Wing Man, Man's Man? Single Guys, Whom do you Choose?
Why does the holiday season always bring out the sadness in me? I just happen to love both Thanksgiving and Christmas. I revere the Savior on Easter and that about does it. Now a bigger, more complex question: Why is in today's fast-living, quick-dating, and couples who specialize in saying good-bye, that in all of my experience as someone who is a retired Shotgun rider, I have a tough time grappling about with today's slickest term: Wing man.
You'd think at first hearing that a Wing man is from the south, has more than one tooth, and is the World's Champeen at Eating Hotwings with hot sauce that would evict Satan from Hell. And you would be very embarrassed if you thought such. There is a lot more to being a Wing man than just being some love-hungry buddy's close yes-man who supports his date-dry friend in every way from criticising his clothes to the cleanliness of his car. That's a Professional Wing man. A caring man. The Amateur Green Hand Wing Man falls on his face each time he goes out of the gate when accompanying his best buddy's next dating challenge--by talking too much, giving his buddy way too many cheesy compliments and acting like a pure fool.
So I am stopping all of this gibberish right now and want to kick into a serious vernacular about the silly term, Wing man, that I have introduced you to already and want you to forget saying that and instead use . . .Man's Man. For my readers who might be a secret homophobe, this term is so far from being a gay term that Clint Eastwood (if he knew it) would be on his private plane down to my home in Alabama and beg me to dub him as an Alabama Man's Man.
What a wonderful time that would be. Me and Clint--standing in my front yard both smiling like two old jackasses eating bitter-weed and loving every minute of it. Even the few neighbors who do not get out in public, upon seeing Eastwood pull up in my driveway in his Mercedes (not chauffeured), these nosy know-it-not's faces would be frozen to their window panes in hope that Eastwood would wave at them. It's my spontaneity at telling stories on the spot that makes me the perfect Man's Man. Hey, any of you single guys need my help? I am reasonable.
A Man's Man does not and I repeat vocally, DOES NOT crowd the guy who is nervous about making points with the hot, new girl working at the video rental store. He only has eyes for her. I When my best buddy confides in me that he has a new trail on a new girl, I immediately listen and seldom say anything. Men's Men are professional listeners.
A Man's Man has my best buddy's wardrobe already laid out on the best for his inspection. A simple nod or shaking of his head will tell me what needs to be changed or what needs to be added. I am so good at this sideline job that I have his choice of cologne ready for him to use only a drop of two instead of bathing with it. I just happen to know that girls, any girl, hates a man who could pass for any major male cologne's spokes-scenter.
A Man's Man has his best buddy's opening lines ready and is ready for him to rehearse them so I can judge how the words will impact me. Plus, I will give him one of the best motivational speeches so good in fact, that right now, I could fly to meet Lou Holtz, who coached Arkansas and Notre Dame and was a former college football analyst on ESPN, to run back to Bristol, Connecticut and plead for his job--and get it. My point: a Man's Man needs to be convincing when his best pal has hit the rocks in the Dating Dept.
Now you can see clearly how much work it requires to be a Man's Man. But with titles, names, clubs and organizations that carry a boxcarful of influence and weight, I would, if asked, take the title of being a Professional Man's Man, groomed and standing ready to make my best friend, who is not hiding the fact that he is not a Russell Crowe, much less a George Clooney, but my best pal is not without qualities that any hot, single, and available girl (who could appear in any of those once-famous fashion catalogues sent in the mail) would be ecstatic to date this guy. Shoot! She would jump out of her six-inch heels and land on her feet with the agility of a Cheetah.
Now that I have explained the role of me being a Man's Man. I ask you, the Potentials in my following--the guys who would make a great Man's Man, who would you trust in finding a hot pretty girl in six-inch heels who has just stepped out of any fashion catalog and specializes in the bathing suit area?
Tough question, huh? Would you be willing to put on a blindfold and trust a Man's Man without any qualifications or first meeting at some hot-wing sports grill for a quick bite and watching a game while interviewing your potential Man's Man? Like the work that a good Man's Man puts in, there is as much hard work a potential man-on-the-prowl has to do in choosing the right Man's Man. Just anyone off the sidewalk will not work.
A lot of so-called Wing Men are wolves in sheep clothing. They look, act, and talk smooth. They deceive the most-clever of single guys who love to date the "Catalog Model Girls," and they can deceive them with no remorse afterward. These Wing Men advise the men seeking a hot date with a girl who was in the photo shoot for some sports magazine's swimsuit issue, but once both men enter a high-end, four-star restaurant where he is to meet this ex-swimsuit model, "Nikki," it's on. Oh, not the guy whom the shallow, deceptive Wing Man has deceived--he is left choking on this Wing Man's dust watching the two run away.
Single guys who are good looking with jobs paying seven figures, owning two sports cars, one flat in New York and an island home in Tahiti, be careful. Be very careful. The next Wing Man you get to help you to get a date with a certain hot, gorgeous single girl working as a Flight Attendant for some big airline . . .just might fall in love with her and you will be left at the Boarding Gate . . .all because you didn't take time to learn all there is about being a good Wing Man or Man's Man.
There is a difference.
© 2017 Kenneth Avery