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Women Are Chaste And Men Are Hungry

Updated on April 9, 2010

Women and Men

Whether through the Bible, romance novels, live theatre, screenplays, or judicial law, there has been an unspoken truth that women simply do not possess the same desires as men regarding matters of the bedroom. The Bible, and other religious writings, boast the value of a virtuous woman. They suggest that once she is no longer innocent, she is somehow tainted and no longer of value. Consider the religious implications of a man dying an honorable death to be rewarded with one hundred virgins.

Romance novels perpetuate the theory that a woman unwed is simply unaware of what she is missing out on and therefore does not yearn for sins of the flesh. Her body is known to betray her and react in ways unbecoming of a woman in her pure position. Live theatre has numerous play-writes that play up the virtues of a virgin and the evil behaviours of that woman who is not chaste and is yet unwed. Screen-writes do as well. Early sexual education courses taught strict abstinence. Parents taught their daughters that matters of the bedroom were disgusting and not to be thought about. It was harped that she should not fall prey to the bad boys looking for only one thing.

It is perfectly acceptable for a woman to desire to have children.  Yet without the desire to have intimate relations with one's spouse, how can children be truly conceived?  It is acceptable for a woman to desire independance, education, and a career.  Just not sex.  Women are allowed to want power in the workforce and quality in education.  Just not sex.

What has always interested me was that there was no such standard for men. It was always expected that the man should know what to do on their wedding night and that he shall skillfuly teach his young bride what to do. How was he to know what to do if he were not experienced? How was he to gain experience if not for unchaste women? Publications such as the Kama Sutra can only do so much in the way of education. Practical application had to have taken place somehow.

There has long been a double standard that men are allowed to give into their hunger for lust yet a woman cannot. There have been quite a few books and papers on this topic and yet there still remains no clear answer as to why this is. It is grossly unfair that women should be made to feel guilty, unwholesome, and even dirty over feeling good about their body's natural reaction to the very hormones that men experience. The key word here, is natural. We have no control over our body's hormones, only how we act, or react, to them. It is not shameful to have such feelings. It is shameful that our society still perpetuates the out-dated ideals that suggest that it is.

Numerous reports and studies have indicated that even women in long-term monogamous relationships struggle with feelings of guilt over having a healthy desire for sexual relations with their significant other. Ironically, there are quite a few men in this world that keep their desires in check and even feel guilty for their desires. There is no question that chastity until marriage holds many positive attributes. There was a lot less disease, less infidelity, and a greater sense of intimacy between partners when a secure relationship is formed before engaging in taboo topics.

There should be time to get to know each other without sexual pressures. There should be a sense of propriety about such matters. With that established, a woman's hormones are no less intense than a man's. She has every right to want to have intimate relations with her man. She has every right to express herself to him without feeling ashamed of herself. It is not immoral to have desires or a strong libido. It is immoral to act on them if outside of an established relationship. Even in today's so-called advanced society, there should be room for a woman's libido as well as a man's.

The greater irony in all of this, is that there was a study done recently that proved that not only did women have desires at least equal to a man's, but that men and women both are not nearly as bothered by a supposedly low libido than previously thought. It is very intriguing as it insinuates that whatever tool of measurement that we were using to gauge how much men versus women think about and desire to have bedroom relations, it was off. The numbers we have been going by for who knows how long have been exaggerated which begs just one more question. Who says a woman's libido is not as large as a man's? Who indeed started the rumor that men want sexual relations as often as possible but women want it as little as possible? It would appear that our desires truly are equal and neither party should be ashamed to be proud of how much, or how little, they desire their partner's intimacy.


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    • profile image

      Amber Gardner 

      5 years ago

      The Bible doesn't teach that women are less once their virginity is lost. Yeesh. Btw, the Bible also teaches that men are to wait for marriage.

      1 Corinthians 6:18 Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a person commits are outside the body, but whoever sins sexually, sins against their own body.

      Hebrews 13:4 Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous.

    • profile image


      5 years ago

      I think you are correct that mankind has put ridiculous expectations on women, however I believe God Himself created us to love one another emotionally and physically. I believe God has laid out clearly right and wrong, but a woman having a great desire for her husband is a blessing for any man. There are many religions, parents and educators who may say differently, but I think we all know in our hearts what is good/right and what isn't. I wrote a hub about men and lust with the ending revealing that it isn't just a problem for men... but for women too, and when sex is a conclusion to love (not lust), it's quite beautiful. I liked your hub, thanks!

    • Chaotic Chica profile imageAUTHOR

      Chaotic Chica 

      8 years ago

      Edith~I will certainly offer congratulations on finding a way to strengthen your marriage and I agree that women should be able to "allow themselves to express, fulfil and enjoy their lives to the full." Thank you for taking the time to comment and share your success!

    • edithsaffairs profile image


      8 years ago from United Kingdom

      I no longer feel any "guilt" whatsoever about enjoying sex, or enjoying my times with different lovers.

      Why shouldn't we be able to enjoy the freedom and excitement of arousal and desire.

      Certainly I know that not only have my affairs made my marriage even stronger and more fulfilling, they have ALSO made me a more complete and confident person.

      I feel better now than I ever have, and my relationship with my husband just gets better and better . . . and after 30 years together neither of us ever believed it could.

      I wish all women could allow themselves to express, fulfil and enjoy their lives to the full.

      Best wishes - Edith

    • dongately profile image


      8 years ago from Sana Clarita, California

      If women had libidos as strong as men, no work would ever get done. Couples would be too busy making love. Before the pill, when I was young, almost all women just did't "do it" until they were married, whereas the guys are always ready. Even an ugly woman can have sex anytime she wants it. It's not so easy for a man to find a willing partner.

    • profile image


      8 years ago

      I agree completely--love this. Men started the rumor, of course. Backed by years of religion and outdated social morays.


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