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Why men don't pick up on subtle hints from women

Updated on January 16, 2016

Men and women think differently

The short answer is, most men are blind to the subtle hints of women.

Men and women have been conditioned over thousands of years to develop different thinking patterns as well as brain structure. However, many men and women think that both genders think basically the same way. You might think that your partner think the sme way you do, all in all it comes naturally to you. Over time interacting and living with the opposite gender makes you inevitably notice differences but you might still be surprised by the way they think.

I know there were some differences in thinking but I had not really understood it until I started studying this subject. There are two perspectives we can look at this subject 1) scientific - differences in structure of brain 2) spiritual - polarity or differences in masculine and feminine energy. I chose to go a little bit into both.


Woman says: "I haven't had any coffee today yet." expecting husband/boyfriend to take care of that by making her a loveful cup of coffee.

In the reality 90% (this number is made up) of men are like "Mhm, O.K." not acting on the obvious hint that she wants a cup of coffee.


Has it happened to you, that you gave a man all the hints and he did not respond?

See results

Reading subtle hints

Doctor Simon Baron-Cohen from Cambridge University designed a test where people are presented rectangles revealing only area around eye. A person is to choose a correct emotion.

The reults were interesting. Women could identify approximately 88% emotions corectly, while men scored only 76%. What this implies is that women are better at reading body language and noticing nuances.

When it comes to seduction, women are naturally better, given the fact they are more receptive to these small hints and signals. Many times a man won't notice them, but every woman around will. When you think about a situation like that, a woman who tries to seduce a man by giving out these subtle hints, like a different look, slightly upped eyebrow, might end up frustrated. She might afterwards consults it with her girlfriends all will be like "yeah , he was not interested... you did all THAT and he did not do anything?!" while the man probably did not even noticed what was going on.


Most men are not aware of subtle hints and visual signs women provide. Once they are aware, that something like that exists, they might train to notice sspecific hints and eventually improve.

Men and women brain differences

Various reserches suggest that there are big differences in female and male brain. But not only that. There are also differences in the following:

  1. Sex differences in genes
  2. Sex differences in steroid hormone action
  3. Sex specific interactions with environment

According to Christine K. Wagner (1), mental differentiation starts with a child being born, when males have more steroids in bloodflow than females. This starts a chain reaction of different processes during child's growth.

But to explore differences in thinking we should look back at how our brain evolved over thousands of years.

Let's take an example.

Men perform better in tasks that require spacial orientation - reading maps and navigating. This is because a caveman had to hunt. To be a good hunter they needed a sharp focus of eyes and they needed to have a good orientation in space in order to get back to the cave. Men also tend to lead more of a "straight to the point, throw it in your face" kind of conversations and use logical thinking.

Women on the other hand are hard-wired to take care of children. This has always been their dominance and it also projects in taking care of house, cooking, they have better attention to detail and are good at decorating. Women also use larger field of view.(2) That does not mean they see a larger cone, that means they can notice and identify things they are not directly looking at. When it comes to thinking, women tend to be more emotionally wired.

Feminine energy

Which energy do you tap into most of the time?

See results

Polarity between masculine and feminine energy

We differentiate two types of energy - feminine and masculine. However don't think that being a man means your primary energy is masculine. Every person is different and everyone hs both these energies - we need to tap into them for different tasks. We are born with one of these energies, being more dominant. For males, it is usually masculine, for females feminine, but it does not necessarily need to be this way.

Second important thing to mention is that your natural (energy you are born with) might be supressed as you age by different factors.

A good example of a masculine woman is one that has children without husband. To take care of her children she needs to tap into male energy (take action and get over problems), she needs to bring them up by herself. While she also needs to tap nto her feminine side (caring, vulnerable), the masculine is usually more dominant. If she has a strong husband, she can let her feminine energy shine.

Feminine energy

In the video above, the man wants to fix the problem (that is a pure male energy characteristic) while the woman wants him just to listen to her and not try to fix anything. That makes us men frustrated all the time – men might know the solution but women are not interested in solving the problem.

One thing you can do in that case is ask her upfront whether she just wants you to listen or if she also wants your take on the situation and possible solution.

Masculine energy

The easy way out, would be to use warranty to get the couch fixed. But this is not what a MAN would do, is it? Men are here to solve problems and overcome obstacles and therefore, using warranty means a personal failure to men (in that case). No matter what, men will try to fix things by themselves, without help to prove themselves.

Masculine vs. Feminine energy



1) Behavioral Neuroscience: Sex Differences in Brain and Behavior


Do you have an idea for a post, want to ask a question or read more or maybe you want to understand women better and/or improve your relationship? Contact me on my website.


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