Why so many attractive 30-something women can't find their Mr Right
This hub is about a certain type of woman. The type of woman to whom I am greatly attracted, so I can speak with some authority on the subject, especially as I know a lot of women in this category, and have gone out with a number of them. There may be other types of women who also can't find the right man, and there will be other reasons for that, but I'm not going to be discussing them. This hub is about physically attractive, well-dressed, intelligent, witty, confident, independent, successful women. Women who would judge themselves and each other to be a great catch for a man, but can't work out why they are single, or why their relationships never last very long. In short, why they cannot find a man that they can settle down with.
So what's wrong with them?
With women like this having so much going for them, surely men will be falling over themselves to date them? Surely the men will find them great fun to be with, will be proud of them, will love them? Yes, they will, but they will find that they are either rejected, or if they do start a relationship, then cannot live with them. Why?
We are talking about "alpha-females", they are driven and independent, and this is their downfall when it comes to starting and ,maintaining relationships with men. For a start they tend to be attracted only to alpha-males. Wimps and losers are no good for them - they demand the best. Those males are themselves likely to be driven and independent, and here we see the start of the problem.
Tell me more
In a relationship with two driven independent halves, both are going to want to lead, to dominate, and to do what they want to do, rather than compromise to do what their partner wants to do.
Many alpha males choose less independent, less driven, more yielding females for their mates, so that they can get their own way, and they know that their partner is happy to concede and go with the flow. They choose women who look up to them, and admire their success, and may feel slightly subordinate. This choice of mate may not be a conscious one, but such males are naturally drawn to women who fit the profile, and there are enough such women out there to fulfil the need.
Those males that are drawn to the alpha-females, are potentially setting themselves up for lots of fights and arguments, and a stormy relationship, as neither party will ever give in and concede an inch of ground.
How do they resolve this?
I believe that all males have something within them that makes them have a need for being mothered, looked-after, loved unconditionally. Even highly successful alpha-males still have this "weakness" that they feel empty without the love of a good woman, and therefore, the alpha-males attracted to alpha-females have the ability to concede, to let the woman make the decisions, to let her have her way, even if in their work life they are a complete tyrant. Thus an alpha-male can find an alpha-female to become his wife, and, by virtue of his innate ability to allow himself to be mothered, the relationship can thrive, and not be one long battle.
Indeed, he may well be very much the alpha-male in his work environment, but outside of work he falls back to a much softer, more easy-going position. He is not quite so driven as some of the other alpha-males, and is happy to go with the flow, relax, compromise when he is not in work. In fact, he is probably not a tyrant at work either. Successful, energetic, driven, yes, but he also listens, is a team-player, is involving, sympathetic, etc.
So what about these single 30-something alpha females?
Alpha-females do not seem to have the inner "weakness" that the alpha-males do, which is the need to be looked-after and mothered. Maybe their struggle to be successful has made them hardened, because it is still more difficult, even today, for women to make it to the top. Thus maybe they have been fighting all of their lives - fighting to be heard, fighting to be taken seriously, fighting to get their way, fighting to prove themselves, and now that they have got there, they know no other way than to keep on fighting.
Thus, these women will not compromise in a relationship - everything must go their way. If there is something about their partner that they don't like, they are not going to put up with it, they are going to make him change. If he won't change, then he will either get fed up with being moaned at and leave, or she will get rid of him for refusing to change.
The alpha-female doesn't have the option of finding an easy-going male who will always concede to her, because she is not attracted to such "wimps" (in her eyes). She has made it to the top and she wants the strongest men only, someone who will not yield to anyone else, except her. The only battles he is allowed to lose are the ones with her.
Now, such alpha-males are few and far between. If they are "extreme-alpha" then they are not going to yield to anyone, including their partner. The only way such a relationship is going to work is if the two barely see each other - they live such busy and independent lives that they only get a few hours a week together, and in that time there is not enough time to have too many arguments. Perhaps they maintain the attraction because they never really get to know each other, and any time together is like the first few months of dating someone new - there are always interesting new things to discover.
So can such a relationship last?
I think that very few do. All relationships are driven at some level by an innate desire for sex, and if they are barely seeing each other, then they are not getting any time to have sex with each other. Almost inevitably, one or both partners end up having opportunistic sex with someone else instead, and, unless the couple are both happy with this going on, which few are, the relationship is doomed. Both parties move on to their next unsuccessful relationship.
So the problem that these driven and independent alpha-females have is that they are unable to compromise, and, in being that way, they limit their potential mates to a small group of unsuitable partners with whom they can never have a successful relationship. That is why there are so many very attractive and successful women in their thirties and forties who are single, or go from one relatively short relationship to the next, unable to find their Mr Right. And they can't work out why, because they are so attractive, successful, witty, wealthy, fun, and strong, and they do get a continual string of men chatting them up. Well, now they know why (but, of course, they'll never admit to this being the reason)!