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Why people cheat

Updated on June 28, 2016


I've been cheated on before, and it is a terrible feeling. I was betrayed and completely blinded by fury and sadly I lashed out and acted in a petty way. It was because I was hurt, my trust had been breached, and my relationship had been shook to its core. It was the beginning of the end and a life changing experience. My partners infidelity showed me that they were not the right person for me and taught me a lot about myself, what I value the most in a relationship, and what I expect from my partner. Him cheating also taught me something about him; he was angry, insecure, and unable to properly express what he was feeling. I feel people cheat for a myriad of reasons, but a lot of infidelity stems from insecurity. Loss of passion and love is another major factor that partners are tempted to cheat, however, a partner makes the CHOICE to cheat instead of confronting their partner. I firmly believe that those who choose to cheat instead of being honest are insecure with themselves, not confident enough to speak up, or in the worst scenario, are selfish and do not care about the consequences of their actions. I have never cheated and it is because I had the courage to face my emotions and the problem head on by addressing the issues with my partner. Its much easier to get out clean by being honest, or if you still feel you can salvage the relationship, attempt to talk things out. Once you cheat, you are guaranteed to face a dramatic and messy break-up.

Why people cheat

1. Self-gratification
Cheating is a self-gratifying process. You are having forbidden sex, and it sort of has a kinky twist that makes it that much hotter. People who cheat care more about their personal pleasure than their partners happiness. Although this may occur for a brief period of time, but the impact on your partner and the relationship lasts a life time. Relationships are about sacrifice, and once you cheat you cease to be a selfless, reciprocal, and a loving partner.
When people cheat, its either because they are selfish and worried about their own personal pleasure, there is a problem in the relationship, and the cheater is more worried about receiving their reassurance and gratification than having the confidence and courage to confront their partner

2. Loss of intimacy
Many relationships fade and the intimacy is lost. In these situations, courageous people will be upfront and end the relationship on honorable terms. Those who lack this resolve will opt for coercive and cowardly methods of cheating to compensate for their issues. I feel as if these people are insecure since they cannot confront the issue head on. It takes a very strong minded person to face the music.

3. Discovering a new sexual or love interest
As much as it may suck, your partner may be attracted to or love someone else. Many people will cheat when put in this situation and this is due to their fundamental selfishness. There is nothing wrong with falling out of love, but what is wrong is when you make the choice to cheat. As much as it may hurt your partner, you should be honest with them about your faltering love because it shows that you respect them and the relationship you once shared. This way, your new partner will have more respect for you for not cheating and being honest with yourself. They will also respect your courage and confidence in yourself since you had the resolve to end the relationship without inflicting an irreversible breach of trust.

4. They are simply a selfish cow
Some people are just horrible and simply do not care about your feelings. They are occupied with their own personal gratification and want to have their cake and eat it too. I have no more to say about these types of cheaters, they are the worst.

5. The need for approval from others
Some people will cheat no matter how perfect the relationship is, and this is because they crave approval from the opposite sex in order to feel confident and valued. For these types of cheaters, the love and attention from their partner is not enough and can not fill their void of insecurity. These people will cheat no matter who they are with because they are so insecure that they can only acknowledge their self-worth through constant and extensive attention from the opposite sex.


How to avoid being cheated on

Its completely impossible to avoid being cheated on, but there are things you can do to avoid getting into a relationship with a cheater.

1. Date someone who cares about your happiness just as much as they care about their own happiness.

Your partner should be selfless with you, and you should be the same with them. Relationships are about sacrifice, compromise, and reciprocity. If they cannot fulfill these requirements, they will not be a good partner. If they can't do something as simple as let you chose a movie, or where you eat for dinner, or put their needs before you, this should be a warning sign.

2. Stand up for yourself.
If something is bothering you, address it. Don't show your partner that you can be walked over and you will let all issues fly under your radar. Always speak up and show you are strong and will not be a door mat.

3. Take the early warning signs very seriously.
If your partner is being elusive or vague from the start and giving the others attention, this is a a huge warning sing and these people should be avoided by all costs. If they are exhibiting this behavior in the preliminary stages, you can bet that it will happen when you are together.

4. Be strong and be prepared to leave.
You need to show your partner that you are always prepared to leave them if they disrespect you. This will show your partner that you are not a push over and will not tolerate any disrespect. Once you take your partner for granted, your relationship is in hot water.

5. Know their past.
It is so important to know and understand the past of your potential partner. If they have a history of being a cheater or a playboy/girl this should be a red flag and you should approach with caution. I am not an advocate of judging someone based off their past, but it should be taken into consideration when you are judging their behavior towards you. If they begin to exhibit questionable behaviors and have a negative past, this could mean that they are a serial cheater or not mature enough for a relationship with you. However, if they have cheated once or were promiscuous before you, yet they are completely selfless, loving, and honest with you, this is a prime example that people can change for the better.


How to recognize the signs of cheating

1. Distance
You begin to feel an emotional void in the relationship and begin to see each other less. Once your partner communicates they no longer have time for you, this is a major indicating factor of infidelity.

2. You stop having fun together.
Once you spot doing the special things that used to define your relationship and they begin to seem absent minded around you, this can mean they are cheating.

3. Your instinct tells you something is wrong.
Always trust your gut; usually people in relationships are able to accurately detect when their partner is no longer emotionally in-tuned with them.

3. Suspicious social media activity
Once they begin to hide their phone from you and they start to spend a lot of time on their phone, you can assume that they are engaging in an activity that you would not approve of. If they do not answer certain phone calls when your around, this is another indicating factor.

4. Huge time gaps they cannot account for.
Realistically, if they weren't cheating or engaging in suspicious activity they would have an easy answer for their unexplained absence.

5. They stop talking about your love together and your future as a couple.
This is because they can no longer envision a future with you and their attention is elsewhere.

6. They are nervous and want to leave when you are together.
Cheating is exhausting, and when they are with you their lies and facade of fidelity become too much to handle.

7. They become paranoid about you cheating.
Cheaters will become paranoid about their partner cheating because they have cheated and know what can happen behind their backs. This is also a way for them to justify their behavior.

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    • profile image

      Happy Man 

      2 years ago

      You are dead on with your assumptions. I totally agree it's not good to judge people's past behaviour. Problem is past behaviour is an indication of predictive future behaviour. I also believe upbringing and family rnvironment plays a role is shaping how people approach relationships by basing what was around them growing up as being positive or negative associations to relationships.

    • Mxdeleinee profile imageAUTHOR


      2 years ago

      Awesome input, thanks :)

    • dashingscorpio profile image


      2 years ago

      Most cheaters are looking to hold onto all that is "good" in their primary relationship with addressing their other "needs" on the side. Very few people cheat in order to replace one relationship with another.

      Most cheaters are looking "complement" what they already have.

      Some people cheat in order to STAY or tolerate marriages they aren't happy with. However whatever is "missing" isn't enough for them to run down to the courthouse to file for divorce and change their financial living standards.

      As you noted those "needs" vary from cheater to cheater.

      I believe there are 3 basic cheater types.

      1. The Incessant Cheater

      She/he gets bored very easily and probably has never been faithful in any long-term relationship. They are always looking for the adventure and excitement that comes with being with someone "new". No matter who you are or what you do you will never become "new" again.

      This type of cheater equates monogamy with going on a very strict diet. Its not a matter of (if) they will cheat but rather (when) the will cheat.

      Their motto: "Variety is the spice of life."

      2. The Unbelievable Opportunity Cheater

      This person is not proactively looking to cheat. They may have a secret crush on someone or thinks someone is "hot". One day that individual "hits on them" or makes it known they could hookup. In some instances immaturity and peer pressure can come into play if they have friends or co-workers who egged them on to no miss out on an opportunity to turn a fantasy into reality. Essentially this person caves in to temptation. Some of these types will confess weeks, months, or years later if the guilt becomes too much for them to bear.

      3. The Discontented Cheater

      He/she blames YOU! If you hadn't done or stopped doing whatever they never would have been ripe or open to cheating. In essence you stopped making them feel "special". Someone else came along flirted with them, complemented them, listened to them, and made them feel alive again.

      Truth be told you can't prevent from being cheated on because the only person you can control is yourself. No one intentionally chooses someone they believe will cheat on them. Cheaters are liars and the present themselves as being loyal, loving, and trusting people.

      What raises suspicions is when someone stops being a certain way with us or they take on a "new demeanor" out of the blue, seem less interested in us, angers easily, or makes less time for being together...etc

      All we are able to do is "bust them" after the fact or bail because we sense something isn't "right" even though we can't prove it.

      Even if it turned out they really weren't cheating but those behaviors remained in place it's doubtful we would suddenly jump of joy!

      Because being "unhappy" isn't a "deal breaker" some people actually (need their mate to cheat or abuse them) in some way in order to give themselves "permission" to walk out of a bad or unhappy relationship/marriage.

      "Never love anyone who treats you like you're ordinary."

      - Oscar Wilde


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