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Why You Keep Hooking up With the Wrong Men

Updated on May 24, 2019
EvieSparkes profile image

Evie Sparkes is a published novelist, content writer and company director from the UK.

Why do Some Women Always Go For The Bad Boys?

Have you ever wondered why some woman always, but always, get with wholly unsuitable men? Over and over they go for the same type. It's like they are programmed to ONLY fancy the one's that are going to bring them trouble in one way or another.

They don't even see the good ones. They aren't on their radar. They'll bypass a good one for a bad one every time and then they'll complain that they keep getting the wrong un's.

The thing is, that if we tell ourselves that we keep getting something, then in my experience we keep getting it, whatever it might be. We have programmed 'bad boys' into our subconscious so we find them in abundance.

It's like when unlucky people go on about how unlucky they are. They're unlucky because they keep telling themselves they are. If a woman is convinced she always manages to hook up with a bad boy then she's always going to end up with one until she decides otherwise.

Trouble Means Exciting

Some women actually like the excitement that being with a bad boy brings. They love the highs but then they come crashing down with the lows. They get hooked in the cycle of high/low. They start to live the the highs and take the bad just so that they can have what they consider to be the high.

The thing is that when we live for a high, we feel crap more often than we feel good and we are placing our high moments on him when what we should be doing is finding our own highs. Actually, being on a level, is far better for our mental health than any of the crazy stuff an unsuitable guy offers us. It becomes like a drug though. All women stuck on this merry-go-round can see is that guy.

Wise Up

Women attracted to the wrong men don't usually do the dumping. They are the one that get's ditched, and generally without much feeling or sensitivity. Although this should be a lesson to them, it isn't.

They long for the roller coaster emotional ride once more. Even though they might tell themselves they want to find a good man, deep down they are addicted to the bad kind.

Women trapped in this cycle don't actually realise it. They think they somehow attract these men and they don't understand why. They are emitting a vibe that says 'come get me' only they have no idea.

They will continue to moan about the fact they they can't seem to find a good man, only they aren't really looking for one. Men can sense this a mile off.

I'd love to see women caught in this cycle wise up and do the ditching because it would be a start on the way to them finding someone better, someone kinder, someone loving, someone who gives a shit.

How to Change Your Mindset to Find A Better Man

As with anything in life, it is completely possible to change the way we react to our desires. We can alter our preference by doing some inner work.

How do we do this?

We stop going on and on about always ending up with the wrong men and we start telling ourselves we always attract the good one's. We set an intention to meet a good but exciting man. Men can be both you know. Every time we think we are attracting the wrong men, we counter-act that thought with the opposite. We absolutely always get what we expect to get in life.

You Are Better, You Deserve Better

You deserve the best. Why would you think it's okay for a man to treat you that way? Tell yourself that you are better than that and you DO deserve better. Tell yourself ten times a day if you have to. It's been proven that affirming something repeatedly changes our overall perception.

What does a good man look like?

He respects you, he is kind, he texts you first sometimes, he puts you before the guys.

You have fun the majority of the time and not just tiny moments of joy, full on lasting ones. He laughs at your jokes even when they aren't funny and he encourages you to go for your dreams.

There is a good one out there and he is just waiting for you.

Comments

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    • EvieSparkes profile imageAUTHOR

      Evie Sparkes 

      2 months ago

      goodness knows why we want the hassle of a challenge all of the time!

    • dashingscorpio profile image

      dashingscorpio 

      2 months ago

      “They don't even see the good ones. They aren't on their radar. They'll bypass a good one for a bad one every time and then they'll complain that they keep getting the wrong un's” - So true!

      Young women in particular have an aversion to going out with “nice guys”. Whenever they encounter a “nice guy” they either ignore him or put him their “friend zone”.

      Love that comes easily has little value in their eyes.

      You could stick such a woman in a room with five guys and have four of them drop to their knees extending their heart out towards her while the 5th guy sits in a corner sipping a cocktail acting as if she does not exist.

      That will be {the guy} she wants to get to know!!!

      She sees him as being a “challenge”, “mystery” someone who will make her (earn) his attention and affection. If she finds out other women want him as well that raises his stock even more in her eyes. Some women love competition and nothing gives them more satisfaction than generating envy from other women.

      “Isn't it ironic . . . we ignore those who adore us, adore those who ignore us, hurt those who love us, and love those who hurt us.”

      – Ellen Hopkins

      “Women trapped in this cycle don't actually realise it. They think they somehow attract these men and they don't understand why. They are emitting a vibe that says 'come get me' only they have no idea.” They also need to know it’s not about who is attracted to you but rather who YOU are attracted to!

      Nothing happens until YOU say “yes” to someone!

      Each of us (chooses) our own friends, lovers, and spouse.

      Each of us has our own mate selection process/must haves list.

      Each of us has our own boundaries and “deal breakers”.

      If you’re having one bad dating experience after another it’s time to reexamine your mate selection process. The only thing all of your failed relationships have in common is (you)!

      When we change our circumstances change.

      Once again you’ve come up with another great topic of conversation! You are a very talented and prolific writer.

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