- Gender and Relationships
Why are wives money minded?
‘Marriage, like money, is still with us; and, like money, progressively devalued.’ –Robert Graves
The talk show I watched the other day was a sort of revelation to me. The topic was concerning wife’s views about the profession of her husband. Almost all the wives felt that their husband earned well below their potential, did not work smart, did not have a worthy profession and were not willing to change their company even if they earned less than what was due to them.
I was particularly agonized to see one man talk about his wife. ‘My wife would not mention my profession to her colleagues and just point out the company I worked in. She is a teacher whereas I am a welder and she thought it below her dignity that I was a manual worker.’ he chocked.
‘She knew that I was a driver when she married me. I made her further her studies with my earnings. She is now working in a big corporate company and feels that my profession is degrading to her. I do not know why she has changed so much’ was a sad story of another husband in the reality show.
Why do you feel so unsatisfied with the profession of your husband?
You as a woman crave for the financial security of your family more than anything else. You know that you need money for your old age, your children’s education and to have a good standard of living. You always compare your standard of living with that of your friends\colleagues\relatives and feel lot lesser than them when your husband does not earn as you expected.
Why do you feel that your husband is not ambitious and stagnates at one company even if he knows that there is no scope for improvement?
It is a fact that your husband never wants to change when he likes his company and when he enjoys great comfort level in his workplace. He is also ambitious but when he is liked by the management and respected for his efficiency he does not like to leave the job and is prepared to wait.
He also likes to work at his own pace. He does not want to rush things and make himself a nervous wreck. When you nag him about his inability to earn enough money for the family he feels frustrated and when you mock his profession his hackles raise in resentment and aggravated anger.
Do you know that you are pushier than your husband in money matters?
You are always a step ahead of your husband in wanting more and more money. You want his income to be big, his profession to be worthy and also want his rise to success be fast and immediate. You say you expect all these things from your husband for the betterment of the family and not for yourself. But in actual fact you make your husband very unhappy by nagging him about his inability to strike gold for the family.
You make your husband tensed and stressed when you go on and on about how he is lagging behind his friends or relatives in success and in making more money. When you compare your husband with others, it does not in any way encourage him, but makes him feel resentful that you do not love him enough and that you are more concentrated on his earnings.
When you do not understand his perspective and insist on being money minded it makes your husband deviate from you in disappointment and discontentment. If you feel that the profession of your husband is undignified, it just means that your love is not strong enough to accept him for what he is.
It is true you want money for the family and not for yourself, but you should not demean the profession of your spouse. Why do you feel manual work is low in status and white collared job to be a good status symbol?
All professions except the dishonest ones are worthy of respect and you should be proud that your husband is a hard worker. Do not degrade his profession as it makes him feel small and unhappy that he is not getting enough encouragement from you and feels lost and alone.
© 2014 mathira