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Why do women lie about the paternity of the child

Updated on July 6, 2011

Paternity - Fathers deserve to know

Indeed it is only the mother who knows the real father of the child and that men can be fathers of 'faith' or fathers of 'probability'. Nowadays it has become very common for women to date more than one guy at a time justifying that it gives them enough options to make good choice and in most cases when she falls pregnant, out of expedience it has become very common to points at the one who is economically independent even when she is perfectly aware that the poor soul is not the father to child. What surprises me is that there seem to be no conscious whatsoever on the part of the mother about the consequences of the alleged father coming to know the truth and the trauma the same could have both on the child and its alleged father. what if when the child grows to resemble the other man? what if the real father resorts to blackmail? I write this with full understanding that there are lot of brave mothers out there who have come out to tell the truth to their husbands/partners in the interest of the child and also not to continue living a lie - but still there are also a number of mothers out there who are still keeping the truth from their so called 'loved partners'. Is it so difficult to tell the truth when it comes to paternity? Women & men out there help me understand.

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    • Xkom profile imageAUTHOR

      Xkom 

      5 years ago from Zambia

      Class79, thanks a lot for sharing your story I hear you and I can only imagine how you feel when ever you see your new family member and it is so disheartening for one to keep it a secret for 20 years. In deed it has torn you apart! Do you still relate nicely with you cousin? You hubby did not tell you about cheating with your cousin? Anyway just like you said he is a sperm donor!

    • Xkom profile imageAUTHOR

      Xkom 

      5 years ago from Zambia

      Lainer, Thanks for stopping by! You are spot on! Look at your friends none of the two is the father so unfortunate. You are right the laws are not on our side that is the more reason why we just need to put up a brave face and walk that lane of DNA!

    • Xkom profile imageAUTHOR

      Xkom 

      5 years ago from Zambia

      Lainer, Thanks for stopping by! You are spot on! Look at your friends none of the two is the father so unfortunate. You are right the laws are not on our side that is the more reason why we just need to put up a brave face and walk that lane of DNA!

    • profile image

      Lainer 

      5 years ago

      Why do women lie about the paternity of the child? There is no good excuse. I would suggest that every man that a woman claims that he is the father be tested. No matter if she's offended. You have a right to know. Two very close friends of mine when through all this drama. I urged them to get testing, guess what? They did not fater the children.

      Why do women lie about the paternity of the child? Again there is no good reason. Men, look out for yourselves because no onr else will. The laws are not on your side and neither are the women. Do not let the guilt trip that you may receive for asking for a DNA test get in the way. Loke Tina Turner sang "What's Love Got to Do With It?"

    • profile image

      class79 

      6 years ago

      Let me just tell you my story, 20 years ago when my husband and I were dating, he cheated on me with my cousins wife(his best friend)and she became pregnant. Now she kept this secret for 20 years, my husband had no idea and my cousin had no idea and I had no idea. About I year ago my cousin was getting remarried (she and him had been divorced for 10 years and went through a terrible custody fight) and she decided to tell the girl that my husband "could" be her father. Needless to say this secret has torn two families apart, this information kept me from making a different decision when he asked me to marry him, so in a strange way I feel cheated. My husband and I are still together but just seeing this girl, is a constant reminder of the infidelity. My cousin has raised this girl, he has gone through every sickness, every victory, every heartbreak, she IS his daughter. My husband is merely the sperm donor.

    • Xkom profile imageAUTHOR

      Xkom 

      6 years ago from Zambia

      Thanks for stopping by J.Fdz I have to believe some people believe in living in the present they don't care if one finds out the truth eventually. It's a pity because nothing can remain hidden forever on this earth. Do you think maybe it should be mandatory to do DNA test for every new baby born?

    • profile image

      J. Fdz 

      6 years ago

      I agree that everybody is entitled to know the truth and I cannot believe there are women like that... I can't understand their way of thinking their selfishness and the pain they are going to put that good man and that innocent baby!

    • Xkom profile imageAUTHOR

      Xkom 

      7 years ago from Zambia

      dashingscorpio- Thanks for the comment you are really spot on. Lets hear more!

    • dashingscorpio profile image

      dashingscorpio 

      7 years ago

      Lately I’ve come to realize more often than not when one asks “Why?” It’s a (rhetorical question) especially if it has anything to do with behavior in a relationship including cheating. No answer the person gives us is going to make us feel better. The reason why people lie in general is to take advantage of another or avoid pain and disapproval.

      Some of these women have no idea who the father is of their children. You can see this everyday on “The Maury Povich Show”. In some ways they’re not technically lying, they just don’t know. On the other hand there are women that pick one guy over another because he’s more financially stable, responsible, or treats her better than “the real father.” Some women are afraid to tell the truth for fear the man will end the relationship.

      It’s a disservice to everyone when a mother knowing lies or refuses to acknowledge the possibility that the man she is with may not be the father. Every child has a right to know his/her father, every father has a right to know he has a child, and every man that is “not” the father shouldn’t “have to support” a child that is not his. That choice should be his to make.

    • Xkom profile imageAUTHOR

      Xkom 

      7 years ago from Zambia

      jacqui2011- I Agree with you its wild out there especially if you look at the statistics of children not living with their biological children.I really don't know if we should go to the extreme extent of subjecting them to DNA test - I really don't know. For sure everyone is entitled to the truth but it seems its so difficult for some women to come clean on paternity.

    • Xkom profile imageAUTHOR

      Xkom 

      7 years ago from Zambia

      J.S.Mathews thanks for the comment you are very right this Hub inspires questions of honesty and like you have observed, I really shudder to imagine how many babies out there are not living with their biological fathers and can you imagine raising a child who is completely the opposite of you - got non of your attributes and traits.You have also observed that in many cases it works out in the end, but believe me from my simple survey/experience there is always that curiosity for one to know the biological father and this is very common for baby girls who can go to the end of this world to be with their biological fathers.It can really be heartbreaking especially if one has managed to educate the child up to University believing the child is his and then from the blues one just resurfaces and claims paternity - the absurdity of life!

    • J.S.Matthew profile image

      JS Matthew 

      7 years ago from Massachusetts, USA

      This is an insightful Hub that inspires questions of honesty and an ongoing situation that is going on behind the scenes. I never realized how many babies are probably not the biological child of the man who steps up or at least believes that he is the father. I am sure that in many cases, it works out in the end, but I recognize that in other instances, it might be a bad thing. Very original Hub. I enjoyed reading and I can relate to what you said.

      JSMatthew~

    • jacqui2011 profile image

      jacqui2011 

      7 years ago from Norfolk, UK

      Very true. I think it is wrong to lie to a father about the paternity of a child and go on living a lie. What makes it all the more sad is that it makes you wonder how many children in the world have no idea that their father is not their father. Everyone is entitled to the truth.

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