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Why don't men and women really understand each other?

Updated on March 6, 2012

Why don't men and women really understand each other?

I suppose it is one of the very oldest questions. Now I am not going to say that I can solve every relationship or its problems in less than a thousand words, but as a counselor for several decades of my life, I will give some basic sound advice.

All relationship problems between men and women come down to a breakdown of communication. Either they are not able to communicate what they are thinking or feeling, or there is a lack of being able to understand one another. This is really irrelevant, because almost all communication problems can be solved by understanding what men and women really want in a relationship. It is much simpler than most people think it is.

Men need to feel wanted.

The most common reason men cheat in a relationship, they will tell you, "Because she doesn't want me anymore. " Men stray when they feel useless or like they have not place in the relationship.

Women need to feel validated.

The most common reason that women cheat in a relationship, they will tell you, "Because he doesn't listen to me anymore." Women stray when they can't communicate with their partner or feel invalidated.

Let us tackle the side of the men first.

Men are less about communication and being open to feelings, but they are definitely in a relationship to feel wanted. They need this from their partner on a mental, spiritual, and sexual level. The most common reason men are unhappy in relationships is that they do not feel like their partner wants them. She does not need him, makes him feel like she would rather he was not around, and she doesn't like what he is doing, this could include his job, his friends, or almost anything. For the most part men will be happy if their partner needs them and wants them. Now this could be being asked to help with things around the house, fixing the car, taking the kids out to play, and it must also include having sex with them. Many men think that they need to be wanted for the things they want to do, but if they just keep their mind open and let their mate show them how they are needed, the feeling is all the same to most men. Men do not really care what they are doing, as long as they truly feel wanted and needed. They become relaxed when they feel this way. I know many guys out there will balk this idea, but trust me you will be absolutely happy doing things for a woman who says and shows that she wants you. Equally you will be miserable doing anything for a woman who does not say and show you that she wants you.

Now let us talk about the side of the women.

Women need one thing and they need it constantly, they need validation. They need to be heard, they need to be listened to, and they need you to listen to the whole story. Many men find this hard to do, but here is a big secret that is true, although some women will probably balk this idea very hard. Women need you to sit quietly, listen to what they are saying, and validate it with responses, such as saying "yes" or "that makes sense" or "I understand". Women do not really need you to retain and remember every single word they are saying, so listen but do not try to commit it all to memory. Most of the important communication is done through the processing of her feelings, this is why validation of her feelings is essential. She does not expect you to remember everything, plus she will be clear when she needs you to remember something. Her most important need is to download and be heard, because women process stress, feelings, and energy using empathy. Validation of their feelings is essential to their ability to feel safe and secure in a relationship. If they feel this, they will want and need to share with their partner.

Essentially all communication problems between men and women are because they do not understand these two key concepts. If you start by trying to tackle these, you will find much communication is opened up between both persons. And remember it is a starting point, real communication takes doing the actual communication. But most problems can be handled and solved with patience, love, intimacy, understanding, and recognizing the ways that men and women are inherently different.

So why don't men and women understand each other?

It mostly comes down to not thinking the same way and having different goals in what each sees as important in their view of relationships. If this helps even one person out there, it is a very good thing. Have heart and try to relax in your love relationships a bit, everything just takes time.



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    • profile image 4 years ago from upstate, NY

      Thanks for your sound advice and insight! Men need to be wanted and women need to be validated.

    • blake4d profile image

      Blake Ford Hall 5 years ago from Now Rising Out of Phoenix Arizona Earthlings

      Keep on Hubbing. Blake4d

    • profile image

      kimberlyslyrics 5 years ago

      your best hub yet

      voted way up!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    • blake4d profile image

      Blake Ford Hall 5 years ago from Now Rising Out of Phoenix Arizona Earthlings

      Thanx YIJ and TSE. Keep on Hubbing. Blake4d

    • ts.erlandsson profile image

      ts.erlandsson 5 years ago from Stockholm

      À great hub. In My life I have learn that women needs to talk about everything but they don't need any answers. The most important for à man is to listen to his women. About man,I think everything you write in the hub is proper. Show your man what a great person he is and he will love you forever.

      Every man and women should read your hub. Tank you for this hub. I give it à useful.

    • yoginijoy profile image

      yoginijoy 5 years ago from Mid-Atlantic, USA

      I agree with everything you've explained about how men and women function in a relationship. Men need to know they are needed/wanted in a variety of ways and women need to be cherished emotionally. Voted this hub awesome.

    • blake4d profile image

      Blake Ford Hall 5 years ago from Now Rising Out of Phoenix Arizona Earthlings

      Thanx. Keep on Hubbing. Blake4d

    • msorensson profile image

      msorensson 5 years ago

      Great hub. Thank you.