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Why did she stay? ...My parent's marriage

Updated on June 17, 2012

in the eyes of them

I stayed because of you" my mom convinced herself...

I never understood why she did though until i was a bit older...

Before i get to that part...

I was 9 when I wish my parents should get a divorce...it was a constant fight

Yelling...insulting I had never saw them happy..

Dad was a non resident father...he eventually left all the parenting to mom

and she was resenting him for all his adultery, his travelling and basically, his cowardice

But what amazed me most is that she was still married to him...

We had to watch them, listen to every words and yet they were still together

I was 17 when I nearly had a depression but they were still too busy...

after all she stayed for us, so we were fine, the family were still together

what family? since I was born i was living in fear on their break up until I gradually had to ask myself when is this going to happen...

Why did she stay?

I realise she wanted to prove her point...she got used to the fighting..it's was becoming a point scoring issue...

oh yes there was life as well...playing family and avoiding people talking about the consequences of divorce for the family...the children....it was fear...financial insecurities...she lost her job as a result of raising us...

Well i must say she has had a bad luck being with my dad...what can I say

It was all about them...

we would have been there for her, supported her ...we wanted her to be happy but she couldn't see us...we did not count...at least not in that way... she was too busy fighting

I was 22 when i left the house, they were stilll married...and I left ressenting them both.

I was messed up...we were all messed up...smiling kids trying to pretend everything was fine with our lives...but we were scarred....but they were too busy to know...

when we all left the house, exactly a year after i left, mom eventually left with another man....dad couldn't believe it...it was a family friend...younger than my mom...and she seemed happy...Dad was furious and jealous...she was happy and finally got back at him...but at that point it was too late for dad...he had cancer and it was spreading....

Reality is ,he was disconnected with us ...he was alone in his big house...we would only pay a few phone calls...he was too busy telling us how bad mom was to leave him for another guy... but we were big enough not to want to listen this time...

I did not really know my dad ...he died alone, in so much pain, in his hospital bed and I was one of the few people who was actually bothered to go there...he never saw my children...

Why did she stay? when she could have spared us? ....I never wanted to admit to myself how this has affected us...all I know is we are the most insecure young adults i have ever seen and we are learning the hard way...through forgiveness of our parents and learning to love ourselves the way we should have been loved.


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    • Bredavies profile image

      Bredavies 4 years ago

      This hub made me think of my childhood. When I was 8 my mom almost didnt leave because she thought it would her me and my sisters. thank god she did. But the physical fighting still plays back in my mind. THANK YOU for sharing something so personal. I can relate and I feel your pain. This must be shared. THANK YOU.

    • loulou2 profile image
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      loulou2 4 years ago

      Thanks Bredavies...

    • plussizepixie profile image

      plussizepixie 4 years ago

      Very touching hub and interesting perspective.

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