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Why moving in with your boyfriend is a bad idea

Updated on November 21, 2011

So you and your boyfriend met and you both hit off really well. He is all over you and feels you are the one. You can't believe your luck when he proposes to move in together with him. Or you start gradually by bringing your stuff to his and vice versa or there is not a doubt that you too should share the same space as you feel you can't live apart anymore. May be it would be best saving up for each other etc... But...years not too long down the line the relationship doesn't take the turn or the path that it should. Generally it's the woman who start questionning the relationship and begin hinting about making things official ie Mariage. Problems arises when the guy don't think it's important. So what happenned? My guess is Moving together for that relationship was a bad idea from the start for 80% of couple. A woman is better off keeping her "space" away from her boyfriend until he is ready to marry her.

Reasons a guy won't marry her:

- He doesn't love her anymore or not as much but habits makes him want to stick around. he is comfortable, not really in the mood for cheating because he doesn't want the trouble looking for sex elswhere. getting married to her would mean, life would be even more boring so it's better to keep things like that to see if that changes.

- He doesn't see her as mariage material: so girls here is the truth; guys are fine observant of women behaviours. He believes you didn't mind playing wife without being married so why pressurizing him now? he would be angry and ressentful towards you for trying to make him feel bad by not marrying you.You have higher chances of being branded a manipulative woman. And he would convince himself that you are not worthy of that status with him. It's very simple. No matter how far you have gone in your relationship, he remains a guy.

- It's practical, not romantic to move in with your girlfriend for a guy. for a woman she thinks she has secured a guy which generally is not the case. A guy deep down knows it's wrong and that he should marry you first. but you don't mind so be it. you are a grown woman. besides all the lovey doey he does to you, he is simply being practical and takes on ALL that you have to offer to him. Advienne que pourra.

- He begins to see you as used good: I know it's harsh but that's what we women would love to forget ; He knows you in and out, knows your flaws and your assets. he can easily decide if he wants that for the rest of his life or not. When the time comes for the "talk" he would never tell you he has seen enough of you and would like someone else, fresh. that's too cruel, he will usually say, " I never want to get married, EVER". meaning i can't possibily marry you. because a guy always wants to get married one day, when he meets the girl he wants, everyone will know about it. The most obvious and close to reality truth he would say is "I am not ready" at that point, girl you better pack off because it usually means, I don't want to marry YOU, right now.

There are exceptions when the guy is genuily scared of mariage but trust me it's bullshit...when he is in Love, there is no stopping him.

Move in with your boyfriend if you are forced to and dragged to but don't do it with all your senses ; it will save you some useless heartaches unless you don't mind. or at least keep your house or stay with your friends and parents as long as you can. don't let him fool you that we can try house before the real thing...unless you are too desperate or you don't really care about marriage.

That's my view anyway by observing the guys.



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    • profile image

      mitchie Russel 3 years ago

      I think it all depends on your ages, you seriously won't decide to move in with him when you are still young and you have not figured out what you want in life. Its only best to just visit him or sleep over at his place once or twice a month.

    • KeriProctor88 profile image

      KeriProctor88 5 years ago from Georgia

      I moved in with my ex boyfriend at the age of 18, still in high school, and man what a bad choice that was. You live and you learn, but at least I still graduated. I think that couples should wait until they are at least engaged or married. It’s like when you move in with your boyfriend, things do change because you get bored with each other, get on each other’s nerves, or find out he was never the one and it ended up being a waste of time, like me. This is a real good hub, and great information on this.

    • cheatlierepeat profile image

      cheatlierepeat 6 years ago from Canada

      I agree Juliana. I think moving in together makes perfect sense for some couples. By the time a couple decides to move in together they should have a pretty good idea about where the relationship is headed. Yes, sometimes moving in ruins those palns...incompatibilty, whatever. But if couples have good communication and are on the same page with timeline expectations then moving in together is a great "feeler" for a lifetime commitment.

    • profile image

      JulianaMarie 6 years ago

      You make some interesting points but I think you're addressing two different topics here: 1. moving in together and 2. why he's not marrying her. I think that couples would benefit from living together before they say "I Do", so that if they aren't able to work things out then they aren't stuck.

      However, if he's not marrying her then that's a whole different bag of worms.

      All and all, if a couple is "meant to be" then he shouldn't have an issue with respecting her space when they are living together.