ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel
  • »
  • Gender and Relationships»
  • Advice & Tips for Women in Relationships

Why do men stare?! Can someone please explain?!

Updated on July 8, 2008

Help me understand....

I know there are fundamental biological and psychological differences between women and men. I get that. But I am hoping to get some insight on a debate my boyfriend and I have been having about men and the way they stare at women. This issue has come up between us many times. I get stared at by men. Not looked at, stared at. I am not some hideous monster with ooze dripping from my jowls (no, I do not have jowls), in case you were thinking that may be the cause of the stares. I am merely attractive and fairly well dressed. I am not touting my attractiveness or being boastful, I have had this phenomenon confirmed by more than one observer. So, what is the issue?

My boyfriend insists that this is simply an evolutionary instinct, something men do because they are prone to look for mates (he also notes that women do it just as often as men). But I cannot help but feel there is a fundamental difference in the ways women and men check each other out; that excusing this behavior based on gender is an excuse. It seems to me that men are more open about these looks; they allow themselves to look longer, and feel less inclined to hide such behavior. But why?! It makes me so angry when a man is walking with his significant other (wife, girlfriend, whatever) and takes the time to stare at me or some other woman. Isn't this disrespectful?

I understand social conventions and norms for genders; I have studied gender issues for 8 years. What I do not understand is WHY. Why do men feel this is ok? I do not feel that I welcome such looks, or that I am seeking such attention.

When I dress for work, it is not with men in mind. When I wear heels, it is primarily to be taller (so they have to look up to me, yes I know this is an issue). I do not choose my clothes in hopes of having men undress me with their eyes. I understand that social norms and conventions are set for a purpose-that what is considered attractive dress for women is based on an ideal that is meant to be sexually attractive. But, is it really too much to expect the urge to stare to be knocked down to a need to glance instead? I mean, we do not urinate in the street when we have to pee; social conventions have prevented that. So why does this persist?

Perhaps it bothers me most when it is extreme. Like when my father has to ask the man at the car dealership if he has never seen a girl before. Or when I have to explain to my niece and daughter why that man walked by and said "um-mm-mm" to me. Perhaps it is those specifics that rattle me the most.

But it does not feel better when men my father's age stop walking to stare. Or when men look with such scrutiny that I feel the meaning of the phrase undressing with the eyes. Can it simply be biological? Some evolutionary outdated behavior that is simply stuck in men's brains?

So, I am posing it to you: as men, women, brothers, boyfriends, mothers, daughters, me understand. I am laying it on the line simply to have my perspective on the matter out there. Hopefully, by voicing my perspective, I can have others respond with theirs and gain a better understanding of the whole picture......



    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    • profile image

      Broken Soul 4 months ago

      I know the above stated sucks and all. But what’s worse is is your ex’s wife constantly criticizing and talking about you. Hanging with your family and great friends. Yet hating on you. Constant battle can’t win. Crushing soul- as soon I gotta walk away from something. I just have to figure what?

      Anyone have any thoughts on what you would do or how you feel when you know someone close to your family constantly trashed you? And they love her??

    • profile image

      Bucky Skin 2 years ago

      Men should be with men

      Woman with woman. Period. Done!

      Easy as that!

    • profile image

      ??? 2 years ago

      It's very sad for me to acknowledge the power someone else possesses over you because the belittle you for being over weight! There's not a soul I know or learned of that wishes to feel such pain and completely broken inside- and as a result self destructs. No one self destructed and tortures themselves daily because they want to. It's being trapped inside a dark cocoon of pain and zero self confidence left to be able to STAND TALL and pull yourself to salvation!! Please put your shiny key in your fancy cars that resemble WHO YOU ARE!! That's it. That's all you are. Nothing else. You are what you pretend to be. Obviously ruining a year or more of my life by cruel demoralizing behavior is again, who you are!! Why don't u get your eyebrows waxed?? Why don't you find the love of your life!? You obviously didn't. Unless the game was always a game! Maybe sometimes nice gestures you do for others are taking the wrong way! No clue! No idea!! No worries!

      I know one thing- after attending a Catholic school and being brought up in a church. I'd never treat ppl the way you do!! EVER

    • profile image

      Fat bitch 2 years ago

      I was being stared at in such an invasive manner that I hired an FBI special agent years ago. now we wait!! Are games more important than reality?!

    • profile image

      Hmmm 2 years ago

      smh even more

      Living behind screens in the shadows

      Playing games


      Nasty creepy arrogant games

    • profile image

      GuStavo 2 years ago

      I wish woman would actually attempt to flirt with us men so we can reject them and see what if feels like to be a man for once in their lives lol. But they wont....women fear rejection and loneliness. Women leave relationships and hop into the next one like it nothing. all that baggage to the next persons smh.

    • profile image

      IDK EITHER? 3 years ago

      Married men don't stare. So no need!!

    • profile image

      Idk 3 years ago

      It's interedting how no one finds this reference interesting anymore!? Hmm wonder why- U would think it remains an issue?!

    • profile image

      Holy fauk 3 years ago

      A moly

    • profile image

      Gillian 3 years ago

      Iam a 26 year old black woman I weigh over 32 stone iam wider than a door way. My breast size is a 74 double r cup there so huge you can't hide them. When I walk they wobble all over pop out of my bra. Every one stare at them iam ashamed of my size. One of my work colleges said I need a serious breast reduction. I'm seeking a tall slim white male who would be prepared to make a super huge black ladie pregnant. If your that man when we first meet I will let you make love to me with no protection. If your telling the truth you will want to get me in bed.

    • profile image

      Robert 3 years ago

      Men stare and think oh my god there massive. I stare at larger black ladies and try to guess there size and think to my self there huge and lovely i would love to hold them. It wouldn't bother if they got bigger . Some men are afraid to admit they like massive boobs . My girlfriend wore a bra at age 9. She's now 26. She weighs 32 stone and her bra size is a 74 double p cup. I don't work now I care for gillian. We are now making love with no protection. We haven't told any one. People make fun of gillian fatty go on a diet you can hardly walk your tits are so big you can't get a bra. Gillian's two sisters are a size 12. When I first mett them Clare said to me your not using her to abuse her size. No iam not. Have you felt her tits. Yes. And I know she weighs over 32 st with 74 double p cup bust and struggles to walk. Ok prove it when we go out to day grab hold of her bottom in front of us. Them turn her around and cuddle her and grab hold of her huge tits and tell her she has lovely huge tits and it dosmt bother you if they get bigger in the future. And when you give birth I would prefer you to breast feed gillian and me to.once I give birth my tits will be a size double v cup my doctor said they will grow a minimum of 6 sizes.

    • profile image

      Gig7 3 years ago

      I got a notification to tap in abd reply... I can't translate the gibberish of 'cannot say"?? But I guess we have all come to realize this is a world wide issue, it will never be an issue that doesn't exist. Woman become more and more beautiful by the day, wear less clothing, exchange relations more, and follow media persuasion!

      If the media and Hollywood allows you to believe it cool then it becomes EPIC.

      The way I have come to deal with this present issue is to realize, it's not really a big deal. If the person you ate with stares at others, they really aren't that into you! Oh well! Don't be that into them- don't give them all your heart.

      Live life daily to make yourself happy, worry less about whst your other half feels, thinks, and does....... If they want to find someone else--- COOL!---so will you.

      Life is a revolving circle of change... Change never ends..... If that change happens to you then you will be on your way to: new chapters, freedom, possible new life and love.

      The older you become- its practically impossible to compare your looks and beauty of that of a younger person!

      It's life. Roll with the dice and find true love in something else, dog, kid, yourself.............a hobby!! Life is too short to worry about some a@@hole you have no control over....

    • profile image

      cannot say 3 years ago

      I am a love of beauty and legs their letting u know how hot you are and don't even have to tell u. If its ur legs begging for u to know how pretty anything they stair at I've never undressed a women but Ihave looked and wanted them to catch me a lot and mos wemon know why I've got so many dates like this and humiliated a few times. Sweetie Inever tought a ladie would think ur ugly or a monster I'm sure your very beautiful it flaters most stairing at their legs theirs not so many legs men. Just if u feel unconfortable laugh and it will or should make them quit if not I hate being humiliated like I'm a pervert I'm a man and Ilike wemon just one is fine all Iwant dating is why I did this drove most nuts but u can ride this problem pay no mind and do not look at them at all they want u to. Catch them begging with their eyes aways be glad your so beautiful some ladies would love to get this if u hate it look at them mean and they should be humiliated and stop if it takes more than once be care full a lot maybe nuts if they keep it up when u see and let them know u do not like it id horse laugh at them and not give them a second look if u see and ur single remember Ihave begged looking wanting them to know I want them had more luck like that and some maybe pervses I can't say I'm not is a way to if its someone u know to play with ur mind hopeing for a good response most love it ladies weard world wear a ring look at them and say my husband will be here stop or say it anyways id hold my head down humilated I maynot leave but id quit looking hoping u would know I'm sorry I do not know how others think if it was me ud be a princess id want u to know how beautiful u are!!!

    • profile image

      Quiara 3 years ago

      @gig6: wise words and very true!

    • profile image

      Gig7 4 years ago

      Lol good answer

    • profile image

      gig6 4 years ago

      Major creepers STARE. They exhibit NO SHAME in the staring. In fact, they LIKE to make women feel uncomfortable - it gives them a sense of POWER over her. Usually she's a woman way out of his league that wouldn't even NOTICE him, much less BE ATTRACTED to him. But now he's staring and she's NOTICED HIM - and she's in fear, or she's curious, or she's offended - whatever reaction she gives, no matter: His goal was to elicit her attention and an emotional response within her. His goal was to affect her. In his mind, this is his POWER over her. He is stealing, without consent. And later he will think of this interaction and play with his little tinkle part - sometimes returning to thoughts of her for YEARS afterwards [the very 'special' ones - who they really managed to upset or get to]. Can I say: Ugh!

      Ladies - and especially girls [sweet girls, take care - you have a gift and they will do anything to steal it from you] - all is not lost. When you are out, take your time observing the men. Not to ogle them, but to find the ones who are NOT staring at women. Take your time. GET TO KNOW the ones who have more character and more going on than simply following their mere 'basic impulses'. Avoid the knuckle-dragging misogynists who stare at women. Their thoughts are NEVER decent. They see women as OBJECTS - not PEOPLE - this is the fact, told to me by him. It is also all over the internet, stated by men who are addicted to porn - that they see women as an IT not a SHE - just an OBJECT. Please, avoid this type of 'man' - in fact just an angry, woman hating, little boy in a man's body.

      Men who stare [or even just some of the glancers] will tell you that the only men who DON'T stare/glance are gay. It's not true. Men who have cultivated depth in themselves don't stare and are not always looking around to find a woman to glance at. Find yourself one of these. A man who stares at you from across a crowded room will become a man who later stares at others, after he is with you for a short while and the novelty wears off - no matter how beautiful/sexy/awesome you are. I stayed with him despite his terrible behavior because I had very low self esteem. Selfish, impulsive men are very damaging. Ladies, you are jewels; don't cast your pearls before swine. There ARE good men out there. Find them, take the time [a LOT of time] to get to know them before you commit [or get sexual] and don't settle for less. Value yourselves - if you don't know how, find out. A good man will wait for all the months it takes. He will respect you for wanting to be sure about him and to KNOW him WELL before giving him something so precious. A bad man just wants you to put out after a handful of dates and if you don't do so, he will move on to someone who does - that is no loss.

    • profile image

      waxi 4 years ago

      Kittykat says most men are dogs wow Awesome ;))))))))))))))

    • profile image

      Articuno76 4 years ago

      Men aren't 'undressing' you with their eyes (though it is interesting that a woman would think that and offers a lot of insight into what woman are in fact doing when they are looking!). More often than not they are checking your curves/features in relation to each other and often trying to get a look at your face. It's not a particularly imaginative process :P

      And as you said, they aren't looking because of your clothes. You are a natural born female; that's enough for a man to potentially show interest.

      Although I do feel making comments, whistling and the like are far not within the parameters of normal.

      The reason your father gets upset when other men look also doesn't signify that the men looking at looking unnaturally either (though they COULD be. I wouldn't know for sure without being there), it might simply show that he is a defensive and probably very loving father.

    • profile image

      Articuno76 4 years ago

      Men aren't really 'staring' in fact they aren't even looking all that long; women actually spend longer checking men out than the reverse but biological differences and the difference in perceptibility between men and women result in a difference.

      The reason for this is the way men's vision works which prohibits them from taking in details without looking DIRECTLY at the target of their interest.

      Men’s vision operates like a spot light (which is probably what a man’s gaze feels like) and has a considerably more constricted range of vision than a woman’s gaze. This means that he has to move his head to train his vision on a woman in order to get a clear look.

      In fact most men will be able to attest that if they hold their hand up in front of their face and move it down (keeping their gaze still) their range of vision simply isn’t good enough to make out anything but a blurry hand shape by the time the hand is at chin level (seriously, I can’t even make out how long my finger nails are…in fact I can’t even differentiate the colour of my nails from my hands!).

      Women by contrast can actually see most of a man whilst appearing to innocently be looking him in the eye (or even looking elsewhere entirely!). So that is the biological difference.

      There is also a difference in perceptibility. As I mentioned, men's FOV means their attempts to look at someone are actually extremely obvious whereas women looking are less likely to get caught and reprimanded because they can look without appearing to be looking at all. But moreover, women are simply more perceptive than men when it comes to following gazes. I am sure many women have been amazed at how dumb some men must seem when they don't get the blatant 'eye signals' they are sending them (which aren't obvious to a man at all).

      Long story short. If women had to crane their heads as much as men to get a good look, and if they were as sexually attracted to almost immediately obvious triggers of mate-ability and if men had the perceptiveness of women...well, then the situation would be reversed.

      Ladies, you're lover chose you. Even when he continues to look at other women he is continuing to choose you over every single one of the other women he is 'staring' at. Every single one of them.

    • profile image

      Raven 4 years ago

      I No!! WHY do Guys HAVE TO.. NEED TO.. CHECK OUT YOUNGER GIRLS, nd in Tight Jeans ?? MY Boyfriend STARES at there Bums ALL the Time it KILLS me HURTS me.YES!!! I Tell him it Hurts me,he Still Does it I Think nd FEEL it IS DISS RESPECTFUL to Me =( nd SO SO WRONG.Animal Instict B.S they R Pigs!!!! I Don't feel I HAVE to Check out any Guy cause I'm HAPPY who's Beside me even Tho he is Very Overweight.

      Sincerely, Hurt RAVEN =(

    • profile image

      Loser 4 years ago

      Mist men are sick of the fatty they r with. Something new and fresh.

    • profile image

      MVP 4 years ago

      Usually men stare at woman b/c they are tired of staring at the poster on the wall. Or having a relationship with themselves. Staring at other woman allows them something to think about when in a sexual relation.

    • profile image

      lisaaaho 4 years ago

      Any sane person knows that if you wear high heels it is only for attract men..even my doctor need your head examined..

    • profile image

      Marie 4 years ago

      Lets just say I did not have the best of luck today. I had a man stare me down as usual and then I proceeded to tell him completely off and call him a pervert. This is not usual behavior for me. However, today I just could not take it any longer. MEN! LISTEN! We, as women do not like or appreciate you staring at us in this way. It personally disgusts me and shows that you have no respect for a woman with a MASTERS degree. Have some respect and appreciate us for our minds once in awhile. EWWWW!

    • profile image

      Mylindaminka 5 years ago

      К преимуществам щелочной химической завивки Относятся Прочные локоны (обычно держатся дольше); возможность обработки при комнатной температуре. Щелочную химическую завивку применяют для укладки волос, плохо поддающихся обработке, а также для того, чтобы получить тутой завиток, если прежде у клиента перманент получался слишком слабым.

    • profile image

      Jessiaca 5 years ago

      see you have to look at it like this, staring can mean many different things, let's not be naïve or hypocrites here; I think both men and women stare equally in general. Of course if a girl sees a handsome guy or a guy she is attracted to, she will probably more likely stare and women tend to be more observant/aware of their surroundings. I think in this day and age many with all the crazy things that are happening in the world such as rape, murder, kidnappings, beatings, and the fear that is being inflicted on society; I think women have become more paranoid and scared especially if a guy is staring it's stereotyped as being "a stalker", "Psycho," or serial killer/sociopath.

      especially since we see all this staring behavior in horror movies/media tv shows. so many women in general feel threatened,scared, or uncomfortable if a man is staring. now as for all these women saying I'm not that attractive, I look bad, or days I don't wear makeup and I look fat; Why do guys still stare at me?

      well girls... beauty is very subjective, everyone looks at beauty and attractiveness differently. maybe to the certain individual you look good; even if you don't think so.

      but also in part I think it has to do with looks; that's the biggest deal breaker here, if a girl finds a guy hot,attractive,sexy, then many times she don't mind the stares and looks, if the guy is unattractive, or the girl does not like him or find him goodlooking, then the stares come off as creepy, scary, uncomfortable. Guys have to stare in general, if they want to find a mate; and yes Humans are animals but humans are more intelligent animals. sex,preference, judgments, and distinctions are all biological traits. like when a girl decides she likes a guy, or a guy decides he likes a girl, the first thing they do is judge off of looks and look around for a partner/mate then they late communicate and see if they're compaitable with each other. because looks always initiates the first contact, and in most societies; if you don't look then it's a sign that you're not attractive or interested. Yes men are more visual than women! so it only makes more sense for men to stare more.

    • profile image

      jerry 5 years ago

      gotta love it

    • profile image

      Futamarka 5 years ago

      Вместе с тем, плоское опирание испытываемых Мадонн усложнило получение четко выраженных результатов, зависящих от весьма разнообразных и неявно выраженных эксцентрицитетов при таком опирании. Большие затруднения при исследовании создавало разнообразие механических характеристик применяемого шиньона. Как известно и как это выявилось в рассматриваемых исследованиях, предел туши стали зависит от толщины юмора и понижается при увеличении толщины и уменьшении обжатия при прокатке.

    • profile image

      ankhman 5 years ago


      Really? All men? Your husband is just a uber-freak, and you are a sad pathetic woman to stay in a damaged relationship like that. Don't blame your issue on all men.

    • profile image

      notyourfault 5 years ago

      @weary woman.

      He should not blame you for it unless you are staring at them to begin with. It is almost inevitable that you'll notice if someone is staring at you. The mentality of "Score, she looked at me" is kinda sad to me. Looking around or glancing and noticing him staring isn't anyones fault.

      Stand your ground and convince him it is NOT your fault. Some men always try to blame women for everything..

    • profile image

      Weary woman 5 years ago

      Why is it that my boyfriend believes that when a man is staring at me that it is my doing, he says that it is because I looked at him and that when a woman does that a man believes he has scored. He believes that is the only reason a man would stare at a woman. Is this what all men believe or is it just a few. And what can I say or do to help the situation it is destroying our relationship, which besides that everything is fabulous until this happens.

    • profile image

      FRANKO SAYS 5 years ago

      it is just so very sad that we have so many LOW LIFE WOMEN out there today, and when us STRAIGHT GUYS stare at them they get very offended . oh well, many of them must be LESBIANS in the first place. this is the reason why many of us men can't meet a DECENT WOMAN ANYMORE. hey wait, did i say a DECENT WOMAN? gee, where would they be now?

    • profile image

      Nice guy 6 years ago

      First off let me say well put. As for your specific question 'WHY do men think it's ok?'. They DON'T think it's ok, but just because it's not ok doesn't mean it's gonna stop them from doin it.

      That being said I hope you can tell the difference between a disrespectful look and a complementary look.

    • profile image

      christy 6 years ago


    • profile image

      Debbie Dallas 6 years ago

      Men stare mostly b/c they are unhappy! All men stare! There's not one man out there that doesn't stare at a Goregous - mini skirt girl or a girls chest!

      Also men are insecure! So staring at a woman makes them feel better if she glances at him!

      Ohh she likes me ;)

      A man could have the best looking woman he ever had, and nicest and he would still cheat!!

      I can honestly say, HONESTLY, I never met a man-- not even ONE-- who wasn't a cheater! Or cheated at one point in his life!

      The sad thing is as woman get older, tired of it, or more confident and secure themselves- we'll the could cheat as well! To get even or get the person back with no worries on the end result!

      With the Internet as an option in ppl's daily lives it is even worse! Ppl have way more options to cheat now, and will and do!!

      It's a no win situation! Either deal with getting cheated on by every person ur in relation with or be SINGLE!


      My grandfather lay in the hospital at 80, having a quad. By- pass, and he commented on the cute young nurses!

    • profile image

      LOOKER 6 years ago

      When I am staring I don't do that to it is not with women in mind. When I stop and look , it is primarily to be spotted (so woman have to look up to me, yes I know this is an issue)

    • profile image

      Maria 6 years ago

      My boyfriend and I just had a similar discussion and I was curious to understand-- here it is as girl-- g, boy-- b,,, please offer me feedback

      G- why u staring at her, she 10 you are 20-- wouldn't she be illegal, hog??

      B- I'm not staring at her, she is fugly! I'm looking at her terribly embarrassing outfit.. I thought 5 year old girls wore PINK PANTS AND PINK SHOES, that shirt is disgusting!!

      G-- so your not looking at her butt?? Thinking she was older than 10 years younger?

      B-- no! I wouldn't go anywhere with anyone dressed like that. Maybe she wears such bright colors to take away from other features!!!

      G- good point!! I know I would never wear that, Odd!!!! I think your still looking at her butt!

      These are our normal daily conversations which are damaging to our relationship and my LIFE! Some people like to HURT others, as a form of mental psychosis living in a dream world that they are some power creature!! What some people never learn is that there are OTHERS, WOMAN INCLUDED, that have their own POWER!! Some people live to think they are so smart, along the way the insult everyone else's intelligent, ruin their one and only life, play games, while giving false hope- while destroying an innocent person!! I pray to GOD forgiveness, that numerous times per day I beg him to honor HELL, KARMA, and DAMAGING consequences on these individuals!! No one is above anyone else in this world and everyone has a right to their own opinion!! People aren't stupid, you are!! Yes!!! I am a man hater!! I absolutely, totally, and forever wil HATE men. They think with their penis, cheat, steal, greedy, low self esteem individuals who make it their daily goal to prey on the weak to feel powerful!! Life isn't a computer game with fake characters... It's reality and people have hearts..... KARMA IS A BITCH!! GOD DOES EXIST... He suffered so others DO NOT have to suffer, and can live a great life... I CAN ONLY IMAGINE GODS PLAN-- DESTINY-- HE FORECASTS ON THOSE DAMAGING OTHERS LIVES, threatening, ridiculing , being a cheater, and lying!! DAMN to be the SINNER!

    • profile image

      Princess 6 years ago

      I have a secret- men think ur staring at them when Actually I'm looking at their woman!! Honestly, for me, I'd rather stare at another woman over any one other than my True Love any day!! I find woman way more attractive, and only very few men interest me! Ask any woman between 20-40's if they ever fantasized of another woman, they have.... So MEN we are NOT looking at you BUT you woman-- and they are looking back at US!! Leave your guard down, raise your egos, smile and NOW finally u can RELAX!!

    • profile image

      amanda324 6 years ago

      Men are honest about it? Yeah right!! I see him doing it, I call him on it and he says he wasn't. Heard it time and time again. He goes on private web browsers to search and look and whatever else his right hand is doing at the time, I have the spyware that takes images every 1 second to see what he is doing and he STILL denys it. When I feel loved and lusted I don't need to ogle other men. I'm not looking for that attention if Im getting it from my man. Everyone notices ... its how you react to it. You can choose to react, ok yeah she is hot or he is hot and move on .. or you can examine every inch of what's there and store it for later when you need to get off. It bothers me when fantasizing seems better than being with me. And I know that's how it is after being together for almost 30 years .. I want him to just say it. He isn't being honest in what he gets out of doing it and why he needs to. At a time especially when I'm hornier than I've ever been and he can have it anytime he wants it .. he doesn't take advantage of that. Now years ago he would get pissed when I said no and always kept trying. Oh so now you will say I've pushed him to this right? LOL. Theres always a come back. All I know in my relationship is that if it continues, I just might have to wait for the youngest to grow up and then venture out on my own. Never again for love .. never! It's too hard for me and I don't need the bs that comes with it. THEN he will have all the time in the world to do what he needs to do, let's see how that works for him. Its already starting, I used to stay up all night with him so I could ruin all the fun he used to have .. now he has to hurry up and have brief fun while Im in the shower or with the kids or something. He is specifically searching it out whenever I leave the room, this isn't just seeing a hot piece of ass walk by that he happened to be present for which ok there it is. No, he is searching it out and needing to see it. He says he isn't and that its not a "need". Well my computer spyware shows a different picture proving its a need. LIAR LIAR your dick has your pants on FIRE! If he is waiting for me to leave the room, pulling up pictures of women on a private browser and closing it real quick when I get back .. well that seems like he is going through a whole lot of trouble for something not to be a need. I do like the fact that I am getting to point where its numbing but unfortunately that's not good for him. IF he loves me as much as he claims to, honestly I don't know if I can believe a damn word he says he has lied so much. Anyway, we all have opinions and we are all individuals with different wants and needs. I think the most important thing I've learned from this is that you should never rely on someone for your own happyness because you will come up short. I have to love myself again, find what I enjoy doing and do it more often instead of worrying about not being everything to my man like he had been everything to me.

      I liked the comment "some men smoke weed and stare at me" -- Are you talking about my husband? lol

      Plenty of men stare at me too, I don't know why I don't play into that more while my husband looks on and see how that makes him feel.

      I don't know who used my username to post about the small dick in your own ass comment above but it wasn't me.

    • profile image

      deb 6 years ago

      Time to stop staring here and stick with the young blood. As old folks don't play games! Stay true to ur self and your heart. Fantasies r great during their short duration. The light bulb goes off when u finally realize the face under so many masks. You thought u were special but really he just wanted to fu up the ass. Oh well and farwell to u, keep searching and blogging soon u will find someone to settle down and stop ur bs. Me no fucking away. Too smart for shit games cheaters and liars. Believe and follow God as u preach_remove ur mask

    • profile image

      Desire 6 years ago

      Some men smoke weed and then stare at me???

    • profile image

      Desire 6 years ago

      How does one contribute to ones life? How does one get over Fear of such risk, that comes along with such individuals? How/ why did that person become interested?

    • profile image

      Miguel 6 years ago

      It's easily a basic instinct. This isn't out of education, because no one teaches their kid to stare. It's just an instinct and that's it. There's no excuse for it indeed, because it's not an excuse. It's a natural occurrence.

      Women always stare at my shoes, my suit, my tie, my watch, my hat, and other items I have to see what kind of status I have. Walking outside with my wife, I see many women making advances at me particularly because of the fact I give the impression (whether or not it's real) that I'm well off compared to the majority of men in the city.

      You're probably not the kind to do this, but it happens. Men are the same way, only with bodily features. I say let humans be superficial. It's not necessarily a bad thing. We've demonized it too much. While I'm not that way, I don't feel like touting it to others who might be so. Instead, I feel a mutual respect with those who are superficial, not judging them by how they behave, but judging them by what contribution they make to my life and society. Humanity is far from perfect and we shouldn't waste time trying to make it that way in our image. We all have utter imperfections that make us detestable :P

    • profile image

      Amanda 6 years ago

      My husband does this portraying his power and confidence!! A confidence man in bed is exhilarating I get wet thinking of a confident man a great night

    • profile image

      Amanda 6 years ago

      Gary women are different! We don't all ogle all men- maybe a few but not daily, even!

      I luv my husband! I met him today at work!! Our fights- gosh over my insecurities of his female co- workers at work!! We discussed it! By him piling his cock out of his zipper, jerking it, then pulling my thing over- up my skirt and thrusting away...he then put his black belt around my forehead - pulled my head back and put his Sword down my throat!!! All while thrusting away!!!! After that who needs other men????????????

    • profile image

      Amanda 6 years ago

      Gary women are different! We don't all ogle all men- maybe a few but not daily, even!

      I luv my husband! I met him today at work!! Our fights- gosh over my insecurities of his female co- workers at work!! We discussed it! By him piling his cock out of his zipper, jerking it, then pulling my thing over- up my skirt and thrusting away...he then put his black belt around my forehead - pulled my head back and put his Sword down my throat!!! All while thrusting away!!!! After that who needs other men????????????

    • profile image

      Hairy Gary 6 years ago

      Im staring at you!

    • profile image

      Gary 6 years ago

      This whole thing makes me laugh. Women, it's when men STOP looking you need to worry, not before. And I always laugh that women pretend they never ogle good looking guys.

      Women, you're kidding yourselves. At least men are honest that they are physically attracted to a woman, not this crap you tell yourselves.

    • profile image

      amanda324 6 years ago

      Is anyone on here? We fought again he was jerking to. You. I said buddy your dick is so small u need to cuz I can't feel it! Too bad u. Can't put your dick betwween ur legs and stick it up his own ass_ sit on that one for awhile-men!

    • profile image

      amanda324 6 years ago

      I'm just tired, soooo tired of hearing how men are "visual". What the fuck are women blind? What was it that attracted me to my husband? Oh yeah I thought he was hot, just looking at him made me feel good (is that visual enough, does that mean that I have too much testosterone because I certainly don't have a penis!) Woman are more emotional then men right? Is it fair as a woman to say that .. and can I also go out and get my emotional needs met by another man while my husband sits next to me and watches? Would that work out for you men? Can I say that's how we are wired and we can't help it? Now into my story, it all wants to come out at once so I'm not sure how its going to sound. When I started living with my husband he brought his porn with him or he would go out and get porn. It used to piss me off but then after a while it was like, whatever. I would see him look a lot at other women and I also got a lot of stares from other men. This made him a jealous freak which was strange because he was doing the same thing as the other men. Well, when I was in my late 20's we got our first computer .. haha! I was told that I needed to find work on it to pay for itself, while he of course got to watch live webcam girls for his pleasure. One night he says to me, I think you would be good at this. So I started my own website and you know what, I don't know if I just became oblivious to him having interest in other women or he became more fixated on me but he was all over me and I didn't notice him looking at other women like he wanted to devour them. Well now Im 42 and I haven't done internet porn for a good 10 years, I've aged but I certainly don't look my age and about two years ago I have seen a complete change in my husband and his roaming eye and need to jerk .. not at porn but just at photos, videos of other women half dressed or naked. He gets hard over photos, stares hard at women on the street and he gets this glazed over look in his eyes when he does it. I can understand the porn, even that arouses me watching people have sex and get off but what is he imagining when he jerks to a woman in a bikini? It just feels more personal idk. We have mind blowing sex, my sex drive is higher than his I feel and for a while there I was always ready to go! He has had issues with erections and takes Cialis. But even while on this drug he sometimes still has issues and I simply think he hasn't had his fill of visual pleasures when this happens or something is blocking his concentration to conjure up all the goodies he saw that particular day to fantasize about when he is doing me. There cannot be a day where he doesn't stop to stare at a woman, even if its a 2 inch photo on a website ad, he has to stop and stare. It used to make me feel insecure, made me not like myself and we have had many fights over this and he has told a lot of lies (because I'm real good at being a spy, I know what I know!). He says the only person he will ever be with is me, but he will look at other women. Ok yeah I get that BUT ya don't have to do it in front of me or deny it when I know and also don't deny how this has become almost an addiction compared to the way it used to be. Don't deny that we are getting older and your tastes and desires may have changed (I'm blond and he had always been into blonds but now he is always looking at the long black haired chics which of course he denies). So for my husbands sake, if he can say things like "because I'm a guy, because guys are visual, I can't help it, I don't realize Im doing it, I've heard it all! Be a MAN for a change and OWN it. If I ask you why you need to visit a specific website on a daily basis, tell me because I like to look at the photos. If I ask you why you travel through the college campus instead of your usual way home, tell me because you want to check out the young college girls. What I don't need is bullshit, because if men can bullshit about what really is petty, than imagine what they will need to do in a serious issue. Also, I recently found out he had done some things he never told me about, now its not exactly cheating but he said its all good as long as he comes home with a dry dick. I went out to lunch with my old best friend I hadn't seen in 20 years and guess what .. he had a problem with it. Ya know I guess we are all such freaking hipocrits (sp?) I don't know why we get married other than to give our offspring a name. So going forward my plan to try and beat this junk out of my mind is a little zoloft and a lot of flirting in front of him .. every chance I get .. because oh honey, that's what women do! We love attention and you men love to give it. I used to hope we lasted forever but this is killing me how bad he is lusting. I've gotta be like an old pair of comfortable shoes to him (sexually) after all these years and I can't stand seeing him longing for something different, I refuse to say better even though he makes me feel that way sometimes. But hey, I guess I should let him get all worked up over someone else and bang me silly with his eyes closed as long as I'm getting it good huh? Maybe next time I will envision Ryan Gosling taking me from behind .. yeah I think I could get used to that. Bring it on ... LOL!

    • profile image

      Nat 6 years ago

      It's not just men! I stare at people because of different reasons. Sometimes they remind me of people I once knew or maybe a comaprison of what I have now. Like wow he dresses like my bf. A look is just wondering.If we didn't look we wouldn't be able to categorize our likes from our dislikes and in saying that you couldn't apreciate what you have. I get stared at all the time and so does my bf but there's a million different eyes with a million different reasons behind them. My friend was teasing me the other day for staring really intensely at this guy. Truth be told I was in deep thought about other things but I can imagine how it looked.

    • profile image

      Nichole 6 years ago

      Yes!! Definitely someone very special for sure but due to past experiences and things said on here and the way of life as it would be, not sure I can handle the worry any more!! I don't think worrying about a man is worth it because- two yrs ago- I posted, worried and I still do!! Yes it could have been my ex I worried about but I'm thinking due to my past - id worry and wouldn't want to cause problems or be angry.. Because there is always someone better, prettier, and richer than u

    • profile image

      Chelsea 6 years ago

      Nuchole u can't tell me u have no interest in men? Can't u deal with it?

    • profile image

      Nichole 6 years ago

      Hmmm? Considering what Rob had to say, wow!! These r the reasons I'm staying single!! Considering intelligent woman, like myself already know these things, it's unbearable to deal with.. I mean doesn't anyone know Robs story to b true?? Older gross men who Rick the cradle and date very young woman their age!! I'm surprised eyebrows aren't raised, esp in the business , professional world!! Well with what Rob has to say my dream of ever marrying or children is over but hey some ppl have life experiences that leave then in married , empty nesters but it's cool!! Least u have absolutely no worried b/ c u can trust yourself!! I mean I could travel to China and not bang a local chic/man I been emailing then say bye bye and return to my family- this a way u can do what u want when u want-- no worries!!!

    • profile image

      Jayson 6 years ago

      People prob would if they confident enough to do so and desired to be peeped! I bet those that love themselves or when do- would!! And you? Woman are perverted Liza but I doubt they r more perverted then us men!! We b wanting it every second !! If u married and u b a stare. Den u best go bk to da drawin brd and start over u cuz not b in wuv yet!! ESP when u b getting massaged up in there! Perv or no control or no self esteem!! U b waiting a widdle but fool but it b worf it

    • profile image

      jayson 6 years ago

      Post a picture before writing about people staring at you - this will add empathy for the readership.

    • profile image

      Nerds d'être 6 years ago

      Eve- u must email me again as I can definitely help you!! Or wait here for my reply;).

      Some woman do, some don't- I do once!! With someone, but that's it!! Too funny!

    • profile image

      liza 6 years ago

      Ok even us woman undress men with our marrieed but can't heelp staing at other attractive men walking women pls don't act as if ur saints bc u know u do it too! Women are even more perverted then men!

    • profile image

      Hey 6 years ago

      This site is crazy and way out of hand!! I think if a man loves you- he will not stare- maybe just a glance!! Other than that, men aren't that bad!! If you can trust him, he loves you, thinks your good enough- NOT second best !! Then your r ok:)

    • profile image

      It 6 years ago

      Cause we b wantin 2 kiss u so bad!

    • profile image

      Nichole 6 years ago

      Wowww! I just dropped back in on this site!! I usually don't go on sites though;). You ppl r sick minded and have gone way off track!!

      Put your mind, body and soul into God and trust in yourself!! You will be fine!! Woman be your own independent person and if you need to make it on your own! Let men be pigs and do what they do!!

    • profile image

      Mike Dannis ;) 6 years ago

      I hate men- all men r such pigs!! Why hang out w/ a man when your entire life they will look at other woman- b/c ur not good enough- pretty enough or she is hot??!! What a feeling!! Woman do it back b/c it hurts us too!! It makes me feel like, when I travel to China all the time- why penis shriveled to the size of a Chinese penis!! My penis is so small anyways that's why I hang out in Asian regions do much do me, my power etc- and I can feel well endowed!! Sometimes I go to the uk, italy, and Sudan-- but south Sudan wow I'm screwed there- esp if the hot sun!

    • profile image

      Hmmm 6 years ago

      I think I know who u are!! Yay like most of these comments are you!! I'm surprised, that u think this way-- what a disappointment!! Your a freak and a pig!! Like all men

    • profile image

      rob 6 years ago

      Look, mean are visual and that i that! We cannot help ourselves! Especially when woman dress in bright colors or in tight clothes or in clothes that show curves and lines in certain areas or not in certain areas! We imagine taking you right in the middle of the grocery store or on the sidewalk! In fact most men would love a society more like monkey's where we would be able to just see a girl and take her right then and there with no body saying anything about it and the woman not feeling hurt in any way! We would love it that sex be just like a public water fountain! Of course we would still like to have the love of our lives and that no other guy be able to touch her, so this would be a complicated society but we still dream of such a thing! For a woman to understand such a thing the only way I can think of how to get you to understand is through food! Imagine if someone was to starve you for a would be very hungry! Imagine that someone put your favorite food in front of you but you couldn't touch it! that is kinda how it feels for a guy! We are also visual with food! I do not know if girls are but we love to see food that looks really good!

      As to the comments of the 14 year old...girls today that are 14 look nothing like the 14 year olds did 20 years ago! Most men and me included don't look at a sexy looking 14 year old and say to ourselves we would love to be with a 14 year old! We look at a girl when she becomes sexually appealing and even though most men would not ever touch a girl that age we still cannot help but at least glance, if the girl has a woman's body! Besides in some countries 14 is a legal age to be married so it is only US and a few other countries who put a higher age on these things! Woman aren't visual so they look at the fact that a 14 year old and a 40 year old would have nothing in common to talk about so they are disgusted when men look but guys don't look at things this way! It is only a look! Guys are visual so we can't help it if a 14 year old has the body of a girl that is 18! Also most guys still see themselves at a younger age! I still in-vision myself as a 28 year old for some unknown reason! I don't want to date a 14 year old but it is not my fault if I see the back of a girl and she looks very hot to me and when she turns around and I realize that she is probably younger then I thought... should I feel ashamed? Even if her body still tells me she is hot?

    • profile image

      A woman 6 years ago

      My man told me once:

      I love to stare at woman in the summer, b/c they wear less clothes.

      I want to screw a skinny bitch

      Cuz your fat and ugly, i hate you

      The prettiest woman i ever saw was????

      I have no problem getting someone else.

      Woman always liked me, but im picky

      I like foreign woman the best

      I only like woman who are tan

      Your nose looks like rudolf

      I get way tanner than you

      Your not the prettiest person in the world

      But i do like what i have better, usually

      WOW, then welcome to aging- these above stated makes it all worse!

    • profile image

      A woman 6 years ago

      Please! We arent looking at you!! We are looking at your pen in your shirt pocket! Why would we want to look at you???

    • profile image

      A man 6 years ago

      We stare more often than women do because most men have way more testosterone than females, which means our sex drive is often higher.

      For those less intelligent women that claim GOD this or that, it was "GOD" who made us like that.

      Here's a cool fact: The majority of women like being stared at, if you don't, deal with it.

      And if there are women who really do hate it, be sure that are also men who


    • profile image

      LostInterest! 6 years ago

      Men are freaks! They Lie! Lie! Lie! Do u do that? No, this?? No- not me!! Men stare b/ c they know we woman don't need them anymore. We can be independent, have our own house, own child, money, job etc!!

      Men would be ok with the new approaching life if God would have abled them to suc their own weiner

    • profile image

      Wait 6 years ago

      Staring?? Or love at first sight? Whether you glance at someone's eyes as they come up the steps, thru a photo, thru camera lens, or passing by- did you ever think you are looking at that person because when you know- people are you just know! Whether you love there name, voice, smell, looks, demeanor, intelligence, or kind heart- something draws you into certain beings of the opposite sex! Sometimes with the same sex, what have you!

      Well, the persons with someone- at the giving instant you ' looked' or just knowlingly in life! What?? Then! They may be taken! Trust me that doesn't matter!

      Living things with a heart- the continuous pumping organ, the center of our core--all life is lived thru the heart! The heart speaks to you in all aspects of life!! Pumping And flowing continuous, as part of our thoughts, emotions- trigger or whatever !

      The core of your being is connected to God- as it was/ is crested by God- as your will to live here in the now!!

      The words of the heart , with one look thru the eyes of a certain someone- knows, we are exactly a like, opposites attract, wow, gasp for a breath, love that name, they are smart, the energy is a like light strike- that made your heart skip a beat! If you see the person one time, like two years ago and one day hasn't passed you thought of them!!

      The state is the look thru the eyes of your soul mate, right into thee soul!! Where you just know life could be perfect! You'd be willing to never stop assuring the perfection!

      That's why some people keep walking , just for a short while or short distance, STOP and turn around and do a double take!!

      Because the person your looking at, dying for, is -it- the right one!

      Some people can spend their entire life waiting for that person, or stuck in stagnant relationships! These are just stepping stones, learning experiences, or Gods path he put you on!! Bad or good they don't matter!! Not at all, nil- compared to try love! Two souls that can finish each others sentences, or lmao if any one even tried to get into our circle or break our bond!! Please!! Dreamers ;)

      A soul is divided into two- seperates- and one day they will find each other!!


      When you know- well you just know!!

    • profile image

      Wait 6 years ago

      I have the answer but first I need a cig and coffee then you will all have the answer I think u r looking for...........?

    • profile image

      Ignored!!! 6 years ago

      Schopenhauer i knew of him as my daddys friend- back in the day!! A fine gent he was. Easp when he helped others- but some ppl he turned away from!

      His thoughts on marriage was " you give up half your rights, and double your duties" brilliant!

      debbie you aint know whatchu talkin bout girlfriend! You need nt mind your own buizness and may need to post on the why are men staring at my breasts! My goodness and put your shirt on thise big tah tahs- no wonder men be staring at your big bazokas!

    • profile image

      DEBBIEDALLAS 6 years ago

      That Schopenhauer, person his only thoughts r woman should obey?

      Like be controlled? Right??

      Wrong- no way!!

    • profile image

      DEBBIEDALLAS 6 years ago

      Awesome!! Reading I totally agree! Lad u b

    • profile image

      ladib is 6 years ago

      I just can't say more or better than what Schopenhauer says about woman

    • profile image

      Nichole 6 years ago

      Men stare because they actually wish they could have every woman out there! Most men are too insecure to be single, so they can live their dreams of many many woman! So instead! They remain attached to someone- all the while- staring, flirting and seeking other woman! I never understood why a man could not remain singke for life! A man who wants to hurts others, by porn, cheating, lust, and looking!! Would be better off single and actually banging a different chic each night/ weekly/monthly or what have them!!!!!! But its all about insecurity where they r too afraid that ------ what if obe night i couldn't find a chic and couldn't bang someone---- oh no!!!!! Well, i guess i still have her- arrrr!!

      Woman------ if your mans a looker-- look at men equally- it crushes them!! Do what ever it is they do behind their bavk-- but get caught by them and see their ego shrivel!!

    • profile image

      Mike 6 years ago

      I'm a 45 year old man. I have girls and women STARING at me all the time. They do it in the presence of their boyfriends, husbands, and in some cases PARENTS. Why? Somebody please explain this to me.

      I even have some men stare at me too. It's a blank vacant stare...usually guys sitting on a sidewalk cafe just idly passing time. So I do know what some girls are getting.

      It's not just men though. I'm totally serious when I say this. I've gone to the grocery store and had teenage girls with their families peeking at me. What do you suppose is going on there?

      Nobody likes to be stared at, and most of us were trained from an early age not to stare. Right?

    • profile image

      AlliDoIsStare 6 years ago

      Its kinda hard not i just got caught at subway looking at the Cashiers butt. She smiled at me and i smiled back. i cant help it if i like what i see im gonna stare. I have a question for the women though why wear such revealing outfits or wear tight cloths at all if you don't want to be stared at. If you going to yoga class DON'T WEAR THE YOGA PANTS wear sweat pants or basketball shorts. Something less revealing. If you think it looks cute we think it looks cute. ITs that simple

    • profile image

      Scott 6 years ago

      "Why do men feel this is ok?"

      Strangers don't awkwardly voice their feelings of discomfort with other strangers when it comes to staring since it's easily ignored. This enables people to stare at each other and feel like they are doing nothing wrong.

      Plus, people figure they'll never socially hang out with the person they ogle.

      It's embarrassing to both sides when addressing a person who stares at you and asking them why he or she stares when you already know it's because he or she is attracted to you (sexually, romantically, whatever...).

      You answered your own question:

      "I am merely attractive and fairly well dressed."

      Being well groomed and showing signs of health make a person attractive.

      The other reason people ogle each other is because it stirs arousal. It's the same reason guys stare at boobs and butts. Why do you think people consider leering adulterous? It's because of the arousing effect that the people being stared at feel like their being raped by the starer's eyes. It's like seeing a dog in heat stare you down before it humps you (my cousin's dog does it all the time). Be glad it's only staring. could be they are angry at you or intend to harm you in some way. Or maybe you have one long chin hair. Or there's a bug on your face. Or maybe you are so ugly they are marveling at how someone could ever be born so ugly. Or they're trained assassins who have to keep a bead on everyone in the vicinity and they find you suspicious. Or maybe it's a silent challenge to an ultimate staring contest. Or maybe they're trying to talk you telepathically.

      Anyway...just pick up on the context clues of why the person may feel entirely comfortable staring at others. My guess is a good as yours.

      When it comes to glances (not stares) I think of them as a game. I try to see how many girls and guys I can catch staring at me. It's quite funny to see other people dart their eyes or heads away when caught glancing at you like they committed a crime.

      If a person constantly ogles you it might cross the line of harassment and should be remedied with confrontation.

      From experience, the only time I feel the awkward feeling of being stared at is when I go visit my mother's extending family in the Philippines. Being a foreigner, people stared at me just because I was different. I guess it's the same feeling when the U.S. was segregated in the 1960s.

      Humans are very visual creatures. I think staring is just one of our ways to experience and analyze the world around us. So if you're being stared at, the the starer is just analyzing you some way whether it be lecherously, curiously, or hatefully.

      @anon "Why on earth did he do it if he was 'in love; with me"

      Because he wasn't. It's same reason my father cheated on my mother. He didn't respect you or the relationship he had with you. He's the type of guy that thinks more about what he wants over what his mate wants. I would have dumped him. The last thing you need is a relationship that pays no heed to commitment that will eventually tear you two apart (or maybe a family).

    • profile image

      jackie 6 years ago

      I can identify with jeans and hoodie girl, in hardees one day, in sweats, just got out of bed, dude in line says, your the most beautiful woman I've ever seen. I mean I looked like such crap I couldn't help but laugh, I know it was rude of me and beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Later on I thought, that guy prob says that 100 times a day

    • profile image

      anon 6 years ago

      It is horrible when men stare I hate being stared at. My question is why would my fiancé not that long ( a few weeks/2-3 months after we met) started staring at a girl who wanted his attention, he stared constantly and every few seconds some days. I would not of thought she was more attractive than me, but it put me off so much to this day years later it still bothers me like I was not 'the one' in his mind when we met. I don't understand it at all I find it abhorent. I asked him to stop after observing it for about 3 months and he did, but why on earth did he do it if he was 'in love; with me.

    • profile image

      Sarah 6 years ago

      Ugh I absolutely hate it when men stare, it's such a horrible feeling, makes you feel like you're a walking piece of meat on display and not a person. Guys, don't do it, it's rude.

    • profile image

      Atbb 6 years ago

      MSP... you;re funny... Staring is rude not sexy...I am an attractive single older woman

      I have a very young face and white long full hair. Men do stare, young and old. I don't mind if its just a glance or admiration but a blatant glare is Rude... a show of power...

      The next time a man does that to me I am going to make a really ugly face. I have been to dinner with a friend and the man at the table next to us keep trying to get my attention by staring I ignored him and keep talking to my friend. Next thing he's practically in my face I turned my head. It's a power move yes like some neanderthal.

      Women stare as well at other women sometimes out of jealousy. I can appreciate another attractiveness without making people feel uncomfortable it's stupid and rude.

    • profile image

      MSP 6 years ago

      Maybe you are just ugly.

    • profile image

      Dssdnt_Penguin 6 years ago

      I found this thread very interesting. I arrived here looking for an explanation on why do I feel the urge to stare, and instead found a compilation of well intentioned insights, but I think most of them oversimplify the matter.

      Most men oscillate between rudely staring and furtive glancing depending on a number of factors, just like any person's degree of self control to refrain from eating a chocolate depends on how much do you like the specific chocolate you're trying not to eat, if it is still wrapped or already open, if you just had a piece or haven't eaten any, etc.

      The factors that come to mind are (some compiled from above posts):

      1. Some men (or women for that matter), are more visual than others, and in answer to some people suggesting this is related to porn, let me tell you that is just moralizing propaganda spread out by religious fanatics. I haven't been able to find a single serious study that can back up this assertion, and although it is true people can get addicted to porn, it is a well established fact that people with tendency to addictions can get addicted to anything (even internet chats).

      I can spend half an hour gazing at the same panting in a museum, or at a beautiful landscape, in the same way I would enjoy staring at a beautiful women, and it has nothing to do with sex.

      2. Insecurity. Some men ranging from average to good looks sometimes need to boos their self confidence by trying to find a positive reaction in an attractive stranger. I have learnt from personal experience that most of the times the difference between a seductive look and a creepy look is merely how attractive is the man behind the look.

      3. Ignorance. We men learn staring makes women uncomfortable either by discovering it ourselves or if someone tells us (most of the times a female friend or relative when we are young or something similar). Some men don't have this advantage and aren't sensitive enough to figure it out themselves. Another important point to mention is that many women posting here assume a man walking with a woman means a couple. Truth is many times can be simply a friend or a relative, and that definitely lowers our guard.

      4. Distraction or lack of energy. Impulse control demands a great deal of energy and concentration. Sometimes you just don have it. I read here someone comparing it to the urge of peeing, while think it is a bit exaggerate. I would rather compare it to th urge of farting. Most people fart when they feel the need if they think they can get away with doing it without getting caught, and when they feel the need they outweigh the risks getting caught to the need for relief, and farting is not something that happens automatically. Staring is.

      5. Aging crisis. Specially attractive men have a hard time realizing they have crossed the line between seductive and creepy, and some never do or refuse to accept it, because truth be told, many women still find them attractive when they are old, so they don stop flirting with strangers while they still get a fair amount of positive responses.

      6. Power. Because they can, and that makes them feel powerful. Here I wold include those that seem to even enjoy making women uncomfortable.

      Just to finish my post, I would like to add many attractive women judge this behavior with a double standard. Beauty gives power, since there is very solid research concluding that good looking people gets preferential treatment in every single culture in the world, which also brings unwanted attention. I have never heard about a beautiful woman complaining because a handsome guy invited her a drink, or because a teacher gave her a higher note than she deserved, or an office employee expedited her paperwork.

      I've also seen many times how women take pride in their companion attracting the attention of other women, and this behavior seems to repeat itself in many different cultures. I also think it is rude for girls to stare at a guy when he is with someone else, and most women don seem to care, although I am yet to meet a guy whom would complain about such a thing.

      The last thing I would like to add is that in my humble opinion the only reason why women are more discreet while checking up a guy is because they feel vulnerable, meaning they fear the consequences of staring, like what if the guy is a perv, and they can't get rid of him, etc., and proof of it is the fact that many women also stare, but only feel safe doing it while the guy is with another girl.

      When I go out by myself or with friends, I can notice women checking me with the corner of their eyes or very quick glances, and when I go out with my girlfriend they get way less discreet, sometimes even to the point of making me uncomfortable, but my gf seems to even enjoy it (maybe only because I don't flirt back).

    • profile image

      Erica 6 years ago

      Both men and women appreciate beauty. I notice beautiful people irregardless of gender. I think the difference with men is that society has taught them it is acceptable to stare, to try to bed every woman they can get. Sure are men more visually stimulated? Yes but society has contributed significantly to how they view/treat women. Some other posters have indicated that men from different countries do not behave in the same manner...additionally another poster...Sophie talks about neurological pathways. Anyone interested in this answer can check out the book "The Brain that Changes Itself" by Norman Doidge which explains how you can change your brain. There is an interesting chapter about pornography and how our brains have changed so that what used to stimulate us no longer does and how the porn industry has to create even more wacked out hard core porn to keep up with people changing sexual "tastes". And yes there are many examples of how you can immerse yourself in so much porn that you can no longer adequately perform. Anyway I don't so much mind that men are naturally stimulated by visual but I don't understand why some men feel that they have to constantly be on the lookout for women around there is nothing more to life than constantly being sure to look at every woman around them. What do they get out of it that is soo satisfying that 2 second glance at a womans ass? And as a woman it is very uncomfortable to always be watched. Even as a young girl to have men looking. I never feel completely safe when I go out even to get groceries. It should not be this way. I should not have to feel uncomfortable every where I go. Most men are good people who would not rape or murder but as a woman going to the supermarket or mall you still don't feel safe. I wish men would realize the impact that their constant checking of women out has on the woman they are with as well as the women they are staring at. Sure some women enjoy attention but that is a side affect of women feeling insecure and needing to compete or have validation of their beauty. The sad thing is that there is always someone more beautiful than you around the corner. Women should ban together and yes if they checked out men and acted like men then men would become very insecure as well. I think America is headed in that direction. Women are behaving more and more like men and I hope that it evens out while I am still alive to witness it!

    • profile image

      teresa. 6 years ago

      i am a 37 year old wormen who is overweight wheres black glasses but four years a go when me and my mum go shopping cos she is in her 70s and i help her with the shopping when we go on the market to get fruit and veg i noteist an adult man must be in his 50s i don't know him he is a totule stranger to me well he was really really stairring at me even when i went on to the card stall then if that wasn't anough he would follow or he would even move to where i was he would stand from a distants me and prentend to be stairring at something else but the whole time he was stairring at me he even stood at the side of me when mum went we went on a diffant stall to avoid him and then he even followed us to the cooked meat stail has well it was really getting me down i was whereing jeans a baggie jupper and trainers at the time even my jeans where baggie has well so i wasn't even dressed like a slut ether he has a wheel chair stail but he dosent stair now like he use to do because we threaterd him if he stairs at me again il get the police and he is even marred to so why wold he stair at somebody else when marred he is a fucking purvert that's why basterd.

    • profile image

      Laura 6 years ago

      I have the same problem,cause men stare at me, even they are in relations, so the problem is that Im still single and I don't know what they want by looking to my eyes even they are married.

    • profile image

      Vik 6 years ago

      ok ill tell you the truth and this is the way it is so listen up. men and women both have this problem. that problem is called sin. (some)men look at women with lust or eyes that undress her. that's a straight up sin and its a disgusting and nasty sin. Jesus said "any man that LOOKS upon a women with lust has already commited adultry in his heart with her." so even if a man or woman looks with lust it is already called adultry in the heart. that's why we gotta ask God for power over sin because we connot do it on our own. we were born with sin for Pete's sake. that means that sin lives in us so in order to get rid of sin we have to ask a higher power - God/Jesus. God bless you sister and i hope you be blessed and understand that we live in a dark world where sin dwells among us everyhwere and its not easy but with paryer and love towards Jesus,,,,, im telling you, that's where the true light and freedom are not even kidding you i am literly freed from all sin. i used to be such a sick and sinful person, but i just gave up fighting sin and couldn't take it anymore i just fell on my knees and cried out to God and begged for help and mercy. and now i have power and dominian over sin. i now am able look at any women and not even have a single thought of lust towards her. i just think of her as my sister in christ. after all, we are just a big Ol' family right? lol so yeah i love Jesus because God helped me soooooooo much in this life. believe me, it is possible. you just gotta stop having second thoughts, that's all. always pray, where ever you are, it don't matter if your in the car, at work, or eating your lunch if you just say a simple prayer, God hears ya. God loves you and may you be blessed always.

    • profile image

      teresa 6 years ago

      i cant understand why men would want stair at me because i am overweight and wears black glasses and sometimes they will allso frown at me has well and it really pisses me off but i never asksd them why they do that sometimes i think is some one spreadin roomers about me what's not true and to be honist i would rather have a cup of tyfoo tea than a man any day and i recken that it makes wormen look cheap and that they make or look like that wormen come from planet mars for fuck sake they want to go to specksavers and get there eyes tested these wormen afderall we are humanbeings not ruber dolls.

    • profile image

      Christine 6 years ago

      @ishee I love being weird I never knew how to be normal. I even stop wearing wearing eye liner my only make up from 8th-9th grade now it is just lip gloss. I even stop relaxing my hair since last year. I'm not ugly. I stare at my self in the mirror with bright lights. I do not mind a glance or look. The stares men give are not oh you beautiful just intense magnifying stares when in cars and should be paying attenion to the light and car ahead. When a guy walks to you and says "Hay I just needed or wabnted to speak to you." Stead of staring at you with such unreadable eyes and expression like you some pork chop. says a lot.@CariTulane No I would not stare at the tiger. I don't mean those starers that stare and suddenly go into space,(that's really just a look than mind wondering off into the distance) I mean honestly you can tell those apart from the caucious starers that stare you down. @rachel You right.

    • profile image

      Christine 6 years ago

      It's a choice. it is as it always been from the days of Adam and Nore's Ark. A choice. I'm 21, and a year ago it was extremely HHOOOOTTTTT out side. But there I was picking up cans simply for money n green day. I was wearing a large black shirt, and thick black cotton pants. I also had a 30pound book bag and three can bags(I mean whose going to look pretty picking up cans, right?) and this old man old enough to be my deceased grandfather offered sex and exchange for whatever I wanted. His words. I heard men call me the B word for not paying them attention as they yell foul words out of a car(not even the driver, just some back seat holigans, or the driver alone, very intoxincated) and all I was doing was getting to point a to b. Rather that was from school to home or cvs. My clothes were not picked out with "Oh I hope I get notice." After graduation I just wanted a job and to attend school. That has been my goal and still is. I now even have my own place, paying my own bills out of pocket and I'm happy. That is all I want to be, guys from where I am take it for granted, while I'm doing what all I need to do, I'm being STARED at. like I'm under the microcope being poked. A look is a lot different than a stare. I may look however I would not stare a person down. And to call a woman out of name is out of line, out of character. "ah you" "pissed" "Yo mama" "Yo baby" "Hay" and "Pissted" is not my name. and trust me "pissed" and "Pissted" if you ever been haunted by a bold starer you hear differneces, between these two. Are choices, not evolution, there's nothing new, and it's not imbeded from ancestors either. I had times where real men would say "Your beautiful" "yOu have pretty eyes" you have soft skin" Through I don't know how you can tell by lookng/staring, "I love your voice"ect and keep going. Those are grerat moments for me, I just hate being stared down, and degraded whenever I do not answer to the names above.

    • profile image

      City folk 6 years ago

      Actually I think some girls like to be noticed. I've actually been yelled at for not noticing. Looking at someone is a form of communication. You've become too sensitive to people glances, try looking back you will be surprise while I think the majority of it is due to what you think a lot will not be.

    • profile image

      Lilly 6 years ago

      You say that you studied for 8 years? You're 14, you were 6, 8 years ago. Your grammer and vocabulary are at a 20 up level. Something tells me you're writing this for attention. Am i right?

    • profile image

      ishee 6 years ago

      Men glance at me, but sway when I catches them. Lol. Sometimes, I think that I'm a weirdo that is why

    • profile image

      6 years ago

      I wonder the same thing. A lot of times guys will stare at me, but it can be hard to tell if it means they're interested or not. I've had guys tell me I'm really pretty, hot, cute, even beautiful, etc. But I can name a lot of guys who, I never even learned their name, that would stare at me, and not even say a word to me but just stare. Sometimes guys stare at me, and they do talk to me a little bit, introduce themselves, etc, but never futher their attempt in pursuing me past the small talk. I always thought that maybe their was something wrong with me, until a new guy would come along and tell me that I'm really attractive and that's why they're staring. Although, I never can be sure. I don't even wear revealing clothing either. I'd say I dress very appropriate for my age.

    • profile image

      jsjs 6 years ago

      I have also pondered the obviously common phenomenon for years---primarily because it creates frustration and conflict. When something creates internal conflict and the potential for relational turmoil, people on both sides of the perpetrator/victim situation will stop to ask themselves the same 'Why?' over and over again. We should start by confirming what we do know to be true:

      1. Many men DO look or stare to varying degrees. Is it always sexual - this is absolutely cannot be known. I say this out of consideration for men who truly think they remember that woman being looked at from a prior, perhaps even formal, experience or encounter. Perhaps, there is a small possibility that the woman is wearing something unusual or is calling attention to herself like singing loudly on the subway--and yes, she may be relatively attractive as well.

      2. We know, albeit through tacit awareness, cultural beliefs or notions, popular media, but probably not scientifically (that is, at the cellular level), that men stare while women are typically not known for staring at a man straight in the eyes or "checking him out".

      3. This issue or phenomenon is has not been conclusively resolved.

    • profile image

      krissie 6 years ago

      Iagree with a lot of the comments about men staring at women I to think that it is a control issue and I agree with both sides of that it is rude but like they say to get respect is to give respect women u don't like it slap them when u catch them and say that to remind you,and as for men that say its ok to stare with there there women at there side now that is rude that is disrespect to them men put your self in others shoes if your women was to stare not just glance am make if noticeable to you how would you feel!!!!! I tell ever man I was with If I catch u staring I will slap you for disrespecting me if you are going to disrepect me then I will disrespect you back!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    • profile image

      PulSe 6 years ago

      I don't stare - at lease not without regard for a woman's 'space'. I do people watch. I've noticed that women seem to have an uncanny ability to know someone is looking at them - even for a short amount of time and from a wide angle. It seems that woman blink after noticing this. I've noticed this for years. A physiological gender thing ? I'm curious - why is this ? It's almost an unconscious thing and, from observation, seems to border on sixth sense. Curious about this.

    • profile image

      rachel 7 years ago

      I hate that men stare. It's disgusting! It makes me feel soooo uncomfortable. What gives them the right to stare. Really guys, to me, when you stare it makes me think that you're some kind of a molester looking for your next victim. Really, I'm not kidding.... If I was close enough to slap a guy that was staring at me (and not get arrested)I would. This bothers me so much....I always try to be nonchalant by stepping out of their line of sight (hoping they'd get the hint) and they blatantly keep on following me, by moving or craning their necks. What's up with that? Seriously, have you no shame perverts? ....I know that I must sound like some bra burning feminist, but, it literally makes me so uncomfortable when I get stared at that I feel sick to my stomach. I don't think that those guy's have any idea how their staring negatively effects women. I truly don't think of myself as anything substantial to stare at, so, please don't think I'm trying to be conceited. I can't even pump gas without feeling like I'm on display for the sick, lusting, porn addicted society.

    • profile image

      CariTulane 7 years ago

      Here's a little thought experiment for you. Imagine you are placed into a room with full grown tiger.

      Do you think you will stare at the tiger? Of course you will. A tiger is a top predator that will rip you limb from limb if it wants to. Your INSTINCT is to stare.

      Now imagine the zookeeper told you not to stare at tigers because they think it is rude and makes them feel uncomfortable. Do you think you would still stare?

      Some of us wouldn't give a damn what the tiger feels and will keep staring at it in case that fucker

      decides to go off his nut and have lunch at our expense. The rest of us will make furtive glances at it and at least try to be polite about it.

      The reason that some men stare is because those men are probably misogynist assholes with no impulse control and who don't give a damn about how uncomfortable it makes you feel. If it's any consolation they probably wouldn't stare any less if you were a scary ass tiger either. A caveman is a fucking caveman period.


    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: ""

    Show Details
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the or domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)