Why Do People Lie With Confidence and Uproot Relationships
Greed may increase one's predisposition to lying— Psychologist Joshua Greene
My Observation to Detect Lies
Ever since I regained consciousness, I have seen lies all around me. I have also told lies, but I did not tell a lie that hurts others, for instance, I lied either to save someone or to normalize the surrounding environment. In fact, by nature, I am not a prolific liar and I dislike lies that harm others or lies that are clearly denied with confidence. Whenever I lied, I admitted it when needed.
I have been observing some people who are very skilled prolific liars lie so confidently that your mind stops working. Such liars can be more toxic than poison even if you feed your blood to such dishonest people, they can never be yours.
According to psychologist Bruno Verschuere, “The truth is self-evident by nature; you do not have to manipulate words for that, but lying requires a lot of energy and brainstorming.”
What Psychology Says: Reasons behind Lying
According to the research published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology in 1996, most people can’t live without lying once or twice a day.
According to National Geographic magazine, here are the reasons for lying.
- When we turn away from reality
- when we try to hide our ugly face
- To attain endless desires
- When we don’t benefit from honesty
- To fulfill our financial dreams
- To cover up our mistakes
When We Turn Away From Reality
About 2% of pathological liars does not accept the truth if it is not according to their interests, as a linguist George Lakoff said while unveiling such liars, ”if the truth comes to them in a way that does not meet their standard, they will either deny it or never acknowledge it.” These habitual liars, seeing the truth with their own eyes, flatly deny it.
When We Try to Hide Our Ugly Face
To hide bad habits and dirty mindsets, about 8% of people lie so confidently. The lie grows like a virus that we can’t control it later, then this becomes part of our daily life from which we can’t escape. Such people instead of correcting bad habits, try their best to draw their positive image through lies but fail.
To Attain Endless Desires (Personal Gain)
It’s very important to rein in the horse of desires, otherwise, it will crush you. Many endless desires arise in humans on which basis, he sets many goals. To achieve these goals, about 15% of people set their minds in such a way that they lie with confidence, deceive people, and show dishonesty without any guilt. The society they belong to has taught them how to play with the minds of others to achieve their desires. For example, if a man marries a woman and in this woman’s family only wealth is given importance, then such a woman will continue to pursue only wealth all her life, she will have nothing to do with this man except lying and collecting as much as possible.
When We Don’t Benefit From Honesty
According to researcher Tim Levine,” we start lying when honesty is of no use.” Some people are forced to lie because being honest, they suffer a lot and their livelihood becomes very difficult. Lies are widespread in our society, an honest man cannot fight the whole society. In that case, he has no choice but to go and live in the forest. Man seeks his benefit in everything, this is his nature and when something does not help him, he goes the other way, which of course, is the wrong way.
To Fulfill Our Financial Dreams
About 16% of Politicians, including ordinary people, seem to be running after financial gain. If our intention is only financial gain, we will continue to cheat our relatives, acquaintances, colleagues, and even loved ones. Politicians make big false promises to the people and when they come to power, they forget everything. The financier Bernie Madoff, for example, was caught defrauding investors and as Richard Nixon lied to become a Politician. There is no more skilled liar in the world than a politician is.
To Cover Up Mistakes
As the saying goes, “to err is human,” and makes mistakes. 22% of the world’s best experienced and skilled liars try to hide their mistakes in every possible way instead of admitting them. If a child makes mistakes and tries to hide it, we will call it his innocence, but if adults do the same things, they cannot be called innocent at all because they do it deliberately with intellect and consciousness.
Can Honesty Be A Good Policy If It's Not Beneficial?
How Lying Uproot Relationships
It’s very easy to lie but, it’s very difficult to hide it. In relationships, lying can be venomous that we cannot even guess. Lying is short-lived and injurious to life. You cannot defend your lie for long and it gradually eats relationships as if termites eat wood. Lying exposes our bad images and people stop trusting us. Good relationships start to rot by consistent lying and then eventually end. According to Friedrich Nietzsche,” it is not a matter of worrying that you have lied, it’s a matter of concern that I will not trust you from today.” When it’s proven that you are a completely dishonest person then it’s almost impossible to win back the trust of the people.
How to Deal With Lies
I know it hurts a lot when you find out you’ve been lied to and a liar continues to deceive you with a lot of confidence, then what should we do in such a situation?
Some strategies should be adopted keeping in view the different situations of lies.
Strategy # 1: Don’t React While Observing
When it becomes clear that someone is constantly lying to you, you don’t have to do anything. Be quiet and take a closer look at all the events related to the problem. Don’t rush, sometimes little silence and seriousness reveal all the secrets. Give the liar a little time and see when he/she reacts; it is also possible that the culprit may or may not be innocent.
Strategy # 2: Pretend As Amnesiac
If a liar is dear to you and you want a liar to admit mistakes that will reduce your anger, show him/her that you are suffering from amnesia and you don’t remember anything. Under the pretext of forgetting, ask liar tricky questions so that the truth comes out.
Strategy # 3: Try To Fix Privately
Every human being has self-esteem, of course, even if he is a liar, no one wants to be naked in public. It is also possible he has lied for some reason. In that case, you should try to have a private conversation and find out the reasons behind the lying. Obviously, it is very important to make the liar feel guilty, but publicly proving someone a liar can make him worse.
Strategy # 4: Gather Evidence against Lies
In some cases, silence would be utter nonsense, you don’t have to yell or hit anyone to prove lies. Sometimes every way to get the lies out fails so all you have to do is to assemble the proofs against the liar. Everything related to the offender, email, text messages, voice records, and other materials must be properly collected. Everything can be denied, but the evidence is like your fingerprints that cannot be denied.
Can Lies Keep Relationships Healthy And Alive?
This article is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge. Content is for informational or entertainment purposes only and does not substitute for personal counsel or professional advice in business, financial, legal, or technical matters.
© 2020 KANWAL YOUSAFZAI