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Win Her Heart With Rodents: A Dating Don't

Updated on August 24, 2012

The names of the people involved were changed to protect their identity....well, that and it just sounds more fun this way.

This is a lighthearted take on a dating scenario. It really did happen, and I hope something can be learned from this.

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I discovered my friend wasn’t very good as his self-proclaimed role of matchmaker. Here is a story about my own experience, so let it be a lesson for those of you who would like to take the chance of setting up your friends.

A friend of mine that I'll call Noodle once took it upon himself to find the next “love of my life”. Well, I appreciate the gesture, and his intentions are true, but I find it a bit uncomfortable. I’ve always been the type who preferred being friends somewhat before taking it to another step.

He would randomly show my picture or mention me to his single friends, usually without me knowing, and occassionally I would get calls from him where he would get some random guy to say hi to me. Terrible, huh.

Although I told him not to keep doing that, he tried to match me up with one of his friends again. Apparently a Filipino guy that he worked with and knew for a number of months now.

“Huh?? Why would you do that, Noodle???” I said.

“Don’t worry, Hyunnie. He’s really a nice guy. He’ll buy you anything you want, he has three job and a car.” (And yes, he said job, not jobs. This is me portraying his accent.)

“Sigh….well, how old is he? How is he like??”

“He’s Filipino….29….He’s not the cutest guy, but more cuter than Tomo.” (This guy I’m interested in at the moment)

—-

Well, night of our Christmas party and apparently this guy was supposed to be there. I really didn’t want to go. No offence, but I’m somewhat picky at times, and I have nothing against fobs, but I don’t get along with them, they don’t like me usually, and I’m not attracted to them. Noodle revealed to me that this guy was going to buy me a present as well.

“What??? I don’t even know this guy. I never even met him!”

“I told him not to. So Hyun, give him a chance.”

I’m coming out of the subway on Bloor and I happen to see my friends Toro and Yui as well as Tomo in the underground mall. We walk out toward the street and I see Noodle —with a cage of two hamsters. I look at Noodle wide-eyed.

“So Hyun. I didn’t think he’d get them. I can tell him to bring them back if you want.”

Apparently as the guy insisted that he get me a present – as if it was definite that I’d go out with him – Noodle told him I liked hamsters, and he ran over to PJs and got me a pair.

I really didn’t want to be rude, and I thought to myself what would happen to them if I rejected them. This guy was from the Philippine countryside, and I’m not trying to stereotype, but I know they don’t really care for a pair of hamsters. The guy walked in.

He looked 40. Ok, I have nothing against 40 year old men; some are handsome, but let’s get real here, I’m only 24. Ok, I’m being too nice. He looked like he was 50. (I’m gonna be apologizing a lot in this post huh.)

We all say our greetings; we smile, we wave, we introduce ourselves. The guy stared at me creepily.

We walk over to the Korean bar, Happy Submarine or something; it was nice enough, and the music blasted. Outside, there was a sign that said “No live animals”. I had to laugh secretly at that. Not often you see those signs on restaurants in Toronto. Funny it had to be on that one.

We walk in and after some arguing with the waitress, we pull up a bunch of tables and try to arrange our seating. Tomo seemed to try to sit beside me; he pulled up a chair near the corner Noodle demanded I sit at and I stand warily because the Filipino guy sits across from me. (I kick myself after this but—) Tomo was being polite I suppose, but he signals whether my other friend John wants to sit with me. I’m kind of nervous from having the Filipino dude across from me, and since it looked like Tomo didn’t want to sit with me, I call to John. He sits with me and Tomo retreats to the other end of the table.

Damn it. I missed a chance to get to know him more.

The night goes somewhat smoothly. The Filipino guy refuses to chat with us– he sits with his arms crossed and only provides one-word answers. I chat mostly with John– sometimes to whisper about how awkward the night is having the silent guy across from me. I find out that Tomo thinks I hate him (me: awww man) and apparently Noodle made the Filipino guy think that he was driving me home that night.

I don’t think so.

Firstly, I don’t know him. Secondly, he’ll think that I’m interested in him. Thirdly, I don’t want him to know where I live. Vix; John’s boyfriend, insists to Noodle that he’ll drive me home and I stay silent. I glance over to Tomo. He’s drunk at the other side of the table. Lightweights.

We’re about to head out of the restaurant. Noodle is still insisting the Filipino guy is going to drive me and Vix is saying he’ll drive me. Some tiny Japanese girl left a HUGE stink in the bathroom and I’m thinking how am I going to find good homes for the little rodents stuffed in a Roots gift bag.

Vix finally convinces Noodle that he’s driving me home and not the Filipino dude. I feel kind of bad– I ignored him most of the night and I hate doing that, but I didn’t want to lead him on. Honestly, he shouldn’t have bought me anything, considering he never even met me. So it’s his own fault. He walks off.

I turn and smack Noodle on the head.

We walk over to the Subway, and in my last bit of effort to get a word in with Tomo, I insist they take the subway even though they live three blocks away. I don’t really get a chance to talk to him; he’s chatting with Yui, Toro’s girlfriend. Dang it all.

Down in the tunnel, we have to part. Toro, Yui and Tomo head to the westbound train and the rest of us east. We all wave to each other and me, being kind of disappointed, gives a resigned smile to Tomo and he gives a small shrug. I watch as they go into their train and Tomo turns around once to look at me before the doors close.

I turn and smack Noodle on the head.




Some Tips:

1. If giving someone gift suggestions, please stick with small, non-committal items, like flowers or candy or some sort of nifty glow-in-the-dark squishy alien keychain that giggles when you squeeze it.

2. Don't have the person's actual love interest present at the event when you're setting them up with someone else.

3. Please assume that they want to stay within a reasonable age range close to their own. The closer to the age, the better.

4. Don't force your friend to sit away from their love interest so they have to sit with the blind date at this event.

5. Actually ask your friend if they want to be set up on a blind date in the first place. -.-


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So what are some experiences you've had with blind dates? Can you relate to this?

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