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Win Back That Loving Feeling

Updated on April 4, 2016

When you’ve been together for umpteen years and the days of being wined and dined have been replaced by washing his undies, you can’t deny the honeymoon period is over. If you once spent the day longing for the evening so you can be together but now all that evening brings you is a mountain of chores, it’s time to turn the tide and win back that loving feeling.

Don’t Nag Each Other

Over the years you will have noticed your partner isn’t perfect. Nobody is. Don’t get into the routine of nagging to change your partner for the better; the only thing nagging does is wear down a relationship. The world won’t end because a wet towel is left lying on the floor, or a toilet seat is in the wrong position.Recognize when you are being unreasonable and bite your tongue. Instead, try to focus on when your partner does something well and remember to praise them. When you make your partner feel good, they will feel happier and less likely to nag you in return.

List Your Partner’s Positive Features

If you were to split up with your partner and jump back into the dating pool, you would no doubt find yourself comparing any new suitor against them. Don’t leave it until it’s too late to appreciate your partner’s good points. Take a moment to write down every positive attribute they have, emotionally or physically. Are they kind, sensitive, a good parent, or do they know just how to make you laugh? Remember what attracted you to your partner in the first place. Was it their wit, intellectualism or maybe just the way their nose wrinkles when they laugh? Whatever the ‘magic’ was, if you look hard enough you will find out that it’s still there.

Don’t Wait For an Argument to Raise Issues

Having an argument is the worst way to discuss any problems or resolve issues. Every little detail that has been annoying you will come bubbling out, distorting the issue making resolution or compromise very difficult. Instead of spewing complaints in the heat of the moment, wait for a time when you are both calm and enter into a non-accusatory conversation. Instead of saying, “I hate that you never do A and B,” say something like, “I would really like it if you could help with A and B more.” Your tone and choice of words will make all the difference between upsetting and appeasing your partner.

Look Back At Old Photos and Videos

Nostalgia is very powerful. Looking back at times when you were really happy together can trigger old feelings of love and romance. Do you have old photos lying around from day trips or evenings out? Maybe you have a wedding video gathering dust on the shelf? Dig out your old images and take a trip down memory lane together. Remind yourself of the fun you used to have, and plan to do more of the same in the future.

Date Night

When was the last time you went out on a date? This doesn’t include a PG movie with the children, or a meal in a restaurant with kid’s activity packs. When did you last go on a proper date, just the two of you? If you have a busy home life, mealtimes can be taken over by you reminding the kids to keep their mouth closed, or asking them to have another spoonful of peas before dessert. Or do you eat dinner in front of the TV, absorbed in a favourite show? This doesn’t leave much time for a decent chat with your partner. Arrange a night out to a favorite restaurant or bar where you can be alone and focus on each other. If you can’t get a babysitter, set up a date night at home. Instead of eating dinner in front of the TV, set the table, light some candles and have music playing in the background to create a more intimate mood.

Find a Hobby That You Both Enjoy.

Do you feel stuck in a rut, sitting side by side on the sofa ignoring each other? Why not get out and have some fun. You could try an evening class like dancing or cookery, or how about doing something sporty together, such as swimming or playing tennis? If you have to stay home because of children, find indoor activities that involve communicating with each other. Playing a board game, creating a meal together or even swapping massages will all help to bring you closer.

Make Time for Intimacy

Putting off sex until bedtime can be a big mistake. After a busy day, by the time you’re ready for bed, you’ll probably find all you’re ready for is sleep. Plan some intimacy time early in the evening - after the kids have gone to bed, but before you sit in front of the computer. Having older kids can be tricky if they go to bed at a similar time as you. If this is the case, then weekend morning lovemaking could be the answer. A lot of couples report they felt closer than ever after rekindling their love life.

How Would You Feel if You Got Dumped Tomorrow?

It’s hard to understand exactly how you would feel if your partner walked out on you, but usually that’s the time when people stop taking their partner for granted and realize how much they really do love them. Take a moment to imagine that they have left you. Really try to visualize and internalize it. Now, does it feel better without them, or is your relationship worth fighting for?


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    • DREAM ON profile image

      DREAM ON 6 years ago

      What great points and I truly love all of them.I will pick and choose from your list when I suffer the blues.Just reading your tips made me want to do all of those things just because it feels so right.Thanks for sharing and caring.Have a really special day.

    • moiragallaga profile image

      Moira Garcia Gallaga 6 years ago from Lisbon, Portugal

      Thanks Silvie. I chose that point for last so that it is the very last thing on the reader's mind.

    • profile image

      Justsilvie 6 years ago

      Nice Hub! Your last point should be read first. This one often makes us realize just what we have.

    • moiragallaga profile image

      Moira Garcia Gallaga 6 years ago from Lisbon, Portugal

      So true Theresa, even I am guilty of thinking that way sometimes, especially in the middle of a migraine. Then again, if you really think about it, the hole in your heart that it will create when he's gone isn't worth what in the end turns out to be mere temporary inconveniences.

    • Theresa_Kennedy profile image

      Theresa Kennedy 6 years ago from Minnesota

      Very nicely put and good reminders for refreshing a relationship. When annoyed, I have sometimes asked myself "what if he died tomorrow, would I still feel annoyed by this?" Often, what annoys a partner in life (i.e. snoring) is the very thing they miss the most when death has taken them away.