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- Advice & Tips for Men in Relationships
Why do MEN lie about their age?
I had quite a shock recently.... I discovered that a male friend had been lying to me about his age?! Women have been doing it since the dawn of time, I just never realised that men did it. It really did surprise me, I wondered what possible reason a man would have for lying about something that seems to me, so trivial.
It occurred to me that he'd lied about all kinds of things, he'd had to because of the first, simple lie. Things like the ages of his children, the age he had them, how many years he'd been in certain previous relationships. I was completely baffled.... what on earth would make him do this?
I met this particular friend through a dating site, we saw each other for about three months. Although it didn't work out romantically for us, we have stayed friends.
At first, I found it quite amusing that he'd lied about his age.... it seemed rather "girly" and I made a point of teasing him about it at every opportunity. The more I thought about it though, the more I found it perplexing and if I'm honest, I was a bit peeved. We didn't make it as a couple due to circumstances but it turned out he was a lying sod after all.
When I spoke to girlfriends about it, they did the typical thing of tutting and saying things like "all men are liars" and "they're all the same" but I wasn't able to leave it at that. For some reason, I wanted to get to the bottom of this. I felt like a child... you know the type who continually ask "why?"
My friend was being of no help whatsoever, he shrugged it off and couldn't understand why I found it such a big deal..... neither did I but, I did.
People tend not to question why women lie about their age, simply because it's been going on for so long it's maybe expected and or accepted. The only time I've considered lying about my age was when I was 16 and wanted to get served alcohol in a pub.... turned out, I never got questioned anyway!
So.... more questions... why was my friend lying about his age freaking me out so much? Was it because he'd lied? Was it because I was curious about a man lying about his age? Did I have concerns about our friendship now that he'd been exposed as a liar? Would it have made a difference if he'd told me his real age at the beginning? I won't drone on with all the questions I had... that would be really boring!!
I've always assumed that women lie about their age because they have some strange notion that being younger makes them more desirable to men. This could possibly have something to do with females having an inner clock ticking away telling them they need to be married and reproduce. Do men make quick calculations when they meet a woman? Something like... "she's 32 now, we need to have a couple of years courting, 18 months to plan a wedding, maybe 12 months trying to concieve.... that makes her... blimey... too old for me" I thought that was what women did?
I needed to talk to a man about this! I have several male friends and enlisted the help of one who has never lied about his age. When I told him about my older friend, he asked how we met. I told him it was through a dating site and without pausing he told me he'd lied to get more dates!!
I don't know if you've ever been on dating sites but the one that I used to use (I've given them up now) gave you the option in search criteria to choose a from and to age. It could therefore be very broad... you could choose, for example from age 18 to 40. My friend told me that when he searched, he would put in a vast age range as he wasn't too picky... charming!! It seems that women are a bit more selective and would be more inclined to choose the actual ages they are interested in. I could see his point... I used to search for 38 to 45! I've never been interested in younger men but neither did I want anybody too old.
The friend who'd never lied to me about his age told me he did on the dating sites.... he's 38 but always put 35. He said that way a woman being selective and rounding up to the nearest 5 would find him, we choose in 5 year blocks apparantly? Being 38 would put him in the 35-40 box and would limit his potential for dates.
Unbelievable!! Nothing too complicated at all, just a guy trying to get himself out on a date.... it worked at least. I just wish he'd come clean once it was obvious that I was rather taken with him. By that point, I really couldn't have cared less about his age.
The truth had only come out when I'd invited him over for a birthday drink... when I questioned why he was so depressed about turning a year older and gave him a hard time for being a total misery guts, he finally admitted his real age. He was only four years older than he'd told me originally so it wasn't that much of a big deal really.
He came over for a birthday drink, or so he thought!! I'd made him a lovely three course dinner, got in his favourite wine, played his favourite music and got him a huge birthday cake.... it nearly took my eyebrows off, what with all 50 candles blazing!