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Why won't she leave

Updated on March 7, 2013

Author: W. K. Hayes

Infidelity

One of the best ways in life to find out if something is truly yours is by, letting go and seeing if it comes back to you. The most common example of this is breaking up with a boyfriend or girlfriend and seeing if they still want to be a part of your life or if they will walk away.

However, what do you do when you break up with someone and this person does refuse to go away? Not that, this person is a stalker, per se but they simply refuse to give up on the relationship, when you know it is over. For example, I once dated a girl that really, really liked me but I could tell she was really, really liking some other people at the same time. Oh, she made every effort to hide it from me but you know when someone is not being faithful to you, especially, when it comes to unexplainable bruises and scratch marks found on that person’s body. Another great case-in-point would be the person getting calls and scurrying off to another room to talk in a low voice.

Still, this leaves me with one huge question. If that person wants to see someone else and I break up with her, then why does she insist on keeping the relationship going? The only answers I could come up with would be financial security or maybe the person they are seeing only wants a fling and nothing more so, she stayed for relationship security, which makes no sense to me.

A little while back, I wrote an article called, ‘Why Cheater’s Cheat.’ In the article, I surmised the main reason behind the cheating by blaming it on that person wanting attention. I still feel the same now but if she is getting plenty of attention from me then could there be another cause for random infidelity?

Still, she tried to pretend that she was forever faithful, forever true but the bruises kept showing up. At one point, I began making excuses for her like; maybe it is from her playing with the animals. However, when she blamed the bruises on me, I knew she was lying. When you touch someone that you love, you remember everywhere you touched that person.

Therefore, back to my original question; I knew it was over, I called it quits but she refused to let the relationship go. Was this a case of her wanting something, she could not have? Perhaps this would be the case. After all, if she was sleeping with other people than she was clearly selfish, anyway. At any rate, that is her problem and not mine. My problem was making her truly realize that I did not want anything else to do with her and eventually, I did.

My advice to anyone is simple. If you are in a relationship and that person breaks up with you…walk away and leave it at that. You cannot force someone to love you or want you…especially, if you have been unfaithful to him or her. Oh, and do not waste time talking about how you will change and be a better person. Surely, you realize that while you are promising to change, you are actually sitting there and lying right to their face again. If you care about that person, you would leave and move on.

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    • sweetpixiegrl profile image

      sweetpixiegrl 

      6 years ago from u.s.a

      your a sweet guy, give lots of compliments and make a woman feel special. no wonder she wanted to stay... my opinion is she has commitment issues , if it hurts, or it is uncomfortable it isn't love and you should let it go or make it go. just sayin

    • Sassywolf profile image

      Sassywolf 

      6 years ago from Utica,New York

      It really sounds to me like she wants the security of knowing that you give her a place to live and provide for her as well.And some women just like the extra affection that a new relationship can give her,the flirting and compliments and excitement.Why she stays is a control thing ,and I know all this because I lived it with my X husband who was cheating on me with my 17 year old friend whom I took in under my roof.When I tried to have them both removed all the cops told me was he can stay because he was my husband and she could stay because he invited her.I owned everything in my home and she literally made my life there hell!

      And now I am dating a man,that Loves me and I am madly in love with but his X wife tossed him out ,and together we have to deal with her stalking him!

    • profile image

      kimberlyslyrics 

      7 years ago

      howdy MM :)

    • W. K. Hayes profile imageAUTHOR

      Warren Keith Hayes 

      7 years ago from Bryson City, North Carolina

      Hi Artzgirl...I appreciate your optimism but during the course of that disasterous relationship, I recall standing outside on break at work and watching her drive by with some guy in the car on their way to what should have been our home. She really was cheating on me and they married two weeks after we parted company. Ultimately,my advice is that if you feel like someone is not being faithful, call it quits. Whether they are or not is irrelevant. If you don't trust them the relationship will not work out, anyway.

    • W. K. Hayes profile imageAUTHOR

      Warren Keith Hayes 

      7 years ago from Bryson City, North Carolina

      Hi Rhonda...bad relationships come in all sizes and colors. Nevertheless, freedom from such nightmares is a very enjoyable thing. Freedom does not necessarily mean that we are free from a relationship but that we are truly happy in the freedom of a normal relationship. Thank you for stopping in and commenting. I value your opinion and thoughts.

    • ArtzGirl profile image

      ArtzGirl 

      7 years ago from San Diego

      Bruising Easily? This does not necessarily mean that she was "cheating on you"-- perhaps she is running low on Vitamin K or has another reason to bruise easily.

      I occasionally bump into things and bruise my knees, legs, arms, etc...

      Don't we all?

      I wouldn't blame the fact that she may bruise easily as proving an infidelity.

      ----------

      On the other hand, if this were clearly a "hicky"-- then yes, you may be justified in feeling that way.

    • Rhonda Waits profile image

      Rhonda Musch 

      7 years ago from The Emerald Coast

      Hi W.K. I enjoyed your article. I am happy now but I wasn't for along time. I stayed in my bad relationship out of fear of change. I didn't know what to do at times. Sometimes things were good other times they were bad. Change was one thing that I was not accustomed to deal with.I didn't love him, the relationship was a disaster. Its a long story. It took me almost 6 years to escape. I literally had to escape once when he was gone. I had my two boys from my former marriage. There father was deceased. I could not get any help from anyone. When I thought about leaving, I chickened out. What would he do if he found me I thought. After 6 years I met Eric and I decided to throw caution to the wind and just leave him.I got away with my children moved with Eric's help and never looked back.I recently wrote a poem called change. It has been almost 3 years since we escaped that horrible life. Financially it took its toll on me, but I survived. Thanks for writing this hub. Voted up.

      Sweet wishes Rhonda

    • W. K. Hayes profile imageAUTHOR

      Warren Keith Hayes 

      7 years ago from Bryson City, North Carolina

      Hello Genna East, Denial is a huge part of it for both parties involved. He doesn't won't to believe the worst and she doesn't want to admit to the truth, or vice versa. Either way, a toxic relationship ruins any hope of a future and should be ended swiftly and quickly.

    • W. K. Hayes profile imageAUTHOR

      Warren Keith Hayes 

      7 years ago from Bryson City, North Carolina

      Hi barbergirl28...she did indeed have commitment issues...well, except for the fact that she was commited to herself and her happiness. She obviously excelled in those areas LOL. Thanks for stopping by.

    • Genna East profile image

      Genna East 

      7 years ago from Massachusetts, USA

      "If that person wants to see someone else and I break up with her, then why does she insist on keeping the relationship going?" Denial, and thinking she can change his mind. Either way, it's good to just "let go." Magic words. Good hub!

    • barbergirl28 profile image

      Stacy Harris 

      7 years ago from Hemet, Ca

      Very good article. I feel like sometimes, when someone does what this woman does, it gives her the relationship security, but yet she is afraid of commitment at the same time, so she seeks others out. I know it sounds contridictory, but I was kind of like that (without the cheating part of course) where I wanted the relationship but at the same time I also wanted the fun. Granted those were the teenage years and I have grown since then!

    • W. K. Hayes profile imageAUTHOR

      Warren Keith Hayes 

      7 years ago from Bryson City, North Carolina

      Hi Ashantina

      You make a great point...it is about control which is a major sign of being obsessive. Very good point.

    • W. K. Hayes profile imageAUTHOR

      Warren Keith Hayes 

      7 years ago from Bryson City, North Carolina

      Hi Will Starr,

      Yes, I saw what Kimberylyrics did for me and I think that has got to be one of the nicest things anyone has ever done for me. I'm still as red as a ripe tomato.

    • W. K. Hayes profile imageAUTHOR

      Warren Keith Hayes 

      7 years ago from Bryson City, North Carolina

      Hi Lora,

      Sometimes, people really don't know what they want but that indescisive manner hurts the ones around them, very much. Honestly, I think it is very important to recognize this type of behavior, a long with obsessive or controling tendencies, as quickly as possible in any relationship.

    • Ashantina profile image

      Ashantina 

      7 years ago

      The[her] issue is 100% about control.

    • WillStarr profile image

      WillStarr 

      7 years ago from Phoenix, Arizona

    • LoraKayAlexander profile image

      LoraKayAlexander 

      7 years ago

      W.K. Great hub. I think sometimes it is insecurity that makes someone choose to stay. Also, sometimes people have the need to control. It makes them feel powerful. Loving someone is a good reason to make them want to stay around.

      They feel safe. I think simply: most people DO NOT KNOW what they want. I can relate to your messages. Love

    • W. K. Hayes profile imageAUTHOR

      Warren Keith Hayes 

      7 years ago from Bryson City, North Carolina

      Very well said Will Starr. It is as if some people don't realize that the choices they make are certain to bring about the end they fear the most.

    • WillStarr profile image

      WillStarr 

      7 years ago from Phoenix, Arizona

      There are those women who are so insecure that the attention from just one man is not enough to satisfy their needs.

      Their fear of being alone compels them to establish relationships with others in case their primary relationship should fail, thus making certain by their own actions that their fears will be realized!

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