Why Do Women Choose Losers?
The Perennial Victim
This is a very sad subject and I will try my best to be sensitive, but I truly believe that if I am too soft and pull punches (no pun intended) then I will not be doing my readers any favors.
Scenario: Our story revolves around a young lady who we shall call "Judy". Judy is thirty something, has three kids by the same guy who we shall call "L" for, you got it, "Loser". Judy is young, bright, hard-working and everyone loves her.
L is big, funny, handsome in a boyish way, and athletic. He has lots of friends. He is very popular. Unfortunately he is also marginally unemployed, a drug addict (meth, coke, crack, alcohol, take your pick), and abusive to women.
Recently, Judy came back from a hard day at work to find her boyfriend L barricaded in their apartment, holding the kids hostage. She pounded on the door, begged, and pleaded but L would not let her in. Judy smelled crack and pot smoke in the air. She panics, calls her mother (who has told her countless times to leave the bum) who promptly calls the cops. The SWAT team arrives and sets up outside the complex, but L won't come out.
Sounds like an episode of COPS huh? Judy's mom goes straight through the cops and beats on the door, screaming at L to open up. Finally she just crawls through an open window, gets the three kids (crying hysterically) and comes out. It turns out that L is no match for an enraged grandma.
The cops storm the place and take L into custody.
Happy ending right? No way. L's dad is rich so he gets him a good lawyer who pleads him out to a lesser charge and L gets rehab and some community service plus time served. Oh yeah and a Restraining Order to keep him away from Judy and the kids. Getting better anyway, right? You'd think so but you would be wrong.
You Chose Him
Judy and the three kids (ages 1, 2, and you guessed it, 4) move into grandma's house. Judy promises that this time it's over and she will never see L again. Grandma loves the grandkids, believes her, and takes them in of course no questions asked. After all there is a restraining order and L is still in rehab.
One month after that L gets out of rehab, promptly goes and gets drunk, goes to grandma's house and threatens poor old grandma (who is neither poor nor particularly old). Grandma calls the cops but L is long gone by the time they get there and anyway it is low priority on the police scale of importance.
Judy gets mad at grandma for interfering and takes the kids back (crying hysterically) and moves back in with L, who promises for the millionth time that THIS time it's different.THIS time, he's changed for good. Two months later she is pregnant once again with mistake number four.
A month after that Judy gets worried when L does not show up for three days straight, then goes and finds him holed up in a crackhouse with a hooker.
Judy and the kids move back in with grandma.
Why Do Some Women Put Up With This Type of Behavior?
All of this is true and of course this is just one remarkable incident
in Judy's history with L. We are talking about years and years
of physical and mental abuse and anguish generated by one cowardly Loser. Not to mention the trauma and mental scarring of the innocent
children, or the poor grandma.
Why would a woman with so much promise take so much abuse. True Love? Force of Habit? Selfishness? The need for a good project perhaps (man fixing)?
I would not allow this kind of guy to get near my daughter. What would you do if this happened to your Judy, your own loving daughter?
GET RID OF THE BUM. GET HIM OUT OF YOUR LIFE. NO MORE EXCUSES.
For your sake and for the sake of your children and all of the people that love you, you must run as fast as you can the other way.
You can make all of the excuses you want, how much he promises to change, but you know what? Very, very few people in life actually change their ways. That is just Hollywood baloney and you can't afford to keep taking that chance. The odds are stacked against you. And it is not your responsibility to get him cleaned up. He needs to do that for his own sake. Your responsibility is to your children and to grandma.
And let's be totally honest. Deep down you know whose fault all of this is. Deep down you know it is ALL YOUR RESPONSIBILITY. You deliberately chose this Loser!
After he hit you, you went back to him. After he beat you senseless and put you in a hospital, you took him back and had your first baby. After you caught him in bed with other women, you got angry and left, but took him back after two weeks. Then you had another baby. When he had that DUI and they arrested him and found the crack pipe under the back seat and they told you that, by the way, he had a transvestite hooker with him, you still took him back (weary now, tired of fighting, angry at yourself, thinking of suicide). Why? Why?
YOU DO NOT DESERVE THIS TREATMENT
But until you acknowledge that it is your responsibility and that you need to make permanent changes in how you perceive and love yourself first, then you will continue to go back to this type of abusive relationship.
LOVE YOURSELF FIRST
There is help out there. You are not alone. The National Domestic Abuse Hotline at http://www.ndvh.org/ can help you. Your local Police Department can help you. Attorneys can help you. Please get help.
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