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Why do young people get into relationships and commit to each other when they know they will not marry in the future?

Updated on April 23, 2017

“You collect and collect before you select"

“You collect and collect before you select”, this is the answer of a friend of mine when I asked her why she has so many boyfriends. At first, I didn't understand her point of view but later on, a certain hint glows at the back of my mind. Maybe because she has no plans to be committed forever to that certain guy.

You date people not just for fun but also because you are choosing the one that fits your personal jar. In short, you go to a date to look for a partner whom you can commit and have relationship with. You look for the one whose world revolves around the sun where your world travels. Therefore, you go into a relationship, get committed and plan your future with that special someone.

But due to eagerness, some people, especially the youth, tends to forget the essence of being in a relationship and being committed. For with them, it doesn’t matter if they don’t plan for their future as long as they can feel the sense happiness even for a short period of time.

Most young people in this generation commit themselves into someone who they don’t even plan to marry or to have a family with. They thought that being with them is like a food test where they can throw away the food, if they don’t like it anymore. For some, it is just temporary, not being certain, it’s more of a try now, choose the better, and planning later” journey.

But the question is why do they commit and spent their days with someone when they don’t have plans to be together in the future? Why do they get involve where, in the first place, they both knew they won’t end up together?

Young people choose to date, be in a relationship and commit without plans to be together with each other because of certain reasons.

No long term commitment

First, they are not yet prepared to do long time commitment. The teenage age is a time of transition and young people are not ready to handle big decisions and responsibilities. All they want is fun and excitement. Of course, a little bit of adventure. When they are romantically devoted, they don’t mean to stay with the same person for ever. They all want to explore the world with different kinds of people.

Opportunities and opportunities

Second, they don’t envision themselves with that person. Being young means there are many opportunities, many opportunities means more doors will be opened and more people to meet. Planning for the future together tends to close the door of meeting new people and going out on a date.

No limitations

Third, they are afraid of having limits on what to do. When you are serious with your relationship and have plans for your future, your partner tends to limit your doings and plans. Young people hate being controlled with their actions. They want to be carefree and easy-going kind of youth. If they commit, there might be some restrictions and many don’t want that.

Peer pressure

Forth, peer pressure is another big factor. Seeing friends hanging out with boy friends and girl friends makes one realise why should I be alone. Seeing them having fun and hearing their stories makes one fantasize about how his or her life would be if they were doing the same thing.

Commitment with the wrong person

Lastly, they are afraid that they might choose the wrong one. Aside from they all want fun, they are also afraid to choose the wrong person. Being into many relationships leads them into confusion. They are not quite sure on whom to be with and what to plan with because they are too involve with many man.

People nowadays are so eager to find their perfect match that they tend to forget the real reason why they commit and be in a relationship. Some commit but do not love while others love but are afraid to commit. Some commit and love but it does not last long, while others have no plan to be together in the future at all. But the truth is when you love, you commit, when you commit, you give your all. When you give all, you are willing to give your world and plan your life with that special one.

Commitment, according to Merriam-Webster.com, is defined as an act of committing to a charge or trust or an agreement or pledge to do something in the future. It means that once you commit you are both emotionally and physically attached to that person and you both have plans to achieve together in the future. It implies that you have mutual understanding and that you don’t want to be away from each other.

While relationship, on the other hand, is defined as a romantic or passionate attachment. This means that once you are in a relationship, you are also already committed because both go together.

As the world revolves around the sun continuously, people do extra activities without minding how these will affect them in the future. Some people, especially teenagers, are too aggressive in dealing with relationships. Even those who are not yet financially and emotionally stable are eager to be committed. For them, it is not how stable you are but it’s about the happiness you feel in a short period of time. For them, it is not about the plans but it is the mutual emotion that they feel.

Being in a relationship means being committed and being committed means you are looking forward to end with that person. It is not necessary to be serious as long as you have plans together and you tried to envision tomorrow with your loved one.

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    • dashingscorpio profile image

      dashingscorpio 4 months ago

      With regard to teenagers: "When they are romantically devoted, they don’t mean to stay with the same person for ever"

      To some extent that is true but for many teenagers especially girls losing their virginity; they oftentimes believe they have met their "soul-mate"! Teenagers "think they are adults" when it comes to entering into relationships. They want to be respected as a "couple" among their peers.

      Many naively believe they will maintain a long distance relationship after graduating from high school while attending college for the next 4-6 years and eventually marry.

      Lots of teenage girls have practiced doodling their first name and their boyfriend's last name after the word; Mrs.

      Some people never truly get over there {first heartbreak} which oftentimes took place while they were teenagers!

      Simply put they were too immature and unrealistic.

      Since they most likely had never been in a relationship before they went "all in" that first time and the added rage of hormones added even more fuel to the fire. They fell hard!

      The truth of the matter is most of us pursued relationships before we had figured out who (we) are let alone what we wanted and needed in a mate for life!

      We also didn't know what passes for an "ideal mate" at age 17 may not be what we want at age 25, 30, or beyond.

      As you noted there is a period of exploring which takes place after a heartache or two where we "date for fun" while getting our education or establishing a career are our top priority.

      In all honesty there's nothing wrong with "casual dating".

      Where as trying to turn every first date into a potential spouse is rather scary on the other hand! Dating is suppose to be FUN!

      Going out and getting to know new people and experiences should not feel like a 9-5 job or "mission". Over time you learn more about yourself than the people you date. Eventually you have a "profile" of the kind of person you are drawn to.

      You develop your own "screening/mate selection process" and each and everyone drafts their "must have" list based on lessons we learned from our relationships.

      As for the future no one really knows. I along with many other guys have been known to swear: "I will NEVER get married!" and here I am married for almost 10 years.

      I've come to realize that it's nonsense to want to get married or swear off marriage when you're not in a relationship with someone who brings that out in you.

      It should be {the person you are with} that causes you to (think about marriage). In other words there is something "special" about (her/him) that makes you want to spend the rest of your life with her or him!

      Anyone who "wants to get married" without having met someone special is likely to "settle". Essentially they've made a decision that they were going to marry the NEXT person they had an exclusive relationship with. It's nothing special about YOU!

      You just (happened to come around) at the time of their decision. These are the people who state: "I'm looking for a (serious) relationship" or "I'm looking to settle down" or "I'm only interested in dating a (marriage minded) person."

      Even if two people want to be married it may not mean they want to marry each other! The "individual" makes the difference!

      Every "serious relationship" I have ever had began as a "casual relationship" and EVOLVED. Today people want to make up their minds about "relationship goals" instead of allowing the traits, personality, and compatibility of the person they're dating dictate their feelings to decide they want to marry them.