equal. Men can be themselves around an independent and self-sufficient woman and does not have to resort to mind playng and manipulative games with them as he would a more submissive, damsel in distress type of woman. A self-sufficient and independent woman is very attractive to men because she does not "need" them as she is quite capable in making and earning her own way. The self-sufficient and independent woman views men as desserts and as equals. Just think of Katherine Hepburn as the prototype of the self-sufficient and independent woman who could hold her own with any man.

Sexually, the self-sufficient and independent woman is a dynamo. She is not afraid to ask for what she wants sexually. She does not adhere to societal sexual rules and roles and is quite comfortable venturing beyond the traditional sexual arena. She is not afraid of being a wild person or a sexual initiator in bed. She is also quite frank regarding her sexual likes and dislikes.

In the job/career arena, the self-sufficient and independent woman is a plus for any man. Many men in committed relationships whether traditional or nontraditional appreciate the fact that their significant other is an equal contributor to the household. This means that he is not overburdened with being the main provider which means less stress for him. In fact, he admires and respects such a woman because she represents an adult who can equally carry out her responsibilities, not a child who needs to be taken care of and supported.

The self-sufficient and independent woman makes for a stimulating companion to a man. She is proactive and a participant in life. She is not a passive little girl to be pushed around. In fact, men respect her more than he would a damsel in distress who is constantly needy. Men actually despise needy women for they are drain emotionally, financially, and psychologically.

In fact, nothing is more distressing and more onerous to men than to be in a relationship with a woman who is needy i.e. a damsel in distress. In this "relationship" , the man is the dominant partner while she is the passive partner. A man in this relationship is the father, the ever omnipresent one, and "the master" who assumes all or most of the responsibility. He is the one who always gives and gives without anything being given in return. A "woman" who assumes the role of the damsel in distress always wants to be rescued and supported. She is under further assumption that because she is a woman, she should not have to burdened with the responsibilities of life and that she should be taken care off.

Progressive, modern, and intelligent men do not appreciate nor want to enter into a relationship with such a type of woman. She would be considered an onerous burden to him. This type of woman is a harbinger of a bygone era where women were expected to be taken care financially and emotionally by men. However, in this day and age, women who are damsels in distress are derided and viewed as immature little girls or prima donnas, not strong and mature women who are equal participants in life. . Damsels in distress or passive women are the weakest link in womanhood and they have no survival skills either in work or in life.

This type of woman is not savvy and is more likely to be abused and manipulated by men because she is not assertive enough to express what she wants out of life and relationships. The damsel in distress is to be avoided like a bad habit. She is just a little girl masquerading as a woman. She is the type of woman that any right thinking man would leave for a more assertive, strong, independent, and intelligent woman. While the damsel in distress is a dinosaur on its way to extinction, the self-sufficient, independent, and assertive woman is here to stay and is growing in numbers. To paraphrase the song by Aretha Franklin and Annie Lennox-there was a time when people used to say that behind a great man was a great woman; however, times has changed and there is something that I have to say to you sisters are doing it for themselves. We are standing on our two feet and ringing our own bells! Amen to that !

Type of Women That Men Prefer

What Type of Women Do You Think Men Prefer

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    • profile image


      5 years ago

      I really enjoy reading and also appreciate your work.

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    • profile image


      5 years ago

      I am a strong, confident, intelligent young woman who is quite capable of providing for myself, but when/if I marry, I do hope my husband will be the main "provider" for my family, because I want to be able to stay home with our children. Since when is this seen as a weakness or inadequatcy? I DO want him to be the dominant one, but I don't want to be a "damsel in distress" I do want to be feminine, but not incapable. I feel we see the traditional marriage very differently. You seem to see it as a strong, educated man supporting (emotionally and financially) his damsel in distress wife. While I agree that there are a lot of women that like to play that role, I see traditional marriage as a team of people who simply have different tasks and responsibilities in the relationship. He earns the majority of the money, I balance the family finances, he fixes the car, I fix dinner, he helps the kids with homework, I clean house, etc.

    • profile image


      7 years ago from Dayton, ohio

      May I be the first male to respond. As a man I can honestly say having a woman who depends on you for everything is tiresome.

      My parents were very close and loving. While my father worked the farm, planted and harvested the fields, fed watered and butchered the animals my mother cleaned the house, fixed the meals and tended the garden.

      They worked together to keep our family going. Their labors often overlapped. Many times my mom helped dad with chores in the field. My father often changed our diapers when needed.

      My siblings and I also had many chores which became more important as we got older.

      My mom was very independent, She loved my father a lot but could handle things on her own. When dad died she lived by herself on her own terms for 17 years right up till the day she died.

      My late wife, while a city girl, was also very independent. I worked outside the home as she took care of the kids. When I was home I changed my son's diapers, " something my father-in-law didn't understand" When I lost a really good job when the company closed down my wife got a part time job.

      After I found steady work again she stayed with that job because she wanted too.

      I am a man and I do want a women,not a little girl.

    • gmwilliams profile imageAUTHOR

      Grace Marguerite Williams 

      7 years ago from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York

      Amem to you sister. Amen.

    • profile image

      Arlene V. Poma 

      7 years ago

      Whoooooops!!!!!! Please forgive me, gm. My bad. I addressed you as "Sir" in my last comment (Shirley MacLaine). I am sorry. But you got me. It was the silhouette in your profile that stuck in my head, so guess what? Anyway, as one independent woman to another, thanks for the read on this holiday weekend. I run into a lot of women who have been married for 30+ years. Although they try to tell you they are "happily married," you can see that they aren't. When you don't make yourself #1, how can you take care of business? Yet, women do it all the time and become slaves to their boyfriends, kids and husbands. When they feel this need (and are crushed by constant guilt) to blame themselves when anything or anyone goes wrong, what's the point? Enough, already! Don't enable, fix or feel you are responsible for anyone. There will be nothing left of you or a life of your own. And if you rely on a man to support you happily ever after, that's a loser's game. I know women who left all the responsibilities to their husbands, only to watch him die or leave. Or stay his nursemaid and find it "noble" that she has given up her life to take care of the man. Who are these women trying to kid? When you have to start all over again because you don't know how to fend for yourself, you will have nothing but regrets in your old age.

    • LADYGIRL profile image


      7 years ago

      You are so right, I think you have to equally yoke. There a lot of intelligent and assertive woman out here, but it seem as though some men(assertive) can't find us. And them they will find the little girls, that's when it will become a mess. I've been single for about 5 years now, but I most say I'm the owner of my business that I have to tend too. And I write of course for Hub Pages. I'm very happy and self-sufficient as well, "AND I'M WOMAN."

    • gmwilliams profile imageAUTHOR

      Grace Marguerite Williams 

      7 years ago from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York

      To slaffery and Arlene V. Poma: Thank you both for your marvelous input. I, too, am an independent and self-sufficient woman. I believe in doing for self because when you depend upon a man to take care of and support you, that can be taken away quickly. Furthermore, since money is power when a man takes care of you, you have to concede your liberties so to speak. I do not intend to do this, I am my own woman now and forever. Amen my sisters.

    • profile image

      Arlene V. Poma 

      7 years ago

      Thanks, gm. Just between you and me, I can't afford a big, white horse, so I'll settle for my 2000 white Ford Ranger. Don't laugh. It's PAID for! Oh, yeah. Voted up and interesting.

    • slaffery profile image


      7 years ago from Kansas, USA

      I found this to be a very interesting article. You are such a great writer and I enjoyed reading this.

    • gmwilliams profile imageAUTHOR

      Grace Marguerite Williams 

      7 years ago from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York

      To Arlene V. Poma: Right on, my sister. I love your response. You are a strong woman, go on ahead with your bad self. Great response, amen!

    • profile image

      Arlene V. Poma 

      7 years ago

      Personally, I don't care what a man wants. If you can't keep up with me, I'm getting on my white horse and leaving you in the dust. I have way too much pride in myself to be passive or needy. But, at the same time, there are men out there who happen to like the art of the rescue. They like having a ball and chain. Swings both ways. I had a man who was needy and wanted to be taken care of. See ya, Bud. I'm down the road.

    • bryteyedgemini profile image


      7 years ago from Oklahoma

      You know, I actually found that interesting, honestly it has been my experience that quite often men are not prepared for a mature, strong and self assured woman, but I am who I am and the right man came along who loved me for my strength and assertivness and he was deffinitely worth the wait


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