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Wipe your tears: You have an opportunity to find a real thing!

Updated on December 25, 2015

Heat of passionate love freezes in minutes!

Rose was unpacking the boxes and putting her few kitchenware items in the little kitchenette of her rented apartment. She had to move from her parents’ home because; she wanted to model the parenting style of coaching and not military barracks approach. She had been the victim of her father’s rage and her mother silent defense.

The last blow was coming home earlier than usual and finding Ben, her two-year son, watching one of the rage episodes. He came running and give her a hug as she entered the kitchen. Rose detected a little tremor and a longer than usual hug; it was an escape hug and a wakeup call for her to save her son. Her father stormed out; banging the kitchen door so hard that Ben shattered and clanged tighter around my neck. My mom stood near the stove still holding a wooden spoon in her hand. “I am sorry Rose; Ben should not be polluted by this! I suggest you move out and I will use my savings to pay for the rent”. Rose was moved by her mother’s desperation and was relieved that she too realized that her father will never change. She gave her mother a silent hug and went to her room with Ben holding onto her skirt.

Rose was the only daughter and got pregnant two years after graduating at prestigious University in Pretoria, South Africa. She was madly in love with Nando, a tall Zulu medical doctor intern at Pretoria Hospital. Things got sour when Rose announced her pregnancy. Nando had suggested abortion immediately. With horror Rose realized that they have never discussed such subject and Nando regarded her pregnancy like a medical problem without any emotion of attachment for his unborn child. At that moment Rose realized that, there can never be any deciding factor than that one. Their morale principles are parallel and will never meet anywhere. She was the only child, and no reason can ever convince her to kill her child! That was it! She watched Nando as he casually kissed her and hurriedly left her at a restaurant. That night Rose sobbed as she gently touched her belly; deciding at that very moment that she will protect her child. She text Nando; telling him that she was not going to abort her child and reassuring him that she will not ever contact him about the matter. Nando called to express his disappointment that they cannot see eye-to-eye and hanged up.

Rose undressed and slipped in her track suit and her favorite over-size sweat top. She climbed onto her bed holding Ben and drifted into a sleep. She woke up three hours later when he mom knocked on the door. Her mom announced that dinner was ready. She faked a headache because she did not want to meet her father then. Later on, she crept to the kitchen to find something to eat. While she was warming her food in a microwave, her father came in and gave her an apologetic look. He softly said. “I am sorry about the arguing; I just do not know how to express myself without raising my voice. It is like someone inside me is speaking. I simply have no control over this!” Reluctantly Rose approached her father and gave him a hug. I am sorry too daddy, but I have to move out as soon as I get an apartment. I cannot subject Ben to such negative environment.” Rose has never seen her father cried; she realized that he was a victim of toxic environment himself and should have sought professional assistance.

The following day Rose contacted property agents and was informed that two apartments were available. She went to inspect them with one criterion in mind; a place where Ben could call home in a safe neighborhood. The challenge is finding a nanny she could trust with morale principles and cultural beliefs and values.

As she packed Ben’s clothes, she was a little apprehensive about Mary; a nanny recommended by her mother’s fried who lived in the neighborhood. Mary had a good track record as a nanny of infants and toddlers. A little encounter with Ben during a practical interview for basic care and personal hygiene demonstrated her positive energy with kids. Ben was already showing her newest toy and was chuckling as Mary brought her food. Being a spiritual person, Mary thanked the Creator for the new job as she parted with her. Rose was amazed that she was actually happy and looking forward to creating a new relationship with the nanny. “Life is dynamic indeed”; she thought happily!

Six months had passed and Ben was adjusted with Mary and was excited about the pre-school two blocks down the street. Rose had just been called to apply for the position of a Deputy Corporate Director and was reading and researching in preparation for an interview. On the day of the interview, she said to Ben: “Mommy is about to move higher and we are going to have that holiday we planned about!” Of course Ben did not understand most of what Rose said; he simply reciprocated to her positive energy with a blissful smile. She started a small prayer and continued to say: “Thank you God!” repeated until she stepped into the boardroom where the interview panel of five executives was seated.

To her amazement, she was calm and answered all questions with confidence. When it was over, she thanked the panel and strolled out; displaying her well fitted dark-blue suit and a long and rich stylish haircut which was her signature. The boardroom was saturated with her charisma; each member clearly projecting on the prospects of having her in top management. The selection score placed her on tie with another candidate and the panel had to re-think of both candidates and the benefits attached to hiring each one of them. Finally, Rose was regarded as an asset because of her exposure and background experience with the Organization. She was offered the job.

Two days later, Rose was called in the Chief Executive Officer’s office and was given a letter, offering her the position of the Deputy Corporate Director. She was briefed about the new management ethics and expected input in the new position. She was exhilarated by the prospects of revisiting her course text and researching of how best she could function and make a positive impact. She called her mom that evening to invite them to dinner on Saturday. They both agreed and were eager to meet Ben in his new environment.

Ben was excited too in his new outfit bought for the occasion. Rose had prepared her parents favorite meal and bought gifts for them: A book on anger management with videos for her dad and a nightdress and gown for her mom. Her parents were a little nervous when they arrived; but melted when they saw and hugged Ben! They also congratulated Rose for the promotion. What a moment!

The meal was overly appreciated and while they all moved to the living room area; Rose brought the gifts. Mom and dad were thrilled especially on the book about anger management. Rose explained that it was important that Ben establish a relationship with his grandfather and that it was up to her dad to make that happen. Dad was more than willing to seek professional help. Rose further explained that change is a personal choice and that her dad must have that intrinsic motivation to change for himself foremost so that he could allow the process of behavioral change to impact him first then spill over to other members of the family. The evening ended with lots of hugs a genuine desire to start a new chapter.

Rose decided not to call but let her parents solve the challenge without any pressure from her. Her mom called to say that dad had started counseling and that he was watching the videos and reading the book. Mom explained that she too was being counseled for she felt that she failed to protect her and therefore was suffering from guilty-conscious. She sounded genuinely happy and Rose went on her knees; thanking the Creator for the second chance of functional family relationship.

When the Christmas break came, Rose was ready financially and emotionally to take her son for five days holidays in Cape Town. Ben was a little frightened when the plane took off. Noticing this, Rose engaged him with the details of the holidays plan. Ben was thrilled to look at the expanse sea and well adjusted to doing everything her mom told her to do. They booked in and Ben was bouncy when they entered their suite. That was a moment worth every cent Rose saved for her son’s first experience. Rose set an alarm and then took a nap with Ben before lunch. She then showered and change for their first exotic Indian foods. Ben was used to mild curried meat and rice and the variety was overwhelming for him. They then went window shopping and sight-seeing. It was a blissfully gorgeous day one in Cape Town.

The following day, Rose prepared for the beach; she had to put on a brave face for it was her first experience of stepping into the sea with a four year old Ben. Nervously, she pretended not to notice a tall, handsome man who was trolling towards her. He finally came and introduced himself. To her amazement, Ben extended his little hand reciprocating the introduction. The man flashed a disarming smile at Ben as he picked him instead. Rose was a little off guard; she did not know that her son is so socially smart! The stranger’s name was Richard, an African British architect by profession. He was staying at the same hotel and was there on business mission with his boss to copy South African architecture concepts. Rose introduced herself and nearly lied about being a single mom. Richard offered to teach Ben how to handle the sea and did a good job for which Rose expressed her appreciation. Towards lunch Richard had to leave for a business lunch. He offered Rose and Ben dinner at the nearby hotel. Reluctantly Rose accepted; she did not want to impose on this man, as well as coping with a toddler in a restaurant environment.

Richard had an easy-going personality and Ben was happy and well behaved. The food was delightful; and Richard choose the most smooth wine she ever experienced; or was it Richard who was more than sweet! When Richard dropped her at her hotel, he offered to carry almost sleepy Ben to their room. He placed him on his bed and started removing his shoes. Rose watched with keen interest; she could not contain her extreme positive energy toward this stranger! He asked about her schedule the following day and informed her that he would attend three meetings but would be free for the dinner. He gingerly reached out and planted the most delightful kiss on her cheek and asked her to confirm tomorrow. Rose was shaky and embarrassed by her thumping heart as she closed the door behind him. “What is wrong with me!” she pondered as she slowly undress and head for the shower!

Richard called later in the evening to inform her that they found self-catering bungalows and will be moving there during the day. She asked her if she would like to have a dinner there! Rose made a fast recollection of what Richard has done; and the fact that she was in Cape Town to have fun. She accepted and spent the whole day trying to cancel but in vain. She was happy around this man! She also wondered what she would be doing if it would not be for Richard keeping her on her toes! She dressed on white pants and light green flimsy blouse. Ben was wearing a light blue pens and white top. She then took a set of clothing for Ben incase he spill drinks on himself. She anticipated a long evening and actually looking forward to knowing Richard.

Richard picked them up. A five minutes drive took them to the self-catering bungalows facility. Inside, the living room and the kitchen area was an open plan; showing an already set dining table at a corner. Richard offered them juice and then brought two gifts. As Rose opened Ben’s gift, she was wondering if she was dreaming or walking into another disappointment. She could feel Richard’s eyes as she gaped at the kids lap-top. She was lost for words and was deeply grateful. Richard gave her a ‘look’ and took the lap-top and started showing Ben where to press to see games as Rose watched.

As soon as Ben started exploring the newest toy, Richard asked Rose to open hers. It was a trendy necklace which could be won with any outfit. Rose was speechless! It was not a cheap gift and she wondered if she should accept it. Richard slowly took it and offered to put it on! She was mesmerized by both the gift and the hands that were fastening it around her neck! She opened her mouth to express her gratitude, but her voice gave her away. “Thank you!’ She whispered. It was very clear that both were experiencing a strong chemistry between themselves. Richard glanced as Ben who was fully focused at his lap-top; he gave Rose a peck that sent her to the moon at lightning speed! She shuttered visibly and Richard whispered; “Please don’t control anything; allow yourself to love me as I love you!” It took Rose a considerable self-control not to kiss Richard back. She must first tell Ben before she allows him to see her love for Richard!

Dinner was excellent, but Rose’s taste buds refused to be a priority; her heart was smitten by feelings of love which seemed to compensate the time of despair she experienced when she broke off with Nando! After dinner Ben dosed off on the sofa and had to be carried to Richard’s bed. As if reading Rose’s mind Richard elaborately told her about his background. His mother was a South African who got married to a European man. The boss was his father and he was drilling him to take over the business before he retired in a year. He concluded by informing Rose that he had to tell his father about her because he had already sensed that his son was blissfully pre-occupied. He requested Rose to meet him before she left in two days. Whoa! That was fast; but who said time always guarantees successful relationship!

Richard was a gentleman; he escorted Rose and Ben back to their hotel after midnight. As Rose took a shower she was indeed shaken and she cried and prayed and fell into a deep sleep around three in the morning! She woke up after eight by Ben; holding his lap-top and with a huge smile! “Mommy, where are we going today?” Ben asked with a chuckle. Before Rose could respond, Richard called and suggested a day at the beach to give Ben one last fun to write about at school.

He picked them at 10:00 and after confirming what food to pack, stopped to buy a light take-away. It was a fabulous day for all three. Around two in the afternoon; Ben was tired and they had to go back to Richard’s bungalow so that he could take his nap while Rose and Richard could finish where they left off the previous night. Richard briefly informed her that he had spent fifteen months of mourning the loss of his fiancé who got killed by hit and run drunkard youth. He had been entrenched himself in his work, trying to numb his pain. His father had persuaded him to come to Cape Town and the rest of the story was life transforming experience of feeling alive and wanting and dreaming to start a new life with Rose and Ben.

Rose agreed to have dinner with Richard’s father that evening. She was lost for what to wear. When Ben woke up, the three went shopping. Ben with the assistance of a shop assistant selected an evening outfit: Purple sleeveless evening dress and white pearls necklace illuminated her delicate light skin. The assistant picked simple but luxurious pair of sandals with a matching bag. She looked and felt spectacular! The shop assistant picked a grey suit for Ben who was all smiles. He asked a very direct question: Mom; are you going to marry uncle Rich? Rose stood still and flashed as she thought about intelligent answer. She wanted to tell Ben earlier but they got caught up with shopping for the evening. She led Ben away from Richard and the shop assistant and sat at a bench. She said: “We have just met and Richard and is a nice man. Tonight we are going to meet his father for dinner. The future is still you and me.” He looked confused for a moment and then seemed to accept the current friendship with Richard. He said; “Rich is a nice mom!”

Rose looked and felt good about herself. For the first time after four years, each cell of her body was alive and generated a tremendous surge of positive energy. Richard’s father had the same charm and vibrant personality. He introduced himself as Norman Willington. Rose remembered that British are conservative and very strict in all social conduct and more so about table etiquette. Rose expected to be interrogated, but to her relief none of that occurred. Norman was interested in her career and future plans. Ben was well behaved, somewhat reserved even when responding to Richard jovial conversation. Dinner was an occasion to remember!

As Richard drove Rose and Ben back to their hotel, he was in a serious frame of mind. After reading a short story for Ben and putting him to bed, he ordered some coffee. They then engaged in some serious talk: Richard indicated that they will stay for three more days in Cape Town and then he would like to fly to Pretoria to be with her for a week. Rose was visibly happy because the prospect of parting so soon after meeting Richard was not pleasant. Richard explained that he was a Christian too and has no intention of fooling around with her; he is looking for the future mate.

Rose blushed and felt so relieved that Richard was not playing home with her; he wanted her and was not tip-toeing about it. He asked Rose about having another child and whether she would relocate to London. Finally Rose said: “I had experienced a long-term relationship which ended badly. The only beautiful thing about it was Ben. He is my life. All that is being said is depended on what you are prepared to do with Ben being part of me and my future!” Richard smiled and said, I would not think of proposing for marriage if I was not prepared to adopt Ben. So, please think about this matter until we meet in four days in Pretoria!” He then kissed her and held her close; whispering his commitment to honor her forever!

Richard left shortly after midnight, Rose started packing because she was wide awake and she might as well keep busy. She sent a text message to her mom, reminding her that they will land at OR Tambo International Airport at 17:30. She then drifted in a sweet sleep imagining her future with Richard. Her tears have indeed turned into unimaginable joy.

New love will show up when let go of the bitter past!

Happiness is a choice!

Rose decided to take an adventure with an open mind. She discovered a new love with prospects for brighter future! She applied a principle of loving self and her son more than a false security of controlling partner.Such determination is possible when you have a clear goal of where your destination is. Hers is with her son and her career!

How to exit into the world of new love!

Should single mothers regard their children as hindrance in finding a new love?

See results

Change occurs when you think differently


Submit a Comment

  • Theresa Jonathan profile imageAUTHOR

    Theresa Jonathan 

    3 years ago from Maseru, Lesotho

    Thank you dashingscorpio! Yes choosing a mate is a challenge indeed. I also agree that some parents have made sacrificial decisions to stay in abusive relationship; nonetheless they would not want that to continue to the next generation. I regard that as encouraging step to eventually shout from the rooftops, that trusting self is key to successful relationship. Yes, change start and ends with you for you cannot change anyone; that is a paradox of relationships!

  • dashingscorpio profile image


    3 years ago

    "My mom stood near the stove still holding a wooden spoon in her hand. “I am sorry Rose; Ben should not be polluted by this! "

    Such a strange irony how someone could want better for others than they have for themselves. That mother probably never thought of moving out for herself! And yet she wants better for her grandchild.

    People often say relationships and marriage are "hard work". However the reality is (choosing the right mate) for yourself is the real hard work!

    Know yourself, love yourself, trust yourself.

    It takes self discipline to stick to your "list of traits" you want in a mate rather jumping into a relationship with the hopes of "changing" someone.

    A single mother may or may not regard her children as a hindrance but that is something she should keep to herself. Very few people are "living the life of their dreams" and there is always something we can "point to".

    If I didn't have... if I hadn't done this or that. Play the hand you're dealt!

    When we change our circumstances change.

    The reality is there are lots of women (without children) who are in unhappy relationships or in no relationship at all!

    The goal is to meet someone who shares your same values, wants the same things for the relationship that you do, naturally agrees with you on how to obtain those things, and last but not least have a mutual depth of love and desire for one another.

    Thankfully there are over 7 Billion people on this planet!

    Odds are in everyone's favor that there is more than a few people who would make an ideal mate for each of us. The mistake a lot of folks make is they insist upon limiting their options in a world with infinite possibilities.

    The world may not owe you anything but (you) owe yourself the world!


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