- Gender and Relationships
Guys are jerks - Girls are jerks, too.
Guys are jerks. Why?
That question has been haunting millions of female minds for centuries. Why is he such a jerk? And even though you know he is a complete idiot, it still hurts when you imagine your life without him.
Why can't we leave jerks?
Sometimes it could be because this jerk is prince charming cute, because he is so sweet sometimes or simply because you can’t imagine life without his perfect, photoshopped body. Whatever the case may be, you need to assess how much “jerkery” you are willing to tolerate.
What is a jerk?
Sometimes the jerk is not really a jerk. (Here is the story of a real jerk). Sometimes he just seems like a jerk because we might have super high standards that not even we can meet.
I remember meeting a woman who would complain because her husband did not let her know where he was every minute of his day. If there was a call he didn't answer, she would instantly leave angry voice mails yelling at him for having an affair. She would go home and write angry notes on the mirror with lipstick. No, I’m not kidding. I really met this lady, and honestly, I felt sorry for the guy. For her, this guy was the living definition of a jerk. I didn’t agree with her so much.
As farfetched as it may seem, she is not the only crazy lady out there who believes her guy is a jerk just because he won’t comply to her every whim.
So that takes us to the question: when is he really a jerk and when are we being the jerks?
A guy can be considered a jerk when he intentionally does things to hurt the one he loves. These are things that rank super high in the jerk scale and that no one should tolerate:
- Any type of abuse (verbal or physical)
- Lying to conceal truths that the other person has the right to know
- Refusing to provide for his family
- Threatening behaviors
- Black mailing
- And many more that are not coming to mind right this minute…
Okay, so what if your guy is not really doing any of that stuff but you still consider him a jerk because he forgets your anniversary or because he doesn't compliment your hair every time you change your style? That’s not being a jerk, that’s just being a guy, and whether we like it or not, we’re stuck with that, just as they’re stuck with our hormonal changes.
Guys are simple creatures
They really are! Assuming they don’t rank high on the jerk scale, average guys are pretty simple. And because of their simplicity, they sometimes fail to adjust to our more complicated way of thinking. I’m in no way belittling guys or their intelligence. I’m not a feminist either. I’m just simply pointing out the fact that their brain is more concentrated on the big picture rather than on details. We girls tend to pay more attention to details and dates. They don’t. We pay more attention to colors and the way they make us feel. They don’t. Are they being jerks when they do this? No, they’re just being guys.
Girls can be jerks too
Now remember, we’re no day in the park, either. We can be pretty difficult to deal with, and guys have their own jerk scale for us. These are things that guys list on their jerk scale for girls:
- She wants me to read her mind
- She wants me to remember the day we first kissed, as well as the exact spot where it happened.
- She gets mad when I take her word literally. (She says: “I don’t want to do anything for our anniversary.” The guy takes this at face value and he’s in big trouble).
- She gets mad because I gave her red roses instead of white roses.
- She gets mad because she doesn’t know where I am every waking minute.
- She gets mad because I talk; she gets mad if I stay silent.
- She gets mad because I don’t remember what she wore a week ago
And the list goes on and on…
Guys take a lot of crap from us
It seems as if the scale is really tilted in our favor when it comes to deciding who is being a jerk. Most people will instantly take the girl’s side and classify him as an undeserving piece of crap without hesitation, sometimes without even hearing his side of the story.
When I met the lady I mentioned before (the one that writes on mirrors with lipstick) she told me her story about how her husband was a total jerk who lived only to make her suffer. I immediately sided with her. I cursed all men and told her how we could never expect anything good from any of them.
And then I met him.
Poor guy! He was so jaded by her controlling wife. I felt such a deep pity for him and I chastised myself for taking sides without knowing the whole story.
more on jerks
- Bugaboo Master, Why is he such a jerk?
- How to Stop Dating Jerks and Start Dating Gentlemen
How to make a bottom line for dating and stick to it so you can find a true gentleman.
The point is...
Before you classify your guy as a jerk, stop and think if you, by any small, tiny chance, are also being a jerk. Think about it before you point any fingers. If at the end you come to the conclusion that your boyfriend REALLY is a jerk, then by all means leave him before you take things farther.
Always remember: It takes two to create a successful couple.