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Why You Are Still Single

Updated on June 21, 2009
handsome young man
handsome young man

The Successfully Single Syndrome

I have interviewed more than 20,000 single professionals over the past 20 plus years.  The majority of them were bungling their pursuit of the right marital partner.  This is so prevalent that I have christened this phenomenon "The Successfully Single Syndrome," and authored a book on the subject. 

pretty young woman
pretty young woman
mature handsome man
mature handsome man

Lives of Quiet Desperation

Some individuals merely withdraw, disillusioned with the whole singles scene. By this action, they eliminate themselves from situations with the potential of making a connection. These poor souls may reach their late 30s or 40s leading lives of quiet desperation. The Successfully Single Syndrome is the leading cause of the epidemic that leaves people single and unfulfilled. Precious time has been lost. Months or years have been invested with the wrong person.

Today's Singles Scene

Today's singles scene is turbulent.  This dramatically affects our lives with consequences that will last for generations.  All that served as the foundations of a stable society is crumbling.  It was not that long ago in human history that a young man and woman would fall in love; get married; raise a family; and grow old together.  Individuals would select a partner in high school or in college, where they interacted daily among numerous candidates with similar interests.   With the arrival of the birth control pill; the sexual revolution; and some of the more strident varieties of feminism, mating rituals changed radically, resulting in the postponement of marriage for most people.   

mature pretty woman
mature pretty woman

Quasi-Successful Serial Monogamous Relationships

The problem is a combination of actions, and inactions, day after day, relationship after relationship. The syndrome results in singles remaining single. I want to focus on the plethora of Quasi-Successful Serial Monogamous Relationships. These leave people successfully single in their aftermath and unsuccessful at finding their soul mate. My mission is to help you evaluate a potential partner and save the one thing no one can create more of in their life—time—as you pursue a relationship to find love.

see the happy couple
see the happy couple

Starting Over

After years of demoralizing first dates and failed Quasi-Successful Serial Monogamous Relationships, people tend to become less selective in their dating choices—and may ultimately marry someone who comes along at just the right time and is at least "in the ballpark." This is a major factor in our horrendous divorce rate. After a period of time, and sometimes after creating children, they find that whatever brought them together in the first place no longer exists. And after divorce, it becomes even more difficult to find love. For one reason, the children you now have introduces huge complications.

love blooms late in life, too
love blooms late in life, too

Find Love after Divorce

A truly modern, and disturbing trend, is the incredible rate of divorce we are now experiencing.  The large selection of potential mates in high school or college does not exist in the adult world.  Once out of school,  one will never again socialize with hundreds of those of the opposite sex every day.  There is less opportunity for dating and less time to spend searching for appropriate marriage partners.  People get busy working their way up the corporate ladder, starting their own enterprise, and perhaps traveling extensively, or even relocating repeatedly, for business reasons.   

the goal
the goal

Find Love

How do we break this vicious cycle and find love for life? Tune in next time and I will make my best effort to answer this question.


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    • dashingscorpio profile image


      9 years ago from Chicago

      I think a lot of people don't know what it is that they want. In short they really don't know who they are. It's not uncommon for them to follow the lead of friends or family when it comes to deciding who would make a good mate. Not everyone is looking for the same thing or needs the same thing once you get beyond the basics.

      Another issue that keeps people away from happiness is having unrealistic expectations of a potential mate. Some are asking for the moon without having much to offer. "Don't expect to sit next to the moon unless you're star." Most of these people wouldn't date themself if they were in Mr./Ms. Perfect's shoes.

      Some people put so much pressure on themself that they forget dating is suppose to be a fun activity.

      The best thing that can happen is you'll meet your life partner. The worst thing that can happen is you'll have a funny story to share with your friends.

      No one is asking you to make a decision on whether to cut the red wire or the blue wire. Your life is not hanging in the balance!

      Be Yourself, Be Positive, & Have Fun!

    • Dr Nancy Kenyon profile imageAUTHOR

      Nancy Kenyon 

      11 years ago from Orlando, FL

      feeweewv— Thanks for your comment.  Each individual has a story and unique situation.  In general, in today's singles scene, if one feels "marriage doesn't have to come . . . "  it won't!  It takes sincere effort and maybe a comparison with a time when one was feeling the complete happiness found in true love.  I'm not a believer in "what one doesn't know won't hurt them."  Hobbies, friends, failed attempts, inappropriate attempts, and denial will never replace having a loving, life long soul mate.

      If you feel perhaps your "too forward!!" you are simply approaching the wrong target.  How about a matchmaker? :-)

      Best to you!  I wish you well. 

    • feeweewv profile image


      11 years ago from Between A Dream And Reality

      I'm just looking for respect and happiness. Marriage doesn't have to come... it might and that would be good, but if it doesn't respect and happiness. I put myself out there. I don't like being single nor do I shy away from situations where I might meet someone. I don't know what I'm doing wrong. Maybe I'm too forward... sigh

    • Dr Nancy Kenyon profile imageAUTHOR

      Nancy Kenyon 

      11 years ago from Orlando, FL

      lightning john,

      I hope they love you back! Thanks for reading and commenting.

    • Dr Nancy Kenyon profile imageAUTHOR

      Nancy Kenyon 

      11 years ago from Orlando, FL


      You are welcome! Thank you for visiting!

    • Dr Nancy Kenyon profile imageAUTHOR

      Nancy Kenyon 

      11 years ago from Orlando, FL


      No marriage is perfect and you pick your battles once the concept of unconditional love is pretty well formed.  Like offering a way for the ever tiniest bend from your first choice, to a blend of your adversary and their suggestion.  Frankly, it is in the doing that dyads progress in love, commitment, loyalty and duty; that the individual comes to terms with the self.

      Sometimes, when individuals are not thoroughly actualized, they can unite in this journey together.  Marriage fails when growth differs in quality and quantity, cumulatively and permanently.

      I always enjoy reading your contributions.

    • lightning john profile image

      lightning john 

      11 years ago from Florida

      Im married to two girls at once! One Asian and one American, ones black and ones sunburst. Stratocasters!

    • shamelabboush profile image


      11 years ago

      Wow! breath-taking hub! I was as if reading about myself... Thanks DR.

    • Dr Nancy Kenyon profile imageAUTHOR

      Nancy Kenyon 

      11 years ago from Orlando, FL

      Gypsy Willow,

      Thank you! The bonding thing, with compatible goals, might work. You have some interesting ideas.

    • Dr Nancy Kenyon profile imageAUTHOR

      Nancy Kenyon 

      11 years ago from Orlando, FL

      Tom Cornett— Pardon me . . . I'm still thinking about your cows :)

    • Dr Nancy Kenyon profile imageAUTHOR

      Nancy Kenyon 

      11 years ago from Orlando, FL

      Candie V,

      Selective is definitely better! Thanks for reading!

    • Dr Nancy Kenyon profile imageAUTHOR

      Nancy Kenyon 

      11 years ago from Orlando, FL

      Doug— Thanks!

    • Dr Nancy Kenyon profile imageAUTHOR

      Nancy Kenyon 

      11 years ago from Orlando, FL

      James A Watkins— Thank you.

    • profile image


      11 years ago

      Thoughtful topic. I'd love marriage to be a union with another, but remember in relationship a person has to be in union with oneself first, because how can a genuine union occur when there is already devisiveness with one's own self? Know yourself, ask questions about your real beliefs...marriage is the paramount gift of oneself to another, so a genuine gift cannot be made to please another. Marriage is the best you can muster to give constant and ongoing. First, show up! Be gentle and kind and married to yourself, love yourself that you can "love your neighbor" is a command of Christ. Marriage fails first in our own beliefs. Is that true?

    • Gypsy Willow profile image

      Gypsy Willow 

      11 years ago from Lake Tahoe Nevada USA , Wales UK and Taupo New Zealand

      Why should people aim to be married? I've been married and so often it plain sucks. I am much happier on my own and able to do what I want when I want. not so easy I agree when chidren are invoved. I think a more flexible arangement would work better, maybe a renewable bond, reviewed every five years perhaps. Excellent hub.

    • Tom Cornett profile image

      Tom Cornett 

      11 years ago from Ohio

      An Aunt asked me once,"Why are you still single?" I in return asked her,"Why are you still married?"

      Good hub....good things to ponder.. :)

    • Candie V profile image

      Candie V 

      11 years ago from Whereever there's wolves!! And Bikers!! Cummon Flash, We need an adventure!

      Oh, I've done the 'desperate' route. Now more selective!! Good hub!

    • profile image


      11 years ago

      Well said Dr. kenyon!

    • James A Watkins profile image

      James A Watkins 

      11 years ago from Chicago

      I think this is your best Hub yet. Well written and interesting ideas. Thanks!


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