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Why it's not wise for girls to marry men with fidelity issues

Updated on January 11, 2017
kenneth avery profile image

Kenneth has been a member of HubPages for five years. He is retired from a 23-year career in the weekly newspaper business.

 Unfaithful guys might as  well just ask for your total trust  when they first meet you.
Unfaithful guys might as well just ask for your total trust when they first meet you. | Source

Preface

There is absolutely no sexual terms, suggestions, or implications to be seen or read inside this piece. This hub is strictly intended for educational purposes to teach girls how to know whether it is wise or not wise for them to enter the bonds of holy matrimony with a male who she knows for sure has infidelity issues.

In today's super-sensitive society, certain terms and phrases such as: "whore monger" and "whore hopper" have been watered-down to: "cheating," "insecurity areas" and "infidelity issues" because these terms are not as harsh to the ones who are guilty of having these "problems."
In the not so distant past, if you really wanted to degrade a man, all you had to do was call him a whore hopper. And that was that. The man who was tagged with this name found it all but impossible to get out from in under such a derogatory name.

So to finish this preface, the two terms, whore hopper and whore monger have been in our society since time I would wager.

Source

Caption for above photo:

Girl: "Sweetie, who was that girl you just waved at? Do you know her?"
Guy: "Whaatttt? Not on your life, honey bunny. She was an old friend from high school."

Now girls who are engaged to be married, can you now see how easily the guy lied his way out of telling his steady girlfriend the truth?

 And while you are in his  arms he is already planning to  meet the waitress who served  you at lunch
And while you are in his arms he is already planning to meet the waitress who served you at lunch | Source

The definitions of

a whore monger is mentioned in a dangerous list of other men to the King James Version of The Bible, in Ephesians 5:5: “For this ye know, that no whore monger, nor unclean person, nor covetous man, who is an idolater, hath any inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and of God.” King James Version (KJV)

But you take the term, whore hopper, it is according to Urban Dictionary, a noun.; a derogatory term generally used to describe a sleazy male in a position of power, who uses his position to have morally-indecent relations with females; literally, i.e., a person who has less than trustworthy relations with whores. The term does not appear to be in widespread usage, but tends to be applied more to sleazebag good ol' boys from the American South. Newspaper/magazine editors, certain U.S. Presidents, and record company executives are common targets of the attribution.

This is harsh

as it should be. This is "that" part of life that we had rather deny that it even exists and just pretend everything's just rosy each day. But before you get confused, let me explain that this piece is not about whores or prostitutes, but the men (a term I use loosely) who have a pattern of infidelity.

I am not going to point a finger at any male of today or in the past. These guys with fidelity issues had reasons that you and I will never know. Frankly, I do not want to know their reasons for knowing would not make me a better person in the long run.

Not all guys with fidelity issues are evil at heart. That I am sure of. And it would not be very mature of me to simply bark at you, "Just look at those guys with infidelity issues! They all have evil hearts." I really do not desire to have you laugh at me nor do I desire to look like "The Fool on HubPages."

Do not be fooled with trinkets or flowers when you catch your fiance' in a lie about him cheating on you and he owns it
Do not be fooled with trinkets or flowers when you catch your fiance' in a lie about him cheating on you and he owns it | Source

Have you been the victim of a companion with fidelity issues?

See results

What got me to thinking about fidelity and infidelity

was, as it happens, a few years ago I was standing in the check-out line at a local grocery store and of course, the tabloids were in my presence and there was this one story that caught both my eyes. The glaring headline read: "Women Who Love Men With fidelity Issues And Why They Marry Them." I thought this was a comedy piece, but with reading a few paragraphs, it was a serious piece along the lines of those stories about women who love convicts on Death Row and why they find romance with them.

But in my own common sense I cannot see why any single lady would dare, knowing ahead of time, that her husband-to-be is one their town's most popular men among various females who reside in their town. I know. The fiance' who has been guilty of infidelity with the bride-to-be, suddenly found a blinding change of heart and with a gallon of salty tears, he vowed to his new bride that he would never be guilty of this sin ever again. Okay. Now a question: How many chances does the new bride give this guy?

"Miss Trusting Girl" believed him. Why not? Everyone deserves a second chance. So why not her reformed unfaithful guy? But his vow did not hold up long, for in a few months, he was coming home from work one evening and three evenings later, he showed up at home to a devastated bride with tears dried on her dress and face shredded with worry. To say nothing about a living room full of grieving family and friends who were there to support the trusting bride but at that time did not know for sure if he had "fell off of the Fidelity Wagon" and fell back into his old habit of "running around" with other girls.

One day at a time and living in honesty is great for your marriage
One day at a time and living in honesty is great for your marriage | Source
Your man is happy just as long as you do not know about his cheating
Your man is happy just as long as you do not know about his cheating | Source
Honesty in couples young and old always helps to keep marriages strong
Honesty in couples young and old always helps to keep marriages strong | Source
It's all laughter and joy before his lies catch up with him and you can no longer trust him
It's all laughter and joy before his lies catch up with him and you can no longer trust him | Source
Making time to talk each day is one of the best ways to build trust for each other
Making time to talk each day is one of the best ways to build trust for each other | Source
Even if your man does slip and cheats on you, give him the benefit of the doubt. It might be that he has deeper problems than just being unfaithful
Even if your man does slip and cheats on you, give him the benefit of the doubt. It might be that he has deeper problems than just being unfaithful | Source
How well do you know your man?
How well do you know your man? | Source
Keeping communications simple and uncluttered will help strengthen your marriage
Keeping communications simple and uncluttered will help strengthen your marriage | Source
Sticking together and not pulling away is always wise
Sticking together and not pulling away is always wise | Source
Marriage is not easy, but if your man has fidelity issues it is better to get them out before you marry than discover them afterwards
Marriage is not easy, but if your man has fidelity issues it is better to get them out before you marry than discover them afterwards | Source

My headline (at the top of this hub) is clear. And needs no interpretation. There are solid reasons why girls should not marry men with infidelity issues and I am sharing ten of those reasons with you, the brides-to-be at this point.

10.) Trust: can a new bride really, in her heart, trust a known cheater completely? Unless she is from the fabric which Mother Teresa was made from, she is always going to have a "cross of suspicion" to bear. Each time he is late, the suspicions arise. Which woman is he seeing tonight? Not a stable marriage.

9.) Physical wear: sure he has not fell short of his marriage vows. He has went to work and back home for months. But those times when he told you that he had to be out of town for business, but you find out later that he wanted to see a few girls who lived way out of town. You notice the toll his cheating ways were taking on his body almost made you file for divorce. Physical health is as important as mental health.

8.) Fantasies: are in his imagination most all time. When he reads the newspaper, you notice he is glued to the lingerie ads and so on. A deadly fantasy is only a rock's throw from being a reality. Engaged girls, you need to think of this.

7.) Public opinion: is honestly, not that crucial when it comes to marriage. Some people will always find something to squawk about even with perfect couples. So if you are about to say, "I do" to a man who told you days ago he has a long history of being a cheater, well, you have the most important (and crucial) decision to make. Whether you want to be a man who "says" he is no longer a cheater or go ahead and marry a cheater and be talked about by the neighbors and family.

6.) Your children: and this one is very SERIOUS. I will not get into specifics, but if your husband is struggling with his past life of that of a cheater, and has an infidelity issue, is it wise to even have children with him so his shaky, unfaithful ways will rub off on them?

5.) Marital stability: is important in my opinion for a couple to have a solid marriage. But how can you have a stable marriage with a man whose mind is always on some girl he dated in one of his last down falls or you catch him talking on his cell phone to an old flame who he dated years ago? To me, and I am not an expert on marriage, this is not a stable marriage.

4.) Mental strain: will be on you every waking minute if you marry a cheater. But there is that bleak, outside ray of hope that he IS changed and does not desire the pleasure of another woman's company and this is not a slam against pretty girls. But like I have said it is all up to you.

3.) Communication: between you and your husband will be slightly strained. When you sit down to talk about the day, and his topics are always about some woman he seen in the restaurant where he takes his lunch break or how an old friend, maybe an old "college friend," sent him a birthday card, well you can figure out right here that unless he completely gets successful rehab for his addiction, you and your husband will be spending a lot of mute evenings.

2.) Burden of choosing: the family vacation each year will be tough on you and your beloved husband. You know if you choose a location with a beach where bathing suit-wearing women are lying about getting a tan, this will be a serious temptation for your husband so you opt for a trip to the Rocky Mountains, but even in this locale, there might be a few attractive women and then the worrying about him backsliding from his "strong days" will be on your mind.

1.) STD's: why this is the number one reason that you should not marry an unfaithful man is simple. If your fiance' has been out with a lot of girls, and has engaged in "that" area of intimacy, but without proper protection, there is that reality that he might have a STD. And when you and your secretly-unfaithful husband have intimate moments, you will leave yourself wide open to get the same STD. This is serious, newly-engaged girls.

Thanks for reading this piece.

And good night, Abilene, Texas.

It is what lies behind the perfect  smile that can hurt you, girls
It is what lies behind the perfect smile that can hurt you, girls | Source

© 2017 Kenneth Avery

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    • dashingscorpio profile image

      dashingscorpio 3 months ago

      Very interesting!

      Lots of people believe "marriage is commitment".

      However in reality the "commitment" should come before the marriage!

      It makes no sense to marry anyone who hasn't been monogamous during your courtship. And yet I've known guys who felt they could play the field all the way up and including the night before their wedding.

      Clearly people cheat for various reasons. Some do so because they're unhappy in a relationship but to lazy to walk away or fear the prospects of "starting over" and others do so spontaneously if an unbelievable opportunity presents itself.

      However the worst type of cheater is probably what I call the "Incessant Cheater" which I assume is in line with what you termed as a "whore hopper". The only bad thing about that to me is calling the (women) whores simply because the (man) betrayed his mate with them.

      At any rate an "Incessant Cheater" is someone who gets bored very easily in relationships, they're always looking for the excitement or thrill that comes with being with someone (new).

      Monogamy in their eyes is the equivalent of going on a "strict diet". It's not a matter of (if) they will cheat but rather (when).

      Their motto: "Variety is the spice of life."

      Usually a guy who is an "incessant cheater" is confident, personable, flirtatious, seductive, and has a great sense of humor. Odds are he takes good care of himself.

      He's usually a "smooth talker" and knows just what to say to make women feel (special).

      And if there is great sexual chemistry in bed it makes it all the more difficult for many women to just walk away.

      They want to believe his promises or that given time he'll change or realize what they have is special. Some younger women in particular enjoy the competition aspect of trying to "win him over" from other women.

      Sadly too many women make it about the man instead of loving themselves enough to change who they are with they'd rather attempt to change the guy!

    • SakinaNasir53 profile image

      Sakina Nasir 3 months ago from Kuwait

      Great hub. Very wise and advices are sound. Amazing job done my dear friend. Have a nice day ahead. God bless you! :)

    • skperdon profile image

      skperdon 3 months ago from Canada

      Very well written hub on a topic that is dear to me Kenneth!

      And believe you are not the fool on Hubpages, I admire your ability to choose a topic out of everyday life and make it a successful piece of writing.

      I have had cheaters in my life. Some men even cheat on their daughters or their whole family, i.e. they leave their family and become the father of the new "flame's". But it's not just men who cheat and then darkness of the affair just destroys everything that's good about marriage.

      Thank you for writing on this topic.

    • RoadMonkey profile image

      RoadMonkey 3 months ago

      No, if he has fidelity issues before the marriage, they will arise again some time later and it's a much harder job to separate after marriage than before.

    • Dana Tate profile image

      Dana Tate 3 months ago from LOS ANGELES

      I never understood why people cheat unless they are unhappy in their relationship. There are many ways a person can become unhappy the two that comes to mind is not being fulfilled sexually, or emotionally. I have been in relationships where I felt I wasn't being met emotionally.

      I think men and women think differently and where men are more physical, women are more emotional. I feel most women meet their partners physical need with the expectation that men will meet their emotional need.

      Women have been taught that "men will be men" so they suffer in silence. Some women are foolish enough to believe that their cheater will change after marriage, but really what's different? The only difference is now you have a piece of paper that give you legal rights but the heart and character of the person has to change because they desire to change.

    • kenneth avery profile image
      Author

      Kenneth Avery 2 weeks ago from Hamilton, Alabama

      Dearest Sakina :)

      You are very welcome for my hub getting your response. I fear that some of these topics just might be on the bubble and not 100% good or off center.

      Do I make sense?

      I should stick to humor or poetry. Right?

      At any rate, love your special friendship.

    • kenneth avery profile image
      Author

      Kenneth Avery 2 weeks ago from Hamilton, Alabama

      Hi, Dana,

      Very wise; profound; and interesting. I am glad now that I published this piece.

      I found your views very sound and right.

      Thanks for your warm views.

      Please write me anytime.

    • kenneth avery profile image
      Author

      Kenneth Avery 2 weeks ago from Hamilton, Alabama

      Dear skperdon ,

      I am now humbled by your sweet comment.

      And you are very wise and intellectually sound.

      Love your words to this comment.

      And you are a very strong woman both mentally,

      spiritually and your spirit.

      Write me anytime.

    • kenneth avery profile image
      Author

      Kenneth Avery 2 weeks ago from Hamilton, Alabama

      Hi, Road Monkey,

      I have to agree with your points. In my hometown (and life) I have seen both types: the suffering in silence, the women Dana was talking about and the obviously adulterer who does not think he is wrong at all.

      Personally, I had rather him know "everything," even his infidelity issues BEFORE the marriage than after.

      Thanks so much for your support.

    • kenneth avery profile image
      Author

      Kenneth Avery 2 weeks ago from Hamilton, Alabama

      Hey, dashingscorpio,

      I have to be honest. You are in some area of psychology, right? I mean that by reading your observations, you make a ton of sense in what you say.

      I may be old fashioned, but I truly believe that there is a lot of sense in being married and know all about the partner and be able to commit to each other without fear or wanting to cheat on them out of whatever reason they choose.

      It is much like "Marriage Roulette."

      Am I making sense?

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