The Plight of Domestic Abuse and your Journey to Freedom
But Why Me! Why do I Attract these Men?
I am sure there are so many women out there who feel the way I do. I have been in a relationship with who I thought was a wonderful man. Well, fooled again, but he had the courtesy to wait 2 years to show his true colors. I sometimes wonder if I wear a victim sign around my neck that only certain men see! Don't get me wrong , I'm no angel, but I deserve better.But there is one thing I know to be true,this is not the kind of man I set out to find! So not only are they to blame but I need to fix what is behind the reason why this type of man is attracted to me.
Please! Honesty Goes a Long Way!
Why can't a person just be honest with a person right from the get go? How much heartache would that save and wasted time? Gee! What a concept! Hey, you might not want to date me , I beat women. Ok, Great !I'm not getting back on that train anytime soon! Thankyou for your honesty! Can you imagine!
Do I sound like a broken record?
I really hope I am not sounding all over the place on this difficult subject! Its just that I get so emotional and I probrably am venting a bit! It just feels so good to talk about it! So when I meet a man and ever want to date again,after this crazy relatiinship ends,Just tell me, I'm honest with you! Save us both time. Thats all I am saying! I know there are other women that feel the way I do! Most woman are pretty honest about who they are when they meet a man. Or, maybe that's the problem, we put ourselves in a vulnurable position with someone we hardly know!
Love me- or leave me
Come on! Isn't it more fun to make love not war? This is such a popular subject which affects a large part of our population. I am just so tired of fighting my way through life and relationships. It's just not worth it anymore!! And by the way once again I am feeling quite worthless again today. Emotional abuse just as bad, remember that, Please, it leaves emotional scarring that sometimes may never go away. It seems like I take 2 steps forward only to be knocked 2 steps back again. That's what abuse is you start to feel better, then you get slammed again. Depression sets in, inadaquacy, and serious doubts about yourself and your own self-worth. What a toll it takes on a person's mind and spirit,and not forgetting your body. Loving someone is not this!!! This is not LOVE!!!
Therapy and Abuse Victims
Started therapy with of all people, a man, a very kind,gentle,understanding man. I didn't feel threatened at all. Actually to my surprise I was quite at ease with the whole process. There were plenty of tears, I felt embarrassed and angry at myself for falling for this again. He told me it was a cycle and together we had to break it. and to stop being so hard on myself. I was not to blame, nothing I did made me deserve for this to happen to me. I still couldn't stop thinking maybe if I couldn't of been a better girlfriend, exactly, thats what he wants me to think, the therapist says!! I like him ,I think I will come back, I know I will come back! BABY STEPS! One day at a time, what a big step to go to therapy, no one knew until now, I'm sure! It feels good to have somone in my corner. COMMENTS!
I have noticed since I have been going to therapy I am feeling a strength I have never known. It feels good!! My Boyfriend is noticing it too, I think he feels threatened by it, he says things like , maybe, your good and you don't need a phychologist anymore!!
Please Forgive Me!
He has changed, it wasn't easy he says, but he did it for me. I feel special!! I feel almost guilty,because I feel like he did something he didn't really want to do for me or him. But anyway I do see a subtle change in his behavior, although sometimes it seems he is trying to hard and angry at me because he has to. I feel in my heart that if this man changed ,who I gave my heart to and trusted with my life, I still would not be able to let go of the hurt and pain he put me through. I do not trust him with my life anymore! I just can't let go of the fact that this man who held me in his arms when we fell in love and told he would never let anything bad happen to me again, I am his soft and safe place to fall, turned on me and betrayed me!! I am not an unforgiving person, but I am still afraid of this man.
Feelings of Guilt
It's so hard, I loved this man so much, I want to give him this chance because he really has made an effort to change, I have seen it. What if he does change for me, that must mean he really loves me, right? These are the thoughts that run through my head continually. I might never find another man, then I'll be alone forever!! THERAPY!! I need more therapy, I know that's what your saying. It,'s just so hard when he sit's in front of me with his heart in hand and promises he'll change and he loves me, PLEASE DON"T GO!!
Emotional Abuse Worsens
Well, He hasn't hit me in along time , he says he trying ,1 thing at a time, the emotional abuse is getting worse everyday. I would almost rather be hit. Emotional abuse is so hard on your self-esteem and your over-all well-being and your health for that matter. I have to get out!! I have to!!
It Takes Time!!He Says!!
How much time do I have , my esteem and well-being is suffering daily. How long do I have to wait before I literally fall apart from all the name-calling, put-downs, I just do not know how much longer I can wait for you to change. And should I even have to? I don't even think I have the strength to endure much more!! YOUR TIME IS RUNNING OUT!! and so is mine.
TO UNDATEABLE : lists no nos' for men
Sorry, not to just focus on the negative, we know there are good guys out there, but to the not so good ,please have the courtesy to to be honest and don't draw us in on the pain and drama. This article is about abuse not the good guys in the world.
No Business Being In A Relationship
I feel some individuals have absolutley no business being in a relationship If they are not emotional equipped to handle it. If you have severe personal issues that need to be handled, you need to solve your problems before you bring someone else into your life . You do not show someone how much you love them by handing them your baggage to deal with.Become a whole person and you will have so much more to offer and the person you fall for will appreciate it beyond your imagination. To all the individuals in this world who are attempting to fix their abuse problems, congragulations and GOOD LUCK! Your journey will will be well worth it for you and someone else that you may choose to spend your life with someday.
Love Yourself First! Please
Remember the old saying " YOU CAN'T LOVE SOMEONE IF YOU DON'T LOVE YOURSELF" ? Rings true, doesn't it? If you despise yourself, love your drink or drug of choice so much that it gets in the way of all rationality, you have work to do on yourself . Fix yourself, build your self-esteem, learn to love yourself, through therapy and much hard work on your part but worth the journey.You are lovable, you need to complete that journey to get to that place again. Worth the trip!!!
Working On Me!
In therapy, I have been finding out that I am partly responsible for attracting the wrong men. I am working on building my self-esteem and realizing that I want a man in my life but don't desparately need one.I am not going to settle for just anyone. I am worth more than that. I am also working on my relationship with my Dad.and our relationship hoping it heals me and makes me a more secure person.in attracting the right kind of man in my life.
So me and my boyfriend have ended our relationship again for the what, 100th time.He's crushed, another failed relationship, he says! He still wants to be friends ,maybe we can fix this and find our way back to eachother. I'm the one in therapy,What's his plan? It's hard, there were tears, but we knew if we stuck it out we'd end up hating each other or someone would get hurt, probrably me.I just can't wait for the outcome anymore. FRIENDS!
It just cracks me up, I'm an intelligent woman, have a college degree, I should be smarter than this.I know better , I practice and preach to friends on this subject, but here behind closed doors, I am dealing with the same demons. I guess becoming educated doesn't erase the past. I am using my intelligence now though, by educating other woman to seek help for themselves as to stop repeating the same cycle over and over, because we can't fix their problems only our own.But yes it is a viscious cycle and we need to dig deep to find the reasons why we are drawn to men who hurt us,they clearly dont love us or have our best interest in mind! They hang on cause we put up with their behavior. I am clearly a work in progress and in ongoing therapy with a wonderful therapist who knows every aspect of my story and is in my corner along with a support group.I know I dont want to hurt anymore!
My Dad and Me
My Dad never says I love you, and as his daughter growing up I always searched for love and the words I love you in the wrong places. Dads everywhere , it is so important to tell your daughter how special she is and how much you love her. You are her first love ,if your daughter doesn't receive the right signals from you she develops her own self worth and will search for love in all the wrong places. My Dad occasionally says it now but through many wrong men choices it seems its a dollar short and a day late.
Let us break this cycle!! We are worth so much more and deserve the best. We need to form a talk and advice forum for us to escape too and get advice and geniune advice from others in the same predicament. I would like to form this group now! So if you would like to start a new journey in your life making better choices, lets break this cycle together. WE CAN DO IT!!!! Contact me Linda We will start this journey together to a better safer happier life.If you leave me a reply I will give my number to connect with me. Shine On!! GIRLFRIEND!!
Making Men Accountable!
I recently watched a talk show and I was really impressed with it. A famous football player appeared as a guest. The topic was Domestic Abuse and it amazed me and really hit home with me when this man said We Need To Make Men Accountable With The Way They Treat Women! It is our duty to make sure women aren't treated this way anymore! So Men Unite and Speak Up On This Issue. I was so happy to hear a man talking about this.And to hear him say we have to make our brothers accountable for how they treat our women.Wow!!
What You Can Do To Change
Join a womans support group. Reach out to others, speak up about what you are going through so you have support around you. Keep copies of threatening conversations, messages on your phone. Get yourself a separate cellphone where he doesnt have access to your number for emergency My Family,my therapist and his sister are aware 0f how he treats me,it holds them accountable.Do not let him isolate you!!
Why Is It?
Why is it that men are not taught how to take rejection? What is wrong with those men who assume they are so special that their ladie should give up her life because she doesn't want to be with him anymore and he can't handle rejection? ReallyReally!!! And how many woman stay with these men because they are terrified to leave!! I recently told my so-called guy that supposedly can't LIVE without me,I don't care what he does to me,that's how bad I want out. I Told him I have a village looking out for me and they know everything!Well something to think about! My therapist applauded me and says I grew some balls! LOL It is so funny after I said those words to my guy he said he was just Kidding! HaHa
The Deal Breaker! Finally Free!
My last session with my phychlogist was a breakthrough. I needed to turn the table on my abuser,this had to stop!My doctor advised that if I felt in danger I should put my phone in record mode!Well I finally had to take his advice. I had surgery on my Achilles tendon ,non weight bearing for 2 months. I needed someone to walk my dog.We had bought my dog together so he was the best candidate for the job,Well since we didn't live together, it was a pain in his ass to get up early before work and come over to take her out.Well there was one particular day,I could tell it was wearing on him,when he called and said he wasn't feeling well and he'd be late! I told him to skip it. I would use my knee caddy and do it.I could tell he was pissed and he might still come over so I put my phone in record mode.He didn't live far.Peacefully resting with my foot elevated my door burst open,and the nightmare began!Screaming and yelling at me and me yelling at him to leave! He picked my knee caddy up and threw it at me As I freaked out screaming in fear,he preceded to strangle me.The cops burst into my apt.catching him in the act.With my mom and my friend trying to calm me down along with the police officer I remembered That I had recorded everything! Finally I had amunition against him! He is behind bars and because everyone knows what he did including his family,he is finally out of my life.Me! I have PTSD and I have to resume counseling to restore my confidence and trust.It will be a long time before I ever trust a man again! I will be spending some quality time becoming whole again! But for the first time in a long time I am calm,I am not afraid and I am somewhat happy again!THIS WAS MY JOURNEY HOME AND I FEEL SAFE NOW!
I Was Defenseless!
The real reason behind me being able to let go this time,not like other incidents,was I was totally not able to defend myself.And He knew this! Any feelings for this monster diminished once and for all.For some reason there was NOTHING left in my heart for this monster,as. I called him,I have prayed to God to help me get freed of his hold on me! I feel God had a hand in this and I feel truly blessed!!
"AND HER HEART FINALLY TOLD HER TO LET IT ALL GO"
So my story goes,maybe sounding a little irrational at times,it's still my Story.There will be tears,there will blame and self doubt,there will long nights with racing thoughts. But through it all I am a SURVIVOR! And I will never get on that ride again,because when I see a red light I will listen and not wait for change.I will stand proud and say "Mr.Conductor" I want my ticket back! And proudly walk away because I have had the worst now I deserve the best!!